Pierced: Pierced Trilogy Boxed Set

by Lashell Collins

  He is silent then, softly crying with his face buried in his hands once more, and I can’t believe what I’m hearing. This can’t honestly be his reality, can it? We are quiet for the longest time, and his tears slowly begin to subside, and the ensuing silence is almost spooky. Idly, I begin to wonder how much time has passed. I don’t want him to stop talking now. Not in the middle of his story. “Josh,” I whisper softly, caressing his arm once more, “what happened then?”

  He sniffs a few times as he composes himself. Wiping the tears from his face he says softly, “He fell backwards down the stairs when I let go of the bat.” His voice is eerily quiet and his face is expressionless. “Broke his neck. He died instantly.” His tears seem to have stopped for now but he appears sort of despondent. Emotionally spent. But just when I think he’s done and won’t say any more, he continues.

  “I have relived that moment in my nightmares every single day since I was fourteen years old,” he says softly. He looks up at me slowly, and for the first time in several minutes, I sense that he is fully aware of his surroundings. His eyes are suddenly full of fear as they hold my steady gaze and he looks like a very small, very scared little boy and I just want to hold him.

  “Until I met you,” he says earnestly. “All my nightmares stopped the day I fell in love with you!”

  Oh!

  “I need you! I need you so much. Please, don’t leave me, Samantha.” His soft voice is full of fear.

  “Josh, I’m not going anywhere,” I quietly assure him. “Why do you think I would leave?”

  “Because I am a monster,” he hisses, and his eyes are full of self-loathing and doubt.

  “You are not a monster,” I counter. “Don’t say that again!”

  “Only animals kill their own parents, Sam,” he says angrily, and his eyes well with tears again. “I wouldn’t blame you if you left me … but I’m begging you not to.”

  “You are not a monster, and you are not an animal!” I am practically yelling now but, I can’t help it. I need for him to know the real truth. “Danny Pierce was the animal, Josh. Not you! You protected your mother from that monster. You saved your mother’s life … just like you saved mine! And I am not going anywhere. I love you, Josh!”

  He is crying openly again, sobbing. And I am stunned when he suddenly moves toward me. He curls up into a fetal position on the floor, placing his head in my lap as my arms fold around him. Oh, Josh! My poor, scared, angry young man … carrying around so much guilt and pain and misplaced responsibility for all these years.

  And suddenly I understand it all so clearly. His fear of falling in love and his worries that my family won’t think he’s good enough. And his self-loathing. I thought it was just because he hates the fact that he looks so much like his father but, it goes much deeper than that. In Josh’s mind, he killed his dad, plain and simple. Never mind the fact that he was saving his mother’s life in the process. Or that his father’s fall was most likely an accident. That doesn’t matter in Josh’s way of thinking. To him, he’s responsible for his dad’s death. And I know that his real fear is that he believes he is actually capable of taking the life of someone he’s supposed to love. Deliberately. That he really has become a monster … just like Danny Pierce. It’s no wonder talking about his dad brings up such feelings of bitterness and pain.

  “That man has caused Josh nothing but grief. In life and in death.”

  Lee Parson’s words that night at The Slammer suddenly come back to me, and I can’t help but think how true his words were. Josh’s dad has caused him nothing but grief. And even though he’s gone and can’t physically hurt him or Olivia ever again, the emotional pain is still going on. It could go on for the rest of his life if he lets it. And I want so much to save him from that, to spare him all of that angst and heartache. I want him to forget about his past and just let it go and live in the present with me. Build a future with me. But perhaps we can begin by just getting up off the floor and into the bed.

  “Josh?” My voice is small and cautious. “Sweetie, let’s go to bed, okay?” He doesn’t answer. His only response is to tighten the little ball his body is curled up in and snuggle closer to me. “Oh, Josh,” I whisper tearfully, lightly rubbing my hand over his back. Taking a deep breath, I try again, more forcefully this time. “Come on,” I say, speaking softly but with authority. “You can’t stay on the cold floor, Joshua. Come to bed with me.” I move slowly then, forcing him to lift his head from my lap. He sits up slowly and looks at me and I still see fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

  “You’re not leaving?” he asks, and his soft voice is full of disbelief.

