Affair Of Risk

by Jayne Castle

"Will you show me?" Jason appealed, eyes wide and excited.

  Case appeared to come to some inner conclusion before he said coolly, "I'll show you each one tonight after dinner."

  "Yippee!"

  "What's the matter, Kendra?" Case chided over the

  sound of Jason's delighted response, "aren't you excited, too?"

  "You forget," she reminded him with acid sweetness. "You've already shown me some of your tricks."

  "I'll teach you the counter move to the one I showed you last time," he told her quietly.

  And he did, but not until he'd taught Jason a surprisingly effective little karate kick that thoroughly enchanted the boy. He ran around his mother's apartment kicking everything in sight and concluding with a daring attack on Case's shin that landed with unexpected impact. Case had been involved in a serious discussion of plans for the drive to Lake Tahoe at the time.

  In spite of her uneasy mood Kendra couldn't help but giggle as the little boy landed his blow with an audible thud. He accompanied it with a very proper shout. Case's muffled oath turned Kendra's giggle into outright laughter.

  "I can see it's time for lesson number two," Case told a mischievous-eyed Jason.

  "What's that?" the boy asked eagerly.

  "That's the one where you learn not to use your newfound skill in a foolhardy fashion. Try that kick again."

  Jason ran forward with delight, lashing out with the well-aimed heel of his foot, and promptly found himself dangling upside down as Case held him by one ankle and finished the discussion with Donna.

  Kendra's lesson came after a near-silent drive back to her flat. Her nerves were keyed to a feverish pitch by the time Case took the key and inserted it in the door of her flat. She wondered how to tell him about Austin, and in the next breath reminded herself she didn't owe this man any explanations. But she waited for him to demand them, knowing it was going to be almost impossible to refuse.

  It wasn't Austin he brought up first, however, as he

  closed the door behind him. Case helped her off with her coat and then spun her around to face him.

  "About your lesson ..." he began quietly.

  "I'm—I'm not really in the mood," Kendra tried hesitantly, not knowing what to expect from him while he was in the grip of jealousy.

  "Pay attention," he ordered briefly. A moment later she was flat on her back, pinned beneath him just as she had been that night in Lake Tahoe.

  "Case, please, don't. . .!" The fear surged through her. Was this the way he was going to take out his anger over her relationship with Austin?

  He ignored her plea and started giving terse, blunt instructions. Almost at once the fear receded. He wasn't going to hurt her. Kendra began to listen as he grimly and concisely taught her what she needed to know to dislodge him.

  When the lesson was over he rolled to one side and lay looking up at the ceiling. "Do you love him?"

  "No," she said quietly, lying beside him on the Oriental rug. It was the truth, and perhaps it showed in her voice, because she felt rather than .heard the long sigh of relief he gave.

  "God, if you only knew what I went through this evening after Donna mentioned him, wondering if you were only helping her in order to have another chance with Radburn." He groaned, turning to pull her into his arms. "I have to have you, Kendra. I couldn't let you go to another man. Not now."

  His mouth came down passionately on hers, and Kendra was saved from blurting out the clamoring truth that was suddenly assailing her from all sides.

  She was in love with this man.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The following morning Kendra delayed her departure for the office in order to see the small Lake Tahoe-bound party on its way. She stood on the sidewalk in front of her flat and watched Jason jumping around inside Case's Porsche beside Donna.

  His mother was trying unsuccessfully to calm him. Case was inside Kendra's apartment, collecting his shaving gear and his clothes, and that small action had not gone unnoticed by Donna.

  "Kendra," she began, giving up on Jason for the moment, "I hadn't realized you and Case—" She looked up through the open window, her lovely eyes wide and questioning.

  Kendra gave her a wry glance. "Don't ask for an explanation. I haven't got one. At least not one that makes any sense. I never intended—"

  "I'm delighted!" Donna interrupted, grinning warmly. "Good lord, cousin! It's been nearly two years since you last showed any interest at all in a man! I'm just a little startled to know you've succumbed so quickly and so completely. Especially to a man you were going out of your way to warn me about because of his, er, questionable background!"

