by Sarah Morgan
“Merry Christmas.” Pete grinned at them both as he used the reins and his voice to persuade Bessie to move.
“We’ve had her since she was a foal. Gramps used to do the sleigh rides at one time but now it makes his arthritis worse.” Jackson pulled the blanket over Kayla. “You’ll need this. It can get cold.”
“Thanks. This is fun.” But she didn’t look like someone who was having fun. She looked wan. Pale. Incredibly tired.
He felt a stab of concern. “Did Alice upset you?”
“No, of course not. She’s lovely. Your whole family is lovely.” There was a choke in her voice that caught his attention and gave him hope.
“Why didn’t you tell them about your promotion? You have a right to celebrate.”
But she didn’t look as if she was celebrating.
She stared ahead through the trees. “It didn’t seem like the right time.”
He wasn’t sure this was the right time for what he had planned, either, but it was the only time he had so he intended to use it.
He sat, restless and impatient as the sleigh wound along the groomed forest trail, the jangle of bells and the soft thud of hooves disturbing the silence.
“Thank you.” She turned to him, her smile strained. “It’s been a happy Christmas Day. I was dreading it, but it’s been the best ever.”
He thought about what he carried in his pocket.
He was either about to ruin that day or make it perfect.
“It hasn’t finished yet.” They’d reached the part of the trail that led to the frozen waterfall and Pete pulled in and winked at Jackson.
There were times when he wished he lived in a place where a man could have a few secrets, and this was one of those times.
Jackson sprang down from the sleigh and held out his hand to her. “Come with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“To the same place we came on the first day.” They took a different path, staying on a groomed track until they reached the waterfall.
“I can’t believe I’ve been here a week. I can’t believe I’ll be back in New York tomorrow.”
He took her hand and noticed that she didn’t try to pull it away. “How do you feel about that?”
“Excited, of course.” Her smile was a little too bright. “Why?”
“Because I want you to stay.” He hadn’t meant to say it so abruptly. He should have said something fluent and romantic, something that would make her head spin and her heart melt. Instead of which, he’d shocked her. “I really want you to stay.”
Instead of looking starry-eyed, she looked stunned. “Stay?”
“Yes. Damn it, Kayla—” he grabbed her jacket and hauled her against him “—I love you.”
She stared at him, her breathing shallow. “You’re crazy.”
“Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m just good at knowing what I want. I think I fell in love with you the moment you landed on your back in the snow and laughed. Or maybe it was when you didn’t walk out on that first night, even though my family had been rude to you and you were desperate to get away from us. I know I loved you when I kissed you next to this waterfall. I definitely loved you when we spent the night together, and I think—” he paused, knowing he was taking a risk “—I think you love me, too.”
Silence stretched from seconds to almost a full minute.
Then she shook her head.
“No.” She planted her palm in the center of his chest, warding him off. “Damn it, no, Jackson. Don’t do this—”
“Don’t do what? Tell the truth about how I feel?”
“You can’t possibly feel that way. We’ve only known each other for a week. You can’t know that.”
“I know.”
“No—” Panic flickered in her eyes. “You’re a risk taker. That’s what you do. You leap off cliffs without knowing if you can land safely—”
“I’m still standing here, so that has to prove something about my judgment. I’ve never been afraid to leap, Kayla, but that’s probably because there’s always been a bunch of people cheering me on. I know you haven’t had that. And I know I’m asking a lot, but I want you to stay, Kayla. Stay and be with me. Don’t go.”
She gave a choked laugh. “Let me get this straight—you’re asking me to give up my job, a job I’ve worked almost a decade to get, a job most people would kill for, to come and live with a man I met a week ago?”
“I’m asking you to think about what you truly want. What truly makes you happy.”
“My job makes me happy.”
“Your job makes you feel safe. You feel in control and it’s important for you to feel in control.” He kept his voice gentle because he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear what he was saying. “You shut people out, because if they’re not in your life then they can’t hurt you. But that isn’t what happiness is, Kayla. Happiness isn’t simply avoiding unhappiness. You can spend your life dodging boulders or you can jump on top of one and take a look at the view. See what you’re missing.”
“Jackson—”
“You came to Snow Crystal because you were miserable. You were lonely. Is that really what you’re choosing to go back to?”
“You’re asking me to give up work—”
“No, I’m asking you to do a different job and do it here, with me. And maybe that doesn’t seem like much of an offer compared to being vice president—” he wondered who thought up those ridiculous damn titles that city marketing companies always used to seduce their staff “—but maybe, there is more to work than a title, a salary and a fancy corner office in a big city. You care about this place—I know you do. I don’t believe this is just another account to you.”
“I think—”
“I don’t want to know what you think because you have the ability to think yourself out of anything.” He pulled her against him, his mouth close to hers, “I want to know what you feel. Tell me what you feel.”
“Right now?” Her voice rose. “Sick.” She was shutting him down. Blocking him out.
