A Hallowed Place

by Caro Fraser

  ‘Perhaps it would be good for Oliver,’ he ventured. ‘Getting to know his dad, and so forth. Male bonding.’

  Rachel shot Charles a glance of irritation. ‘He’s one and a half, for heaven’s sake, Charles.’

  Charles shrugged. He wasn’t going to rock the boat. ‘He is indeed. And right at this minute he’s fast asleep and I have you all to myself.’ He drew Rachel towards him once more and began to kiss her again, but she pulled away.

  ‘I’m sorry, Charles. I’m not in the mood right now. I think I’ll go up and change, and look in on Oliver. I wish you could keep him awake in the evenings when I’m going to be a bit late. I do like to see him.’

  Charles said nothing as she left the kitchen. He didn’t think he could begin to explain to her how blissful it was when Oliver fell asleep and silence reigned. The last thing he intended to do was to prevent it happening, even for Rachel’s sake.

  Joshua was sitting with his friend, Damien, in a club they had gone to after Joshua got off work. It was one o’clock in the morning, and the place was still crowded and noisy. After a lull in the conversation, Joshua took a reflective pull on his bottle of beer and remarked, ‘I met this man tonight.’

  Damien grinned. ‘Yeah?’

  ‘No - nothing like that.’ Joshua grinned too, then made a wry face. ‘I mean, I reckon he’s after it all right. In fact, definitely.’ There was a pause. Joshua gazed thoughtfully at his beer. ‘But he was different. He seemed interesting. Liked my paintings. Anyway, he wants to see me tomorrow night, have a bit of a talk.’

  Damien sighed and took a drink of his own beer. ‘They’re all after one thing, mate. Just take the money and run. There’s nothing interesting about any of them.’

  ‘I don’t know. This guy didn’t seem like he was trying to pull me.’

  ‘Course he was.’ Damien glanced round impatiently, eyeing up a couple of girls at the end of the bar.

  Joshua shrugged. ‘Maybe. There was just something about him. Anyway, he looked like he had money. You could tell from his suit and everything.’

  ‘Thinking of getting yourself a sugar daddy, are you?’ Damien grinned, glancing round at the girls again.

  ‘I might,’ said Joshua. ‘You never know. I might.’

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘Haven’t lunched in hall for weeks,’ remarked Roderick, as he and Leo strolled through Fountain Court the following day.

  ‘I still put in the occasional appearance,’ said Leo. ‘The food’s been getting slightly better of late, believe it or not.’ They passed through the gloomy vestibule and into Middle Temple Hall, where the air was loud with conversation and the clatter of plates, and ambrosial with a smell akin to that of school dinners.

  ‘The chicken,’ remarked Roderick. ‘That’s the safest bet. That chilli con carne looks lethal.’

  While Roderick ordered two plates of chicken casserole, Leo fetched a couple of half-pints of beer from the steward at the end of the hall, and they managed to find seats at one of the long wooden tables where they could talk in relative seclusion.

  ‘So, you want to hear about the meeting with the Estates Committee?’

  ‘That can wait,’ said Roderick. ‘I think we should talk first about Cameron. I’m afraid it’s not good news. I spoke to Hilary a week ago.’ Roderick’s face was grim. ‘After he saw his consultant, Cameron went for some tests.’

  ‘And?’

  Roderick paused and sighed. ‘Apparently he has cancer of the liver.’

  Leo put down his fork and pushed his plate away. ‘Christ.’

  ‘He’d had stomach pains for months, but just put it down to bad digestion.. But when he started to lose weight, Hilary got worried and insisted he see someone.’ Roderick sighed. ‘There’s nothing that can be done. There are transplants, of course, but I should imagine Cameron’s too old.’

  ‘How long has he got?’

  ‘A matter of months. Of course, there’s no question of him coming back to chambers.’

  ‘No … God, that’s terrible news. Poor old man.’ Leo felt shocked and upset. Cameron’s cheerful, slightly eccentric character was part of the life of chambers. He had been there for years, ever since Leo had first started, an ebullient, reactionary presence whose untidiness and casual manner had exasperated countless judges, but whose incisive legal mind was beloved of solicitors and clients. Leo sat in silence for some moments, then said, ‘That means we’re without a head of chambers.’

