“Right. I’ll miss it here though,” Tia admitted.
“Here? Or that guy?”
Was there really a difference? “Jack was- I don’t know- I can’t explain it. He wasn’t like anyone else I’ve met. I- it felt really- right.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “You don’t have the best track record with guys that were ever right, whether they felt that way or not. Give it a few weeks. You’ll forget all about him. He sounds like a total asshole. Gets you fired from a good job then refuses to even talk about you getting a new one. He seems like a real pig.”
Tia kept her eyes focused on the box in front of her so she wouldn’t say something she regretted. She didn’t want her sister to see her face either, because then Kate would really set in, trying to prove that she was right. When she wasn’t. Jack wasn’t a pig and she wasn’t going to forget about him. She was going for a job and she’d keep her focus on that.
She already knew she wasn’t going to just up and meet someone else. There was no one like Jack and he was the one she wanted. If she couldn’t have him, she was fine being by herself.
She was in no shape to be with anyone anyway, family included. Even if it meant spending the holidays alone for the first time in her life.
Chapter 23
JACK
There was a time in his life, when solitude was all he craved. He used to wonder what it would be like to be safe enough to enjoy the serenity of silence. As a child, and later, as a teen and even as an adult, he used to watch people rush by on the streets of Detroit. Mothers holding children’s hands, lovers walking arm in arm, businessmen with briefcases and phones to their ears. Everyone seemed like they were in such a hurry. He’d promised himself that if he ever had the means to create a life where he could just stop and pause, he’d enjoy it.
The silence he’d once craved had turned against him. Now, the quiet in his house was oppressive. The minutes and hours dragged on, never ending, filled with a horrible nothingness.
Jack didn’t even recognize himself. He still looked the same on the exterior, but inside, he wasn’t the same man. How was it possible to meet someone and have them turn you inside out? How had Tia managed to upend his world so completely? She’d taken everything he knew about himself and turned him into a… into a man who actually felt something.
He’d always viewed emotion as a weakness and weakness could get a person killed. He’d kept himself hard, on the inside and the outside. He’d kept himself distant to protect himself. Obviously he’d been right. Look at what happened when he allowed chinks in the armor.
Part of him wished he could have fought for her. He’d spent the past week going over and over that final night in his head. Could he have said something different? The answer, every single time, was no. He couldn’t have. Maybe if Tia knew who he really was. Maybe if she knew about his past. But she didn’t. They hadn’t even made it far enough for him to tell her. Not that he wanted to. There was a difference between trying a few dates and spending time with her to trusting her enough to let her into his past.
She’d probably look at him with shame and scorn and send him packing. He couldn’t stand seeing that look in her eyes. Disgust. Pity. Loathing. If he told her the truth, he’d turn himself into something wretched and nonredeemable in her eyes and he couldn’t stand that. She’d never forgive him.
But… but what if she did?
That, more than anything, was what Jack had been grappling with over the past week.
He was mature enough to know that he was the one who made his destiny. He’d never let himself be helpless in the hands of anyone else. He’d always taken charge and fixed things himself. He’d brought himself from nothing to something, built a life that if it wasn’t exactly honest, was at least something.
He hadn’t been happy, he realized, because he hadn’t let anyone in. He’d built a life alright, but what kind of a life was it when he lived it truly alone? When he’d been with Tia and let her in, just briefly, that fraction was far more beautiful than he ever imagined it could be.
Finally, after a week of asking himself questions he couldn’t answer, Jack did the only thing he could think of.
Went for a ride.
There had never been a single time in his life when a ride hadn’t fixed just about everything. Or at least given him the clarity he was searching for.
Of course, though he hadn’t meant to, he traced the familiar route right to Tia’s front door.
He parked his bike and stared at the house. Tia’s car wasn’t in the driveway. She had no garage, so it couldn’t be inside. She was either out, or she was gone.
Jack’s eyes widened when the front door opened and a woman stepped out. At first he thought it was Tia, and his heart did a ridiculously wild leap. It sunk nearly to the pit of his stomach, when he realized it wasn’t her. The woman just looked like her.
She stood on the porch, staring at him, hands on her slim hips. She was just as tall as Tia and had the same features, the same dark hair and slender build. Her sister, he realized. It had to be.
Since driving away would have made him look like a fool, he got off his bike, helmet in hand, and sauntered up to the doorstep where the woman watched him. She had sharper, shrewder eyes. She took in every move. She wasn’t afraid to give him a once-over either, her gaze cold and unwelcoming.
“Let me guess. You’re Jack.” She said his name like the word left a foul taste in her mouth.
He shrugged. “And you’re…”
“Tia’s sister.” The woman confirmed his suspicions without giving away anything at all. “If you’ve come looking for her, you’re way too late. As in days too late. She left yesterday morning. The shipping company came and picked up all her boxes the day before that. I’m just here because I’m showing the house tonight to renters. So, if you wouldn’t mind, you should have that bike out of here so you don’t scare people and give them the wrong impression.”
“What kind of impression would that be?” He kept his voice light and real humor played in his tone.
