The Darkest of Shadows

by Lisse Smith

  They obviously knew each other; being partners of some of the most powerful businessmen in Italy, they no doubt attended a lot of functions together. It was only the occasional word that I caught, and then only because some words were universal in any language. Profanities, I have found, often don’t need a translation.

  It wasn’t until I caught Lawrence’s name that I focused my attention on them. I had no idea what they said, but the conversation was long and carried some interesting body gestures from one of the women. An attractive redhead was leaving none of us with any questions about what she wanted to do with Lawrence. They finally left, and I was immensely grateful that they didn’t know who I was.

  Charlie was waiting just outside the door, and lo and behold, the group of women from the bathroom were standing in a huddled group just down the hall. I had a sinking feeling that they probably knew Charlie’s connection to Lawrence.

  “Great,” I huffed in exasperation, as we left them whispering behind us. “Just super.”

  “What?” Charlie asked, the first words he had spoken to me all night.

  “Having you around does have some advantages, but in a room full of bitching women, it doesn’t help.”

  Charlie shot a glance behind us at the group of women, and eventually understanding dawned. “There are always certain women who try to get close to him, women who love what he represents.”

  “Yeah.” Very true.

  “They want what he is, not who he is.”

  What a strangely deep comment for Charlie. I didn’t want any man, so they could go their hardest for all I cared. I just hoped he didn’t decide to take any of them back to our hotel. That would be an uncomfortable situation.

  It wasn’t really appropriate for Charlie to enter the main area where the party was being hosted. Security was restricted to the outer edges, so I had to find my way through the press of people and back to Lawrence by myself.

  A few people stopped me as I passed, and we swapped pleasant comments about how I was enjoying the party, and had I seen much of the city yet? General conversational topics that inevitably concluded with the question of Lawrence and if I liked working for him. I sidestepped the conversation at that point and continued on through the room.

  I assumed that Lawrence would be near where I had left him, which was over to the left of the main entrance doors, near the large French doors that let the coolness of the night air spread into the crowded room.

  I realized, as I made my way through the throng, that I probably should have been more specific with Lawrence about where to meet up. He wasn’t where I left him, and after a quick glance around, I couldn’t spot him in the general vicinity.

  LAWRENCE: Behind you

  The double doors of the balcony were behind me, so I turned and slipped quietly out into the night.

  “Are you hiding?” I asked him, as I walked over to the balustrade where he leaned, looking out over the city. There were only two other couples out there with him, and they were giving us a wide berth.

  “Yep,” he replied with a grin.

  I laughed. “At least you didn’t have to brave the ladies’ room. Believe me, that would have had you running scared.”

  “That bad?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  I shook my head. “Worse. The society brides are a strange breed,” I commented vaguely.

  “That they are,” he agreed, then added, “Can you imagine how irritating it gets after a while? That’s why I went looking for you. To have those things hanging off me every night was slowly turning me off women. And believe me, that’s a very difficult thing to do.”

  He made me laugh again, his own eyes sparkling with the reflection off the ballroom behind me.

  “I’m glad you’re here with me.” He reached out a hand and pulled me toward him. “I like being with you, Lillianna.”

  I let our bodies touch, just barely, and looked up into his eyes. “I’m not a society bride, Lawrence,” I reminded him.

  “I wouldn’t want you to be.” His eyes darkened to an almost black.

  He really was growing on me, and there was an attraction. God, any woman would be lying if she said she didn’t think he was gorgeous. The power he carried with him only added to his appeal. Yes, I liked what he looked like, and I was beginning to like who he was. But I wasn’t about to jeopardize my sanity with anything more.

  “We can’t have that,” I told him quietly, but I didn’t pull away.

  “Which bit can’t we have?”

  “Whatever bit you’re looking for. The sex, the relationship. I can’t offer you anything more than I’m giving you now.”

  “You like being with me?”

  I wasn’t going to lie to him. “I do. I like what we do, and I like how we interact. I like that you trust me and that you listen to what I have to say. But I’m afraid that if we take it any further, you will be disappointed in what I can offer you in return.”

  “You could never disappoint me, Lilly.” His hand moved in slow circles over my back.

  “I could, and I will if I have to,” I assured him. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I can’t give you my heart, and that’s what you would be asking for.”

  He was silent, and I knew that I was right. Casual sex was well and good for some people, and I’m certain that in his past there had been a whole lot of that. But when he looked at me, he wanted more. And deep down, I finally accepted what was almost inconceivable for me to believe: that Lawrence Monterey wanted more than a physical relationship with me. That the reasons he had used for hiring me were only partly true. He used those as an excuse to get me close to him, close enough that he could build a relationship between us. And men like him…what they wanted, they got, regardless of the cost.

  I hated to hurt him, and I worried that I might be jeopardizing my job, but he deserved to know from the outset what I was capable of.

  He stayed silent for a long while. His eyes searched my face until eventually he stepped back a pace. “OK, Lilly.” I barely caught his words, they were spoken so softly. “I think it should be OK for us to leave now.” He placed his hand gently on my hip and led me back into the ballroom.