  "A warning that you've paid no attention to." Kendra sighed, wondering again at the wisdom of what Donna was doing. Kendra had no doubt her cousin would get the

  protection she wanted up in Lake Tahoe, but there was such a thing as overkill. She bit her lip. Under the circumstances that didn't seem like an especially good word to use.

  "I trust Case. I'll admit I was a little nervous yesterday when he called, but after we talked for a few minutes I realized he only wanted to help. I didn't understand quite why he should want to go out of his way for someone who owes him as much money as I do, but when I saw him with you last night it all became very clear! He certainly can turn on the charm when he wants to, can't he?" Donna concluded admiringly.

  "I've been on my guard since I first walked into his casino," Kendra confessed. "I never intended to even like him, let alone be charmed by him! Now look at me!"

  "Still worried about becoming a gangster's woman?" Donna teased mercilessly, laughing up at her.

  "Donna! Don't say things like that!"

  "I'm only kidding."

  "Are you? Personally there are moments when I'm terrified!" Which wasn't precisely true, Kendra had to admit privately. But when she got to thinking too deeply about Case's career, she did get nervous.

  "Why? Afraid he'll beat you if you step out of line?" Donna grinned.

  Kendra dismissed that joking question with an impatient wave of her hand. "No, it's not that. But, Donna, what do I know about him?"

  "What do you need to know? I knew a great deal about Austin Radburn. Mom was thrilled when I announced my marriage to him, because the Radburn name is old and respected. She still refuses to believe he was only marrying me for the inheritance, and she won't listen when I try to tell her how he treated Jason and me. She says I'm being selfish and irrational. You'd have to have lived with the man to know just how insidiously cruel he could be. But

  I can't say I didn't know a lot about him when I married him! I knew what clubs he belonged to, knew the history of his family, knew the people he associated with, knew about his shipbuilding business—Oh, I knew everything that counted. And look what good it did me!" Donna's mouth twisted with remembered bitterness.

  "It's over now, Donna. Don't think about it You're doing the right thing, taking hold of your own life!"

  "Not any too soon, either." Donna groaned, glancing at Jason, who was playing with the steering wheel. "And I owe it all to this little guy. I was on a real downhill slide for a while there, Kendra. When I woke up in the hospital the morning after I took those sleeping pills, Jason was the first thing I thought of. I finally understood that I couldn't destroy myself and leave him alone. He needed me. And the first thing I had to do was get both of us out of the reach of Austin Radburn. I did you a favor by distracting him from you, Kendra. Please believe me!"

  Kendra thought about that. Would she have ever married Austin if things had progressed differently?

  "All set?"

  Case's crisp words cut through Kendra's thoughts, and she stepped back from the Porsche as he walked toward her. His black hair was damp from the shower, his velvet patch back in place. He was dressed in slacks and a long-sleeved yellow shirt, open at the throat. He looked very good to her in the watery sunlight of a young San Francisco morning.

  "Jason can't wait to get started." Kendra smiled as Case's long, gliding s
tride brought him to a point directly in front of her.

  "Jason can wait long enough for me to say good-bye, can't you, Jason?" Case tossed the shaving kit in through the window, and the little boy yelled happily, grabbing for it. Donna turned to keep the razor out of Jason's questing

  fingers, and Case turned to catch Kendra's shoulders tightly in his hands.

  He pulled her gently out of immediate earshot of the occupants of the Porsche and stood for a moment gazing down intently into her strained features. Kendra tried to summon a casual smile. What would he have said if she'd lost her head completely last night and confessed her love for him?

  No, as strangely ambivalent as she felt about his going, it was for the best. She needed time, Kendra told herself, even as she searched his taut expression. Time to assess the situation and the risks she was on the verge of taking. She had to decide what she really wanted out of life. Because once she had made up her mind, she would be committed. What was worrying her was the awful premonition that the commitment had already been made.

