by Sarah Morgan
“Underwear?”
“Thermal. To keep Alice happy, obviously.”
She fingered soft fabric and lace. “It’s sexy.”
“Okay, maybe it’s not just Alice who will be happy. I wanted to buy you a black basque for skating but I decided one Christmas night spent at a police station is enough for anyone.”
Smiling, she ripped off paper, touched by the thoughtful gifts. There was a pretty bottle of maple syrup, warm ski mittens, sachets of hot chocolate and a couple of hand warmers. As she opened the last packet, she laughed. “A toy moose?”
“For your desk.”
“I should have gone shopping. I didn’t buy any gifts—”
“You came here. You put up with my family. You worked until you dropped. And you were the one who made me see how Walter felt.” He leaned back against the pillows. “Eighteen months I’ve been charging around here, burying grief in activity, behaving like a steamroller and not even noticing who I was crushing.”
“You didn’t crush anyone.”
“He was grieving, too. And he was protecting my father’s memory. He saw the changes I was making as a criticism of my father, and he couldn’t handle that. Couldn’t cope with the enormity of losing Snow Crystal.”
“He won’t. You won’t.” She leaned across and kissed him, feeling the roughness of his jaw against her lips. “Our campaign is going to rock. We are going to do what it takes to make sure this place is full.”
“But you won’t be doing the day-to-day work, will you? As vice president you’ll be out winning new business and directing strategy on all the accounts. You won’t be picking up the phones.”
“I can pick up a phone whenever I want to.” But he was right, of course. She wouldn’t be involved in the detail.
Someone else would be doing that part while she moved on to other things.
He eased away from her, sprang from the bed and walked into the shower without looking back at her. “We’d better get moving.”
“Jackson—”
“We’re expected over at the house for Christmas lunch. Or are you going to say you have to work?”
Christmas lunch.
She hadn’t shared Christmas lunch with anyone in years.
Last year she’d heated up a microwave meal. She hadn’t even bothered sitting down to eat it.
“I don’t have to work.”
He stopped in the doorway. He was naked, every inch of his masculine physique on display. And then he turned and trapped her with that deep blue gaze, holding her there with nothing but a hot look until she was ready to combust.
Her stomach curled, and she could barely string a sentence together. “I just meant there’s nothing more I can do here. I’ve done what I came to do.”
“That’s what I figured.”
Why was he looking at her like that? What did he want from her?
Apparently she wasn’t going to find out, because he turned and walked into the bathroom without saying a word.
* * *
THE MOMENT SHE stepped into the house she was assailed by delicious smells of Christmas and the sound of laughter from the kitchen.
“I shouldn’t be here.” She turned to escape but Jackson blocked her path, legs spread, arms folded.
“Where are you going?”
“No one wants me here, Jackson.”
“We all want you here.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “And, more to the point, I want you here.”
Did he?
He’d been acting strangely since they’d woken up.
“I shouldn’t be at your family Christmas celebration.” It had the potential to be a supremely awkward moment, but a loud chorus of welcome from the hallway soon dispelled that.
Alice and Elizabeth stood there, their hands full of plates and kitchen implements.
“Kayla! Thank goodness you’re here. Can you help lay the table, sweetheart?”
Before she could utter a word, napkins were thrust in her hand along with a box of matches and instructions to light candles.
And that was it. There were no awkward moments, just the usual O’Neil kitchen chaos. And the warmth, of course. Always the warmth.
“Spare candles in the drawer, Kayla.” Elizabeth bustled around the kitchen, removing pans from the heat and draining vegetables. “Alice used branches from the white pine by the door to make the table centerpiece. Doesn’t it look pretty?”
Kayla lit candles, duly admired the artful twist of pine and the addition of scarlet berries, placed napkins by all the plates and then went to sit at the farthest end of the table, telling herself it would be fine.
