“Jack- I- I don’t care about all of that. You can tell me now or you can tell me later, when you trust me more. I understand.”
His chest nearly caved in, half with relief and half with some unnamed emotion he didn’t understand. He didn’t deserve Tia or her kindness. He’d spend a lifetime trying to be worthy of her.
“No- I wanted to. It’s just- it’s hard to say those things. All the things I never wanted people to know because it makes me feel ashamed. My mother wasn’t the best kind of mother. She did things that- well… we lived on the streets when I was a kid. Bounced from shelter to shelter. Sometimes we ate. Sometimes we didn’t. She was on and off drugs. Went with men who- well… you know. Eventually when she passed, I- I was used to taking care of myself. I went to school on and off. I- well, I stopped that when I found a place to stay, permanently.”
“You mean like a foster home?”
“Not exactly.” He stared at his mug. “More like- well- a club. For guys who have nowhere else to go.
Some of the guys there were good shit. Just looking for a place that was safe. Somewhere to call home. Somewhere that didn’t make them feel helpless. Eventually I got out. Came here. Where it was warm.”
“You mean Florida?”
“Yeah.” He looked up and found Tia studying him. He expected to see anger and judgment in her eyes, but instead there was a soft glow of understanding. “I- I grew up in Detroit. It was fucking rough, let me tell you. That club I was a part of- it was the easiest time of my life. I was too good at it. People trusted me easily. I guess I don’t look like a bad guy.”
“No. You don’t. Because you aren’t.”
“I… you don’t know that, Tia.”
She nodded. “Yes. I do.” She set her mug down on the coffee table. “I do know it. So- when did you get your GED and go to college?”
“Uh…” Jack hesitated. “That’s the thing. My papers, they aren’t exactly legit.”
Tia’s mouth dropped open. “What? Like you mean, you faked them?”
“Not me. Someone who does that kind of thing. I didn’t want to cheat, I just needed a way to- support myself. I had no formal education. I don’t even have a GED. I wasn’t going to get anywhere fast, unless it meant living a life that wasn’t legit. I’d done that for long enough. I thought I’d try something else.”
“Something else?” Tia’s mouth dropped open. “This… this has to do with those guys who came into your office that day, doesn’t it? You have a criminal past? That’s what you’re telling me? The kind of past where you can get a fake ID easily? The kind of past where you made some money doing some things that weren’t on the right side of the law with some bad people?”
“Yes,” Jack admitted, even though he didn’t want to. He had to come totally clean, lay it all out there, and hope that by some miracle, she chose to stick around. “Yes, I have a past that I’m not too proud of. The kind of past where I did bad things with bad people. I didn’t grow up dreaming of being that kind of person and leading that kind of life. It just- circumstances kind of just lead a person into it. I’m certainly not innocent in it. That’s not what I’m trying to say. Look. I can’t explain everything to you tonight. It’s the kind of thing that I don’t talk about. Never. Not with anyone. For my safety, but more for theirs.”
Which was exactly the wrong thing to say, because Tia’s eyes got even wider with panic. Her lips parted and she sucked in little raspy breaths. “What are you saying? That we’re in danger? From those men? Were those men from your past? Are you still involved with that- that gang?”
“No,” Jack did his best to assure her. “No, I’m not involved with them.”
“They don’t look like the kind of people who take no for an answer.”
“Yeah, well, here’s the thing. I have some clout over them. They look like guys you shouldn’t mess with and they aren’t, but I wasn’t either. They know I’m no rat, but I know things about them that they don’t want exposed. Their new Prez and their new club doesn’t want that kind of attention. They came to me because they thought they could strong arm me back into the lifestyle. I’d make a good recruit for their club because I know what I’m doing. I know my way around the lifestyle and I’m smarter than ninety percent of what I’m sure they’re recruiting currently. Really, I just don’t think they could resist being fucking dicks and intimidating me. They were brothers once and we had a code. Brothers don’t kill brothers. We’re not technically brothers anymore, but they have to respect that I got out of the lifestyle when I did. It’s a fucked up code. They tried to drag me back into it and failed. I don’t think they liked the message I gave them last time. Their Prez, who they have to be loyal to if they want to stay on the right side of the dirt, probably told them to drop it. I haven’t heard from them since.”
“Doesn’t mean you won’t.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Jack agreed. “But I want you to trust me when I say that I can deal with them. I have in the past and I will if the problem crops up again. They aren’t the kind of men, rough as they are, who are going to do me down in the middle of the night just for refusing. That’s bad taste and for them, the brotherhood is everything. It’s the only thing that keeps them going, their fucked up version of belonging and family. I got out. I know they don’t want to, but they’re going to have to respect that. Like I said, unless they want to wind up on the wrong side of their club and their Prez, they’ll leave me alone. They don’t need the kind of attention I promised that I’d bring them.”
“How- how can you not be scared about all of that? How do I know that I don’t have to- to be afraid? Not just for me, but for you?”
