Masked Definitions

by A. E. Murphy

  “Of course,” Ross states blankly and at the next roundabout he turns the car around. “Shall I call ahead?”

  “No. Most definitely not.”

  He only nods, his lips a white line.

  I don’t have the emotional capacity to care that I’m putting him on the spot right now.

  Lockhart: Think about it. You have until Tuesday to respond.

  I ignore the message and stare at my knees.

  Elijah lied. He lied.

  “Motherfucker!” I yell and punch the door with the side of my fist. “I am fucking done… DONE!”

  Ross keeps his eyes on the road but I see in the mirror his lip vanishing behind his teeth.

  It’s then another thought comes to mind. “You do know where he is, don’t you?”

  “I suppose you’d like me to call around my crew and find out?”

  “If possible,” I grumble, feeling a bit embarrassed.

  “Well, I’m probably going to lose my job anyway.”

  Cringing, I drop my phone into my bag and lean forward so my head pokes between the front seats. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” This time he smiles warmly. “This is the most fun I’ve had in weeks.”

  “That’s just sad,” I comment and sit back. His answering chuckle makes me smile, though only slightly.

  The entire way to Elijah I contemplate turning back. A huge part of me is telling me that whatever he has to say is nothing that I want to hear. The more determined part of me, though small in comparison to my fear, is telling me that if I don’t go, I’ll always wonder. An even bigger part of me is just telling me to run from this drama and find happiness elsewhere.

  “This is where he is?” I ask. My eyes cast a wary glare at the tall building ahead of me. I knew Elijah owned clubs but I didn’t know that he owned a sports equipment store too. Maybe I should buy a bat on my way in and use it on his fat fucking head.

  Okay, calm. Breathe. Calm. Just calm.

  “It is,” Ross assures me and leads me to the entrance.

  I let out a heavy exhale and make my way to the large double doors. According to Ross, there are a few offices above the store that are rented out. Elijah’s is on the fourth floor; it’ll say Executive on the door. Now I just need to make my way up there without being seen because I don’t want to give Elijah any chance to prepare a story or to hide anything from me. That’s how little I trust him.

  Easier said than done.

  Or so I thought.

  As I cut across the store and head straight for the elevator, nobody seems to pay me any mind. I’m just an invisible girl with my hair in a ponytail, my body hidden under a thick, man’s jumper that smells faintly of lemon-scented perfume. I spritzed myself before I came, purely because my scent is one of the things that Elijah delights in.

  My body shakes like a fucking vibrator as the elevator ascends, leaving Ross on the ground floor. He tried to follow but I’ve led him far enough down the rabbit hole as it is.

  I want to turn back. More than anything, I want to turn back. Is it truly that important that he lied? He’s offering me a chance to make something of myself. I wouldn’t even be seeing him for a while anyway.

  I can’t cope with this.

  The doors open and I step into a wide hallway. Three doors greet me but it’s the one at the end that I’m drawn to the most. As Ross stated, the word ‘Executive’ is on a golden plaque on the heavy wooden door.

  My hand grips the handle but then releases it as if burned.

  No. If I’m going in there, I’m going in there with confidence, not as some poor broken girl without a fucking clue.

  I’m Enna… I’m Olivia… I deserve respect no matter my name.

  Pulling the jumper up and over my head, I smooth the white vest top down and tug up my waist high, skinny jeans. My fingers pull away the hair bobble and my hair spills in thick, heavy waves past my shoulders.

  Now, with a renewed determination, I push open the door and I don’t even care that I’m greeted by multiple sets of eyes. All of them are male.

  “Olivia.” Elijah looks as surprised to see me as the rest of them. “What on earth are you doing here?”

  His security guard, one I haven’t met yet, comes to my side but Elijah shakes his head and motions for him to leave.

  “You lied,” I say, ignoring the multiple eyes. Elijah seems confused so I quickly add, “About the club.”

  “You called him?” His eyes darken and he gives me no time to respond. “No, he called you.”

  “I believed you.”