  "I'll be back in a couple of days," Case drawled softly. She felt his fingers gripping her with barely concealed urgency, and there was an equally urgent longing in his dark eye. "When I get Donna and Jason settled I'll return and we can make our plans."

  "What's the hurry, Case?" she asked pleadingly, sensing that the time she wanted was going to be wrenched out of her hands.

  "I can't wait very long for you, sweetheart," he told her deeply.

  She flushed. "I hadn't noticed you doing much waiting," she had to say pointedly.

  A wry humor played about the edges of his mouth, and one black brow lifted sardonically. "Knowing I can make you want me in bed isn't quite enough, honey. I need a sense of security; a little reassurance. I'm looking for a commitment, Kendra Loring. One hundred percent; total. And what's more, I think you know it. That's why you've got that slightly panicked look in your eyes this morning, isn't it?"

  "If I do, you ought to feel guilty for having caused it!" she retorted spiritedly.

  His thumbs worked lazy circles on her shoulders, moving across her white cashmere pullover in a way that made her tingle.

  "I refuse to feel guilty if the end result is to stampede you into coming away with me." He chuckled wickedly, leaning down to fasten his mouth on hers in a fierce, swift kiss that perfectly conveyed the impression of a man who was regretting having to leave his woman behind even for a couple of days.

  Kendra felt quite breathless when he let her go to stride around the front of the Porsche.

  "Move over, Jason," Case ordered easily. "We've got a long drive ahead of us, and there are one or two things we should get clear before we depart."

  "Good-bye, Kendra." Donna leaned out to smile once more as Jason was settled down. "Take care, and I'll phone Austin as soon as I arrive to make sure he keeps his private detectives away from you!"

  "Thanks. I—I hope this is what you want, Donna. . . ."

  "Oh, I feel much more comfortable having a man take charge," Donna said airily with obvious honesty. Kendra knew her cousin spoke the truth. Donna was always happier knowing she could trust herself to the care of a man. Kendra had always had to take care of herself. She would never be the dependent, clinging kind, and she knew it.

  Kendra caught Case's glance as he turned the key in the ignition.

  "Good-bye," she whispered.

  "I'll be back," he told her a little roughly, as if he were holding back a more emotional statement.

  She watched them drive off into early-morning traffic, and with a pang realized how much like a family they all looked. Donna was happier than she had appeared in a

  long time. Her cousin felt safe again. And Jason couldn't have been more delighted with life. He didn't remember his father, and Austin had certainly never been more than a large, intimidating figure in his young life. Case Garrett was a whole new breed of adult male, and Jason liked him.

  Grimly Kendra forced herself away from such thoughts. She had to make some decisions. Unless, of course, the decision was taken out of her hands during the long drive to Lake Tahoe when Case would have nothing to do but talk to a lovely, appealingly helpless Donna. Unhappily Kendra remembered what had happened the last time she had introduced her cousin to a man. . . .

  That morning, she threw herself into her work, dictating a pile of letters that were to keep Tina busy all day. When Norris silently invited a comment or two on the man who had been waiting for her in Mrs. Colter's flat, she ignored him. He took the hint, knowing Kendra fairly well after so many years of partnership.

  By midafternoon she was exhausted, and the thought of having to go out again that evening was disheartening. But business was business. She drank another cup of tea and wondered if Donna and Jason had arrived yet in Tahoe. Where would they stay? In the fantasy room over the casino?

  The phone was ringing much later that evening when she let herself into the flat. As she picked it up she had the feeling it had been ringing for a long time. And she knew who it was before he spoke.

  "It's nearly eleven," Case observed coolly. "Where have you been?"

  "Out," she managed to retort flippantly, thinking of the long day he had just spent with Donna. There was an uncomfortable silence, and to her disgust she heard herself adding dryly, "With Norris and some clients. Business, I'm afraid."

  "Is he there?" Case demanded softly.

  "Who? Norris? No, it was my turn to take him home this evening. We split the chore of driving on these occasions," she told him calmly. "How was the trip?"