Tia’s sister impaled him with a sharp look. “You know. The wrong one. Bad ones. You obviously did my sister a favor by dropping her. She’s been through enough shit in her lifetime, all due to assholes like yourself. She didn’t need to go through it again. This job came at exactly the right time. I’m glad you had enough balls to let her go pursue her dreams.”
Jack slowly grinned. There was something about Tia’s sister that he liked. She was a spitfire, a woman who could hold her own, a woman who had no fear standing up to the likes of him. He liked her spirit. It reminded him a hell of a lot of Tia, even if she didn’t really know it was there.
“And I suppose that you won’t give me her forwarding address?” He gripped the helmet just a little bit tighter.
Of course, Tia’s sister shook her head. “Hell no. You’ve caused her enough trouble. You let her go. Have the courage to follow through with that. If you can.” She raised a brow in challenge, exactly like Tia used to do.
“And what if letting her go was a mistake?”
“Then you realized it too late. She’s better off without you. In case I haven’t made that clear. She dodged a bullet. Don’t try and find her and shoot again.”
“I would protect her with my life.” The vehement proclamation took them both by surprise. Tia’s sister’s eyes widened just a little and he felt his stomach hollow out.
“Well then- you should- you should know that this is the right thing for her. She’s already gone. She’s already made her decision.”
“She asked me if I’d be willing to relocate. I might have had some time to think about that. I need to talk to her. I need to tell her- something she doesn’t know, and let her decide if she still wants me there. Will you please give me her address. Or point me in the right direction. Give me the name of the company she’s working for.”
There was a hesitance on Tia’s sister’s face that wasn’t there before. Her arms slowly uncrossed and she tossed a gla
nce behind him. He followed her gaze and watched a car, a blue sedan, park on the street behind him. A young couple slowly climbed out. They stared at him and paused, unsure. Their eyes flickered from him to the bike and back to the house.
“Thanks for showing me the place,” he said loudly. “Looked great. Exactly what I’m looking for. I’ll be in touch.”
Tia’s sister frowned, but decided to play his game. “Right. You have my number.” And then, because some part of her was obviously soft beneath that spitfire exterior, because some part of her loved her sister and shockingly enough, gave him the benefit of the doubt, she listed off the digits.
Jack didn’t need to write them down. There was no way he’d forget. He needed a lifeline and Tia’s sister was exactly that. His way to reach Tia.
He might have thought he was destined to spend his life alone. There was a time when he believed that. He knew now, that he was wrong. Hardening himself off wasn’t the way to protect himself. It wasn’t a way to make himself strong. It was nothing but a weakness and he knew that weakness could ruin his life.
Chapter 24
TIA
The one major downfall of city living was that it left Tia completely unprepared to provide for herself in a rural setting.
The log cabin, she discovered, owned by the president of the company and her getaway for the next week, came with running water and indoor plumbing, but didn’t have a furnace. Which meant that she had to go out and actually chop wood to heat the place.
Considering it was Christmas and that meant it was freaking freezing in Minnesota, and there didn’t seem to be a soul around for miles, she’d figured out how to use the ax real fast.
Tia, bundled up in a brand new wool jacket and wearing her thickest pair of jeans and a pair of brand new boots, emerged from the house. She’d used up the last of the wood she’d chopped and though it was snowing and the wind was frigid and she wasn’t used to such breathtakingly cold temperatures, there wasn’t anything she could do, but go out and brave the cold.
Her sister’s warnings about the winter actually brought a smile to Tia’s face. She exhaled and watched her breath cloud around her face and spiral upwards, stolen away by the wind whipping through the clearing.
The cabin was remote, in the middle of a heavily wooded area where other people built their escapes from reality and their dream vacation homes, but so many trees had been cleared to make way for the structure that there was little escape from the wind, which seemed to howl constantly.
The first thing she’d done on arriving in Minnesota was purchase her winter gear. It felt strange, buying the heavy clothing. She didn’t like the clumpy boots, but at the moment, as she trekked across at least a foot of fresh snow, she was thankful for them.
Her new company was nice enough to get her settled and transport her belongings, but they’d also lent her a company truck to even get to the cabin. Tia wasn’t good with directions and she’d been elated when she actually found the place.
She’d just picked up the ax and was tackling just one of the freshly cut stumps left for her, when the wind brought a sound that was foreign to her. It sounded like tires crunching on snow. She froze, her hand holding the ax like a weapon rather than a survival tool. For a girl from Florida, she’d learned how to wield it real fast.
She watched as a white pickup truck came into view. The windows on the back were tinted and the plates on the front announced that it was a rental. She strained to see who was there. Someone from the company checking up on her, making sure she was still alive? A neighbor? Someone who got lost and came for directions?
Her heart pounded madly in her chest while adrenaline coursed through her veins. The ax felt heavy in her hand and she was glad for the weight of it, even if chances were slim that she’d actually end up using it. I would never use it on someone. She wanted to laugh at the thought. She wasn’t capable of violence, but she was sure it would be a good deterrent if whoever was there meant her harm.
