The Army Doc's Secret Wife

by Charlotte Hawkes

  Thea nodded grimly, struggling to keep those icy fingers from curling their way around her heart again.

  ‘I appreciate you’re Air Ambulance,’ the nurse was saying, ‘but how much do you know about spinal injuries post-emergency rescue?’

  ‘These days it’s mainly assessing, securing and stabilising the patient to ensure no further damage during transport,’ Thea acknowledged. ‘As you say, I don’t usually get involved with the post-emergency rescue care. But before I joined the Air Ambulance I did do some work on the Keimen case.’

  It was one of the things which had helped to propel her up the career ladder at such a young age. That and her driving need to block out the pain caused by Ben’s ultimate rejection.

  ‘The boy whose spinal cord was completely severed and who took his first steps some two years later?’

  Thea dipped her head. The work had been cutting edge, and she wasn’t surprised that it had caught the nurse’s attention.

  ‘I understand they transplanted cells from the part of the brain involved in sending smell signals from the nose to the brain to stimulate the repair of his spinal cord?’

  ‘That’s right.’ Thea managed a smile despite herself. It had been inspiring to work on that case.

  ‘I see.’ The nurse nodded. ‘Then you’ll completely understand the difficulty at the moment with Major Abrams. As I said, there’s still too much swelling to get a clear MRI, and unfortunately we do know that the impact of the second IED and the Land Rover crushing him was significant.’

  ‘So it’s a waiting game,’ Thea stated as calmly as she could.

  As unlikely as it sounded, she could only hope that the swelling was protecting his back and that any injury was as low down as possible. Usually, the lower it was, the better. The sacral nerves, perhaps, at worst the lumbar. But the higher the damage—the thoracic nerves or, God forbid, somewhere within the cervical vertebrae—the more chance Ben might be paralysed for life.

  Thea squeezed her eyes shut at the thought. Ben was such a physical guy—not just as a soldier but in his personal life, too. She couldn’t imagine how he would react to such news, but she would need to start considering options just in case. He loved sports. All sports. Mountain biking, climbing, kayaking—even base jumping. And their fake honeymoon had been a skiing trip—not that they’d gone after he’d walked out.

  Before that failed night Ben had promised to take her, after she’d told him that the highlight of her years in and out of care homes had been a charity group who’d taken a bunch of them to some rundown hostel every year.

  Thea shook her head before the memory could get a grip. It was those caring, thoughtful moments from Ben which had meant that the same morning he’d walked out—the morning after they’d made love for the first time—Thea had been screwing up all her courage to suggest that one day they might possibly have more than just a fake marriage. Even if it took time.

  Odd, the randomness of the memories which now popped into her head...

  ‘Yes, it’s a waiting game,’ the nurse confirmed sympathetically.

  Thea blinked slowly. Ben didn’t know any of this yet. She stood for a moment, looking down the ward in silence. Life was precious,—so very precious. Why was it that people lost sight of that so easily—including her? Especially her.

  Abruptly she stepped forward, as if to steel her body as well as her mind, and headed to the side room. As she got closer she could see the traction which stopped Ben from moving his neck and back, his legs, until they were able to assess the damage. He looked so uncharacteristically fragile that she felt her emotions start to bubble once again.

  Ben—who had rejected her not once, but twice, leaving her broken. And yet it seemed entirely fitting that, as she stood by his bedside, across from the nurse as she checked his vitals, Ben chose that moment to wake up.

  ‘Thea? What are you doing here?’

  He recognised her!

  She blinked back tears as the nurse swung around to pour a beaker of fresh water and offer a straw for Ben to take a sip. He was clearly still groggy from the sedatives, and his brain was no doubt a mush of memories that he wouldn’t be able to process or even arrange in chronological order. But the fact that he knew who she was an encouraging start. And, despite the painful rasp, the unexpected warmth in his voice at seeing her had caught her off guard. But it had also made her feel more helpless than she’d ever felt before. It was as if the last five years had momentarily been erased.

  She wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...’ His voice cracked as he struggled to speak. ‘About Daniel...about the wedding...’

  ‘Shh...don’t talk. Just rest.’ She blinked furiously to stop the unwelcome tears from falling. Tears of fear, but also of relief.

  So much for the concern that he might not remember anything. She should have known better—this was Ben Abrams they were dealing with. She should have known he would fight through.

  ‘I’m sorry about everything...’

  His slurred words were barely clear, but she could decipher them.

  ‘I’ll protect you, Thea. I’ll never leave you again.’

  It was absurd that her heart should lurch so unexpectedly. Thea chastised herself. It was the medication talking—she knew that—and even groggy he wasn’t saying the three words she had once longed to hear. Though no longer. There weren’t any words she wanted to hear from him any more.

