Cusp

by Graham Mort

  blood group stalag number squadron

  ship of the line or lover on your arm

  I’m on your back a serpent with its

  tail lost in the crack of your arse the

  rift that makes you so unaccommodated

  such a bare fork’d thing I’m a revelation

  second-sighted far out I’m omniscient

  an oracle discovery itself I’m radar sonar

  a fisher of men You’re the shoal and I’m

  the Shoah the sting of death that tracks

  you in the end I’m your last fling the

  final solution I could fry flense fricassée

  fuck you senseless or flay you in an instant

  I could stretch you on my iron maiden

  that swastika of wire to shade my own

  naked glare Ah! Why so suddenly afraid?

  You always knew I was well-connected

  didn’t you? Negative or positive? AC/DC?

  Fascist or freedom fighter? Oh! That

  decadent androgyny of mine! That

  cabaret of easy virtue crotch-thonged

  top-hatted thigh-booted glossy insouciant

  sexed-up evil! No! Oh no! Not so easy!

  All that crap that bollocks that burden of

  original sin that baggage that plank in

  your eye is all yours! In this special moral

  sense I might be called neutral – last irony

  of iron’s attraction I’m Elektra creation

  and chaos father-love and mother-hate

  how in the end at curtain-fall the little

  stage you strut on swims in blood I define

  the world – the way it is or seems to be the

  things it could become I’m flash photography

  sharing secrets from the dark I’m the time

  lapsed revelation a water droplet pulsing

  and bursting its trembling meniscus the

  hooves of a galloping horse a bullet striking

  home I’m the finest scales weighing an

  infinitesimal load a spectrometer splitting

  chemical flux an electron-microscope

  finding sand-grain worlds I’m that neon

  sheen of glamour Monte Carlo Biarritz

  the kingfisher glitz of the Côte d’Azur I’m

  make-believe a fairground a theme-park

  I’m Las Vegas that impossible waterless

  city that desert flower with its million

  gambling machines its sepals shivering

  with expectation and light always light to

  hide the state of your account its tally of

  black its total assets of actual and eternal

  everlasting night I’m a one-off an aberration

  a revelation the First and Second Coming

  I’m immaculate Emmanuel a manifest

  miracle But then again I’m ordinary like

  water coming to the boil the cellar light

  left on showing cobwebs old paint tins a

  bicycle a dead man rode into the dark

  I’m mundane profound the shock of

  the new I spark in your thoughts and

  am your thoughts madness and its cure

  epilepsy’s rip tide electroplexy’s calming

  electrodes clamped to the smoking pits

  of your temples I’m the reason a magnet

  hates itself the way you do I’m lightning

  striking twice to fix things like nitrogen

  early death insurance claims I’m the

  why in the what the way pylons stride

  at the horizon bearing my gift for hawk’s

  feet to curl around so carelessly Properly

  grounded I’d grill them to soot I make

  your industrious little world go round –

  the carbon brush the copper core (of

  the forbidden fruit) the magnet and

  its bridal veil of wire Call it induction

  Call it seduction Call me the turning

  worm at the heart of matter I’m every

  where and everything pervasive persuasive

  restless as a shark always on the move

  Don’t assume I’m in stasis when you

  are Even sleep flickers with my mindless

  unvindictive rage It’s me boots up your

  dreams’ terrors the capsized boat the

  lung of black water the lift-shaft’s

  hawsers and endless scream loose

  teeth the hot gun faces melted into

  masks of hate wraiths that flit across

  synapses the mind’s marsh gas flaring

  into sleep’s uncensored thoughts I’m

  a sensualist a surrealist the eternal flame

  the ghost in the machine I’m the lantern

  show the silent film the talkies gibbering

  across your silver screen I’m home

  entertainment remote control surround

  sound of the digital dream that fills your

  home with longing for elsewhere – palm

  trees a turquoise sea a white horn of

  beach that girl miming a sentimental

  song with her chromium face and collagen

  lips the last ecstatic minutes of the big

  match that count down to injury time

  in the end all the same Finally I’ll leave

  you empty fitfully asleep in your dark

  house which is never quite dark or

  ever silent since I flare in the gas boiler

  glow in pilot lights hum in the fridge

  freezer rustle in the dry tick of the cooker

  clock lighting up each scarlet LED against

  the endless sable frosts of loneliness Oh

  there’s more! When things get tough I

  get going when you forget to live I’m

  the heart’s reminder the sine wave’s

  flickering rope of light that dares not

  dares not dares not skip a beat If you

  should die carelessly without due warning

  if you overdose or sick up suicide pills

  or slip the noose I’ll crank you up again

  and again Stand clear! I’m what makes

  you tick even when you’re shunted aside

  shattered or shagged out reduced to life’s

  brain-dead silhouette I’ll breathe for you

  The way you think of me is the way I

  am Let’s say I’m certain annihilation

  a bar of energy a snaking heat a molten

  whiteness an eye-fusing magma a

  black numbness an eternal force spiraling

  the dawn of the universe still echoing