  Gently, I lift my hand to his beautiful face. “No. The only place I’m going is to bed. With you,” I say softly. He takes a deep, relieved, unsteady breath and then he slowly gets to his feet. He reaches out his hands to me and I take them, and he helps me to stand. We stare into one another’s eyes for a long moment and he looks so exhausted. Like he’s just been through the fight of his life.

  My hands still in his, I take a step back, ready to lead him to the bedroom. But before I can, he stops me.

  “Sam,” he says softly. I step toward him once more and he stares into my eyes with such intensity, I feel as if he’s looking into my soul, and I’m unable to look away.

  “Yes?”

  He swallows hard, his eyes never wavering from mine. “I love you.” It is barely a whisper. A softly spoken prayer. And my heart swells for this man at their utterance.

  “I love you too, Josh!” In an instant, his arms are wrapped around me and we are holding each other so tightly. As if we’re both a little afraid of letting go. I’m not sure how long we stand this way, but it feels so good just to be in his arms and to finally hear those words from him. The sentiment isn’t new. I already know how he feels. But actually hearing him say the words means so much.

  His arm wrapped snugly around my waist, we finally make our way back to the bedroom and he stands somewhat awkwardly for a moment, as if he’s not sure what to do next. I step out of my shoes and relish the feeling of freedom. Why do I love high heels so much? We are quiet as we undress. Too quiet, and I sense that he’s feeling very unsure – of himself and of us. He looks deep in thought as he puts his gun on his bedside table and pulls off his dress shirt. He discards it on the chair beside his chest of drawers and continues to undress, and his much too handsome face is marred with so much angst and worry.

  Deciding that I need some sort of white noise to fill the awkward silence hovering in the air between us, I turn on the small digital radio that sits on the table by the bed and find a station playing soothing music. I adjust the volume really low, and then turn toward the closet.

  I wonder what Josh is thinking as I get out of my dress and carefully place it back on the hanger and put it away in his closet. Then, I take off my strapless bra and panties and swipe Josh’s discarded shirt from the chair, putting it on and rolling up the sleeves as I head for the bathroom. By the time I make it back to the bedroom, Josh is sitting up in the bed, waiting for me, and he’s still wearing that deeply troubled frown. Oh, Josh, don’t worry. We’re going to be okay.

  Slipping into bed beside him, I lay back against the pillows and I am taken aback as he immediately moves toward me, laying his head on my chest as he wraps his arms securely around me. He curls up in my arms like a frightened little boy and I hold him tightly. We lay like this for several minutes just listening to the soft music and I begin to gently run my fingers through his wavy hair. And I remember how he held me this way for hours the night he caught that creep in my apartment, and how safe and loved I felt. Perhaps tonight I can repay him for that loving gesture. Hold him and make him feel as safe and loved as I felt that night.

  “I learned something tonight.” His soft, deep voice punctures the silence in the dimly lit room.

  “What’s that?” I ask quietly.

  “I learned that we can argue,” he says softly, and he sounds surprised but, I don’t under
stand. “I can fight with you and not feel the urge to hit you.” I stop breathing momentarily because his words shock me. The fact that he associates a lover’s quarrel with violence and brutality is such a sad commentary on what he’s been through. His childhood breaks my heart.

  “Oh, Josh,” I whisper, feeling the lump in my throat.

  “I am not Danny Pierce,” he whispers harshly.

  “No, you’re not,” I confirm. “You are nothing like him!”

  His arms tighten around me once more and I hold him close to me as we both drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  Joshua

  When I wake up, I can hear soft music coming from somewhere. It takes me a moment to remember that we fell asleep with the radio on. My face is nestled between Samantha’s breasts and she’s cradling my head in her hands. Her nose is buried in my hair and her legs are wrapped around my waist as she sleeps. It is an intimate embrace and I feel nurtured and safe in her arms. Exactly what I need right now. I tighten my arms around her as the memories of last night come flooding back to me and I feel a wave of something wash over me. What is that … guilt? Shame? Self-loathing?

