by Gabi Moore
He opened his eyes for a moment, and then his fingers froze on his zip. His face changed.
“Hey Ally… what’s that?” he said, and I followed his eyes to the bookshelf behind me. I twisted round underneath him to try and find out what was perplexing him, but I couldn’t see over my shoulder. He awkwardly stepped off me and leaned in closer to the shelf, then recoiled with a frown. He pointed to a large, yellow book. I sat up and quickly pulled my shirt back down again.
“Mein Kampf? Holy fuck. And… this?” he said, and went for one of the books beside it, examining it like it was literal poison.
I groaned.
“Oh, shit. Yeah. David, don’t mind that, it’s just junk from… another life,” I said quickly, my head still spinning from how quickly we had gone from hot and heavy to cold and strange.
He put the book back on the shelf and shook his head as he looked at the other titles. I hadn’t done more than dust those shelves for years, but I knew what was on them. Pulpy self-published relics with bizarre cover pictures of either Hitler or rough looking bearded men in camo. A copy of The Turner Diaries. The infamous A Righteous Pride by well-known white nationalist and second amendment fanatic Bruce Gartman. Some preparedness manuals for the inevitable race war… I guess it did look kind of bad.
“Those aren’t mine,” I said, flustered.
“Then whose are they?”
He had done a 180. Though he was still shirtless and the top button of his trousers was undone and open, he suddenly seemed angry as hell. I didn’t like his tone. Not one bit. I sat up and pulled a cushion to my lap to hug close.
“Does it matter?” I said slowly.
His hand was clutching the back of his neck now and I could see the cogs turning behind his eyes. What was I going to say? I couldn’t get rid of Andrew’s crap because, to be frank, I didn’t know what to do with it all. I would be mortified if anyone knew I had such an embarrassing collection of books; it wasn’t something I could just casually leave in the recycling bin. He was pacing tight circles round the room now, looking deeply upset.
“Ally, you know that I’m Jewish, right?”
My face fell.
“David …shit, no, I didn’t…”
“The name didn’t give it away? David Segal? What about my big, honking nose then, didn’t that clue you in?”
My blood went cold in my veins. He was that kind of quiet, scary angry that I’d hoped to god I’d ever have to encounter again. For the second time that evening, I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was afraid. And then I was angry myself.
“Look, David, I told you already, they’re not mine, ok? They’re just books. And come on, do I look like the kind of person to read shit like that?”
He stared at me so hard I felt like his eyes could bore holes through my skin.
“If you must know, they belonged to my ex,” I said, staring at the floor.
“Ally… who the hell was your ex?”
Who was he? How could I ever explain? Nobody in my family really knew how bad it got with Andrew. None of my friends had an inkling either. By the time I knew who he really was, it was too late. I was too ashamed to admit that I had fallen for any of his tricks, that I had anything to do with him in the first place. When the police and FBI started accosting me I got scared. I was young. Fuck, I didn’t know. I guess I just put my hands over my ears and pretended no one of it was happening. I had two kids to care for, after all.
“Well, who was he?”
“Just some idiot,” I whispered.
He pulled one book off the shelf and flipped through it in disbelief.
“These are bad people, Ally, and this is some dangerous shit… do you have any idea what this is?”
“Ok, of course I know what it is,” I snapped. “It’s just bullshit, that’s what it is. I was just keeping them because… well I don’t know why. It doesn’t mean anything. I told you, they belonged to my ex.”
“So, you married a man who reads books by an active member of a hate group and who is on every terrorist watchlist in the country?” he said and held up a thin, dog eared book.
I didn’t know what to say. Maybe he wasn’t as dumb as he looked.
“Well, fine, I guess I did. So sue me. I was 19 when I met him. It was a mistake, clearly. Can we just drop the topic?”
“He’s Ben and Alex’s father, isn’t he?”
I was silent.
