by Holk, VM
"Well hot damn, it's been too long. You’re still as good looking as ever baby," Jaylah says. She comes up to me and I give her a big bear hug.
"Missed you too," I say as I kiss her cheek. Jaylah and I have always gotten along real well. "Hey come here, how're you doing?" I ask Anne. I hug her as soon as she gets to me.
"I've been better. But you being here, I feel a lot better."
"Well let's get on the road. We can talk in the car," Jaylah says.
Anne and I nod, and we all pile into the car.
We talk about dad and how he is doing, for most of the ride home. My mind keeps drifting to Izzy, damn I just can't help it. You would think being apart for eight years, I could keep her out of my mind. But being back in Michigan is only making it worse.
"I hope you don't mind if we drop you off at dads and leave right away." Anne says, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Hey no problem. I know it's been a long day for you. I will go to the hospital tomorrow and you can concentrate on moving. By the way, who is helping you?"
"Oh she has Wyatt to help her," Jaylah says. She winks at me from the rearview mirror.
"Okay, who is this Wyatt, guy?"
"He works with dad, he offered to help me."
"Mm hmm," Jaylah says with a smirk.
"What? Well he does," Anne replies as she turns to look out the side window and folds her arms across her chest.
I laugh, and shake my head. "Okay, I won't ask."
I'm glad that my sister is moving on from Kyle. Even though I always liked him, I don't like how things ended between them. I was always jealous of their relationship, I felt they had what I was suppose to have with Izzy. But I guess you never know what is going on behind closed doors.
Lost in my thoughts the rest of the ride, it surprised me that we were already pulling into dad's driveway. I grab my bag and we all get out of the car. I look at dad's brown brick, ranch house. Not much has changed from all the years he has lived here. He bought this shortly after my parents divorced. It has a long porch across the front, and a big picture window.
"I'm going to have a cigarette. I'll wait for you out here," Jaylah says to Anne. Anne nods as she walks up the path to the front door.
"It was great seeing you, Jay."
"Right back at ya."
I can her dad's dog, Lucy barking because she saw us. She is a Weimaraner, such beautiful hunting dogs. My dad has always had one, ever since I can remember. They are great family dogs, but they don't like to be left home alone.
"I hope she didn't destroy something," I say to Anne.
"Wyatt came over, he feed her and took her outside. She should be fine."
"Oh really?" I raise my eyebrow at Anne, and she looks away from me. I could have sworn she was blushing. Man she must really like this guy. I'll have to make sure I meet him before I leave.
As soon as Anne opens the door, Lucy runs out to us. She is so excited she doesn't know who to go to first. She runs past us both and goes out to greet Jaylah.
"You got her for a bit, Jay?" I ask.
"Sure," she yells back to me.
We both walk into the house and turn on some lights as we go. You walk right into the front room, which dad has some of his parent’s old furniture. This room was always for show, never used. Once through the front room, you walk into the kitchen, dining room and it opens into the large family room. To the right is the stairs to the basement and the door to the garage. To the left is the hallway to the two bedrooms and bathroom. Then at the end of the hall is the master bedroom with master bath.
Dad always had a room set up for me, so when I was there for the weekends, I had my own space. I always thought I was special when I was young. But once in high school, I felt it was a pain to be over there. I was selfish, now that I look back. But aren't all teenagers with a steady girlfriend and lots of friends.
Anne quickly walks me through the house, so I know where to find things.
I look at Anne, and can tell she is holding on by a thin string. I grab her as she starts to walk past and give her a hug.
"Hey, dad is going to be fine. You're going to be fine."
She puts her head on my shoulder and sighs, "Thanks."
I squeeze her tight and she pulls away from me. This has been quite the year for her, I can only imagine how she is feeling right now.
"Well I know you have lots to do, let’s get you home. You need to get some sleep before all your moving tomorrow. Where are dad's truck keys?"
She grabs them from the dish on the kitchen counter, "Here they are," she turns to me. "Thanks for getting here so fast, it means a lot to me and to dad."
"Of course."
I walk her to the door and as soon as she opens it, Lucy comes barreling past us. I watch to see her hop on the couch, which is obviously her spot. I turn back to Anne, she is already walking down the path towards the car.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Anne yells at me as she waves.
I nod and wave back to her. I watch them pull out of the driveway and then shut the door behind me.
I walk to the kitchen and look into the living room. "Well it's just you and me, Lucy." She lifts her head at me, but then goes back to sleep. "Not very lively company are you?" I smile to myself.
I walk over to the frig to see what dad has, in all the excitement I didn't eat anything. I pull out stuff to make a sandwich, grab a beer and some chips. Once I have that done, I sit next to Lucy on the couch and turn on the TV.
As I sit and eat, I mindlessly put a movie on. I don't really pay attention to what it is, my mind keeps thinking too much. Damn, this is why I hate coming back to Michigan. I always think about Izzy while I'm here. It's been eight years since I've seen her, and I will never forget that night.
Coming here always makes me wonder where my child is. Plus it's especially hard to see my nieces and not think of her. I don't even know if it was a girl, but that's always what I envision. She would be seven years old, my niece Katie's age. I know it's nobody fault but my own for not demanding to see her.