  I try to breathe through the nausea and I inhale deeply the scent of Samantha’s skin. I love that smell. So sweet and delicate; it instantly soothes me. She is so amazing. After everything I told her last night about … what I’ve done. About my part in Danny Pierce’s death. She is still here. She didn’t leave. And she still says that she loves me! I shake my head slightly as I try to wrap my mind around it. And I kiss her lightly between her breasts, inhaling deeply once more. She stirs and I look up at her beautiful face as her eyes slowly flutter open. She blinks and smiles sleepily at me. “Good morning, Joshua,” she whispers, running a hand through my hair.

  “Good morning.” My voice is soft and unsure. I know that we have to talk about last night but, it’s not a conversation I’m anxious to start. I’m really not sure where to begin.

  “Did you sleep all right?” she asks softly, still playing with my hair as she looks into my eyes.

  “Yeah, I did,” I nod. “Thanks to you.”

  “Me?” She sounds surprised and I nod slowly at her.

  “You said I was nothing like Danny Pierce,” I say quietly as I hold her gaze. “Your belief in me … it means so much to me, Samantha.” I hesitate as I swallow nervously, searching for the words. “It means that you trust me.”

  “I have always trusted you, Josh.”

  “I know. But the fact that you still trust me now … even after hearing what I did … what I’m capable of…,” My voice trails off as I look away, ashamed. “It just means everything.”

  I feel her palm against my cheek as she caresses my face, and I look into her eyes once more. “Josh, I don’t understand the shame you feel. What you did was so heroic. And I’m not talking about your father’s death. I’m talking about your mother’s life. Don’t you realize that Olivia would be dead today if you hadn’t acted? Yes, your father might still be here, but he would probably be in prison for murder. And your mother would be dead. Don’t you get that?”

  Her words take me by surprise. Not because it’s something I haven’t heard before from Lee Parson or some of the other old timers. But because they are spoken with such faith and love. Where did this woman come from and what the hell have I done to deserve her? “What are you still doing here, Samantha?” It’s an astonished whisper. “Why are you here with me?”

  “I want you to stop asking me that,” she says forcefully, looking into my eyes. “I am here because I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you! And I will say it every second of every day until you finally trust that it’s true, Josh! I am here with you because there is nowhere in the world I would rather be than wherever you are!”

  God, she takes my breath away! And in a heartbeat, my mouth is on hers and my hands are in her hair and I’m kissing her deeply, slowly and passionately, drinking her in like my life depends on it. We hold each other tightly as our bodies melt and fuse together, limbs twined around each other as our hands slowly begin to roam. My hand drifts beneath the cotton fabric of my white dress shirt that she’s still wearing and glides effortlessly across her silky soft skin, from her hip, over her waist and up to her breasts. She moans softly as I gently squeeze, kneading and caressing, lightly pinching her nipple between my fingers as we continue to kiss.

  Her fingers work to undo the buttons on the shirt but, I can’t wait that long. I sit up and lift it gently up and over her head, tossing it to the floor. Then I reach for her again, my mouth finding hers eagerly and hungrily. I want her so much. My lips move like melted butter down her neck and to her breasts and I latch on, suckling voraciously as her back arches in response. She moans my name as her fingers twist in my hair, and I can’t wait anymore; I need her.

  With one swift thrust, I’m deep inside, exactly where I need to be, and I moan loudly as I feel her warm, moist flesh envelop me and mold around me. She feels so damn good. We move together then, in and out, quickly and rhythmically, passionately connecting and reconnecting as our fiery lovemaking draws us closer. Reassuring us both that everything’s all right in our world.

  I feel her fingernails run lightly up my back as I continue to move inside her, increasing my tempo and grinding away as she begins to moan loudly. Her body’s building. I can feel her inner muscles beginning to tremble and her legs stiffen around me. “Ah, come with me, baby,” I whisper harshly at her ear and she detonates on cue, calling out my name as her body convulses around my cock and I explode deep inside her. “Oh, Sam!”

  Collapsing on top of her, I rest my face in the crook of her neck as I struggle to catch my breath. I love this part. These first few minutes after we come and our bodies are still joined, and I’m lying defenseless and vulnerable in her arms. It’s the reason I included Bryan Adams’ song on the playlist I made for her. Because making love to her has made me understand what that song really means.