She was an expert in the social etiquette of being the awkward extra at holiday celebrations. She’d learned all the rules at an early age. Sit at the end of the table, not in the middle. At least then you didn’t get in the way of other people’s conversation. Make yourself as inconspicuous as possible.
“You’re sitting here, Kayla—” Elizabeth caught her arm and pulled her gently back to the middle of the long table “—in between Jackson and Tyler. Sean across from you—” She organized everyone. “We’re three extra. I invited Brenna, of course, and Josh, although he can’t stay long because he’s on duty. Pete’s going to pop in and take a few slices of turkey for Lynn. She can’t be cooking with a two-day-old baby.” Elizabeth thrust a cloth in Kayla’s hands. “Could you rescue the roast potatoes from the oven? Try not to drop them on the floor, dear. Maple doesn’t mind flour on her head, but roast potatoes would feel like bullets to a puppy of her size.”
“When did Maple have flour on her head?” Tyler was intrigued, and soon Kayla was being teased along with everyone and she was surprised by how good it felt. She’d spent so many holidays hovering awkwardly on the edge of everyone else’s celebration. This was the first time she’d felt part of it.
Finally, when everyone was sitting down, Elizabeth placed the turkey in the center of the table.
Everyone oohed and aahed, except Jess, who recoiled.
“I can’t eat meat, Grandma. I told you on Monday I’m vegetarian.”
Walter shuddered. “Vegetarian? Since when?”
“If she wants to be vegetarian, that’s fine by me.” Tyler winked at Jess. “Most parents have to nag their kids to eat vegetables. Good to know that’s one job off my list.”
“Will you carve please, Walter?” Elizabeth gave Jess a quick hug. “I made you a delicious nutty parsnip bake. Élise gave me the recipe. I’m just so glad you’re here. It wouldn’t feel like Christmas without you.”
Walter sharpened the knife. “All I’m saying is a growing girl needs to—”
“Make her own decisions,” Alice said firmly, and Walter subsided.
“That’s what I was going to say, honey.”
“Of course you were, but you were taking your time getting the words out so I thought I’d help.” Alice helped herself to potatoes, and Kayla noticed there was a new energy about her. She wondered whether it was because all the O’Neil men were home or because the people around her were happier. Jess was spending all her time skiing with Tyler, and Elizabeth was absorbed in her new role in the restaurant.
“Sean should be doing this.” Walter handed him the knife. “He’s the surgeon.”
Sean raised an eyebrow. “If you want my professional opinion, I’d say this turkey is never going to walk again.”
Kayla watched as he carved, sensing tension between him and his grandfather. Or maybe it was just that she didn’t know Sean. He was harder to read than Jackson. Physically they were alike—same dark good looks, same killer blue eyes—but Sean seemed more emotionally detached. She wondered if that was a necessary quality for a surgeon.
“Did you operate on Tyler’s knee?”
Tyler shuddered. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t let him near me with a scalpel after what he did to me when we were kids.”
“I’m the reason you’re still walking.” Sean served perfectly carved slices of turkey onto plates. “If it had be
en left to that team in Switzerland, you wouldn’t be.”
“We were all in Switzerland when Tyler had his accident,” Jackson explained, “so Sean was able to take charge. He’s an expert on skiing injuries.”
Walter grunted. “So why is he working in Boston? If he worked here, he could help out at Snow Crystal when he isn’t fixing bones.”
Sean didn’t respond, but Kayla saw a muscle flicker in his cheek.
Elizabeth sighed. “Do we have to talk about bones at the lunch table?”
“You’ve raised three boys. No way can you be squeamish. And anyway, you should be proud of him.” Walter tried to sneak a slice of turkey onto Jess’s plate. “Just try one small slice. It will make you big and strong.”
“I didn’t say we weren’t proud of him,” Elizabeth murmured, “just that I didn’t want to talk about surgery over lunch.”