  ‘Quite. It’s something that needs to be sorted out.’

  ‘We can’t— I mean, we can’t do anything formal for a few months.’ He looked questioningly at Roderick. ‘Surely?’

  ‘No,’ agreed Roderick. ‘It wouldn’t be quite the thing. Not while Cameron’s still …’

  ‘No.’ He paused. ‘We’ll need an acting head of chambers till then. You’re the obvious man.’

  Roderick shrugged. ‘I’m happy to stand in for a while. Depends on what the others say.’

  ‘I’m sure everyone will agree. We can discuss it at the next chambers meeting. Lord, poor Hilary. I must go and see Cameron. Is he at home?’

  ‘For the time being.’ There was silence between the two men for a moment or two, then Roderick said, ‘Anyway, you’d better tell me how the meeting with the Estates Committee went.’

  ‘Oh, it was nothing much. They were simply outlining the structural alterations they’re making to the building, room sizes, installing lifts, that kind of thing. They’re completely renovating the place.’ Leo rubbed his chin. ‘Quite a few chambers have expressed interest, so there’s no guarantee we’ll be granted a lease.’

  ‘I suppose that’s true. The fact that Cameron is a member of Lincoln’s Inn is obviously a help, plus the fact that he’s a chum of the Estates Committee chairman, but if he’s out of the picture …’

  Leo sighed. ‘I don’t see why we have to move so far afield. God, Lincoln’s Inn … It’s not like the Temple. There’s no sense of intimacy.’

  ‘I know you’re not keen on the idea, Leo, but the thing has to be faced. Five Caper Court is too small. Camilla shouldn’t have to share with Gerald and Anthony’s always complaining that he hasn’t got enough room for large conferences. The clerks’ room is bulging at the seams. There simply isn’t anything suitable in the Temple. And it’s not just to do with space. There’s our image as well. We have to move with the times.’

  ‘You’re beginning to sound like Jeremy.’

  ‘Like it or not, Leo, we have no option. If you can find another solution to the problem, we’ll all willingly consider it.’

  ‘I suppose I’m simply more of a creature of habit than I realised.’

  ‘We all have to get used to change.’ Instinctively, abruptly, Roderick asked, ‘How’s the divorce going?’

  ‘It’s going,’ replied Leo. ‘Decree nisi last July. Just tidying up the loose ends.’

  ‘I’m sorry it came unstuck. I was surprised, I must say. Lovely girl.’

  ‘Lovely,’ agreed Leo. ‘But it didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t cut out for marriage.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘Let’s head back. I’m expecting some papers from Middleton Potts.’

  On the way out, Leo and Roderick met Sarah crossing Caper Court from the cloisters.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, giving both a girlish smile.

  ‘Hello,’ replied Leo. ‘Pupillage going well? Not interfering unduly with your social life, I trust?’

  ‘No - but thanks for asking. I’m working quite hard, as a matter of fact.’

  ‘How reassuring.’ Leo held open the door of 5 Caper Court to let Sarah pass through and watched her as she went upstairs.

  ‘What’s she like, David’s pupil? You seem to know her quite well.’

  ‘I met her a few times before she came here. Her father’s the Recorder of London.’

  ‘Ah … that Colman.’ Roderick nodded.

  ‘As to her abilities, I have no idea. I’ve only ever encountered her on a social level.’ As he said this, Leo c
ould not help smiling at the inadequacy of this expression to sum up his numerous and very erotic sexual exploits with Sarah. A dangerous irritant she might be, but the sight of her neat bottom in its tight black skirt, the haughty way she had of flicking back her blonde hair, still had the capability to arouse him. Not that he had any intention of involving himself with a woman ever again. They wanted too much - too much time, affection and attention. Men, on the whole, were less demanding. As he considered this, Leo’s thoughts turned to Joshua, whom he had arranged to see that night. Was he about to make a complete fool of himself? He might be entirely wrong about the boy. Maybe he should just forget the whole thing.

  He sighed. ‘Oh, Felicity - I’m expecting some papers from Andrew Donoghue. Have they arrived?’ Felicity nodded and handed them to him. Leo noticed that she looked dispirited and was unusually quiet. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked. ‘You don’t seem your usual effervescent self.’