  Caught up in her thoughts, Thea realised too late that Ben was fighting to move his arm and take her hand. His injured arm. As if in slow motion she watched him struggle to raise his head, only for the restraints to stop him. His eyes slid to the damaged limb as it lay obstinately on the bed, refusing to obey the commands his brain was sending out.

  This was happening all wrong. She needed to speak to him, explain things to him—not have him find out for himself...especially not like this. In horror, she saw Ben stare at the arm, then down to the other restraints around his pelvis and spine. Finally came the realisation of memory, and it chased long, furious shadows across his bruised face. His eyes met hers one final time.

  ‘Get her out of here. Now,’ he snarled, his eyes unexpectedly full of accusation and despair and loathing before he abruptly passed out again.

  Did he still blame her for that night? That night when she’d barely been able to think straight with grief. That night she’d craved just a few moments of dark oblivion, to forget everything. An oblivion that only crazy, stupid sex with Ben might have momentarily brought.

  Emotions rushed to crowd in on her, dense and suffocating. Her initial relief had been swallowed up in pain, anger, frustration, sympathy and misplaced love. They coursed around her body, leaving her weak and nauseous.

  Pain gripped her heart. This wasn’t about her—she knew that—and yet she couldn’t help reliving her utter devastation of almost five years earlier. It wasn’t right that this should be the first time she’d seen him since he’d walked out. It wasn’t right that he should be lying there so battered and broken. And it wasn’t right that—even like this—he still had the power to hurt her.

  A strangled sob escaped her throat before she could stop it. Her emotions were pushed to the limit. And suddenly all she could think about was the baby she had conceived as a result of that one incredible night. Their baby—although he’d never known. Almost five years on, she could still feel the pain which had torn at her heart the day she’d lost it.

  Another sob threatened to break free and she choked it back just as Dr Fields came back into the room.

  ‘It’s just the sedative talking.’ He looked up at her sharply before softening his voice. ‘Think of Ben like any other patient, if it helps. Don’t let it get to you, Doctor.’

  She bowed her head, unable to speak and yet unable to leave the room.

  The sur
geon continued. ‘His vitals are stable. Rest is the best thing to help his body to heal at this time, and I’ve no doubt that, despite his initial reaction, seeing you will help to calm any fears he has and help him to be patient until we know more.’

  Thea wasn’t so sure. But when Ben woke up she’d finally have to tell him. Everything. Yes, she definitely needed closure.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Five years earlier

  ‘SHOULD I...? THAT IS...do you want me to carry you over the threshold?’ Ben hesitated at the cottage door, his key still unturned in the lock.

  ‘Sorry?’

  Her voice sounded thick, as if she was in some kind of fug. He could empathise with that.

  ‘Now we’re married...’ Ben shrugged, feeling uncharacteristically helpless. He didn’t do emotion at the best of times. But Thea’s brother—his best friend—had just died. How was he supposed to support her? ‘I just wondered...’

  He trailed off, hating these alien feelings. His career depended on him being decisive and sure. He gathered the best intelligence he could and made his plan of action accordingly. But how did he gather intel on the right way to help a grieving sister? How did he ensure he said the right thing, did the right thing? He didn’t know the right protocols. He didn’t know the rules. It left him feeling ineffective and uncertain.

  But he did know it was now his responsibility to help Thea. And that ignoring loss, pretending it didn’t exist, didn’t make it go away. He knew that from bitter experience.

  ‘I don’t know if I’m expected to carry you over the threshold,’ he stated uncomfortably.

  ‘Oh. No, Lord, no—of course not.’ Thea shook her head in distress. ‘I just want to get into the house and off this street. I can practically feel the curtains twitching.’

  Ben glanced around. Not a single curtain had moved, but he could understand Thea’s discomfort and her need to escape inside.

  Marrying someone with whom he’d only been on one date wasn’t something he’d ever thought he would do. He wasn’t impulsive. At least not in his personal life. But this wasn’t about impulsiveness. It was about practicality. It was about fulfilling his promise to Dan—Thea’s brother and his army buddy—that he would take care of Thea. The guy had taken a bullet for him—fulfilling that promise was a given.

  Ben had taken over payment of the fees for Thea’s medical degree, given her access to other necessary finances, but finding her a new home had been harder, given the time constraints. Her landlord had evicted her the moment he’d discovered Dan was dead and she could no longer pay the rent. Finding her a new flat would have taken more time than he had.

