From Father to Son

by Janice Kay Johnson

  She was making this so damned hard. He’d have sworn she was releasing him, letting him know she knew it was a one-off and that was okay, he shouldn’t feel bad about it.

  But Rowan wasn’t the kind of woman who’d even consider meaningless sex.

  That’s what she was telling him, he realized with shock. That it hadn’t been meaningless, but she didn’t expect any more from him.

  The realization outraged him on one level, and on another he was grateful. You did hurt me, she’d said. And she was trying now to be sure that he couldn’t again.

  Feeling sick, he couldn’t blame her for her caution. He did retreat every time they got too close. He knew that he was going to this time, as well.

  “I’ll let you go get the kids,” he said, backing away. He couldn’t keep hanging around. He had to get out of there.

  Niall went back to his cottage and donned his leathers, then got on his Harley. As he rode it out of the driveway and onto the street, he saw Rowan on the sidewalk. She must have heard the throaty roar, but she didn’t turn.

  He went the other way.

  Beneath the hammer of guilt, panic clawed him. He could feel things for her that he’d never felt before.

  Could? Maybe already did.

  No! He’d vowed never to set a foot into that trap. It hadn’t even occurred to him that the damn thing would yawn open in front of him. He remembered Duncan, when he’d first met Jane, asking Niall if he or Conall ever had real relationships with women. Niall had been surprised Duncan had to ask; of course none of the MacLachlan brothers would do anything that stupid. That risky. In the end, he’d accepted that his big brother had chosen to do so. But Duncan, Niall had always known, was different from his younger brothers. Mom had loved Duncan as much as she was able, stayed for him until she believed he no longer needed him.

  But she had been wrong. Her decision had been the worst thing she could do to him right then, but Niall had also known for a long time that both of their parents had been utterly self-centered.

  In that moment, he knew. If, one of these days, I turn and Dad’s there in front of me, I will walk away. No conflict. No question. Niall didn’t want to be like Rory MacLachlan. Wanted no ties.

  He shuddered at the fear that, in rejecting Rowan and what she could offer, he was like Rory. Untrustworthy. Unable to feel deeply enough to give anything more than fleeting pleasure to another person.

  God, he thought in horror. Am I like Dad? When all I’ve ever wanted is to measure up to Duncan? Duncan, who when he loved, was unshakably reliable?

  Niall wanted to talk to his brother, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not yet.

  Maybe never.

  Once on the highway, he opened up, needing the speed and the power and the kind of risk he accepted.

  WHAT SHE’D THOUGHT HURT before was nothing compared to this.

  Rowan had expected it. She’d believed she was braced for Niall’s withdrawal, but she’d been lying to herself.

  It was all she could do to concentrate Wednesday, when she had her first in-service training for the school year. Or Thursday, when she worked half a day helping prepare the third-grade classroom for the opening of school.

  It wasn’t that Niall had disappeared, not this time. Not entirely, anyway. He was friendly when he saw them. When he heard that Desmond was to start soccer right after Labor Day, he began kicking the ball with him. He even took him down to the school one evening so they could practice on a real field. The kids didn’t notice that anything was wrong. They had no reason to see the complete lack of expression in his eyes on the rare occasions when they met Rowan’s. They weren’t aware, on a cell-deep level, of the body language that said Keep Away.

  Sunday night she’d gone out and sat on her glider, telling herself she only wanted the peace and the cooler air, but knowing she was giving him a chance.

  She might be wrong. He might slip out of the darkness and sit on the step. He might talk to her, that deep husky voice expressing so much his face never did.

  But she wasn’t wrong. He didn’t come, and she didn’t go out again after that. The hurt was too deep.

  He’d never said he loved her. It wasn’t his fault that she had fallen in love with him.

  He must know, she thought with anger she carefully fed with small handfuls of tinder.

  But she always cycled back to the same point. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but she’d known that all he really wanted was sex. And now he’d had it, had her. She couldn’t possibly have been very good at it, not with all her hang-ups. Why would he want a repeat? Rowan was nauseated to think of everything she’d told him. A man who only wanted a good time, and she’d told him all her misery with Drew. She couldn’t even remember why, except maybe it was because she’d been so stunned to discover how much Drew had cheated them both out of.

  She’d had her first appointment with the attorney on Thursday, after the morning she’d spent in the classroom. She’d been a little bit afraid, after hearing the admiration in Niall’s voice, that Elizabeth Foster would turn out to be a former lover of his, but she was a woman in her fifties who wore a wedding ring and had several pictures on her desk of an entirely bald but rather handsome husband, two daughters in their twenties and her first grandbaby.

  Rowan had to spend an hour raking up every twig of the past she could recall. Not her sex life, thank God, but everything she could remember about the Staleys and their relationship with Drew and with Desmond and Anna. And her.

  “I don’t know if they always disliked me. They probably didn’t think I was good enough for Drew. What I’ll never understand is why he made us all live under the weight of their disapproval,” she said.

  “I feel confident in saying their claim is ridiculous.” The attorney shook her head. “They want their grandchildren, and yet they’re willing to risk the possibility that you will refuse them further contact.” She hesitated. “You don’t seem to think Anna or Desmond will miss them too much.”