  Even though he had committed to leaving, it still took us over half an hour to get to the front doors; and then, when it was obvious that we were continuing out, it took us another half hour to escape the horde of people who came to say good-bye.

  Finally, with some help from Frost and Charlie, we found our way to the car and eventually back to the hotel.

  TEXT: LM likes me

  REPLY: Nobody pays 100K for someone they dont like Lil

  TEXT: yes but he likes me, likes me.

  REPLY: what are you in high school?

  TEXT: tonight i had flashbacks…

  REPLY: u hated high school

  TEXT: exactly! I had to party with Godzilla society brides

  REPLY: Pasty

  TEXT: What?

  REPLY: Oops stupid fat fingers. Meant Nasty

  TEXT: What do I do about LM?

  REPLY: nothing, unless you decide to nail that fine example of a man. I googled him!

  TEXT: And how will that help?

  REPLY: It will certainly be a night to remember.

  TEXT: u r a whore

  REPLY: ur only a whore if u actually do it, not if u dream about it.

  TEXT: so u want me to be the whore instead.

  REPLY: yes please

  TEXT: u no help.

  REPLY: thats what you get when u wake me up at 2 in the morning

  TEXT: im ignoring u now

  REPLY: sleeping

  Eight

  Lawrence and I really did work well together. Our personalities complemented each other so well that I’m sure we both wondered how he had managed before I came along. I know his MDs were especially thankful that he had chosen to employ me.

  Communication was crucial, and Lawrence and I had that down pat early on in the piece. He told me everything, and I passed on the relevant parts to
the people who needed to know. His Managers could always get in touch with me, and then I could either make the decision myself or else get the message through to Lawrence and back to them the same day. Things ran much more smoothly when someone was around who could always get Lawrence to listen.

  One month passed unbelievably quickly, and before I knew it, nearly eight weeks had passed. Lawrence didn’t say anything when the first month passed—almost like he didn’t want to remind me that I had given a promise to only stay a month, and maybe if he didn’t mention it, then I wouldn’t think about leaving. But honestly, even if he had mentioned it, I would have told him that I was happy to stay. It was the most challenging and complex role I had ever undertaken, and I loved every minute of it— even the long evenings, the dinner meetings, the client functions, the staff functions, and charity events. All of them became part and parcel of the job, and after I lost count of the number I attended, I stopped worrying and started enjoying them.

  Lawrence was careful not ask for anything more from me, nothing physical. But that didn’t stop him from keeping me close at the functions that we attended. While we weren’t intimately involved, he left everyone else guessing. He rarely let go of me when we were out, always keeping some touch constant—a hand on my back or my hip, standing close behind me so that I could lean back against him to take the strain off my feet—but usually it was my hand held securely in his.

  When we danced, which we did at most of the formal events, he held me closer than he should, and we danced to the slow songs. But other than the formal evenings, there was nothing to suggest that he thought of me as anything more than his assistant.

  The only dark cloud on my horizon was the looming Managing Directors’ meeting. Held every second month, it was coming up fast. I’d spent the last month organizing it and scheduling everyone to attend—and everyone included Patrick Sloane, now the MD of Australasia. Him I didn’t want to meet again. Yes, I’d spoken to him on the phone numerous times, but mainly I had managed to deal with his assistant, Sophie, who, thank God, didn’t seem to know about Patrick’s and my previous association.

  Lawrence had decided to return to London for the meeting. It was difficult enough to organize without having to do so in a place where I had no help, he had told me. At least this way, most of the organizing of the actual venue, catering, and such would be taken care of by the people back in the corporate offices. The next one would be left up to me do to by myself, so I was taking loads of notes.

  The day before, I was exhausted. We had only returned to London that morning, having traveled to most of the main European countries and a quick trip to the US in the last eight weeks. I was racking up the kilometers at an alarming rate, and my body clock was totally screwed up. Like at the moment I was standing at the coffee cart on the second floor, waiting to order, and trying very hard not to fall over where I stood. I should have been asleep, that’s what my body wanted me to be doing. I’d actually made the trip down to get coffee on purpose. I had hoped the walk, not to mention the caffeine would help me to wake up. It wasn’t working as well as I would have liked.

  “Lilly.” Charlie nudged me from behind.

  I ordered and took my time walking back to the office with my latte. I probably should have gotten one for Lawrence, but that would have taken effort that I just didn’t have. I leaned my head back against the rear wall of the elevator and let it take me back to our floor.

  The door opened, and voices filtered into the small space—voices that I recognized, but my brain seemed to have gotten off on another floor, because when I opened my eyes and walked into the office, I was unprepared for the sight that waited for me.

  “Lilly?” Patrick’s voice floored me.

  I was just about to take a sip of my latte when I stopped midstep. Coffee sloshed out of the mouthpiece and drizzled its hot way over my fingers. “Crap.” I moved the coffee to my other hand and shook the wetness from my burned fingers.

