From Death to Valhalla (The Last Einherjar Book 1)

by Randall P. Fitzgerald

  “I am. Do I not seem like her? Is it the shoes? I wanted taller ones, but really I get enough of being tall at home.”

  “You don’t… seem…”

  “Seem… stuffy? I don’t talk like I got shit out of a medieval courtyard?” She curled her arms and did a mocking dance. “Oi blimey, ye have offended…” She stood up shaking her head. “No thanks. People like Vár and your little murderous friend—” She turned to Göll, “I can see you staring at me,” and then back to Erik. “They don’t really keep up with the times. You’ll get used to it.”

  Vár re-entered with a disused chair. Hel looked at it, unimpressed. Without Hel saying anything Vár apologized.

  “It was the best they had, I could not…”

  Hel patted Vár on the head and sat in the chair. “So, Erik. I assume you’re fully confused and the ogre by the window won’t tell you anything.”

  Göll took a step forward at the insult but Vár moved to Hel’s side and faced the valkyrie.

  Erik looked from Göll back to Hel. “That’s about right. I mean, not knowing anything. Göll’s not so bad. I assume there are reasons she can’t tell me things.”

  “Oh, there are very definite reasons she’s choosing not to tell you. And, well, I’m not opposed to the odd secret, so I’ll just let you two sort most of that out. But we at least need to establish a baseline, agreed?”

  “That would be… something. Maybe not nice, but, yeah. Something.”

  “Horribly put. So!” Hel patted her pockets, but found nothing. She turned her head to Vár. “Hm. Did we leave those at home, Vár? The dolls I made? Doesn’t matter.” She returned her attention to Erik. “I made visual aids. It doesn’t matter. You’ve been chosen by the great and powerful Odin.” Definitely sarcastic. “Göll is actually the one who chose you. The process goes something like this: A valkyrie chooses a person eligible by deed or ancestry to enter Valhalla. Then, the other valkyries try their best to make sure that special little flower never, ever blooms.”

  “They… don’t want me to get Valhalla?”

  “Sure, why would they? Either way, once Göll showed up, you were going to die. That’s already set. But let’s not get bogged down in the minute to minute stuff. You humans are so worried about dying. Vár used to be that way.” Hel nudged Vár with her elbow. “I’m here to make a simple offer of assistance.”

  Göll took another heavy step forward. “And why should he trust you to do anything, Hel? Vile giantess.”

  Hel smiled broadly, but her voice was sharper than it had been. “You, ale-bearer, should not trust me.” She tilted her head toward Erik. “He should.” She went back to ignoring Göll. “Now, you won’t understand what exactly you need my assistance with, maybe even when you get to my lovely home. But I recommend you come.”

  Erik sighed. “More half explanations. I’m really getting sick of it, you know?”

  Hel laughed. “Oh, it’s precious. You’ve hardly even started yet.” She wrapped her arms around Vár’s waist and pressed her head against the girl’s back. “Remember how you used to be Vár? It makes me so nostalgic. Let’s get ice cream before we go home.”

  “So you’re just here to mock me? Maybe I should be listening to Göll.”

  “Oh, boo.” Hel pushed her lip out, feigning a pout. “If you’re going to ruin my fun then I’ll just come out and say it. Even for me, saying too much could cause headaches that I don’t have a cure for.” She chuckled. “And it’s more fun the less you know.” Her chuckle became a full laugh. “Ah, I made fun of your valkyrie for that just a minute ago, didn’t I?” She stood up abruptly. “Okay. I’ve said my piece. Keep my offer in mind. I’ll be leaving Vár here in Midgard to look after you.”

  As she started to walk back to the bathroom, Erik spoke up. “What should I do? How do I…”

  Hel stopped and looked at him. “Die well. And then come see me.” She smiled and went back into the bathroom.

  There was no noise, but Vár went to make sure she had gone and closed the door again when she’d confirmed. She walked to the chair, lifting it up, and spoke in Erik’s direction.