  Rowan shook her head.

  “I believe, in fact, that if this makes it to court we need to demand they have no visitation. I don’t see how, after this, you can be expected to maintain any kind of congenial relationship, or trust that they won’t bad-mouth you to your kids.”

  “I tried so hard to believe they were good for Desmond and Anna,” Rowan said. She was embarrassed of the way her voice shook. “But it’s gotten worse since my grandmother died and left me the house. They saw the move as a threat, even though we aren’t even a mile from them. It’s not like I swept the kids up and left the state.”

  “I know Detective MacLachlan,” the attorney said, in a seeming non sequitur.

  Suddenly wary, Rowan tried to keep all expression from her face.

  “The fact that he’s gotten so involved with your family is…unusual for him.”

  “So I gather,” she said stiffly. “It’s probably involuntary. We share a carport and a yard. Desmond especially latched on to him right away. I’ve been fortunate that he’s been kind about it.”

  “Yes.”

  Rowan was suddenly paralyzed by the certainty that Ms. Foster was going to say it would be a good idea if he moved out and she found another renter.

  I’ll refuse.

  But the awful truth was, she knew that for her it might be best if he did go. This could be an excuse. Niall would understand. He’d already expressed his willingness. The ever-present knot of pain in her chest cramped. Was it possible that he’d be glad of this excuse? Was that what he’d been trying to tell her?

  She might be able to start getting over him, if she didn’t have to see him almost daily.

  “His conduct as an officer of the law is above reproach,” the attorney said unexpectedly. “The Staleys won’t find a judge in this county who will believe he’s an inappropria
te person to have a relationship with your children.” There was a small but significant pause. “Or with you, if that’s the case.” She shook her head when Rowan opened her mouth. “You don’t need to tell me,” she said. “It’s entirely irrelevant, unless you’ve been holding drunken orgies at home when the kids were there.” She smiled at Rowan’s expression. “No, I didn’t think so.”

  “You don’t think it would be safer if Niall—if Detective MacLachlan—moved out?”

  “No. Absolutely no. His moving at this point might look like an admission of wrongdoing. And, frankly, you have no reason to make concessions to your parents-in-law.”

  Her relief was so huge, Rowan wasn’t sure her legs would have held her if she’d had to stand. It made her angry at herself. He didn’t love her, didn’t want anything long-term with her. She had to figure out how to armor herself.

  They agreed that Elizabeth would first respond to Donna and Glenn’s legal counsel, then see where it went from there.

  Home, Rowan thought wearily. Pay Jenny, the teenage babysitter Zeke’s mother had recommended. Make dinner. Pretend she wasn’t scared Glenn and Donna would somehow win anyway. That Niall hadn’t devastated her.

  Her mouth twisted into a small, painful smile. With some planning and luck, maybe she could get as good at dodging him as he’d been at dodging her.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ROWAN STOOD UNDER THE SHOWER, letting the hot water beat down on her. This was one morning when she really could have used the chance to sleep in. When she wasn’t so tired, she was amused by the unlikelihood of her spawning two early birds. Even with summer and her letting them stay up late, neither kid ever slept past seven.

  This morning, she’d talked them into going downstairs and watching cartoons while she showered and got dressed. Thank goodness Desmond was so responsible for his age. If she’d asked, he could have gotten out bowls and poured cereal and milk for himself and Anna, but Rowan had made a habit out of cooking a special breakfast on weekend days, so they were waiting. Probably, she realized, not so patiently.

  Once she was out of the shower and dry, the towel wrapped around her head, she opened the bathroom door so she could hear the sound of the TV downstairs. For a moment she frowned. That sounded like a man’s voice, but then a blare of silly sounds reassured her and she reached in a drawer for shorts.

  She was dressed and starting down the stairs when she definitely heard a voice that didn’t sound like either of the kids’. Anger fired in her. Had Niall come over? Running on fumes these days the way she was, Rowan didn’t know how she’d keep up the front if he was here.

  Then she heard Desmond. “But I want to say goodbye to Mommy!”

  What?

  Heartbeat accelerating, she bounded the rest of the way down. There were a couple of strange thumps and…was that the sound of her front door opening? She reached the arched entrance to the living room and saw, to her shock, that Donna was already out on the front porch carrying Anna. Glenn held Des and had a hand over his mouth. Her son was struggling. His sneaker-clad foot glanced off the wall.

  “You set them down this minute!” Rowan yelled, racing forward.

  Glenn’s face was mottled with purplish-red. He gave Desmond a hard shake and glared at her. “We’re taking our grandchildren for the weekend, as we’re entitled to do.”

  Rowan reached them and grabbed for Des. Glenn swung away, his shoulder slamming into her and sending her falling backward. Her legs collided with an end table and she went down with a crash echoed by the lamp that went down, too. She was screaming something, she didn’t know what, and Anna had begun to sob. Desmond fought like a demon.

  “Enough!” Glenn roared. He let go of the six year old’s mouth to smack a hand down hard on his rear end.

  Furious, she scrambled to her feet just as Glenn slammed the front door in her face. She was tearing it open when she heard running footsteps and turned to see Niall.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Glenn and Donna are taking the kids.”