  “I love you, Samantha,” I whisper softly against her skin, still panting. And I’m amazed at how easy it is to say those words to her this morning. She tightens her arms around me and gasps softly, and when I lift my head to look into her eyes, she’s crying.

  “I am so in love with you, Joshua,” she whispers, and I smile shyly at her before I kiss her tenderly once more.

  I gently pull out of her and take her into my arms, and we snuggle up together, holding one another closely. I’m not sure how long we lie this way but it feels like heaven and I don’t want it to end. My fingers play in her hair as she softly runs her fingertips in little circles on my chest, and the only sound in the room is the softly playing music from the radio. The Pussycat Dolls explaining how nothing and no one can come between us. It makes me think briefly about Samantha’s mother and her threats. And I wonder if she’ll make good on her promise to expose my secret to the whole PD. She can’t hurt me by telling Sam now. But could she really get me fired?

  Most of the old timers at the station know about what happened. Parson and Marcos … even Captain Skinner. They were all among the officers that would frequent our house back in those days, responding to the dispatched calls of domestic disturbance night after night. It’s only those guys that hired on after my old man died that don’t know the story. And I never intended for them to know. I didn’t want them looking at me like I’m some kind of freak. I guess I could live with that though, if I had to. But if Lois started some sort of smear campaign in the press and turned the Mayor and her rich friends in high places against me, the department could be forced to see me as some sort of embarrassment or liability, and I could suddenly find myself without a job. The thought is depressing.

  “This song says exactly what I’m feeling right now,” Sam says softly, and she continues to draw little shapes on my chest with her fingers. “I mean it, Josh. I am exactly where I want to be. Please don’t ask me anymore why I’m with you. And stop asking yourself that question.”

  I shake my head slightly a
t her words and silently marvel once more at the fact that she’s still here. She hasn’t run screaming for the hills and she is so insistent that she’s not going to. Is this woman for real?

  “Josh?”

  “Yes, baby?”

  “What happened after your dad fell?” Her voice is soft and timid, and I know that she’s a little afraid of asking the question. Probably because she doesn’t want to upset me. “Did the police come?”

  “Yes.” I answer her quietly, not really wanting to relive that night yet again. But I know that she needs to hear the details from me, and I owe her the opportunity to ask what she will. I swallow and take a deep breath before I continue. “The neighbors must have heard all the yelling … like always, and called the cops. I remember falling to my knees in exhaustion after it was over, and staring down at the old man. Watching as the police came rushing in. And Lee looking up at me after he checked … for a pulse.”

  “Lee?” she asks softly. “You mean Lee Parson?”

  I nod slowly. “Yeah. He and Marcos were the first ones there.”

  “Marcos? That’s your Lieutenant, right?”

  “Yes. He and Lee were partners back then … still in uniform.”

  She’s silent for a while as she takes in this information, and my fingers continue to play with her hair as images of that night drift unwelcome through my mind.

  “What happened then?” she asks softly.

  I hesitate a moment before I answer, remembering my fear that night. And all the confusing thoughts that were running rampant through my head. Part of me was glad that he was gone. I close my eyes tightly and hug Samantha close to me as I take another deep breath.

  “They called an ambulance for my mom. And they called my Aunt Celeste to come get me. I remember Lee sitting with me at the top of the steps, trying to get me to go into the other room. But I wouldn’t go. I wanted to watch them take his body away; I had to. And then Lee sat with me while I bawled like a baby afterwards. Kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault. That it was self-defense, and that I had done the right thing in protecting my mom. I was so scared she was going to die, Sam!” My words are a choked, strangled sob and I try to fight the lump I feel in my throat. Jesus, Pierce. You are acting like a woman. Stop with the fucking tears already! Sam lightly kisses my chest as I try desperately to rein it in and pull myself together. I need to splash some water on my face or something; get up and move around. Get out of this punk, sissy-ass mood I’m in. Sam’s cellphone rings just as I let go of her and sit up, and she reaches to answer it.