“I’m sorry, David, is this some kind of deal breaker?” I was genuinely shocked at how angry he was right now, when just a few moments earlier he had been showering me in passionate kisses.
“Deal breaker? Ally, let’s just …let’s just slow down here for a second. I don’t know, I’m just shocked that’s all. Do you have any idea how serious this kind of thing is?”
Now I was getting angry myself. Did I have any idea? I laughed cynically.
“Well, I divorced him, didn’t I?” was all I could say.
Here he gave me a sad look. I knew that this was a pretty unflattering discovery to make, but I couldn’t help but feel that he was overreacting.
“Yeah, I know, but …you married him in the first place. People like this are outright bigots, Ally. How could you have ever been attracted to a crazy nationalist who was—”
“Well, I’m still attracted to them!” I said.
“What?”
I tucked my legs underneath me on the sofa and withered a little as he stared at me. Who did he think he was, to judge me?
“Well, what are you except a crazy nationalist?”
He frowned deeply at me.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” I said. One part of me was petrified to see how angry I was making him. But another part of me wanted to see just how far I could push him. My days of cowering in front of angry men who wanted me to shut up were long gone.
“Ally, I am a United States Navy SEAL and I’m bound to protect and honor my country, I’m a sworn elite—”
“My ex was an asshole, sure, but as far as I can see, he wasn’t doing anything that different from every other fucking macho man in this world. Protect and honor his country? That’s exactly what he would have said. Do I really care who the bad guys are supposed to be? Jesus, I’m so exhausted trying to keep track of it all. It’s all the same – idiotic men with big weapons and small brains. I’m so sorry I didn’t divorce him fast enough for you.”
The look on his face was priceless.
“Ally…”
“I don’t care, if you want to go, just go,” I said, the tears burning my bottom lashes like they were acid I was trying to hold in. I don’t know what had come over me, but in my little speech my loose hair had come flopping in front of my face. I must have looked like a mad woman. When he stood and made his way towards me, I was confronted all over again with the tanned wall of muscles that was his chest.
Fuck him.
Fuck him for making me feel bad.
I survived Andrew, and if he didn’t like that I had made some stupid mistakes in my life, then he could just forget about me and my boys and leave. I couldn’t decipher the look on his face. His tattoos rose and fell as he breathed deeply. He saw me looking at the concealed scars on his bicep, and we exchanged loaded glances.
“Ally…” he said again.
I was angry. He was angry. But something about seeing him fired up like that; something about feeling so fired up myself… it was like we were already naked. Even more than naked. When he rushed over to the sofa again I was waiting for him, but this time there was no melting, no collapsing. I gripped him hard and dug my nails into his back, and when he kissed me he did it so forcefully it almost hurt.
“Fuck, you drive me crazy, you know that?” he mumbled as we fell into a deep, urgent kiss. His hands were rough over me as he pulled at my clothing, and I pushed back, biting his lower lip and pressing into him, daring him to do something about already it if I drive him so crazy. The side lamp came crashing to the floor as he slammed my hip into the si
de table and knocked it over. I staggered back onto the sofa again, hair flying as he pulled my scrubs up over my head and started to roughly peel off my slacks.
He moved so swiftly and with such ruthless violence it was almost frightening. He was stronger than he looked …and he looked damn strong. Before I knew it, my scrubs were completely off and I was down to my underwear. It was certainly nothing like the lacy black number I had worn in the picture, but he didn’t blink twice and ripped this off me just as quickly. Soon the full, hot weight of his naked body was against mine, skin against skin, our mouths locked in a desperate kiss and his hands seemingly everywhere. I gripped his broad, muscled shoulders for dear life and writhed hard against him, feeling my anger at him remain but morph somehow into raw lust.
“You think you’re so fucking big and strong, huh?” I hissed into his ear as he pinned me down. It was half threat, half encouragement. I could feel his red-hot cock poking hard into the flesh of my belly as he growled in response, grabbed my wrists and pinned them hard above my head.