  “I will be outside if you have need of me.”

  She walked off with the chair, leaving Erik alone in the room with Göll. She turned back toward the window.

  “So, I have to die?”

  Göll did not turn back toward him. “All humans must die eventually. It is a necessary part of the cycle.”

  “Then what should I do? How do I die well?”

  She turned from the window. “You must fight. You have muscles, but they are not a fighter’s.”

  “Okay, ow. Tough but fair. I don’t know how to fight.”

  “Then I will teach you. We will need an open field.”

  “Right, there’s a lot not too far from here that’s empty. It’s at the back side of a business park so I doubt anyone will notice us.”

  “Then we will begin tomorrow morning.”

  Erik was nervous, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but he didn’t have the will to try to make conversation with Göll beyond what she’d already offered. There was an amount of excitement in her voice or at least approval. He wasn’t sure which, having said so little to her. The duty-bound nature of every single sentence she’d let out made it hard to try to talk to her. Training was something, at least. When his arm had been cut, he’d only been able to stand there. Wishing it would all go away wasn’t going to work, and the next time it might be his chest that got split open.

  The motel room offered nothing to do. The television was broken, there was no clock radio, no mini-fridge. It was just sitting in silence, staring at the wall until the sun came up. Erik would have strongly preferred not having to be alone in the quiet with his thoughts, but it was more bearable than he thought it would be.

  It was barely light out when Göll turned from the window. “The sun has risen. We should go and train you.”

  Erik headed to the door first, opening it. Vár was beside the door sitting in the chair that Hel had been in earlier. She opened her eyes and looked up at Erik.

  “She’s decided that you should be able to leave?”

  “We’re going to train.”

  “Worth a laugh, maybe.”

  Vár stood up and stretched, Erik moving away from the door to let Göll out. Göll had shifted her clothes to something less conspicuous. Even though neither of them knew where the lot was Göll insisted that Vár walk in front.

  “She thinks I mean to kill you.” Vár chuckled at the thought and then yawned. “Rich coming from a valkyrie.”

  Neither of his attendants offered any conversation and they didn’t exactly get along swimmingly, so the prospect of trying to start one up seemed stupid. There was less foot traffic in the part of town they were moving through, so Göll’s spear drew less attention. It still garnered a few stares, but it wasn’t nearly the issue that her outfit had been.

  They made it to the lot around the time the sun had burnt away a thin morning haze. The lot itself was overgrown at the edges and filled with cracked concrete through the middle. It was surrounded on two sides by the windowless backs of buildings and another by a tangle of brush and a few trees that must have been not worth removing. The remaining side of the lot pointed toward a highway on-ramp. It occurred to Erik that this wasn’t necessarily an ideal place to do anything if the people who meant to kill him could fly as high into the air as his minders’ regular checks suggested.

  He walked to the center of the lot, with Göll following behind him. Vár waited casually at the far edge.

  “Do I need a sword or something?”

  He saw Vár move out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head in time to see a short sword land on the concrete and slide toward him. It was dinged up and scuffed.

  He looked at Vár and called to her. “Where did this come from?”


  She only smiled. It made him hesitant to pick up the sword, but there weren’t likely to be any others around, or if there were, they were likely just as suspect in origin. He grabbed the blade. It was lighter than he’d imagined swords to be. A few idle practice swings drew a scoff from Göll.

  “Really? Just from that?”

  “It embarrasses me to watch.”

  Erik rolled his entire neck from one side to the other. “I mean, I know… you… could you be nice? Tact? You picked me, remember?”

  “Ready your sword.”

  “Oh, I can’t swing it, but I know how to do that.”

  Göll rolled her eyes, the biggest hint of any sort of human emotion he’d seen. Her spear formed down to a sword the same size as his. She placed both hands around the grip and assumed a stance that Erik copied as best he could. She seemed satisfied and her weapon shifted back to the spear it normally was.