Jack’s gut clenched into a hard knot and the look on his face must have told Tia that he was absolutely dead certain about his next words. “Those guys know not to mess with what’s mine. They’ve seen what I can do and what I’d be capable of doing in the future. They want to deal their drugs and their guns and- and all that other stuff in peace. Their beef is with other clubs and the law. They don’t need to get on the wrong side of me. They might threaten, but it’s like a kid having a temper tantrum. They know if they ever come after what’s mine, I’ll tear them to shreds.”
Tia’s eyes widened and Jack cursed himself for being so crass. He was seriously doing a fine job of digging himself in deeper.
“Look. I want you to understand, that’s over. It’s behind me. If it crops up again in the future, I’ll handle it the same way a parent handles a bratty kid gone wrong. I promise, they aren’t going to be a problem. You can trust me on that.”
Tia inhaled shakily. “How… how aren’t you afraid? I don’t understand that?”
Jack closed his eyes for a moment. He was damn glad that she didn’t hurl his words back in his face and tell him there was no way in hell she trusted him or ever would.
“Honestly, because I lived that life for so long. You just stop feeling fear the same way people do. The things I did, they disgust me, but I’ve learned to get on with my life. I can’t do anything to change it, but try and be better than what I was.”
She seemed to take him at his word. He watched the battle on her face, the part of her that wanted to tell him to take a hike and get out of her life warring with the part of her that wanted him to stay. He knew the second the latter won out and he nearly let out a cry of joy.
Tia offered a shaky smile, but to him, it was everything. He wondered how in the hell he’d ever been lucky enough to meet a woman who was as good as she was. Not only was she incredibly smart and beautiful, she had a heart big enough to swallow everything that he was telling her. She stood her ground. She didn’t run. She didn’t look at him like he disgusted her. No, she actually smiled, like with time, she could actually accept and move past what he’d just put out there.
“So you got a fake degree and a fake job? That’s being better? You got a legit job and you stuck with that and you worked hard and got promoted to lead a new department. Despite it all, you’re smart. Fake papers or not, where
you ended up was all you. People like you, Jack. But you don’t know what to do with that, do you?”
He slowly shook his head. “Not really.” He set his mug down beside Tia’s. “Not at all.”
“So you were never with anyone, because you thought if someone knew about you that- that they’d what? Turn you in? Report you?”
“No. Worse than that. I never let anyone get close, because I know what happens when people do. They have the ability to hurt you. I’ve- I spent most of the first half of my life at the mercy of other people. I never wanted to go back to that. I never wanted to give someone the chance to make me feel… weak.”
Tia’s brow scrunched up further and she stared at him like she could see straight through him. It should have made him feel hollow, but instead, strangely enough, a sense of warmth started in the pit of his stomach, like he’d downed that mug of coffee after all.
“And do I, Jack? Do I make you feel weak?”
“Yes,” he admitted in a strangled voice. “Yes, you do.”
“And is it so bad?”
Slowly he shook his head. He scrubbed a hand over his face. Tia’s eyes kept burning a hole right through him. “I thought it was, but like I said, I did a lot of thinking and I might have changed my mind. With you, it’s different. I came here to tell you about me, so that you’d know the truth. I couldn’t come here with you, I told you that it meant nothing, because I was trying to protect you from me. The person I used to be and the person I still am. I’ve spent a lot of years walling myself up and- and part of me still wants to. Part of me doesn’t want to let you in. Part of me keeps telling me that coming here and staying here is and would be a huge mistake.”
Tia stared at him in silence for a few long minutes. The silence was so thick it was oppressive, the kind of silence that could literally be sliced in half. She sighed and he knew it was all over. She was going to tell him to take a damn hike and get the hell out of her life. He was going to deserve every single scathing word. Instead, she shocked the hell out of him.
“Then I’ll have to do my best to convince that part of you that it should shut the hell up and let the part of you that wants to be here, win. You always said you weren’t a knight or a good guy, but I know that’s not true. To me, you’re my knight. You’re everything I want. And now that you’re here, there is no way that I’m going to let you go.”
Chapter 26
TIA
Jack stared at her like he didn’t quite believe her. His confused frown deepened when she stood and walked over. He scooted to the other side of the couch, making room for her, but she ignored that. She chose to sit right where she wanted to be. In his lap.
“Tia…” Jack rasped. “Don’t you care at all that I’ve done things- that I’ve stolen and lied and intimidated people… that I work at a job that I don’t deserve while you got fired-”
“I do care.” She stared down into wide, astonished, crystal blue eyes. “But that’s a conversation I thought we could save for later.” She reached out and caressed Jack’s cheek. It was smooth, like he’d shaved before he’d come to find her, and warm. A tingle shot up her arm and turned into a shiver when it reached her torso.
“I- I needed to tell you. You have to understand that I’m not who you think I am.”
Tia shook her head. “I think I know who you are.”
“It’s only been a month and everything you know about me is a lie.”
“I don’t think that’s true. You’re a survivor. You weren’t raised the way I was, with a stable, safe family. I would say you’re a product of your environment, but that’s not true. You’re so much more than that.”
“How would you know?”
“Because you’re here now.” She brought her other hand up to Jack’s other cheek and forced him to look up at her. “You’re here now with me and that means something. You came all the way across the country to find me. You didn’t let me go. You took a chance on us working out and I know how much courage that takes. Coming here, risking everything to tell me these things about you, opening yourself up- that’s so much harder than just letting go and shutting yourself up and pretending you don’t feel anything.”
