Madness or Purpose

by Megan Perry

I sit down on the edge of her bed just waiting for her to wake. Her foot is sticking out from the end of the blanket and because I am curious, I gently lay the back of my hand against her skin. At first there is only an intensifying feeling of heat. Slowly my mind relaxes and I can see the calm of her mind. No thoughts only colors and sounds. Zoe seems to be truly relaxed and at peace for the time being. As I sit with my eyes closed and my hand in contact with her skin, I begin to sense a darkness creeping around the edges of her mind. I try to clear my own mind and only concentrate on observing like a fly on the wall. When the presence doesn’t sense me it quickly envelops her mind. I hear her heart beat speed up and her breath become labored.

  A deep low voice begins repeating words of caution. “He is not safe. Why should he be trusted? He has been keeping his true self from you. A liar that is what he is. How do you even know if he really lets down the walls? You don’t even know how he puts them up? If he loves you why would he have any kind of barrier between you?

  Gavin knows things he is not telling you. Does he know about your father, your mother, the fire? If he were the one meant to fill the emptiness inside, why would he not tell you until you had the power to force him? Gavin is more like a kidnapper than a friend. He makes all the rules and controls where you live.

  His parents are probably in on the whole thing. It is just too convenient that they were there to take you in after someone put a bullet in your father’s head. He knows everyone you know and a whole lot of other people you don’t. You know you were the one who shattered that mirror. All you had to do was think it and it happened. You are powerful and you don’t need him to protect you. He wants what you have. He doesn’t really want you.”

  I remain silent, trying not to think anything though the rage inside me is threatening to burst forth. Zoe struggled with the information being forced into her mind. “You don’t know Gavin. I have seen inside his mind, his heart, his soul! You don’t even exist! I know that forces exist that want to keep me from him. I feel them all around me. You were the one who put me in the closet! I know you were the one who sliced open my wrists. If Gavin really wanted to control me he would have let them admit me to the kind of psych ward I wouldn’t come out of. However, he did not! There may be things he has not yet told me, but before now I would not have believed him. Do you think he is ignorant of your existence? When he finds you he will make you wish you never were. As for my father, he has no blood on his hands and neither do his parents. I would know. I have always had a good sense of such things. I am more than you know I am and more than you can conceive. Gavin does not want my power. He loves me; any fool with half a soul can feel its other half even if they were brain dead. You will see. Until he gives me a reason not to trust him I will. I may not know everything, but I can tell an evil soul with I hear one!” She spits out at the darkness.

  Zoe knows I am here, but wants me to witness for myself the darkness that plagues her. She is also telling me that despite everything that could raise doubts she believes me and trusts me. I hope it lasts when I expose her to others. Just as the presence appeared it disappears. Zoe does not wake once it leaves. I guess that means she is still within her subconscious. I remove my hand and move to the chair in the corner. It is strange to be inside the mind of another. Very little knowledge exists about such a connection legends and rumors exist among our kind about such possibilities only when a very powerful soul is born into two of our kind. It really is frustrating not knowing who her mother is. Yet, no one knows who my parents are either so, that probably makes this whole thing even messier. Someone out there knows more than both of us and if we don’t get some answers fast life is going to spiral into true chaos. If only this journal wasn’t just full of what I know. We need to figure out where the guardian library is, I know it exists, but where?

  I know of one solution that would give us so many answers, yet without some of the questions we currently don’t have answered the outcome could create more chaos. From what is known about individuals like Zoe and I, to fully understand our purpose and future fully binding to one another is necessary. To fully become one we need to sleep together. From an emotional stand point well, from a human stand point all of that seems “mushy” and maybe even improper. We don’t marry in our kind.

  Binding takes its place in our world if you are a split soul, but otherwise it is more of an option. If you are born to guard humans then to know your purpose is essential to more than your own life and sometimes our purpose kills us young. So I guess our beliefs about marriage and honoring customs like weddings is a bit different.