The door opened and a tall, broad, familiar figure stepped out. He had on the token red plaid coat and boots just as big as hers. A black toque was pulled down low over his forehead, so that it nearly touched his eyebrows.
The ax slid from her fingers, dropping right onto her foot. She winced, though it didn’t really hurt. It turned out the boots were a very good investment. If they weren’t so thick she might be minus a few toes at the moment.
“Jack?” She squeezed his name through her clenched up throat. Her breath spiraled upwards, exactly the same way his did, proving that he was indeed real and not a figment of her imagination. Was cabin fever really a thing? She’d only been alone for three days, but…
He nodded, shut the truck door with a slam, and closed the distance in a few easy strides.
Tia finally regained some of her composure. She slammed her mouth shut and inhaled sharply. The cold air burned down her nose and throat. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
He frowned, but his lips turned up in a wry smile. “Not quite the greeting I was hoping for.”
“What did you expect, showing up here out of nowhere? Why- uh- why are you even here?” Even though she hated herself for it, hope danced in her chest and her heart kicked up another wild notch.
Jack swallowed audibly. “Well… I did some soul searching and I decided only the worst kind of bastard would let you spend Christmas alone.”
Her mouth dropped open. How fucking typical. “You aren’t going to tell me you came all this way for a bootie call?”
“No. No, that’s not what I’m telling you. Honestly, I was hoping we could talk.”
“Talk?” Tia frowned. That sliver of hope turned into a full on burst in her chest. “You couldn’t have just used the phone?”
“Not for this. And your cell is off.”
“Right. I can’t get reception here.”
“And this couldn’t wait. I think I’ve wasted enough time already.”
Tia knew she should probably say no. She shouldn’t trust Jack again or let him close again, not after he said that what they’d already done meant nothing to him. She shouldn’t, but sometimes people said things they didn’t mean. Sometimes they lied to save themselves from a world of hurt. Sometimes, the heat of the minute wasn’t best to judge people by.
“Alright,” Tia said slowly. “We can talk. On one condition.”
“Name it,” Jack said automatically.
“That you chop enough wood to last me for the rest of the week.” Me. Not us. She said it deliberately, sending him the message loud and clear. She might hear what he had to say, but she didn’t have to let him in again.
He nodded. When he shifted, Tia took a step back, unwilling and unable to have him stand so close to her. God, she could smell his aftershave as the wind blew. That and the familiar scent that she knew was just him, all masculine and raw and tangy. It vied with the piney scent of the woods around them and the clean, crisp air. She liked the scent of Jack more.
He hefted the ax like it weighed nothing at all, put the log on the block and swung viciously, splitting it effortlessly.
Tia turned and headed back to the cabin. She’d put on a pot of coffee and sit down and wait. She’d try and breathe, one breath after another, in hopes that the knots tying her insides up would dissolve.
She’d compose herself and get her head on straight, since the only thought running through her brain was one she didn’t like.
Why the hell didn’t Jack come three days sooner? At the very least, she’d have a hell of a lot more wood chopped.
Chapter 25
JACK
He had one chance and there was no way he was going to blow it. Opening up, though, was easier said than done.
His boots were drying off in the entrance, his jacket hung on a peg. The cabin was rustic and still smelled like the forest it had been hewn from. The place was basically a huge open room with a wood stove, a tiny kitchen area, two couches and a small TV mounted on the log wall. He assumed there was no c
able or internet access, since his phone didn’t have reception and a DVD player mounted below with a shelf of DVDs, confirmed his suspicions.
The bedroom and bathroom were probably behind the two closed doors, though he didn’t ask. It didn’t stop him from wondering what the bed looked like. Or imagining Tia in it. With him. Under him. On top of him. Any way with him.
He ground his teeth together hard and took a shaky breath. He told himself to behave. There was a hell of a lot to wade through before they got to that part. If they got to that part.
Tia handed up a steaming cup of black coffee, which he accepted gratefully. It had been one hell of a drive and not only was he tired, he was chilled from being outside. He’d worked up a sweat cutting wood, which had pretty much froze through the too thin plaid jacket.
“Thanks.”
“Uh- you’re welcome.”
Tia sat on the opposite couch, mug in hand. She clung to it, her knuckles white, like the thing was a lifeline to keep her safe from him. Or maybe she just really wanted to hear what he had to say and she was as nervous as he was.
“I- I’ve done a lot of thinking.” He decided the best way to come out with all the things he never thought he’d tell anyone, was just to say them. “I- I know you think that I’m this person. But- I guess, part of me is. There is this other part though…”
Tia frowned. She still looked so incredibly beautiful doing it. She was just as sexy in a pair of sweats and a huge gray pullover as she was in that red dress he’d first seen her wearing at the Christmas party. Her hair was uncombed and knotted where it had rubbed on the collar of her jacket. The top was flattened from the toque she had on when he’d pulled up. She was glorious just like that.
“You mean, you have a past?”
Damn, she caught on fast. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I- I’ve done things- that were- uh- well- okay. I’m just going to start from the beginning. I- my mom- she wasn’t…” he ran a hand through his hair. Fuck. This was so much harder than he thought it was going to be.
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