“I tried that,” Jack admitted with lopsided smile. “I tried that for a long time. It didn’t work with you. I had to come after you. I was going crazy without you.”
“Weird.”
“What’s weird?” His eyes were so full of emotion it almost hurt to look at them. In a good way.
“I might have been going crazy too. This week might have been the longest week of my life and not just because I picked up and moved about as far north as I could without being in another country.”
“Well then. I can’t have you go crazy, now can I?”
She shook her head again. “No. I- are you here now, Jack? For good? Or did you just come up here to tempt me into going back to Florida. Because that won’t work…”
“I’m here.” The words were unreal. They echoed through Tia’s brain. “I’m really here. I’ll find a place, sell my old one. I’ll get a new job. I’ll do what it takes, whatever you want me to do.”
“Really? You would do that? What if we don’t work out? What if you end up hating me? I have an apartment, but I would say it’s way too soon to consider moving in…”
“Why?”
“For starters, your bike is way too loud.”
“I can leave it in Florida. Until it warms up.”
“And you take up most of the bed. I can barely sleep with you around.”
“I’ll buy you a new one. A king bed with enough room for both of us.”
“You snore.”
“I’ll get one of those mouth guards.”
Tia giggled. “You don’t really snore. Much.”
Jack grinned. He wrapped his hands around her waist, holding onto her for the first time. She let out a little squeal of surprise as he pulled her into him. “It might be fast. If it’s too fast, I can find a place here. But I’m here for good. For as long as you want to put up with me. I promise I won’t ever try and drive you away. One day, if you find me too annoying, that will be genuine Jack Stevens, the class A asshole. I will never try and shut you out or push you away. I’ve tried that. It didn’t work. I guess the only option is to try the opposite.”
“Geez. That’s so romantic. And by genuine Jack Stevens… is that even your name?”
His shit-eating grin never wavered. “It is now. I might not have been born Jack Stevens, but that’s me. My name is Jack, at least. I thought Stevens had a nice ring to it. A good Ivy League type of name.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
Jack’s hand slipped beneath the waistband of her sweats and Tia gasped at the shocking warmth of his touch. “Is that what I think it is? Are you finally wearing a pair of granny panties?”
“Excuse me. I didn’t realize I was supposed to bring sexy pairs of underwear with me to the middle of the damn woods.”
His hand shifted lower and his fingers swept tantalizingly over the already wet part of her panties. She would have died of mortification had she not wanted him so badly that her entire body ached. She arched into his hand and let out a little whimper of pleasure as he caressed her through the thin cotton.
“No, I like it. I like them very much.”
“I guess that can be our inside joke. Maybe…” she gasped as his hand threw her off track, but recovered after a few seconds. “Maybe we can change our future. Make it up like you got your identity. Maybe one day my name will be Tia Stevens and I’ll be married to my trust fund, Ivy League husband.”
“Oh really? Marriage already?”
“I said one day,” she giggled. “But if you insist.”
“I insist on loving you,” Jack breathed. “I’ve never felt that for anyone. God, I’m a wreck when it comes to people. I’ve kept everyone at a distance my entire life. I have one close friend in the entire world and he used to be bad shit, just like me. Now he’s married and has a kid and he’s actua
lly almost… normal.”
“Almost?” Tia giggled.
“Almost.” Jack’s grin threatened to split his face in half.
“Now you have two.”
“Two what?”
“Two good friends. Because I want to be that cheesy romantic cliché and be your best friend. I want you to be mine. I want to get old and pruney and hold hands as we watch the sunset.”
“As long as we can do it from my bike occasionally, I’m in.”
She laughed, but the sound was cut short as Jack’s mouth slanted over hers, hard and hot and demanding. She responded with a hunger she didn’t know it was possible to feel. She was absolutely starved for him. He buried his hands in her hair and pulled her closer, close enough that the hard bulge in his pants rammed right into her belly.
“I think,” she panted as she broke away, “that you have a problem.”
“No,” Jack insisted, breath just as labored as hers. “I don’t. Well, maybe I did. But now I have the solution.” He scooped her up easily and stood. “Which way to the bedroom?”
All Tia could do was point towards closed door number one and hang on. She wrapped her arms around Jack’s neck and whispered in his ear as he all but kicked in the bedroom door. “I think, if it’s not too early to say it, that I love you too. I think I might have loved you from the first instant that you decided to give me that orgasm on my steps.”
“Ahh, a true gentleman. A knight in shining armor.”
“You’re so ridiculous.”
“But you love it.”
“I do love it. All of it. I always thought fairy tales were a load of crap. I never liked them growing up and hated them even more as an adult, but you, my prince, almost make me want to believe in them.”
“Almost?” Jack raised a brow right before he dumped her unceremoniously onto the bed.
“Alright, alright. I give up,” Tia gasped. “I believe in it. We are going to have a happily ever after.”
“I won’t stop until we do.” Jack ripped off her sweats in one easy, fluid motion. “Now. My favorite part. The part I’ve waited all day for.”
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 27