  She gave a wan smile. ‘Yeah, Mr Davies, I’m fine. Just hormones.’

  ‘Mmm. Quite.’ Leo unfolded the papers and began to scan them as he made his way up to his room.

  How close to the truth that had been, thought Felicity. She felt dreadful, completely washed out, and she thought she knew why. Not that she’d had morning sickness or anything like that, but her boobs had been aching like hell, and - well, she just knew. She glanced over at her bag, in which lay the pregnancy tester she’d bought from Boots at lunch time. It wasn’t going to tell her anything she hadn’t already guessed at. So why was she putting off doing it? Because as long as she didn’t face up to it, there was still a little glimmer of hope that it was all a false alarm. She could cling to that. The bloody test would only turn it into a stark reality. ‘Oh, come on,’ she muttered suddenly to herself. ‘Stop faffing about.’

  ‘You talking to me?’ asked Henry.

  Felicity snatched up her bag and headed for the loo, leaving Henry looking baffled.

  Five minutes later she was staring at it, gazing at the unmistakable blue line as though willing it not to be there. The instructions had even said you should use it first thing in the morning to get a clear result, but there could be nothing clearer than this. Of all pregnant women, Felicity felt she must be the most definitely pregnant ever. She closed her eyes and leant back against the tiled wall. This was the last thing in the world she needed or wanted. Just when everything had started to go right for her, when she had a good job where she was really making headway, earning enough to keep her and Vince while he did his knowledge, and to put money by for the day when he would get his own black cab, this had to happen. What would Vince say? Not that she was going to tell him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She thought back to her schooldays, to false alarms, to old wives’ tales of drinking a bottle of gin in a hot bath, or jumping down six or seven stairs, or off a chair several times. And she knew in her heart that nothing like that would work for her. She couldn’t even hope for a miscarriage. She wasn’t built that way. Her own mum had fallen pregnant five times, worked through every pregnancy, dropped ‘em like ripe fruit, no problems. She was the same. She was too robust, too clearly built by nature for childbearing for anything to go wrong.

  She met her reflection in the mirror and saw that her eyes looked large with misery. She looked away. At that moment the door opened and Felicity quickly stuffed the tester into the sanitary disposal bin.

  ‘Hi,’ said Camilla. She glanced at Felicity. ‘You all right?’

  If it had been just two or three hours later, if she’d had time to come to terms with the discovery that she was really and truly pregnant, Felicity might have been able to keep up a front. But the shock was such that she found herself saying, ‘I’ve just found out I’m pregnant.’

  Camilla put her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, Felicity.’ There was a silence, then Camilla said, ‘I think I can tell from your expression that I’m not meant to say ‘“congratulations”.’

  ‘Too bloody right you’re not.’ Without meaning to, Felicity began to cry, and Camilla put her arms around her and hugged her awkwardly.

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I don’t know. I really don’t know,’ sobbed Felicity. After a few seconds the tears stopped. She sniffed, wiped her eyes and blotted at her running mascara with a tissue. ‘You won’t tell anyone in chambers, will you?’

  ‘Of course I won’t.’

  ‘It’s just - oh, God, it couldn’t come at a worse time.’ She shook her head. ‘Still, I’m not the first woman in the world it’s happened to. I’ve just got to sit down and think it through.’

  ‘If there’s anything I can do—’ Camilla stopped, helpless. Of course, there was nothing she could do, except offer a shoulder to cry on. Felicity had to make her decisions on her own.

  Felicity gave a watery smile. ‘Yeah, thanks. I’d better be getting back.’ And she slipped out. A few moments later, as Camilla was making her way back to her room, Henry called over to her, ‘That was Freshfields on the phone. They were so impressed by the job you did for them in June that they thought you might like a three-week jaunt to Bermuda.’

  ‘Three weeks!’ Camilla looked astonished. ‘What on earth for?’

  ‘They want you to attend some long hearing they’ve got starting out there. I told Jane Rice you’d ring her back.’

  ‘Right. I’ll go and do it. When do they want me to go?’

  ‘Next Monday. Don’t worry. Apart from two things that I can move around, your diary’s free.’