“You’re gonna regret provoking me like this,” he said in a dark, low voice. My body curled up and writhed into him as he said it.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?” I said and dug my hips against his.
“Fuck,” he said as his shaft slid wet against my pussy and he felt how wildly turned on I was.
He was hurting my wrists badly. The weight of his body on top of me was too much. But I didn’t care. We locked eyes and I stared back at him defiantly, daring him to fuck me already.
“You like messing around with dangerous men, huh?” His face was flushed and twisted as he looked down at me, helpless to do anything but squirm as he held me. He gripped both my wrists with a single hand and held them there firmly, despite my wriggling. With his other hand he pulled my legs apart wide and wedged himself there, laying his thick cock against the wet slit of my pussy like he was claiming it. His gestures were those of something untamed, uncivilized. Good. Maybe I wanted him to teach me a lesson.
“And are you a dangerous man, David?” I said in a mocking, sing-song tone as I lifted my head to bring my lips just an inch from his. I hovered there and teased him with my breath, but he didn’t kiss me. Instead we sized one another up like animals.
“Oh, I’m more than that, honey. The scum who reads shit like that? It would be my fucking pleasure to tear his face off,” he growled and pressed his cock teasingly against my drenched clit. It made me ache to see him so mad. I couldn’t describe it. He was insulting the father of my children, and yet I couldn’t decide whether I was furious or just furiously turned on.
“Oh? I think he’d say the same about you,” I said, but before I could finish, the head of his cock popped inside me and the rush was so intense I couldn’t speak. We froze together and he looked down at my face, relishing my reaction. He was big enough to hurt a little, and he smiled with a devilish pleasure at this fact. I swallowed, held his gaze and braced myself.
He plunged forward to kiss me and sunk the rest of that swollen shaft deep into me. My gasps disappeared in his mouth as inch after inch pushed inside. I felt my body twinkle awake inside like it was electrified with millions of little lights, every one of them caressed by his thick girth. I opened my legs wide to him and soon he was bringing his hips down hard against mine, delivering the full, thick length of him into me with each stroke, completely taking my breath away.
“David… David…”
“Shut up,” he growled and kissed me hard again. My arms were going numb. I had no idea where my feet were. All I could feel was the delicious sensation of being completely dominated by that glorious cock of his, having it slide all the way into and all the way out of me again. He wasn’t tender. He fucked me like owned me. When he began to pick up pace, I rode along with him, happy for him to just take me, since it was so clear that he could.
He wasn’t who I thought he was. He wasn’t a goofy, unintelligent military buffoon with unprofessional tattoos. He wasn’t young and inexperienced. In fact, as his skillful body moved against and into mine over and over again, I was overwhelmed by his mastery. Every movement was controlled and powerful, every breath deep and full, and when I cried out, he only pumped in deeper and held me down harder. I soon felt myself wobbling up against the delicious edge of an orgasm.
He felt me tighten against him. I felt his wicked smile as his lips played against my flushed neck, against my cheek…
“David…” I whimpered, but he didn’t slow down. He bounded ahead, spirited as a race horse, and all at once I couldn’t hold any longer. I grabbed him tight and screamed inside as a quick, vicious little orgasm ripped through me. I came hard with him still inside me and then, to my amazement, I quivered inside and felt myself already inching up to another one.
His hips were pounding against me brutally now, till pain and pleasure melted all into one dirty mess. When his body shook and his face softened, I knew he was close to coming. I grabbed his ass and pulled him deep inside me then let go, coming all over his cock again, and as I bucked and writhed against him he cried out himself and came too, with one final, sharp thrust, sending cum deep into that secret place…
I had the hugest headache. He slid out, wincing, and hurriedly grabbed his shirt, throwing it on before I had even sat up properly. It had been a brief, angry fuck but we were both glowing from the first cold prickles of sweat. His face was red and his chest heaving. But he was frowning. I watched in surprise as he dressed clumsily, avoiding eye contact. I could still feel him.
