Intimate Surrender

by RaeAnne Thayne

  "Of course not!" she replied.

  "Then who is it?"

  "A friend," she repeated.

  "Why won't you tell me who it is?"

  Katie let out a frustrated breath. "Look, I have to go."

  "Don't hang up! You have to talk to Trent." Her voice took on a petulant note, like a spoiled child deprived of a favorite toy.

  "No," Katie said firmly. "I won't let you put me in the middle. If you want him to change his mind, you talk to him. I'm sorry, Mother. I have to go."

  "Why?"

  She scrambled to come up with a believable excuse. "The, um, horses need to be fed." Out of old habit, she crossed her fingers at the lie, then flushed when she caught Peter's amused look.

  "Doesn't your father have people to do that?"

  Katie jerked her gaze away from that smile. "Y-yes, but they're not here right now so I need to feed the stock."

  She could almost hear Sheila's shudder over the phone line, but before her mother could voice her disgust of anything associated with the ranch, Katie cut her off with a hurried farewell and quickly severed the connection.

  She forced herself to take several deep, carefully measured breaths to settle her nerves, just as her therapist taught her. If she needed a reminder why she and Peter could never have a happily-ever-after, Sheila had just handed her a dandy.

  She couldn't marry him. Any sweet, spun-sugar fantasies she might have been silly enough to entertain, even subconsciously, dissolved into nothing under the hard rain of reality.

  If she succumbed to Peter's dogged pursuit, she would be dooming them both to a future of tension and stress. Sheila despised the Logans so fiercely, Katie couldn't even imagine how she could ever tell her mother she was marrying one.

  If she did, she knew Sheila's hatred would fester and eventually bubble over, coating their lives with ugliness.

  It wasn't fair, she wanted to cry. Why did an old bitterness have to ruin any chance she might have of finding happiness with the man she loved?

  "Is she angry?" Peter asked.

  Katie shoved down the regrets and met his gaze. "Not at me. Trent is the one in her sights this time."

  "That surprises me."

  "Why? She and Trent are always banging heads."

  "I would have expected her to blow a gasket over that photograph."

  She had completely forgotten! "Oh, that. She's been in Europe and hasn't seen it yet. She's heard rumors but of course thinks everyone must be grossly mistaken."

  "Why?" he asked.

  If she didn't know better, she would almost have thought the puzzled look on his face was genuine. Could he really not see what was so obvious to her and to the rest of the world? Or did he just choose not to acknowledge it?

  "We both know I'm not exactly the kind of woman you usually date. Portland's most gorgeous eligible bachelor and the Crosbys' fat, nerdy, ugly duckling of a daughter belong together about as much as champagne and corn dogs."

  Eleven

  Peter heard her words and the passion in them but didn't believe she could say them, at least with a straight face.

  Ugly duckling? Her?

  Didn't she ever look in the mirror and see the delicate features staring back at her? Those warm, expressive eyes, the elegant cheekbones, that sweetly bowed mouth that begged to be kissed?

  He had been bowled over by her since that night at the charity gala, when she'd walked into the room, all grace and sophistication. From the first time she aimed that smile at him, he had been completely ensnared.

  After the incredible passion they had shared, he hadn't wanted to look at another woman. He was completely obsessed with only one. His Celeste.

  Not Celeste, he corrected himself. Celeste had been a glamorous, shimmery mirage. Katie was flesh and blood, funny and stubborn and smart and real.

  Even when he thought she had lied to him and deceived him, when he was sure she only slept with him to steal Logan secrets, he still hungered for her like a dying man who wants only one more moment of sunshine.

  The last three days he had barely been able to take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful he couldn't look away. Knowing she was pregnant with his child filled him with awe, with wonder, with a terrifying tenderness.

  He loved her.

  The realization slammed into his gut like a prize-fighter's uppercut. If he had been standing, he would have sagged against the ropes.

  He loved Katherine Celeste Crosby.

  All this time he had been trying to convince her they should marry for their child's sake. But he had only been using that as an excuse to bind her to him, he admitted now.

  This couldn't be happening. He had his life carefully mapped out and he didn't have room for love in that plan—certainly not with Katie. What a mess. What a grade A, bona fide disaster.

  "Peter? Are you all right?"

  Katie looked concerned and even a little frightened, and he had no idea how long he had been standing there staring at her. He forced himself to smile with what he sincerely hoped was a casualness that belied his suddenly racing pulse.

  "Everything's fine," he lied. "Just fine. I guess I'd better go check on the horses."

  She frowned. "Because of what I said to my mother? I was just using that as an excuse to hang up the phone."

  "I know you were but it's a good idea. I should still see how they're doing."

  She looked unconvinced, probably because he had only come in from feeding them an hour before and they generally needed tending only once a day. He didn't care. He needed to get away now.

  Without offering any other explanations he turned on his heel and hurried to the mudroom off the kitchen for the coveralls he used.

  His thoughts a wild tangle, he fumbled to put them on and then his boots before he headed out into a frigid Wyoming afternoon.

  The sky was a brilliant, cornea-scorching blue. He stood for a moment gazing at the mountains, wondering just what the hell he was supposed to do now.