  Humans are all equipped with an entire soul, thus they can come and go and join and rejoin with whomever and in simple terms do so without consequence, so social guidelines and beliefs about monogamy exist. If guardians like me and Zoe did such things we would sever our binding and be unable to fulfill whatever our greater purpose was. We would enter into madness and all who were to be changed or saved or protected by us would be lost. Those who make such mistakes tend to end their own misery quickly. We long to fulfill our purposes, not because we choose to or not. Our genetic makeup drives us to do so. For those who are born with an entire soul, the drive still exists and still motivates us to fulfill our roles, but the bonds to other guardians are not so vital. A guardian can choose simply based on desire whether or not it is with another guardian. It seems as though that is how it was for Zoe’s mother and father. Their connection is still strong and very few enter into such relationships with another just simply because they can. Even whole souls have purposes and have to conduct their lives according to that purpose.

  My parents are another story, a story without any pages. I often wonder if in our binding I might somehow recover who they are and Zoe might recover who her mother is. If these biological parents still exist we may be able to better understand our purpose.

  I am afraid to tell her that with all the answers in this book I still have very little to offer in the way of whom and what we are. So much of that answer is beyond our understanding at this point. I want to end her pain but my deepest fear is that I will only inflict more. I have thoughts about going back in time and not chasing her up that snow covered hillside. If I had never even known she existed would it even hurt that much? Something inside me tells me I would be consumed by madness and become like the dark voice in Zoe’s mind. She is not crazy; that voice belongs to someone like us and yet someone so far removed from us all that the only thing is similar is our DNA. Guardians who become dark like the voice in Zoe’s head are either driven mad or choose it because of a desire to obtain power rather than protect. This one doesn’t seem tormented. It seems crazy with the desire for her power and sense destroying her didn’t work the first time. If it could separate us and gain her trust she could become an unstoppable force hell bent on making every being around her suffer and wither into nothingness.

  As I try to focus on the positive things to be gained by her awakening knowledge, Zoe stretches and yawns. “Good morning sleepy” I say grinning at her from ear to ear. “Did you even sleep? “ She asks. “Of course I did.” I lie. “Now go shower stinky and I’ll make you some coffee.” She glares at me and then a grin seeps through. She wiggles out of the blankets she has cocooned herself in and falls to the floor when her foot tangles in the mess of cloth. She falls straight onto her ass and yelps. “Fuck,” she grunts. “That is going to bruise.” I move to her and pull her up to her feet. “You sure do have quite a mouth on you ZZ!” “What are you going to do about it? Wash my mouth out with soap? It’s not like you’re any kind of angel.” Zoe smirks at me.

  Flipping her over my shoulder I head for the bathroom. Zoe starts to kick and squeal and try to get away from me. “Oh no you don’t little missy, I’m going to set you right.” I enter quickly so she can’t grab the door frame and kick the door closed behind us. She begins pounding her fits into my bare back. “This has got to be some type of abuse.” I tell her. “Your fists will solve nothing.” I grin becau
se I know she already knows what I am about to do. Both our bodies are a flame with our mental connection. Quickly I turned the shower on with my foot and spin Zoe around in a circle while it warms up. I step into the shower and put her head into the water. She screams and kicks and sputters. “You arrogant ass! Stop trying to drown me! I thought you loved me!” She yells at me. We both freeze. I am holding my breath. I think she is doing the same, but I can’t process anything outside my own mind. What did she just say?

  Slowly I pull her down in front of me. Our bodies are soaked and what little clothing she slept in clings to her. I can feel the water spraying my back and my body blocks the spray of water from continuing to soak Zoe. Steam surrounds us and I can feel my own heart practically beating out of my chest. Her head is buried in my chest and every inch of her touching me feels like she is electrocuting me which I am sure should be incredibly painful, but to be honest it’s incredibly arousing. I take a deep breath and let it out. I can’t hear her in my head for all the other sensations I am experiencing. “Zoe, how could I not love you? You are the other half of my soul. You are the reason I am alive. I am head over heels crazy for you Zoe.” Her aura flickers and dances around her. Lifting her chin with my finger I can feel her whole body tremble under my touch. Her eyes are still looking down and her lashes create small shadows on her cheeks. Her hair clings to the side of her face and she couldn’t look more amazing to me. Gently I touch my lips to hers.