  He stands and glances around the room. “We should talk. Privately. I’m almost done here.”

  My head shakes from side to side. “No. I have my answer.”

  “Liv…”

  “No, don’t call me that. You sound just like him.”

  He rests his hands on the table and stares at me until one of the men clears their throat. “I apologise for the interruption but this can’t wait.” As if a fire alarm sounded, all men are up and fleeing the room within seconds. Some of them grumble with irritation but I don’t care.

  “You too,” Elijah orders his guard, who tries to return to the room. “Remain out there.”

  When the door closes, I focus on the cream walls and large mahogany table. An air conditioning unit in the corner blows cool air at us.

  “I’m selling it,” he tells me immediately and rounds the table. I take a step back when he tries to step into my space. “The second I realised I was in love with you, I put it on the market. You have to believe me.”

  “I don’t care.” My eyes burn as he admits his lie. “I wouldn’t have cared, Elijah. Who am I to judge? I worked there. I don’t care that you owned it. I don’t care that you still own it.”

  “Then…”

  “I care that you lied.”

  “To spare you envy, paranoia and…”

  My finger points an inch from his nose. “Don’t you dare pin your lies on me, you manipulative bastard.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “The truth wouldn’t have hurt me!”

  He blows out a breath. “I… FUCK. You’re leaving me aren’t you?”

  Am I? “I don’t trust you.”

  “I didn’t mean… I don’t mean to hurt you.” He reaches for me again, but again I take a step back. The urge to wrap my arms around myself protectively is almost too much. “I love you. I just want you to be happy.”

  Fake laughter leaves me. “So you lied? Betrayed my trust? Tarnished the character of another man?”

  “Lockhart is an arse.”

  I roll my eyes. “Who’s the jealous one?”

  “Me,” he accepts, his sparkling eyes now angry. “I am, because the thought of you leaving me for someone kills me. It fucking kills me.”

  “There’s no relationship if there’s no trust.”

  “There’s no relationship when you leave me for a better man.”

  My mouth drops open. “How on earth you can be insecure is beyond me…”

  “Have you seen yourself? You’re every man’s dream. You’re sexy, you’re independent, you’re quiet in the sense that… well until today… you don’t cause a scene. You’re patient, generous, loving, kind and fuck if I don’t love it when you ask me stupid shit like how my day is or if I’m thirsty.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Because I know, in that moment that you ask, that I’m on your mind. Not because I’m paying you, not because you have to, but just because you care. You ask me stupid shit like are my feet cold and then you kick the blanket over them. My own mother never cared if my fucking feet got cold.” His fingers curl around my biceps to hold me in place. “I broke a promise, I broke your trust… but I… I didn’t want to lose you.”

  “You have a funny way of showing it,” I hiss, trying to tug my arms free, mostly out of fear that his touch will make me weak. It always makes me weak. “It’s all words with you.”

  “I’m learn
ing.” The backs of his fingers trace my jaw as the other hand keeps me in place. “I won’t lie to you again. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  “Did you show Lockhart and Enri my video?”

  He nods. “Yes.”

  I want to punch him in the nose. “Did you show anybody else?”

  “No.”

  My eyes narrow. “If you’re lying…”

  “I’m not.” His eyes scan mine before his face falls. “You don’t believe me.”

  “I don’t fucking trust you.”

  Stepping into me, his chin rests on top of my head as his arms close around my body. “Don’t leave me. Not over this…”

  “Then over what?”

  “Olivia…”

  “No.” I try to pull free. “I need… I need space to think.”

  “Space?”

  “I can’t do this.” I sniff. “I’m so confused.”

  “Let’s go home and eat or something. We don’t have to talk. Let’s just calm this down and…” His lips touch my temple. “I love you, Olivia. I’m not letting go so easy, not unless you don’t love me.”

  “How exactly do you love a lie?” I whisper and I know he hears me when he tenses. I use the moment to pull away.