  with light I’m albino without pigment

  invisible to your naked eye too good

  to be true too true to be good I’m a

  secret that just couldn’t be kept There

  I go again getting my hair off! I’m a

  lethal dose though I’m not just or justice

  I can’t think straight know zip feel

  nothing understand less I’m a numpty

  a dickhead a dumbo dead as a doornail

  one minute a real livewire the next! I’m

  what can’t be seen high-tension the

  beginning the source of attraction male

  and female the way opposites pull close

  and couple I’m the kiss coitus the act

  the very spasm of love I’m the fearful

  shock of hate that raises your electrostatic

  hair Without me no matter no universe

  no space (so to speak) no time (worth

  mentioning) not one echo Listen Listen

  of anything Not one single moment to

  uselessly and meaninglessly while away

  In the Beginning? Light heat energy

  speed distance – electricity! – all in less

  than the instant there was no time to

  measure or formul
ate the idea the word

  to tell how anything became something

  What else? Protons electrons neutrons

  atoms molecules matter – all that dust

  and gas fire and ice water and steam the

  piss and wind of space-time dollops of stuff

  whole families flying their wall-of-death

  orbits showing off in the atom’s introverted

  universe and that other universe out there

  its infinite scale billowing still Call me an

  old trouper trust me believe me I know

  I was there when the match kicked off I

  laid on the fireworks got the show on the

  road and a long way down it It was me

  held things together Before that? Search

  me! But you of all beings should at least

  hazard a guess after all guessing’s what

  you’re good at Lucky Man Just think Yes

  think! Most of matter most of everything

  is nothing space we can’t cross neither

  you to me nor me to you nor you to

  each other You need me and I’ll admit

  for once that I need you Touching eh?

  Let’s hold hands tie the knot do the deed

  get hitched let’s be a source of friction

  of inspiration to each other I’ll be your

  Muse if you’ll be mine Touch me just

  once plug in and I’ll let rip a sheet of

  pure incandescence to seal the deal Keep

  looking for me if I seem to be a little lost

  it’s just that I’m pre-occupied the spin

  doctor of time and space busy finessing

  the black holes between stars that universe

  you think is there and just like it is and

  like no other because you live in its cosmic

  imperative How could it be otherwise?

  Do you get it yet? Understand? Are you

  savvy? Switched on? Do you read me?

  Dig me? Cotton on? Are you in the loop?

  Wired-up yet to any of this? You should be

  After all I’m perception your hearing and

  all that’s heard the spheres and their music

  traveling towards your ear’s smithy

  of bone I’m vision and all that’s seen –

  those pink clouds at sunset the follicles

  on your arm your lover’s face leaning

  close I’m the feel of things touched their

  smell and taste sensations you have precious

  few words for I’m your mind all that it has

  thought reflected synthesised I am therefore

  you are Ergo I am beauty itself and truth

  Narcissus was a beginner at this a vain kid

  with his zitty mug hung over a puddle Imagine

  seeing yourself in the galaxies in a cascading

  lake of stars! Imagine if I let you the echo

  of eternity in your own voice I’m a frightener

  a head-fucker a fulgurite – that spar of fused

  earth glassy minerals melted sand lightning’s

  smouldering totem potent with spent force

  The ultimate hard-on! I’m a currency never

  spent Alpha and Omega the flash of light

  and vaulted dark the spark of motion the

  shock of stasis I’m that halo of Christmas

  lights flickering in snow-bound city squares

  I haunt that steel ship signaling far out

  beyond the lighthouse blinking at the land’s

  last treacherous tip its portholes drilled with

  yellow light its sacrificial diodes shedding

  my charge I’m ball-lightning black lightning

  sheet lightning St Elmo’s fire the Zodiac’s

  hidden sign Arachne spinning the silver

  rigging of the universe I was the jism in

  that primordial soup I began the molecule’s

  fumbling dance the double-helix the single

  celled self-assembling antecedent of every

  thing that crawls grows divides couples fucks

  kills and breathes across this Earth What

  would you be without me? And who? Too

  late now to pull back to change that mutable

  little mind I’m a current flowing too fast

  towing you beyond the dark I’m the white

  hot filament you’d go blind without the glow

  in your cities that can’t hold a candle yet

  to all the centuries of night I’m atavistic

  futuristic the skull beneath the skin the

  brain beneath the flying helmet Gagarin

  watching Earth spin under his ownsome

  lonesome gaze I’m the life-force in the

  probe that travels out of sight and mind

  sending its gaseous pictures home even

  when home is the ember of its own destiny

  the sun’s ashen hearth I’m words under

  your tongue I’m speech gabbling across

  your tiny globe I’m the message and the

  medium the meaning of Marconi’s code

  S for SOS Without me imagine dumbness

  the iced-up grip of time the world’s mouth

  frozen shut the roses black the TV screens’