  At first contact I feel the shock shoot through my body as it has before. I pull away for a brief second and kiss her again in my own urgency. Zoe responds this time and presses harder against my body. I run my tongue along her bottom lip and gently graze it with my teeth. She freezes. “Just follow my lead Zoe, just feel, don’t think.” I think. I reposition my hand behind her neck and slowly start to kiss her again. She relaxes in my arms and this time when I run my tongue over her bottom lip and graze my teeth along it she moans softly and parts her lips. As she lets me deepen the kiss I begin to feel like every nerve ending in my body is on fire and the only thing that can put it out is her. Her thoughts are fast, erratic, erotic, and all about me. I realize her hands have traveled down my back to my hips. I don’t even remember feeling her embrace me. I shove her up against the wall and press myself against her. If I wasn’t aroused enough before I am now because she has her hands in the back of my drenched jeans clawing at my skin and she is arching her body against mine.

  As we both begin to gasp for air, I move my lips to her chin and kiss along her jaw line. Tracing down to her neck and collar bone I begin to realize I can’t see anything. My sense of touch and smell over whelm me. I start to panic in the back of my mind. “It’s ok; it’s the same for me. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Zoe tells me. How she knew I was afraid because of earlier events I am not sure but, with her reassurance I peel her tank top over her head and press my body back against hers. I have never seen her naked and even now I can’t see her. I can feel every curve of her body and every muscle move but I cannot see her. She lets me keep kissing her shoulders and neck. She flashes images of me nipping and teasing her along her neck. “Are you sure?” In my mind she grins in response.

  Taking her for her word I graze her soft skin with my teeth and bite at her ear lobes. She lets out breathy moans and ripples of electricity run between us. Then slowly I trace lower and lower down her chest. I slide my hands up her sides and cup her wet, soft, supple breasts. I roughly rub my thumbs over her hard nipples and she gasps. Even though I’m in a state of blindness I can tell our auras are making the bathroom brighter than the sunrise. I can feel her hands unbuckling the belt of my pants and I am surprised. “Are you sure Zoe?” I question her in our minds. “I have no idea. You said feel and I feel like if I don’t I will combust.” She answered. “Agreed,” I add.

  With that my pants fall to the bottom of the shower with a clunk and I feel her finger tips run just under the elastic band of my boxers. I freeze as her lips touch my chest and her hands run along my torso. Quicker than I think she runs her hand over my erect penis and I can’t control myself and I moan through clenched teeth. She can see exactly what I am thinking and I cannot hide my desire from her. She uses it to her advantage and before I realize it she has spun me around put my back to the wall and stripped off my boxers. Zoe drops to her knees and starts kissing and nipping along the insides of my thighs. My breathing is becoming more ragged and erratic. As her head moves up her hands slowly slide behind me and grab my ass as she simultaneously runs her tongue from the base to the head stopping momentarily to caress just below the head. “Holy fuck woman! Whatever you do don’t stop.” I exclaim. “Now who has the dirty mouth? Or shall I say mind? I will do as I please and you will not finish.” She orders. “That may not be an option.” I think.

  As she continues on exploring and tasting me she gains confidence. Just as quickly as she had spun me around and started her amazing torture she takes me in entirely and she takes me rough and fast. No hesitation with her. I grab the back of her head and keep in rhythm with her. In and out, oh my god she seems to add more pressure each time she pulls from the base with her lips and the way her tongue adds a secondary massage. It’s like nothing I ever imagined. If she can do this with her mouth what would really having her be like? Just as I thought I might prove her wrong, nothing happened. I mean my entire body is wracked with spasms and intense pleasure filled release, but I do not finish. “I told you,” I hear her think. “How did you do that?” I question her mentally because there is no point in trying to ask through all the panting. “The mind is a powerful thing Gav.” Zoe answers.