“What has the last week meant to you, Kayla?”
“Damn it, Jackson, I warned you I don’t do relationships. You knew—”
“Yeah, you warned me—I broke the rules—” He knew he was pushing her, but he didn’t have the luxury of time and he figured he didn’t have anything to lose that wasn’t already lost. “But are you really telling me it meant nothing? You didn’t check your emails, Kayla. You’ve been laughing and sleeping late. When did you last look in the mirror? Your hair is curling and you have color in your cheeks. You look healthy! Maybe it’s time to take another look at those rules of yours. Maybe it’s time to take a look at a different sort of life.”
“You can’t— I don’t—” she breathed. “It isn’t possible.”
“I know my own mind, Kayla. And you know yours. The question is, will you believe what it’s telling you?”
“I’ve worked hard for what I have.”
“And what do you have, Kayla? A corner office? A stomach ulcer? A salary, but no one to spend it on except yourself? Is that really what matters to you?”
“I love my job.”
“Yes, but you’ve let your job fill your whole life because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. You do that job out of fear. You work those hours out of fear, because you’re afraid that if you don’t keep moving you might just build connections with people, and the next step to that is becoming involved and that terrifies you. You ran away at thirteen and you’re still running away.”
Her face was so white it almost merged with the snow around her. “That isn’t true—”
“I’m offering you a job and a life. And that life includes me.”
“I can’t believe you’re serious.”
“Then maybe this will prove it.” He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the box he’d zipped in there the night before.
“No! Jackson—” She moaned his name and gasped as he flipped opened the box. The diamond sparkled in the wint
er sunshine. “Oh, God, that’s beautiful.”
He allowed himself a brief moment of satisfaction that he’d got that part right.
“Marry me, Kayla. Stop running, marry me and we’ll build a life together.”
The healthy glow left her cheeks. Her lips were the only stain of colour in her face. She pulled off her glove and her hand hovered over the ring.
His heart lifted and hope, ruthlessly suppressed, broke free.
Then she curled her fingers into her palm and shook her head. “I can’t.” The words were a whisper, and she pressed her hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
For the first time in his life he knew how it felt to be desperate. “I know you’re scared, I know on the surface it seems like a risky decision, but I love you, and that isn’t going to change. I’m know I’m asking you to walk away from the safe option, but always choosing the safe option stops you reaching for something more. Is that really the way you want to live?”
She was silent and then finally she looked up at him, her eyes blank. “It’s exactly the way I want to live. It’s the only way I know how to live. I’m sorry, Jackson. I—I really am sorry, but I can’t. I have to go back to New York.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE CAB ARRIVED at 8:00 a.m.
The snow was already falling heavily, and Kayla lifted her face to it, knowing now that snow was good for the business. Snow meant skiers, and skiers meant money for Snow Crystal.
“Better hurry, lady.” The driver threw her bags into the trunk, and Kayla tucked Maple inside her coat.
She’d spent the night alone on the shelf with just the puppy for company. She’d waited for Jackson, her emotions fluctuating between relief and disappointment when he hadn’t come.
She didn’t blame him. He’d put everything out there, and she hadn’t even met him halfway.
How could she?
What he was suggesting wasn’t just ridiculous, it was terrifying.
She wondered if Elizabeth had known what had happened. Had Jackson told her?
The cab stopped at the main house and she slid out, still holding Maple. For a crazy moment she wondered if she could have a dog in her apartment in New York, and then she realized she didn’t want any dog—she wanted this dog and there was no way the O’Neils would part with the puppy. She was as much a member of the family as Jess or Alice, and the O’Neils didn’t consider family members disposable. Even when life was tough, they stuck together.
She walked down the path, steady this time in her beautiful new boots, and paused for a moment to stare at the mistletoe bunched above the door before ringing the bell. There was nothing romantic about mistletoe, she reminded herself.
Mistletoe was poisonous.
The door opened. Walter stood there along with Elizabeth, Tyler and Jess.
Kayla forced herself to hand Maple over to Elizabeth. “Thank you. For being so welcoming, for listening to me, for the necklace—” She reached forward and embraced the other woman, and Elizabeth hugged her back.
“You have such an exciting future. We’re proud of you, dear, so proud.”
Oh, God—
No one had ever said that to her. No one.
“Keep those knives away from Élise in the kitchen.” She pulled away before she made a fool of herself, but then Walter stepped forward and hugged her.
And she hugged him back, surprised by the strength in his bony frame, thinking that this man was as much a part of Snow Crystal as the mountains and the snow. “I’ve set up some interviews. You’re going to be a star, Walter.” Her voice was croaky. “Just don’t scare them too much.”
“You’d better come back and keep me in line. And do it soon.” Patting her back, he released her and cleared his throat. “Alice isn’t good with goodbyes. She’s inside. You could give her a wave.”
Alice was standing in the window holding her knitting, the lights from the Christmas tree glowing behind her.