  “What the fuck?” Max’s voice hisses from the doorway. Both mine and Elijah’s heads whip around. Neither of us heard him come in. Max grabs my arm and spins me to face him before I have the chance to register what the hell is happening. My entire body is trembling. “What’s going on, Olivia?” A tear falls from my eye as I stare at Elijah, my mouth hanging open. “Olivia…” Max looks to his brother. “What the fuck, Elijah?”

  “How did you get here, Max?” Elijah spits, his tone venomous as his eyes slice through me.

  “Are you sleeping with my wife?” Max’s eye twitches almost maniacally. I’ve never seen him so dishevelled.

  “Where is Stephen?” Elijah asks, his tone menacing.

  I spot red stains across Max’s hands and my mouth becomes dry. I couldn’t swallow even if I wanted to.

  “Oh my god.” I say quietly and turn towards the door, hoping to alert Ross… anybody.

  “No!” Max’s hand slams against the wood to stop it from opening. “Nobody is leaving this fucking room until I get answers.” I can see his other hand trembling and I know that he’s losing what little control he has over his temper. “Are you two having an affair?” The lock on the door clicks and then his hands bite into my arms. He shakes me roughly and screams, “Answer me!”

  “Don’t touch her like that!” Elijah shouts and shoves Max’s chest. His hands leave my arms and I use the moment to put distance and a chair between us.

  “Max… calm down.”

  “You have everything… you fucking have everything!” Max bellows and tears spill from his eyes. My heart breaks for him. I didn’t want him to feel this way. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. “You’ll not have my wife too.” He looks at me. “We’re going home.”

  “Max.”

  “She has a right to choose what she wants,” Elijah states, taking another step towards us both. “You can’t keep steamrolling her.”

  “MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!” Max’s voice is louder than I’ve ever heard it. “You stay away from my wife or I will fucking kill you.”

  Elijah blanches, surprised at his words and the menacing tone to them. “Olivia, call Ross.”

  “Liv, let’s go.”

  “If you think for one moment that she’s going anywhere with you…”

  I see a glint of silver and scream the second Max points it directly at Elijah’s face. The handle of the sharp, jagged-edged blade is so heavily soaked in a dark brown, I can only slightly see the beautiful gold patterns that stream around it. “If you think I won’t kill you, you’re wrong.”

  “Elijah,” I beg, tears now tumbling down my cheeks. “Please, stop.”

  “See, she doesn’t want you. Do you?” Max moves to my trembling form, keeping the blade and his eyes directed at the love of my life. “Do you, Liv?”

  “No.” I assure him and he sneers smugly at his older brother.

  “Don’t you dare!” Elijah threatens, keeping his hands high to show Max that he’s not a threat. “Don’t you dare be a martyr, Olivia.”

  “Shut up,” I snap, my teeth chattering. I’ve never felt so close to death as I do now.

  Elijah takes a step towards us both when Max’s blood stained hand grips my bicep. My hair whips around my face as I’m spun. A sharp point touches my neck as my tense back rests flat against Max’s chest.

  “Take another step and I’ll kill her and then myself,” Max snarls. I close my eyes, pushing tears down my cheeks. “You can’t have her. She doesn’t want you.”

  “Max,” I beg, gripping the wrist of the hand that wields the knife. “Don’t do this.”

  “Let’s put the knife down and talk. You’ve gotten this all wrong…” Elijah tries and fails as Max bellows.

  “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” The arm holding me to his chest tightens. I feel his spit hit my cheek with his yell. “I’ve been begging you… fucking begging you like a little fucking pussy for WEEKS to help me find her. You…” I’m dragged backwards. “You have led me on a wild goose chase.”

  “Look, maybe we should calmly discuss this.” Elijah takes a slow step towards us and all I see in my mind is him getting stabbed and dying. “I’m certain we can come to some sort of arrangement.” He reaches out a hand to me and my heart stops. Elijah is treading a very thin line.

  “Keep your hands off my wife,” Max hisses.

  “Haven’t you done enough?” I ask, imploring him to leave us alone, hoping he gets the message through my eyes. “Just stay away. The damage is done. There’s no coming back from this.”