  “Near enough.” She backed a few steps away. “You must be ready. Push the blade away, do not try to stop it.”

  “Got it. Ready.”

  She charged at him, the spear glowing, and Erik’s muscles tensed, freezing him in place. She slapped the sword out of his hands with the blade of her spear and pointed the tip at his face.

  Erik stood bolt upright, backing away. “Okay, clearly wasn’t ready. That’s fine. I’m new. Right?”

  He could hear Vár laughing from the side of the lot. Whatever pretense of respect she’d been operating under on the first day was gone now that he’d met Hel. The mockery only made him feel more determined to shut her up, so he went to retrieve the sword and took his stance again.

  “Okay! Definitely ready this time.”

  She charged again to the same result. The sword clattered on the concrete and Vár had to turn away to catch her breath. When she’d finally settled herself, Vár managed to mock him between fits.

  “She’s… so slow. Ahaha! And you, you… and you… still you cannot even move.” She slapped her leg.

  Erik retrieved the sword, annoyed. She wasn’t wrong, but the enthusiasm of her insults wasn’t heartening.

  “Ignore her.” Göll’s voice was softer than it had been. “You must learn. You must move.”

  Erik nodded. He concentrated on watching her feet, rather than the blade. It made him nervous, but if he could just mimic her movement, it might be alright. She charged again, and it went worse than before. He moved a foot back, stumbling over the other and falling to the ground before she even got to him. Vár started up again in the distance. Erik rose quickly this time, dusting himself off.

  “Again. Let’s go.”

  She charged again and again and the result was the same each time. Göll was unwilling to pretend there was improvement and chided him for expecting it so soon. She was readying for another charge when she stopped and looked toward the overpass. Hild and Thrúd stood on the edge of it, silently watching.

  “Why aren’t they coming after me?”

  Göll considered them for a moment and then looked at Vár. “Most likely because she is here. It leaves them no open side.”

  “They always fight in pairs?”

  “Most.”

  Göll went back to her position and readied herself. She charged and slapped the sword again. He’d managed to keep the sword in his hands about half of the past dozen or so times. It had become his goal to both move and hold the sword. She charged and slapped. He held, taking a few steps back, readying himself again. His wrist had begun to hurt, but he couldn’t allow himself to worry about it, not with the valkyries watching. He wanted to seem at least more capable of mounting a defense than a toddler.

  Eric tensed as Göll charged again, but only for the tiniest spec of a second. He managed to push himself backward, away from her blade, but one of his hands came from the grip of the sword. In a panic, he balled it just as Göll’s spearhead made contact with the metal of the sword. For no reason he could express, his brain told him to swing. And so he did. His fist hit the staff of the spear and a sharp sting ran from his knuckles up his forearm, followed almost immediately by a blinding heat and the sound of sizzling. He hardly felt it in that second as Göll’s spear rocketed away from his blade and into the ground.

  The pain came back all at once and Erik dropped the sword, gripping his bright red knuckles. Göll was quick to pull the tip of the spear out of the concrete. She stared at him, face drastic with alarm and confusion. As if she’d just remembered they were there, she scanned the overpass for the valkyries. Erik followed her gaze. They were gone.

  “Sorry,” Erik finally managed. “I didn’t mean to touch it.” He took a deep breath, wincing as the pain slowly started to wane. “I’m glad you pulled it away so fast. Did the concrete mess it up?”

  Göll snapped out of her haze and looked at the blade. “There is no damage. These blades are not meant for human hands, you… you should be careful.” She paused. “It’s enough for today. In truth, you’ve made more progress than I thought possible.”

  “I’ll take it as a compliment.” Erik strained the words out. “I was hungry anyway.”