  He hesitated, and she could sense him trying to make up his mind about whether or not to push the subject of her business dates with Norris. If she was so foolish as to go away with him, Kendra told herself, she would have to be prepared for a very possessive lover. Instinct told her Case Garrett would take all or nothing.

  "The trip was fine," he finally said, opting, apparently, not to berate her long distance. She wondered wryly at his restraint. "Jason's finally gone to bed. Wolf had a job keeping him out of the casino this evening!"

  Kendra thought about the homey little scene and sighed. "Was he thrilled with the snow?"

  "He was; Wolf wasn't."

  "Wolf?"

  "Jason had him hitched to a sled within an hour of our arrival!"

  "That figures. How did Wolf take it?" .

  "Surprisingly well. He's the one who got Jason into bed a few minutes ago. His mother couldn't do a thing with him, he was so wound up. Tomorrow I'm moving them into a nearby apartment. Wolf's going to keep an eye on them."

  "Oh. Did—did Donna call Radburn?"

  "First thing," Case assured her promptly. "She told him where she was, who he would have to see to get to her, and that she fully intended to go through with the divorce. He knows she's not vulnerable any longer. I think he'll have the sense to give it up."

  "And if he doesn't?" Kendra asked evenly.

  She could almost see him shrug on the other end. "If he shows up, he'll be dealt with. If he's got the sense to leave Donna alone, he can go his own way. It doesn't make

  much difference to me. I just wanted him to realize there's no point in asking you questions through guys like Phelps."

  Kendra remained silent.

  "Kendra?"

  "Hmmm?"

  "Have you thought about us?"

  "Yes," she admitted. "But don't ask for a decision over the phone, Case. I need time. You must know you're turning my world upside down by asking me to go away with you."

  "I know," he murmured. "But that's what you did to me when you walked into my casino that night. Are you still angry at me for what I did to you? Is that why you won't give me an answer?"

  "What would you do if I said yes?" she drawled, inspired by a sudden spark of mischief. "Get down on your hands and knees and beg me to forgive you?"

  "Well, that's one option, I suppose," he conceded with a considering air. She knew he'd picked up on her sudden burst of recklessness.

  "Y
ou've got another?" she invited.

  "Yes, but it's for emergency use only," he told her deliberately.

  "And highly illegal, I'll bet!"

  "As hell. But don't worry about me. You know I don't leave evidence behind."

  "How did you get into my flat yesterday to get Donna's number?"

  "Sorry, I don't divulge professional secrets." He chuckled laconically.

  "You gave me that lesson in self-defense last night," she reminded him.

  "I must have gone nuts. I'll be in a bind if you decide to use it on me, won't I?"

  "Are you going to tell me you taught me something

  against which you don't have a defense?" she scoffed dryly.

  "You'll never know unless you decide to use it, will you?" he noted cheerfully.

  "Case," she said suddenly, intently, "this is crazy. You know that, don't you? People just don't leave everything behind and go off to live on an island!"

  "Most people don't," he agreed. "Probably because they haven't got the courage to do it. I'll see you in a couple of days, honey. Good night, and don't open the door to any strangers."

  "Good night, Case." Kendra replaced the receiver with a tremulous little sigh. The lovely room seemed much cooler without the sound of his voice.

  As she slowly, methodically undressed for bed she wondered why she couldnt summon up the fierce resentment she ought to feel toward him. He had destroyed something important to her that night in Tahoe when he'd shown her how vulnerable she still was.

  But she was beginning to think that it wasn't the fact that he'd countered her attack that had bothered her. The churning resentment that had burned in her mind during the flight home had been because he'd shown her the depths of a new and previously unsuspected vulnerability. Once one recovered from the dent in the ego, one could accept the rational fact that there were more dangerous people in the world. What had been far more unnerving was the discovery that one could find oneself so deeply attracted to a man who lived by a fundamentally different code.

  And, Kendra decided as she lay staring at the darkened ceiling, she mustn't kid herself. Case had come to his present success via a much different route than she had taken. She didn't want to think of him as a man who lived by his own law. She was terrified of all that that implied. What would become of her if she gave herself to such a