  He was through the door on her heels. He leaped down the porch steps and grabbed Glenn’s shoulder, swinging him around.

  “Release the children. Now.”

  “This is none of your business!” Glenn snapped.

  Niall’s face was inches from Glenn’s. “If you don’t set that boy down in the next thirty seconds, I will place you under arrest,” he said in a voice Rowan had never heard before.

  Her father-in-law went still. Desmond, sobbing, threw himself toward Niall, who caught him. Rowan hurried past them and snatched Anna back from Donna, who seemed shocked.

  “We have the right to see our grandchildren,” Glenn snarled.

  Niall looked at Rowan. “Did you agree to this visit?”

  “No!” She clutched her sobbing daughter. “They didn’t even ask. They sneaked into the house while I was upstairs getting dressed and tried to steal them. Both kids were protesting. I heard them.”

  “You left them alone,” Glenn said with contempt. “Were you upstairs with lover boy here?”

  Rowan saw the whole, horrific tableau with preternatural sharpness. The hate-filled face of Drew’s father. Niall’s, hard angles and planes, eyes Arctic cold. Desmond’s, white and scared.

  Still holding her son, Niall took a step closer to Glenn. “You’re on thin ice. I can and will arrest you for trespass and custodial interference.” His jaw flexed. “If not kidnapping.”

  “Kidnapping?” Glenn turned that furious face from Niall to Rowan. “We’ve done everything we could for this ungrateful—”

  “Don’t say it.” Niall radiated danger.

  “And then she tries to cut us out of the lives of our grandchildren. Our only family. Do you think that’s what our son would have wanted?” His stare was all for Rowan now. Spittle flew from his mouth. “Drew wanted his children close to us. We knew you tried to get him to move away. He admitted it. And now he’s not here to stop you, you think you can do anything you want. You don’t deserve fine children like these.”

  Niall backed a step away. “They’re fine children because she’s a good mother. You’re fools.” He looked at her. “Shall I arrest them?”

  She was shaking. She had never hated anyone before. But with Anna and Desmond here and terrified… “No. Not if they go and never come back.”

  “You heard the lady. She owns this property. These are her children. If you make contact with Anna or Desmond again without her explicit permission, I will have not the slightest hesitation at taking you in. Is that clear?”

  From the color of his face, Rowan wouldn’t have been shocked if Glenn had had a stroke. But he turned without another word and went to the car. He and his wife got in and he drove away.

  Rowan let out a breath and sank to the grass. Anna gripped her with wiry arms and legs. Niall joined Rowan on the lawn and let Desmond tumble into his mother’s arms, too.

  Some neighbors had come out to gape. Rowan couldn’t even acknowledge them. She buried her face in children, one on each side, breathing in their scent, holding them so hard it must hurt. Neither protested.

  It was a long time before she could pull herself together enough to lift her head and look at Niall. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you again.”

  He shook his head. “I’m glad I heard.”

  Desmond wiped his nose and wet cheeks on his mother and looked up, too. “Grandad knocked Mommy down.”

  Niall tensed. “He assaulted you?”

  For her children’s benefit, she tried to smile although she felt her lips tremble. “He bumped me. I, um, fell down.”

  The anger on his face warmed her. “Are you hurt?”

  Rowan hadn’t been conscious of anything but the fact that Glenn and Donna were trying to take her children. N
ow the shock and relief were so great, she had to think about his question.

  “Um…maybe a bruise or two. I crashed into a table. And broke a lamp.”

  He bit off some word that was not suitable for the kids’ ears.

  “Why did they try to make us go with them?” Desmond asked.

  Rowan’s face contorted and she pressed her cheek against Anna’s head again.

  It was Niall who spoke. “You know they’ve been mad that you weren’t spending as much time with them.”

  Desmond nodded. His eyes were huge, his face still tear-streaked.

  “Maybe they only wanted to do fun things with you guys, but they thought your mom would say no.” Niall paused. “She is going to say no now. Until she says so, you shouldn’t talk to your grandma or grandad if they phone, you shouldn’t answer the door even if you know it’s them. You say no if they try to pick you up from school unless your mom has said yes. Unless she’s the one who told you it was okay.”

  “Today Grandad told us Mommy knew they were coming and she musta forgot. He lied, didn’t he?”

  “Yes.” Rowan hugged him. “Yes, he did. I would have said no if they’d asked. So they didn’t ask.”

  “We didn’t want to go with them,” Anna whispered. “Grandad was mean when Des said we should wait to say goodbye to you.”

  Fury to match hers was in Niall’s eyes when she met them over the heads of her children.

  “Yes, he was,” she said. “Grandad didn’t want to wait until I came downstairs. Desmond was brave to insist on talking to me.”

  He straightened. She let her arm fall away. He snuffled, but held his head high. “I kicked and tried to yell.”

  “I know.” She was about to fall apart. But she couldn’t. Her children needed her to be brave. She had to reassure them, but make them believe she could protect them. “I came running the minute I heard.” This smile for Niall was much more successful than her earlier attempt. “Niall came running because he heard us all yelling, too.”