  The walk back was painful but involved food, so there was only so much to complain about. Vár wiped some sort of salve onto his knuckles when they returned to the motel and told him to sleep. He had no reason to argue.

  chapter|4

  He’d managed to get something approximating sleep. It came in fits and starts, mostly. The noise of Göll shifting her weight in her armor woke him up as reliably as any alarm clock had ever managed. It was dark out when he decided he couldn’t manage it anymore. Erik hadn’t noticed that his hand was almost entirely numb until he reached for the lamp beside the ratty mattress. He chuckled at the meaty slapping noise that resulted from plopping it onto the bedside table over and over.

  “Is that all it takes to amuse you?”

  Göll was speaking without being spoken to. Erik considered this a welcome change of pace and it brightened his spirits even more than the noises had.

  “I’m easy to please. Is that so wrong?” She didn’t respond, not willing to play along. “Come on, you smiled didn’t you?”

  “Why would I smile?” She sounded almost defensive.

  Erik chuckled. “Are you not allowed to smile either? What about ice cream? They let you eat ice cream?”

  “I can eat whatever I wish.” She turned in a huff. “You… what manner of questions are these?”

  “You just seem so serious about everything. And I don’t intend on dying anytime soon, so I figure we should at least be on speaking terms.”

  She sighed, not quite relaxing her posture, but her expression softened. “I must be serious. My sisters will be, and so must I.”

  “Right,” Erik nodded at the cliché. “Only a moment’s lapse in diligence and I’ll be felled by their unforgiving blades.”

  “So you understand, at least.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I was fucking around.”

  Her lips curled into a disappointed frown and she turned back to the window.

  “Ah, come on! Don’t be like that. I’ve got a cut on my arm already. I know it’s serious. But Vár’s around. Like a canary in the coal mine or something. A horrible, mocking canary. That pulls… You know, nevermind.” He stood up and walked over to the window. “She put it somewhere on the walk back here and I didn’t see her do it.” He eyed Göll looking for any hint of a reaction, sighing when he got nothing. “Okay, let’s go train. I slept. My hand’s fine.”

  Göll nodded and they went outside when Erik had gotten dressed.

  Vár looked annoyed to see them. “If it’s more punishment for your wrist you’re after, the privy’s less of a burden.”

  “Privy?”

  She scoffed and turned away from him, starting toward the road. The walk went by quickly, it being the middle of the night. Mercifully, no cops came by. As fun a
nd quirky as a spear might seem in the daylight, it was less likely to be seen that way in the dark. Erik found himself thankful for the portability of meat and vegetables wrapped up in things since Göll refused to sit in a restaurant. She kept a wide berth around people other than him. As unwilling to supply him with any interesting information as she was, it seemed like a waste of time to ask. But then, having burned his hand as badly as he did, there were reasons that Erik could imagine without being told.

  The lot wasn’t lit, but there were no clouds in the sky and the moon was mostly full. It got the job done when mixed with the horrible orange glow of the sodium lamps from the overpass. Vár produced the sword again when he wasn’t looking and handed it to him with an unnecessarily wide smile on her face.

  “I don’t like what’s happening here.”

  She just nodded, still smiling, and watched him as he walked away.

  He pointed the sword back at her as he walked toward Göll. “She’s got a real problem.”

  Göll ignored his concerns. “The night will make you slower to react, less accurate. Ready your sword.”

  He did and Göll charged, the same speed as in the day. He stepped back, tilting the sword away from Göll’s as she’d showed him in the morning. It was shallow and Göll stopped her spear just short of his arm.

  The glow drained from the blade and she slapped it against his arm. Erik winced waiting for the pain, but it didn’t come. At least, no more pain than a flat piece of metal slapping against his arm would be expected to create.

  “That would be gone.”

  Erik gave a serious nod. “Let’s go again.”

  Göll returned to her position and charged again. The sword dropped this time, Erik cursing his lack of ability. There was no consistency to the next dozen charges. Sometimes he would barely clear the spear and others his sword would be on the ground. His feet weren’t any better. He would trip or try to move some new way and fail entirely.

  Vár had been watching their training the whole time, yawning. Just after a successful defense, she stood, shouting.