Deciding she wasn’t good at goodbyes, either, Kayla waved and Elizabeth pressed a small package into her hand.
“A few gingerbread Santas. In case you’re hungry on the journey.”
“You’re not going to cry, are you?” Tyler drawled. “Because if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a sobbing woman.”
“Dad!” Rolling her eyes, Jess gave Kayla an awkward smile. “Come back soon so you can teach me to skate.”
Tyler winked and stepped forward to give her a warm hug. “Take care of yourself. Place isn’t going to be the same without seeing you lying flat on your back in the snow every time I turn a corner.” He lowered his voice. “Jackson’s taken the groomer up one of the trails. He said he’ll catch up with you soon.”
In other words he hadn’t wanted to see her.
And she couldn’t blame him for that.
He’d offered her everything, and she’d given him nothing in return. Nothing except her skills at her job, and they both knew that was something she gave freely to anyone with the money to pay Innovation the going rate.
The cabdriver leaned on his horn.
“I’d better be going—” Kayla turned and walked back down the path. As she slid into the cab she felt as if someone had taken one of the boulders from the top of the mountain and pushed it onto her chest.
She sat, flattened by misery and something heavier that she didn’t recognize.
The car moved silently along the snowy track toward the road, and Kayla stared at the lake, her vision blurring. She blinked a few times, remembering the first day she’d arrived here.
“Home for the holidays?” The taxi driver glanced in his mirror and she shook her head.
“I was working. Home is New York.”
Her life was in New York.
She’d come here to escape Christmas, and Christmas was over, so why didn’t she feel more excited about going back?
Trying to pull herself together, she reached for her phone and tried to check her emails, but the signal was so patchy it was impossible to work. Or maybe it was her concentration that was patchy. All she knew was that her head throbbed and she still had preparation to do for her meeting. The meeting with the partners to discuss her promotion.
She should have been buzzing with excitement.
Instead she kept thinking of Alice’s face in the window. Of Walter hugging her. Of Maple licking her toes as she’d stepped out of the shower.
Of Jackson.
Feeling tears burn her throat, she reached into her bag for tissues, and her fingers closed over the envelope she’d forgotten. Her Christmas gift. Numb, she ripped it open and read the card. The message inside was printed, a generic festive greeting that would have been sent to all her father’s clients.
She waited for the thud of disappointment, but it didn’t come.
Somewhere along the way she’d given up expecting anything different from her family. Given up wanting something they couldn’t deliver.
They weren’t close, and nothing she did was going to change that.
Stuffing the envelope back into her bag, her fingers scraped against something rough, and she found the pinecone Jackson had given her the night he’d taken her on the sled ride through the moonlit forest.
And suddenly she realized why she wasn’t more excited about going back to New York.
She didn’t feel as if she was going home.
She felt as if she was leaving home.
Somehow, over the past week, she’d fallen in love with Snow Crystal. And not just Snow Crystal, but with the whole O’Neil family.
And Jackson.
Oh, God, she was in love with Jackson.
Crazily, madly in love with Jackson.
She leaned her head back against the seat.
No, no, no. How had she let it happen?
This was what she’d avoided.
“Stop the car!”
“What?”
“Stop the car—just for a minute—”
She gripped the pinecone, her brain spinnin
g.
What the hell was she doing?
Her life was in front of her, and she only ever looked ahead, didn’t she?
She should do the sensible thing and return to New York and her promotion. She should go back to living behind the walls she’d built and keeping herself safe. She’d direct the account, but someone else would do the real work. Someone else would be the one spending time at Snow Crystal with Walter, Alice and Elizabeth.
Someone else would work with Jackson.
And eventually he’d meet someone.
“Lady—”
“Just a minute...” She pressed her fingers to her forehead, feeling as if she were being torn in two directions, like the rope in a tug-of-war.
Jackson was right, she thought. She was scared.
Most of her life, decisions had been driven by fear. She didn’t form close relationships because she was scared of losing. She was good at building walls, but hopeless at opening doors. Jackson had smashed down those walls, pushed his way through the door she’d never opened and found the person she’d hidden away all those years before.
He knew her better than she knew herself.
She thought about their walk through the forest, about skiing together, about the nights lying in his arms on the shelf while they talked about things she’d never talked about before.
The pinecone lay in her palm and she looked down at it, remembering the night he’d given it to her. The kiss she knew she’d never forget.
And then she thought about the life waiting for her in New York. Promotion. Security. She’d have to be crazy to throw that away, wouldn’t she?
The taxi driver glanced in his mirror. “Lady, you need to make up your mind.”
Why was she hesitating?
There was only one decision she could possibly make.
* * *
JACKSON STOPPED THE snowmobile and examined the damage to the trail.
Trudging back to the snowmobile, he removed the sticks he’d brought up with him and marked the area.
The phone in his pocket rang for the eighth time, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, especially not his well-meaning family.