  Camilla hurried back upstairs to her room. Three weeks in Bermuda. Not bad. And the fact that Freshfields liked her was a good sign. Passing Anthony’s room, she knocked and put her head round. Anthony was busy arranging books on a shelf and smiled when he saw her.

  ‘Guess what?’ said Camilla, closing the door.

  ‘Surprise me.’

  ‘Freshfields want me to go to Bermuda for three weeks.’

  ‘Three weeks? When?’

  ‘Next week.’

  ‘You jet-setter.’ Anthony came over to her. ‘I’m going to miss you,’ he said and kissed her.

  ‘I thought you might regard it as a welcome break,’ replied Camilla, smiling and kissing him back. ‘Don’t you sometimes think we see too much of one other, working in the same chambers?’

  ‘I don’t think I could ever have too much of you. Why won’t you just move in with me and put the thing on a forty-eight-hour basis?’ It was something Anthony had first suggested a week ago and Camilla still wasn’t sure how she felt about the idea. She gave a little sigh.

  ‘Let’s not talk about that now, Anthony. I’m not in the mood.’

  ‘You never are.’

  ‘Look … I promise we’ll discuss it properly later.’

  ‘When later?’

  ‘Friday evening. Let’s go out to dinner and discuss it then.’

  ‘All right.’ He put his arms around her and kissed her properly.

  Leo came downstairs on his way out to a conference at 4 Essex Court. He paused outside Anthony’s door. He had thought long and hard about Joshua, and had come to the conclusion that it was beyond his dignity and energy to pursue someone so young, no matter how desirable. If Anthony was free to go out for a drink, maybe dinner, then his evening would be better spent. He knocked lightly and opened the door.

  Camilla was the first to see Leo. She pulled away from Anthony in embarrassment.

  ‘I apologise for interrupting,’ said Leo. His tone was lightly sardonic, but his face was unsmiling.

  Anthony coughed, moving away from Camilla and going round to his desk. ‘Not at all,’ he replied.

  Leo was astonished by how deeply affected he had been by the sight of Anthony kissing Camilla. He knew how many girlfriends Anthony had had, including Sarah, but for some reason the reality of Anthony’s sexual intimacy with any woman had been, until this moment, non-existent. The pain it gave him was extraordinary.

  Immediately aware of a tension between the two men that lay beyond mere embarrassment, Cami
lla excused herself. She brushed past Leo and left. Outside on the landing she hesitated for a few seconds, bemused and annoyed, then went down to her room.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ murmured Anthony.

  ‘It’s I who should apologise,’ said Leo, his voice cold; he was still trying to come to terms with his own feelings, which seemed disproportionate to so trivial a matter.

  ‘I think you already have,’ responded Anthony, glancing at Leo with something like a challenge in his eyes and voice.

  He understood only too well what Leo felt, and it angered him. There was no justification. And yet he understood.

  After a pause of a few seconds Leo said, keeping his tone deliberately casual, ‘I wondered if you felt like a drink after work.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Anthony. ‘I’m seeing Camilla this evening.’

  Leo nodded. ‘Of course.’ He turned to go.

  ‘Maybe some other time?’ added Anthony.

  ‘Yes, maybe some other time.’

  The door closed. Anthony sighed and sat down slowly at his desk. A pattern seemed to be emerging where his relationships with other women and Leo were concerned. First there had been Julia, then Rachel, and now Camilla. Not that jealousy could explain what had happened with Rachel, after Leo had taken her away from him, knowing how in love with her Anthony had been. Leo had, after all, married her. But it seemed as though the friendship between himself and Leo could simply not flourish as long as Anthony was involved with any woman. The thing was ridiculous. Anthony stood up and turned to the window, thrusting his hands in his pockets. He saw Leo emerge below and watched him cross Caper Court on his way to his conference: he had waited at this same window just a few years ago in the simple hope of catching a glimpse of Leo, he had loved him so much. There had been a time when Anthony would have done anything for Leo. Almost anything. But that was the difference between them. He was not like Leo. He had never made love to a man in his life, had only once contemplated it … Where would he and Leo be now, if he had allowed that to happen? It didn’t bear thinking about. It hadn’t happened, and his emotional life now was bound up with Camilla. If Leo couldn’t handle that then it was Leo’s problem, and there was nothing Anthony could do about it.