  If someone would have told him a week ago that he would be in love with a Crosby, he probably would have knocked their teeth out, but here he was. Somehow in the last few days her last name had ceased to matter to him. He still disliked some members of her family—her mother came immediately to mind—but he saw Katie as so much more than her name now. She was bright and funny and insightful.

  The day before, she had offered a suggestion to a work dilemma he had been trying to solve long-distance and her answer had been right on the money.

  These last few days had been a rare and peaceful interlude for him. He was always so busy with goals and objectives, with following the course he had charted for his life. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken time to sit and just be.

  Being with Katie was balm to his soul. She calmed him and settled him and somehow quieted the strident voice in his head telling him he was never quite good enough.

  He didn't want to lose her but he didn't see what other choice he had. Since the day he found out she was pregnant with his child, his one goal in life had been to convince her they should marry. He had done everything in his power to convince her. Now he could only be profoundly grateful for her stubbornness in continuing to refuse.

  He still believed it was the decent, honorable thing to do. Intellectually he knew he should continue to press until she changed her mind. He wanted his child to have an intact home, a father and mother.

  But he couldn't imagine any hell more exquisitely painful than being married to Katie when she didn't love him.

  He would be miserable. What's more, he would no doubt make her miserable, as well.

  What was he supposed to do? A man had an obligation to take care of his child. He believed that with all his heart. But how could he sentence himself to a loveless marriage when he wanted so much more?

  * * *

  "The baby's fine, then?" Katie asked Laura two days after her mother's phone call.

  "As far as I can tell." The doctor smiled and returned her stethoscope to the
weatherproof backpack full of medical supplies she had brought with her for the visit to Sweetwater.

  "The heartbeat is strong and healthy," Laura went on, "and the baby's growth seems right on target for fourteen weeks. I've said it before, there are no guarantees when it comes to babies. But I've learned to trust my gut on these matters, and all my instincts are telling me you're past the danger zone of losing the pregnancy."

  Katie let out the breath she'd been holding. Relief flooded through her like spring runoff, washing away the fear and worry she had carried around since the day of her fall. She wanted to hold her baby in her arms and whirl around the room.

  Instead she contented herself with giving Laura a radiant smile. "Oh, thank you!"

  Laura laughed. "Don't thank me. I didn't do anything. You're the one doing all the hard work here."

  "I haven't done anything but lie around."

  "That's just what you needed to be doing. Enjoy this chance to rest while you have it because once your little kiddo enters the picture, you'll forget you ever once had such a luxury as leisure time."

  Laura's smile included Peter, sitting quietly in the armchair by the fireplace. "When do Clint and Margie return?" she asked.

  "They called about an hour ago and said they should be here first thing in the morning," Katie said. "Their daughter caught the flu right after the delivery so they stayed until she was back on her feet."

  "It's a good thing you had Mr. Logan here to help out while they were gone."

  Katie managed a smile while inside some of her bleak mood returned. Peter had been a lifesaver, she admitted. But in the two day since Sheila called, things between them had changed.

  He still cared for her just as diligently as before. He still cooked for her and took care of the animals and watched over her. He still talked to her and read to her and watched old movies with her, but all with a new reserve between them.

  He wasn't cold exactly, simply stiff and withdrawn, as if trying to maintain a safe distance between them.

  For two days he had been kind and solicitous but all with that same polite detachment. And he hadn't said a single word in all that time about marriage.

  Though she mourned his change of heart, she understood it and couldn't fault him for it.

  He had only heard her part of the conversation with Sheila and missed out on most of the anti-Logan vitriol her mother had spewed. Nevertheless Katie was sure the one-sided snippets were enough to remind him of all the reasons they could never make a successful marriage.

  She had seen the sudden panic flare in his eyes before he rushed outside on the flimsy excuse of taking care of livestock that certainly didn't need caring for.

  She had known even then that he had changed his mind about marrying her. She tried to convince herself she was glad. Things surely would be easier between them if he dropped the ridiculous idea.

  Wasn't she a contrary thing, though? Now that he stopped asking her, she could think of nothing she wanted more than to say yes.

  "As far as I'm concerned," Laura went on, "you're cleared to return to Portland whenever you decide you're ready. Check in with your own obstetrician as soon as you get back. I'm sure she'll want to see you as soon as possible. But if you were my patient, I wouldn't put you on any other restrictions besides exercising normal caution. You're free to resume all your regular activities."

  Oh, she didn't want to return to Portland and all the chaos that awaited her there. She dreaded facing her family with the news of her pregnancy. Her siblings would have mixed feelings about the baby, she knew. Ivy would be thrilled their babies would be born only months apart and Trent knew she longed for a child. But she knew both of them would worry about her having the child on her own.

  Jack would probably show her his typical distracted indifference. And Sheila…Well, Sheila would go ballistic, especially when she learned who the father was, something Katie realized now she couldn't hide.

  Her mother had called a half-dozen times since their conversation two days earlier but Katie chose not to answer when she saw the number flashing on the caller ID.