I never told a sole about Izzy being pregnant. So my family doesn't know about my child, and I guess they never will. They always wondered what happened to make me switch schools to Montana. But when they heard Izzy and I were no longer together, they thought that's why. I tried talking to her and she would never come to the phone. I sent her letters, only to never get a response. So eventually I gave up, and threw myself into school.
I get up to get another beer, wallowing in my current depression. I throw myself hard back into the couch, which stirs Lucy. As if knowing I need comfort, crawls into my lap as best as she can. Which is not so easy for a dog that weighs seventy pounds. I grab the remote, and surf through the channels. I know this is going to be a long night.
Chapter 3
I pull into the parking lot of the hospital and park the truck. I sit there for a minute, to calm myself. I haven't seen my dad in over a year and really only talk to him when Anne is with him. I not sure why are relationship is like this.
I finally get out of the truck and walk towards the front door of the hospital. Once inside, I see the lobby desk and walk to it.
"Good morning. How can I help you?" the grandmotherly woman behind the desk asks.
"Morning'. I'm looking for my dad, Tom Bowman."
She smiles and starts typing on the computer. Once she has found it, she nods to me. "Yes. Here he is, room 414. You need to take this hall to the end. Then take the elevators to the fourth floor. Once out of the elevators, turn right and you will find your father."
"Thank you."
I start walking down the large hall to the elevators. There is a gift shop to the right and next to it, is a small pharmacy. On the left is a coffee shop, which also sells baked goods. I decide to stop, get a coffee and something to eat.
Once I get my order, I think it might be a good idea to get something for dad. I walk over to the gift shop and pick out some magazines for him to read. I also pick up some su
gar-free candies for him as well.
Once I leave the gift shop, I feel better that I'm not going empty handed. I walk to the elevator and hit the arrow to go up. The doors open and I step inside, then hit the four. This is crazy that I'm actually nervous to see my dad.
We don't spend a lot of time alone, even when I do come home. Last time was for Christmas, and shit it wasn't even last Christmas. I stayed with mom and came to dinner at Anne's house.
It's not either of our faults, for some reason we drifted apart. He was always at all my baseball and football games, cheering the loudest. We would go fishing in the summers and hunting in the fall.
It all goes back to that summer, now that I think of it. I reverted into myself and ran away to Montana. It's my fault and I never wanted to admit to it. I shut myself off from the people that love me.
The doors open and I step into the hall and turn to the right. I look on the wall to find my dad's room number. Once I find it, I stand just outside the door. I take a deep breath and walk in.
I look over to the bed and see that dad is sleeping. I walk quietly over to the table and set my stuff down. I move the chair to the side of the bed and sit in it. I sit there for a while, watching him breath. Watching his chest go up and down, is almost hypnotizing.
I shake myself, grab a magazine and flip through it. I wonder how different my life would be right now. I should have grabbed Izzy and taken her away with me. But then she didn't want me, which has come clear through the years.
I look up to see dad staring at me. I smile at him and scoot my chair closer to the bed.
"Hi, dad."
"Am I dying?" he laughs a little, then winces with the pain from it.
"No you’re not." I laugh with him. "I'd ask how you're doing, but I already know."
"Yeah, I've been better. It's great to see you Jack. I miss you son."
I see tears in his eyes as he is talking. Damn, I've never wanted to hurt him. I need to stop running from my past. I will lose out on so much if I keep doing what I'm doing. What would've happened if dad died?
I grab his hand, "I've missed you too. You know, there are better ways to get me to come see you." We both laugh, and he winces again. "Sorry I didn't mean to make you laugh."
Hey waves off my apology and smiles at me. I watch as his eyes grow heavy and he drifts off to sleep. I sit sipping my coffee and looking through another magazine. After about an hour of this, and watching people walk past in the hall way. I decide to stretch my legs and give Anne a call with an update.
I stand up and a nurse walks in.
"Hi. I'm Mr. Bowman's nurse, Kelly."
"Hi. I'm his son, Jack. I was just going to go stretch my legs for a bit and call my sister."
"I'll let him know if he wakes up," she says with a smile.
"Thanks."
I grab my phone out of my pocket and look up Anne's number. As I step out of dad's room I walk right into a woman.
"Oh god. I am so...." I trail of as I look up to see, "Izzy?" I almost whisper to myself. She was more beautiful than I remembered. She had such beautiful green eyes, and red hair. My hand itched to reach out and touch her.
She looks into my eyes, and I see mixed feelings. "Jack. How are you?"
I look to her side and see a young girl holding her hand. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Could it be? Is she mine? She looks about seven years old.
I look back to Izzy. But before I can say a word, the little girl’s eyes get big and she yells, "Daddy."
I turn to watch her run behind me and into the arms of a man. I watch them both walk up to us.
"Hey, Izzy," he smiles and kisses her on the cheek. He then turns to me and extends his hand. "Hi, I'm John."
I take his hand, "Hi. I'm Jack."
He turns back to Izzy, "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute."
"Sure. Can you give me a minute," she smiles back at him. He nods and takes the girls hand. They walk down the hall and wait for Izzy.