“David…”
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, that was a bad idea,” he mumbled.
“What?”
He was standing now and the look on his face made me feel like shit. We were both panting like we’d just been sprinting.
“That… shouldn’t have happened,” he said. “I’m sorry I got angry with you, I just…” He glanced over at the bookcase and then at me again, with that same inscrutable facial expression. I didn’t know what to say. To be honest, I was still a little angry at him.
“Can you just sit down with me for a second?” I said and gestured to the space on the sofa next to me. He shook his head.
“I should go.”
A chill passed over me. I felt sick. I had just had two firecracker orgasms so hard and so quick I was actually lightheaded. The whole encounter couldn’t have lasted longer than a minute. I was flabbergasted.
“Well, then just go,” I said, not quite sure how I felt about any of this.
He gave me a strange look.
“I’m sorry. What just happened…”
I turned away from him and his voice trailed off. I heard the zip of his pants and then in a moment he had left and shut the door behind him.
What the fuck just happened?
I sat there frozen and listened to his car engine start up and become more and more distant. I reached over and grazed my fingertips against the mug of cocoa, then tried to take a sip. It was still too hot to drink.
Chapter 8 - David
“So, wait a minute, you slept with her?”
I cringed a little and gave a small nod.
“Jesus, boy,” he said.
Jack was the closest thing I had to a father, but that also came with him chewing me out on the regular. It had been his stupid idea to have me sign up for that program in the first place, hadn’t it?
“But, like, just a little,” I said and he laughed out loud.
“You just slept with her …a little? You got to be shitting me.”
“Give me a break, okay? It’s hard to explain. It was like, angry sex, you know?”
“Okay, spare me the details.”
“She’s not who I thought she was, Jack.”
“No?”
“No. I guess I assumed she was just some suburban mom, you know? But she’s… I can’t describe it. She was like a whole different person last night. Like I was just meeting her for the first time…”
> Jack had one eyebrow lifted high and gave me that look that only he could give.
“Well, what now? The big brother thing was supposed to get you out in the world and doing some good for a change. You weren’t meant to be boning a young disadvantaged mother.”
“Well that’s just the thing, Jack… she’s not that young.” His eyebrow went higher.
“Oh? How old? You think 28 is old though.”
“No, I mean it. She’s 40.”
He looked at me.
“You went for a 40-year-old? Color me surprised,” he said, and he actually did seem surprised.
“Yeah yeah, I know. But she’s not like other older women. I can’t describe it…”
“Man, you can’t describe a lot of things, huh? Maybe she is exactly like other older women and it’s just that my little Davey boy is finally growing up.”
“Yeah maybe.”
“So, what are you gonna do? It ain’t the end of the world but you should nip this problem in the bud…”
“Well, actually, that wasn’t the problem I wanted to talk to you about.”
“There’s more? Spit it out, son.”
I sighed loudly and tried to think. I had raced home last night and stayed up till the early hours stewing over what I had seen on her bookshelf. I knew that Ally wasn’t a hateful person. I knew an innocent civilian when I saw one. What troubled me was finding that kind of stuff so close to home. I hadn’t meant to get angry at her. But then, I hadn’t expected to be reminded of the September mission in her fucking living room of all places.
What we did on our last mission was shrouded in secrecy, just like the very existence of our unit itself. Joining the SEALs hadn’t quite been what I expected. In place of video game glory and epic hand to hand combat, there were spy missions and covert infiltrations of known militant groups. Everything was shadowy. No investigations were ever undertaken into our team or our activities, nobody blinked an eye at the rampant misconduct, even Congress had no idea who we were or what the fuck we were doing. While the rest of the world gawped at the crap on CNN, we fought the vague enemies behind the scenes, the ones so dangerous and complex that the fight itself needed to be deliberately kept from the public.