  “You look like shit.” Patrick stepped toward me, then just as suddenly turned his attention back to Lawrence, who had been standing with Patrick when I arrived. “What the hell have you done to her?” he exclaimed accusingly.

  If I’d had more energy, I would have told him that it’s probably not wise to yell at your boss in that manner, but like I said before, that would have taken energy.

  Lawrence looked far from impressed by Patrick’s behavior and gave him a deadly glare before moving around him to approach where I stood. “Go into my office, Patrick. I’ll be in shortly,” he said. Then he grabbed my hand and dragged me, coffee and all, through the side door and into the apartment.

  “Lilly, my dear,” Lawrence said in an amused voice, “you really don’t look your best.” He plucked the coffee out of my hands and pulled me down the hall and into my room. “Please go to sleep.” It was only one in the afternoon, and if I went to sleep now, I’d regret it later. Still, it was getting to the point where I had very little choice.

  It showed how out of it I was when I started stripping down right then and there. Lawrence gave me an amused smile before politely leaving me to rest.

  Patrick was pacing the office when Lawrence came back through his private door from the apartment.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Patrick’s voice accused before the door even shut behind him.

  Lawrence gaze skewered Patrick with enough force that it stopped his pacing. “She’s tired, Patrick,” Lawrence explained. “We were in New York yesterday, and she’s still adjusting to the time differences. It’s not easy to travel as much as we do, over such distances, and not be tired sometimes. You just caught her at a bad time.”

  “I’m glad I did,” Patrick snapped. “I want to know how she is, how you’re treating her, so seeing her looking like that answers a lot of my questions.”

  “It answers nothing. You don’t know anything about her, and you have no business checking up on her either,” Lawrence responded. “We’ve had this discussion before, Sloane. Remember that it was your decision to give her up; you made that choice, so now you have no rights over her.”

  “That’s always a decision that I can undo, Monterey.” Patrick’s voice was edged in steel. “Regardless of what you think, I do love Lilly, and I’ll always look out for her.”

  “You don’t want to do that,” Lawrence warned. “Remember who you’re dealing with.”

  “I know exactly who I’m dealing with, which is exactly why I’m going to continue to watch out for her.” Patrick issued his own warning in return.

  “Think hard before you start throwing down challenges, Patrick.” Lawrence’s expression was as hard as stone. “The only reason you have any contact with her at all is because I gave you a job. That can easily be taken from you, and then where would you be?”

  “Does she know what you want from her?” Patrick asked. “Does she know anything about you?”

  “Lilly and I have no secrets.” Lawrence announced, pushing home the one thing Patrick had never been able to achieve when he and Lilly were together.

  “Somehow I doubt that.”

  “Get out, Patrick.” Lawrence retreated to his desk. “I don’t want to see you today, and if you come back for the meeting tomorrow with this same attitude, then you should know that I’ll kick you out of there as well. You can take your ass back to Australia and rot there, for all I care.”

  Patrick stormed out of the office and made sure there was enough force behind the door to send it slamming home in his wake.

  It was some time before Lawrence emerged from his office after that, and then it was only to issue a simple order to Charlie. “Keep him away from Lilly.” Charlie confirmed the command with a sharp nod.

  I totally forgot that we were supposed to have dinner with clients that night, so when I woke to find the clock glowing a horrifyingly late 10:30 p.m., I nearly had a heart attack.

  I jumped out of bed and scooted through my door and down the hall into the lounge room before I realized what I was doing, th
en I did a double take and hauled ass back into my bedroom to put on a robe.

  Lawrence was sitting in the lounge, nursing an amused expression and a glass of scotch, when I emerged the second time. This time, I had donned a fluffy white bathrobe over my underwear.

  “I’m sorry. I forgot about dinner,” I said as I slumped down across from him. Obviously it was too late now, so there wasn’t really any need to hurry. “Did you go alone?” He was still dressed in his suit, minus the jacket and tie.

  He shook his head. “No, I canceled,” he told me. “I think we both needed the night off.”

  I knew the words were meant to make me feel better for missing the dinner, because I was certain that he would have been fine to go.

  “Do you ever get tired?” I asked.

  “Sometimes,” he responded vaguely.

  “I was so tired that I almost couldn’t walk.”

  “I know.” He seemed amused by my statement.

  “Sorry about that,” I said.

  “Don’t be,” he replied. “You are allowed to be tired, Lilly. We travel a lot, and time zones can be difficult. If you need to rest, I need to know that you will. I would rather you take an afternoon off to catch up on sleep than for you to get sick and have a week off.”

  That was true.

  “Do you need me to do anything for tomorrow?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “It’s much easier to attend these meetings than it is to set one up. Basically, we spend the first day debriefing on each of the locations, and then the next day is an open round table for discussions. There is no real structure for the meetings, and we have someone in to take the minutes and actions. What I need you to do is be there and listen. Get to know the MDs personally; you’ve spoken to them all over the phone, but use this time to develop a relationship with them. And I’ll also need you to keep track of the actions that relate to me.” He shrugged. “Sometimes I forget about them, and the Managers end up chasing me for months.”