  “Don’t fucking talk to him,” Max screeches and spittle flies from his mouth as he yanks me backwards and away from his brother. “Stop looking at each other!”

  “You’re hysterical.” Elijah holds up his hands, his eyes wary.

  “You can’t have her!”

  “I don’t want her. I just don’t want her to get hurt.”

  “Good, because she doesn’t want you! Do you, Liv?”

  I whimper a no, too scared to shake my head for fear of assisting the sharp edge of the blade, which is pressing against my neck.

  “She wants me. She’ll always want me,” he continues shouting. “Always. She’s mine. She’s not leaving me, not for you.”

  “You’re acting fucking insane,” Elijah shouts back and I really wish they’d both stop. This isn’t helping things. “Look at what you’re doing to the woman you claim to love!”

  “Keep pushing me and you’ll find out just how insane I can be.” With that, I’m grabbed and dragged again.

  “Max, stop this,” I say softly, my eyes closed, and I feel the knife loosen on my neck. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for hurting you so badly. So fucking sorry.” His chest deflates a little and the arm around me relieves some tension. “I’ve missed you. So much.”

  Though my voice breaks on that last sentence, it wasn’t a lie. As crazy as this man is, I’ve never known any different and he always held a large part of me.

  “Let’s just go home and leave Elijah to wallow. I’m done trying to make you jealous now.” I slowly turn in his arms, wincing when the jagged blade nicks the skin below my ear. My eyes open and find his, just as my arm is roughly yanked. I’m tugged away from my husband. His beautiful, childish eyes open wide with shock when he’s hit in the neck by Ross with some kind of Taser. Watching his body stiffen before falling to the ground with a thud is the most surreal experience.

  Ross manoeuvres him into metal handcuffs as I let out a sob and Elijah pulls me into his chest.

  “It’s okay, we’re safe…” Elijah soothes me and what feels like moments later I’m watching police men take away my screaming husband.

  The seconds tick by in a blur. I’m asked questions by numerous people. The n
ick on my neck is cleaned by Elijah. I count both Ross’ face and the other guard’s face, though the other guard looks a bit dazed and has blood trickling from his brow.

  I think the only time I speak is to tell him to go to the hospital.

  My stomach twists and turns with nausea.

  Elijah continues trying to talk to me… for what result I don’t know. I just… I feel lost. I feel as though my soul is a separate entity, trapped behind a window, watching the scene with a displaced feeling. It’s almost like watching a TV show that doesn’t hold its… my… interest.

  That was the scariest time of my life, not including when my mother was kidnapped. I need her more than ever right now.

  “So what happens next?” This is the first sentence that Elijah speaks that I actually tune into.

  “They won’t be releasing him from custody until he’s sentenced. He’s too much of a flight risk.” This is his solicitor’s response. “His solicitor will tell him to plea insanity, especially since he’s been cutting himself so deeply.” Cutting himself? My mind recalls the blood stained hands. Stephen must be okay.

  “Good,” I say softly and walk to the window. We’re back at Elijah’s humongous house. I don’t remember coming here. I’m not sure if I even want to be here.

  Like a dramatic movie scene, the rain hits the window with such a heavy downpour I’m surprised to see the ground outside isn’t flooded. Like a moth to the flame, it draws me close. I turn and leave the room, then the hall and then finally I step outside and leave the garden.

  The heavy droplets hammer against my bare arms and hair. The cold seeps into my skin, only making me feel more numb than before.

  “OLIVIA!” Elijah yells, his voice carrying over the sound of the car wheels splashing through puddles as they drive along the busy street. “Wait…”

  My feet stop when his hand grips my shoulder and, with my permission, it helps me turn. I count the rain as it drips from his long lashes, shadowing icy eyes that swim with concern. His white shirt immediately clings to him and turns translucent, making the skin it clings to seem pink in contrast to the caramel colour I know it to be.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To my mum’s,” I respond honestly and his hand falls from my shoulder.