She turns back to me, "What are you doing back in town?"
I point back to my dad's room, "My dad had a heart attack. So I came home, to help."
"Well I hope his recovery's fast. It was nice to see you."
"You too."
I watch as she turns and walks toward John and the girl. I can't stop staring at her and wondering. I can't move from my spot, as I watch them all walk down the hall, and turn the corner out of my site.
I lean my back up against the wall to steady myself. This is why I haven't come home. Of all the places to run into Izzy.
I almost wanted to faint when I say Jack looking at me. I had come to terms that I would never see him again.
I was walking Liz to her dad, so I could start my shift. I'm an ICU nurse, and he is a doctor. John saved me from a most definitely awkward conversation. I haven't seen Jack for eight years, or even heard from him.
Oh sure, I've heard things about him from people in town. But that was becoming less frequent, because I heard that he doesn't come home very often anymore. I figured it's because he met someone and his life is there.
And why shouldn't he have moved on. He never looked back when I told him I was pregnant. Back then I had heard from a friend, that he switched schools to go to Montana. I waited for him to call or write to explain to me what was going on. But I never heard a word from him.
Why did I have to run into him after all these years? Why did one look at him stir so many old feelings?
I find myself back in dad's room, in the bathroom splashing water on my face. I lean my arms on the sink to steady myself, as I look at myself in the mirror. What the hell am I going to do? That has to be my daughter. Now that I've seen her, can I just walk away? Do I disrupt her life for my selfish reasons? But she is mine.
I hear dad call my name from his bed, I calm myself as best as I can. I walk to his bedside and smile at him.
"Feel a little better?"
"Yeah. Sit and talk to me."
"Okay dad."
Chapter 4
It was a long night of tossing and turning. Poor Lucy didn't know what to make of the whole thing. She has always slept with my dad, and there is no telling a weim that they can't.
I shuffle down the hall into the kitchen to make some coffee. I grab the phone off the wall to call Anne and make sure she is meeting me at the hospital. The doctor is supposed to come check dad today and let us know what the plan is.
Once I hang up the phone, I make a cup of coffee. I realize that Lucy has been sitting there staring at me to be fed. I laugh to myself and get her food. Once she is done I let her outside, while I take a shower. It's good that dad fenced in an area for her to run. And being that she will be left home for a long time today, she needs the excercise.
As I step onto the elevator, I keep replaying the encounter with Izzy. I look around as I step into the hall to dad's room. Maybe I will run into her again today, maybe I will see my daughter. My daughter, such a strange thing to actually think. All of these years I wondered, was it a boy or a girl. I always pictured a little girl in a cute dress with pigtails.
I reach dad's room and hear voices inside. Once I walk in, I see a tall man, with hair that reaches his collar and a couple day beard. Standing next to him is Anne.
"Good Morning," I say to everyone in the room. I walk to the other side of dad's bed and smile down at him.
"Hi, son. How was my Lucy for you last night?"
I chuckle, "She was great."
"Ah, Jack?" Anne says as a question.
"Yeah?"
"Um, I wanted to introduce you to my friend Wyatt." She points to the man next to her and he extends his hand to me. "Wyatt this is my baby brother, Jack. Wyatt works with dad."
I take his hand and shake it. "It's nice to meet you Wyatt. And thanks for all the help you have done for us."
"No problem."
I grab a chair and sit next to the bed. Wyatt grabs two more chairs for them and they sit on the other side of the bed. The conversatio
n is pretty much between all of them. I listen vaguely and shake or nod my head every once in a while. I watch to see how Anne and Wyatt look at each other. Damn she never looked at Kyle like that, that I can remember. It's nice to see my sister so happy.
I wish I could have that with someone. I've dated a few woman through the years, and I actually was getting really serious with Sarah. I thought I could finally move on with her, but she decided she wasn't ready to get married. The thing is I hadn't even asked her yet, we were just talking about moving in together. I found out later on that she was fucking around behind my back, so I guess it saved me some heartache.
"Jack?" Anne says to me. They must have asked me a question, I've obviously not heard.
"Hmm, what?"
They all chuckle at me, "I asked if you knew how long you were staying?"
"Oh sorry, I'm staying a week for sure. But I can stay longer if dad needs me. My boss told me to take all the time I need."
"That's great. Thank god you were able to come."
I nod my head and smile at her. Before we can talk anymore, the doctor walks in. I sit and listen to everything the doctor has to say. They don't feel that he needs to have another surgery, which is good news. They want to keep him for a few more days, to monitor him. But dad has to go on a better diet and take it easy for a while. Which means not going into work, which will be the hard one.
My dad owns his own auto repair shop, and he loves what he does. I never like getting my hands greasy, working on cars. I always felt bad, that we didn't have that bond in our relationship.
But we talked a lot yesterday, and I feel that things could get better between us. The doctor does a quick examine of dad and his dressing from surgery. Once the doctor is done and leaves the room, you can see the exhaustion on his face.
I look over at Anne, "Hey, why don't we let dad rest and go get something to eat."
She looks over at Wyatt, and he nods. "That sounds great. See you later dad." She walks over and give dad a kiss on the cheek.