  flickering storms of static dying blank as

  unborn minds Remember this is the way

  we were the way you will be in the end

  I’m the lit skyscraper at night temple of

  aspiration and hope its tessellation above

  sodium canyons where traffic is flotsam

  on the street’s rising flood of light I’m aerial

  joystick and cruise control the voice in the

  black box the gadfly searching for the

  runway’s golden track of light until I call it

  down to Earth All that make me essential

  indispensable dependable? Without me

  you’d fall again just as you fell without

  me at the start from your idyll your Arcadian

  state of grace Is that it? You’ve learned to

  trust me as a friend at last? After all’s said

  and done I’m a distraction I’m recreation

  the disco beat the dance floor’s strobe-lit

  gush of sweat the guitar screaming

  feedback’s what really turns me on I’m

  easily ecstatic aesthetic all heart the

  cardioid microphone in the singer’s hands

  lighting studio dials and digital displays

  Her voice is beautiful you think so store

  it in an analogue of sound code it into

  memory chips replay its endless loveliness

  unlock the moment steal away time still

  it or stand it on its head no distortion or

  surface noise to distance you Kill time

  like this if you dare Kill it with the naked

  beauty of song I’m the impulse of desire

  flaring dictating the motion of a hand to

  fair or foul I’m the motive and the deed

  the universal yeast the body electric a kind

  of poetry I’m the fence guarding cattle

  the torturer’s goad the stun-gun the field

  telephone ratcheting your cruciform body’s

  exquisite agony to give away everything

  or make it up to lie/not lie disclose reveal

  make known expose dissemble No not

  that! To sweat it out and against all odds

  survive I’m terror The illiterate random

  force of darkness the fused relay scrambled

  wires the psychosis at the heart of things

  I’m the suicide bomber standing beside

  you his quiet smile of fulfilment the

  madman’s pencil torch probing your door

  the voice on the ’phone the death threat

  an
d the silence buzzing in its wake I’m

  the cursor blinking at your name the

  bureaucrat’s deadly cognisance the laser

  in the surgeon’s hands the killer’s loop of

  flex the sweat on your temple conducive

  to pain I’m impartial static or stealthy

  still or on the move micro or macro

  a hundred volts a thousand amps a million

  watts the shadow of a doubt the merest

  flicker of interest in a bored mind I’m

  the Death Row chair – Old Yeller – with its

  straps electrode gel and stubborn stains

  its voltage frying the condemned convict’s

  memories of life his hopes and loves his

  pinned limbs and frantic brains I’m X-rays

  the CT scan the VDU the mind-forg’d

  manacles of man I’m information and

  plenty of it a billion bits of data hard fact

  soft porn paedophilia fiction figures

  formulae blarney and bullshit all the same

  It’s for me you’ve chained waterfalls

  harnessed tides made isotopes undress stoked

  the turbine laid that row of white crosses

  turning on the hill to farm the wind’s memory

  of flight I’m the Sargasso-seeking eel

  coiling in darkness the weirdness of low

  level life a bottom-feeder glittering under

  that tonnage of oceanic dark the monkfish

  the electric ray the angler fish dangling

  his bulb in the sea’s sordid tenement I’m

  all that deep-down bio-luminescence the

  blue glow of the depths I’m pressure

  accumulating charge and discharge I’m

  the way of things down there Up here

  I’m the Gulag Auschwitz’s gateway its

  necklet of wire its torque of watchtowers

  its twisting force – Arbeit Macht Frei – I’m

  its glittering Himmelstrasse one step one

  touch from heaven I’m that sick yellow

  light in the prison cell – Lubyanka’s naked

  bulb – I’m at your service SS Gestapo CIA

  KGB NKVD a Special Branch on a very

  special tree I’m a place name lit up at the

  dead of night the frost-spangled platform

  where dogs snarl on the handler’s chain-link

  leash I’m the glimmer of tracks converging

  the screech of rolling stock the slow

  thunder and thud of destination destiny

  that apotheosis of scribbled smoke I

  won’t say you got that wrong or went

  too far It was your artwork after all It

  haunts you now your symphony your

  fugue in human staves clotted notes the

  future figured the blackout where your