  Zoe slowly stands up dragging her wet, naked, trembling body against mine. She is half shivering because the water had gotten cold long ago and half terrified of the things she is thinking and the things I am thinking now. I bend my head down and find her lips. This feeling is amazing. I am still on fire, but more aware than I have ever been before. Lifting her legs around my hips I carry her out of the shower and across the apartment exploring every part of her I can reach with my lips.

  Once I reach her bed I set her on her feet. She is still trembling so I dry her off with one of the blankets. As I reach for her tiny sleeping shorts her hand shoots out and stops me. “Let me.” She says sheepishly. “Ok.” I whisper. I realize I can actually see to some degree. My vision is like a day after not using goggles at a public swimming pool, but good enough. Her eyes travel up and down my still wet body. I am doing the same to her. It really is funny that neither of us has seen the other naked in the almost 11 years we have been friends. Even hazy she is absolutely gorgeous.

  A mischievous grin spreads across her face and she backs closer to her bed. Slowly she bends over and peels her wet shorts from her body. Zoe promptly kicks them in my face and jumps onto her bed. “You think you’re just so cute don’t you?” I mumble from under her wet shorts. I hear her giggle and pull a blanket up over her body.

  “You can’t and won’t hide from me Zoe. I have waited too long and after that stunt you just pulled in the shower! You will pay baby, and I will enjoy every moment of it.” Grinning I toss the shorts from my head and climb onto the bed.

  I decide to play her little game and get under the blankets. As I slide up behind her she instinctively backs up against me for warmth only to be met by the problem unsolved by our previous activities. She gasps quietly and then wiggles back and forth making my body ache and I groan just a little. “You have a lot of confidence in my self control ZZ. You should know by now the things I ache to do to you.” I whisper in her ear.

  My eye sight is just about clear when she flips onto her back and her shoulder grazes my mark. That must have been what did it before. Our marks cause some sort of sense deprivation but only to our eye sight, interesting. I slide my hand up over her stomach and pull her closer to me. She shows me images of me exploring her body in the shower. “I’m in charge now you naughty girl. You will squirm before I let you finish.” I grin mentally and she glares a
t me playfully. I use the tips of my fingers to run circles around her breasts touching everything except her nipples. I trail them down her torso and right above her hips making her back arch. Zoe is trying to manipulate me so I quickly straddle her and take control. I pin her arms above her head and run my tongue between her breasts and around each hard nipple being sure not to touch them. She writhes beneath me and bites her bottom lip trying not to make any noise. I’m only sure of it when I lean down to kiss her. I lower my head next to her ear and whisper, “let it out hon, you will feel so much better. Come on let me hear you Zoe.” Zoe can’t fight it for long. I can feel everything I make her feel and it’s hard for me to concentrate. Wow, could she feel everything I felt before? “Yes, I could feel it all.” She tells me.

  Quickly, before I can think about it too much and warn Zoe I slide my index and middle finger in as deep as I can inside of her. Her back arches and her hips buck as she loses the battle and moans loudly. I maintain a slow pace and kiss back up her neck. “I told you ZZ, you feel better now huh?” She simply lets out a breathy moan in my ear in response. While inserting a third finger I finally give in to my own desires and start to flick her hard nipples with my tongue and gently graze my teeth over each one before taking it in my mouth and gently sucking. Her panting and moaning is driving me crazy. I just can’t take it anymore. As I take my fingers out of her she grabs my hand and takes my index finger into her mouth gently sucking and swirling her tongue around my finger. Oh my god, she tastes herself! Without thinking I finish spreading her legs with my knee and thrust into her to the hilt. Her back arches, she screams in both pain and pleasure and I am immediately flung against the bedroom wall. Everything goes black.

  I hear his body hit the wall and slide to the floor. Before I can think of what to do I am crouched next to him. I can see him normally and his aura is flickering faintly. I lightly smack his cheek and start calling out his name. “Gavin, Gavin, wake up. Are you ok?”