“I don’t want her any stronger than she already is or she’ll be beating me down that slope.” Tyler forked the turkey from Jess’s plate onto his own. “She’s faster than I was at her age. And faster than you, Gramps.” He pushed the vegetables toward Jess, and Walter brandished the carving knife.
“In my day we didn’t have all the fancy equipment you have now.”
“She’s more stylish than you, Tyler.” Brenna helped herself to potatoes. “Your aim was to get down the mountain as fast as possible. You didn’t care how you looked.”
“The point is to get down as fast as possible.” Tyler’s eyes glittered. “And I looked awesome.”
“You crashed all the time. Jess is amazing.”
Basking in the attention and love, Jess glowed like the flame of a candle.
Family could be like a cushion, Kayla thought. Something soft to protect you from the blows of life. You couldn’t stop the blows happening, but if you had people who cared around you then the blows hurt less.
She’d learned to live without that cushion. She’d learned to protect herself from the blows of life, but she’d done it by avoiding anything that might hurt. She’d avoided relationships so she didn’t have to nurture herself through the pain of an ending.
And she’d avoided Christmas.
She rubbed her hand over her stomach, realizing that she hadn’t reached for indigestion tablets since that first night with Jackson.
“Are you hungry, honey?” Alice patted her hand. “Sean, put some turkey on this poor girl’s plate before she starves.”
They noticed everything. They looked out for each other. They even looked out for her.
Kayla’s throat thickened. She’d come here to escape Christmas, and ended up being immersed in it. She’d been cushioned from the usual bruises by the O’Neil family.
By Jackson.
She turned her head and saw him laughing at something Tyler had said.
He’d dropped everything to come home and support his family. He was there for them, all the time, even when they drove him crazy, because Jackson O’Neil wasn’t a man who walked away.
She thought about that first night when she’d messed up her presentation and he’d insisted she stay. She thought about the night she’d been on her own and miserable and he’d refused to leave her. She thought about the sled ride through the forest and the times they’d laughed. And she thought about making love with him.
It had felt perfect, and the things that made it perfect were the same things that made him absolutely, totally the wrong man for her.
She sat still, frozen by the realization that she’d allowed herself to care.
How had that happened? How?
“Time for presents!” Jess leaped up from her chair, and Maple barked furiously, fired up by the excitement in the room.
Kayla stood, too, like a robot executing a preprogrammed movement. “I ought to be getting back to my cabin.”
She shouldn’t have come. She should have worked, instead of allowing herself to spend time with them.
“You can’t leave now!” Elizabeth took her hand and squeezed. “We’re opening presents. You’re part of that. Let’s go into the living room. We can clear up later.”
Before she could even draw breath, Kayla was seated by the Christmas tree she’d helped decorate days earlier.
Maple jumped onto her lap, and Kayla hugged the dog, trying to work out how she’d got in so deep so fast.
Jess was on her knees in front of the tree, sorting through presents.
“This pile is for Grandma—” She read labels and handed out presents while Kayla sat, awkward and self-conscious, grateful for Maple.
“This pile is for Kayla—” Jess dropped them onto her lap next to the puppy, and Kayla stared at the prettily wrapped gifts.
“What are these?”
“Your presents.” Jess passed two to Elizabeth and one to Jackson, while Kayla sat there, clutching parcels, her feelings raw and exposed.
They’d given her presents.
“You shouldn’t have bought me anything—”
“You gave up your Christmas to be here with us.” Elizabeth handed around coffee. “That makes you one of the family.”
She wasn’t one of the family. She couldn’t be. Didn’t want to be.
“Kayla?” Jackson’s voice was soft, and she realized she had to get this over with fast, before she made a fool of herself.
It was just a few presents. She’d open them, make enthusiastic noises and then go back to her cabin and pack. She’d bury herself in work, and all these feelings would go.
“This is exciting!” Smiling, she opened the heavy one first and pulled out an ax. Her smile wobbled as she glanced at Walter.