  She just didn't think she was up to a confrontation with her mother yet, but she knew she couldn't put it off much longer.

  She pushed away her dread to deal with later. For now she would focus on her overwhelming joy that all appeared to be well with her baby.

  She squeezed Laura's hand. "Thank you for everything."

  "You can thank me by letting me hold a bouncing, healthy baby in a few months."

  "It's a deal." Katie smiled.

  Laura kissed her cheek, then shrugged into her heavy parka. Before she could pick up her bulky pack, Peter beat her to it.

  "Let me carry this out to your vehicle for you."

  "I never turn down a handsome man." Laura winked at Katie, kissed her again and followed Peter outside.

  She would love to have Laura deliver her baby, she thought as she watched them go out into the pale twilight. Not only was she a dear friend but Katie trusted her medical skills implicitly. If Laura didn't love the rural Wyoming lifestyle where she had raised her own family, she could have been practicing medicine anywhere in the world.

  Could she manage it somehow? Katie wondered. Maybe Laura would consent to fly out to Portland for the birth or Katie could always return to Sweetwater and have the baby here. Laura's clinic wasn't set up for childbirth but perhaps they could go to the small hospital in Jackson Hole.

  The idea appealed deeply and she vowed to talk it over with Peter. Whether he wanted to marry her or not, he had a say in all of this, she admitted to herself.

  A few moments later Peter returned to the great room, his expression remote, as it had been since her mother's phone call. "If you're ready to go back to Portland, we can fly out together after the Taylors return in the morning."

  She sighed, hating this distance between them. "I suppose I have to. If I don't return soon, Trent will come and yank me back."

  His mouth tightened as if he disliked the mention of her brother. "I hope you're not planning to jump right back into the deep end. Despite Dr. Harp's ringing endorsement that everything should be fine, I think you need to take it easy now."

  She raised an eyebrow at his dictatorial tone. "I have a job to do, a career I enjoy that I'm good at."

  "I'm sure you do. But I know damn well how stressful R & D can be. The long hours at a computer, the constant pressure to come up with something new. I'm just suggesting you think about whether that's really the best environment for a pregnant woman. You have a baby to think about now."

  In the last few days her abdomen had seemed to swell rapidly, as if the baby decided there was no reason to hide her presence anymore. Katie loved her new roundness, loved seeing the little mound and imagining the person inside.

  "Believe me," she retorted, "I'm very well aware of that fact, Peter. But I'm not one of your employees that you can order around. You're not my boss or my husband or my father."

  Before her mother's phone call, he probably would have come back with something about how he wanted to be her husband; she only had to say the word.

  Instead his mouth tightened. "But I am the father of that child you're carrying. Whether you like it or not, that gives me certain responsibilities to make sure you don't wear yourself out during the pregnancy with unnecessary stress."

  This concern was for his child, not for her. The knowledge made her heart ache, made her tone more combative than she intended. "Are you planning to monitor my time card?" she snapped.

  His tone was just as cold. "Will I have to?"

  Oh, she wanted to weep at the distance between them. This autocratic stranger was so different from the teasing, smiling man she had come to know in the days since her accident—the man she had come to love. She wanted him back!

  "I know my limits. I don't intend to exceed them," she said quietly. "Contrary to the way I seem to act around you, I'm not completely lacking in common sense."

  "I never said anything abou
t your common sense or lack thereof. But you have a taxing, stressful position. I know how things go on the corporate level. You think you're only going to work a little late to tie up some loose ends and before you know it, the clock tolls midnight and you have to be back for a 6:00 a.m. conference call with Tokyo."

  She knew that only too well. She had grown up watching it firsthand with her father. Before she had been sent to boarding school, she remembered sometimes going weeks without seeing Jack. He invariably left before she rose, no matter how early she set her alarm, and he returned home long after she went to bed.

  She had to hope Peter would be different, for her baby's sake.

  "It doesn't have to be that way. You said the other day you have good people who work for you. So do I. I fully intend to cede some of my duties to them during the pregnancy and talk to Trent about cutting both my hours and my responsibilities after the baby arrives."

  "I'm sure he'll be just thrilled about that." Peter's voice dripped with sarcasm.

  "He'll deal with it."

  "You seem remarkably certain of that."

  "He's my brother and he loves me."

  His skeptical look made her ache again for all that lay between them. "He does," she said sharply. "Believe it or not, even we Crosbys are capable of loving each other."

  "I never said you weren't."

  You didn't have to say it, she started to say, but before she could open her mouth to utter her hot words, the strangest sensation tickled inside her—a flutter in her womb, like the tiny touch of butterfly wings whispering together.

  She thought maybe she imagined it but then she felt it again, stronger this time, unmistakable.

  The baby!

  She froze and one hand flew to her mouth while the other covered the swell of her abdomen.

  This was real!

  She had a little life growing inside her, someone whose arms or legs—or both!—were flailing around right this minute. An incredible rush of emotion poured through her—shock and excitement and joy—and she couldn't hold back her tears.

  "What is it?" Peter's voice was urgent, his brown eyes shadowed with concern. "Are you cramping again? Do I need to call Dr. Harp back?"