“I guess you can’t take it on the plane, so you’ll have to leave it here,” he said gruffly, “and use it when you come and visit.”
There was no way she was ever going to be able to come back here.
No way.
“Thanks, Walter. I—” She found it difficult to speak, so instead she went through the presents one by one and managed to smile and say the right things, even though it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. Alice had given her a pretty red scarf, Jess a box of chocolates, Tyler a warm pair of ski socks and Élise a cookery book for beginners.
And then Elizabeth pushed a small box into her hand.
“This is from all of us.” She reached down to hug Kayla. “You’ve worked so hard and we want you to remember us. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Come back soon.”
Choking back her wayward emotions, Kayla undid the bow and unwrapped the tiny silver box. There inside, nestling against dark velvet was a silver snowflake on a chain. “That’s so beautiful.” It winked and shone like the surface of the snow in sunlight.
“Wear it sometimes so you don’t forget us when you’re back in New York.”
Forget them?
How could she forget them? This was the first time in her life she’d felt like part of something. The first time in her life she hadn’t felt as if she were on the outside looking in.
The first time she’d allowed herself to care.
She lifted the necklace out of its box and fastened it around her neck.
“It looks pretty.” Alice put her knitting down. “When will you be back, Kayla?”
Elizabeth started picking up crumpled, torn wrapping paper. “Not for a while, I expect. But I’m sure she’ll stay in touch, and Jackson will tell us how she’s getting on.”
“How can she help us from New York? She’s put all those lovely, exciting ideas together, and now she’s leaving?”
Kayla saw Jackson looking at her and knew he was waiting for her to tell them about her promotion. But she couldn’t. The words stuck in her throat. It wasn’t relevant to them. It was a million miles away from life here.
Kayla heard Jackson swear under his breath, but it was Walter who spoke, his voice rough.
“She came here to give us advice and she’s done that. Now leave the girl alone.”
“But she fell in love with Snow Crystal,” Alice said in a stubborn voice. “She told
us that.”
“Alice, her job is in New York.”
“Jackson could give her a job. He’s in charge now. He could fix this.”
Walter took her hand. “She’s going to help us.”
“For once in your life will you think about something other than this place.” Alice glared at him fiercely, the look giving clues as to why she hadn’t been crushed by Walter in the sixty years they’d been together. “People matter more than places.”
“I know that. But Kayla has a life in New York.”
Kayla fingered her necklace. She had an apartment and a job. That was her life in New York.
“That’s enough.” Taking charge, Jackson stood up. “You’ve given her your gifts. Now it’s my turn. Put your coat on, Kayla.”
Reeling from emotions she couldn’t begin to decipher, Kayla stood up. “You already gave me presents—”
“Those were from Santa. I still have to give you mine—” Jackson picked up the scarf Alice had given her and wrapped it around her neck. “Where’s your coat?”
“In the kitchen.”
“I brought it through for you—” Elizabeth handed it over, eyes shining, a hopeful smile on her face as she looked at her son. “Oh, Jackson—”
Kayla wondered why Elizabeth was suddenly so cheerful. Then she heard the sound of bells, looked out of the window and saw the horse-drawn sleigh. Jess made a happy sound and ran to the window.
“It’s Bessie! Oh, wow. Can I go for a ride through the forest?”
“No.” Tyler tugged her away from the window, his gaze fixed on his brother. “You can have a turn later.”
Jess looked disappointed. “Who is it for then?”
“Kayla.” Jackson took her hand. “This is my gift to you. Your last Snow Crystal experience. Merry Christmas.”
* * *
HE COULD SEE them watching, noses pressed to the window as he and Kayla climbed into the sleigh. He was torn between frustration, amusement and sympathy.
Could his family be any less subtle?
Even Tyler was still standing by the window, beer in hand as he watched.
Jackson hoped Kayla didn’t notice them or she’d probably go straight to the airport and sleep in the departure lounge overnight rather than hang around a moment longer.