  The only solution had been to marry her, so that the Army would allocate them a house within the officers’ married quarters on the base. With its tight-knit community, and the fact that he was often away on courses, exercises and tours of duty, he’d thought it the safest place for a twenty-one-year-old girl who had already lost her parents at...what had Dan said...eight? Nine?

  ‘I’m just not used to all...this.’ Thea waved her hand in the direction of the cul-de-sac as Ben opened the door and she practically fell inside.

  ‘Community?’

  She shook her head. ‘People knowing your business.’

  There were boxes in the hallway. He hadn’t had time to sort anything out yet, although neither of them owned much stuff. She didn’t seem to hang on to personal effects; that was something they both had in common.

  ‘It’s...pretty,’ she sounded surprised. ‘Until the other day, I’d always assumed married quarters just meant a different wing in the barracks,’

  ‘No. Married soldiers get a house either on, or near to, the camp,’Ben dredged up a smile. ‘The higher rank the soldier is, the nicer the accommodation. And the quieter the area on camp.’

  ‘Right,’ Thea nodded robotically.

  He doubted if she had even really seen the place properly when the Housing Officer had marched them in a week ago to take inventory and do a damage report. She had still been coming to terms with burying Dan.

  He knew Dan hadn’t been able to afford to rent more than a one-bedroom flat for his sister, so she could have a roof over her head. He had always put Thea first.

  Dan had been a great medic, but he would have made a great doctor—a great officer. Just as Ben was. The only reason Dan hadn’t become one was because he hadn’t been able to afford the time out for courses. The guy had signed on into the Army the moment he’d been able to, just to get out of that children’s home and earn enough money to send the gifted Thea to uni when she came out of foster care.

  He’d given his sister every advantage he hadn’t had, and the fact that she was in the third year of her medical degree was as much down to his love and encouragement as Thea’s ability.

  Now Dan was gone, and Ben had promised to take on the mantle of responsibility. To put Thea first. He’d be damned if he was going to betray the promise he’d made to his dying buddy. But that meant he was also going to have to remember his own promise to himself never to go near the only woman he’d ever felt strongly about.

  For one dangerous moment memories of their one incredible date together assailed him. Instantly Ben slammed the shutters on his mind before those memories could take hold and complicate matters. He could not afford to go there. He would have to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t the right man for Thea. He would only end up hurting her, and she had enough to contend with.

  ‘I thought you might feel more secure here.’ Ben forced himself to go on. ‘The neighbours are all army spouses too. You’ll have a support network when I ship out in a few days—they’ll look after you.’

  ‘Yes, it should help,’ she agreed flatly.

  ‘Plus, getting something through the Army was the fastest thing I could do in the time frame.’

  He saw her wince, regretted his directness. But the truth was he had only been given one month of compassionate leave. One month in which to break news to Thea which would destroy her whole life as she knew it. One month in which to fulfil his promise to look after Thea for life. One month to convince her that marrying him wasn’t lunacy, but necessary to ensure her financial security.

  ‘Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to eat?’

  She shook her head, refusing to meet his eye. Spying her canvas clothes bag, she made a relieved grab for it. ‘If you don’t mind, I just want to go to bed.’

  ‘It’s barely eight-thirty,’ he noted with surprise.

  ‘It’s been a long day.’ Thea shrugged. ‘I figure I could try to sleep. Just hope that, if I do, when I wake up it won’t be this day any longer.’

  ‘Right.’ He nodded quickly. He doubted she’d slept much in the three weeks since he’d told her that Dan was dead. ‘Of course. I understand.’

  She was still standing there, as if waiting for him. Was he supposed to go with her? That wasn’t the agreement they’d made.

  ‘Um...which room is mine?’

  She flushed a deep red and Ben cursed his lack of sensitivity. The sooner he was redeployed, the better.

  ‘Oh, the second on the right. But we can swap later, if you prefer. I won’t be here much.’

  She gave an uninterested nod and, dismissing his words, turned swiftly to head up the stairs. He heard her moving around up there as he tried to still his mind with the banal task of unpacking some of the boxes. The kettle, some mugs, teabags for a start.

  He opened the first box and came face to face with a photo of himself and Dan on their first tour of duty together. This was harder than he had feared. Slamming the box shut, he grabbed a sleeping bag and followed Thea’s lead, heading upstairs to the other bedroom.

  Ben lay rigid and motionless on his back in the bed, his hands locked behind his head. There was no way he could sleep. He watched the numbers counting up pain
fully slowly on the clock projecting the time onto the ceiling. Twenty-one hundred hours. It wasn’t just the time. Normally he could sleep on a clothesline, and anyway he’d been to bed at more ridiculous hours in his time on tour. It was more the fact that on the other side of the wall he could hear Thea in her own bed as she shifted, coughed and sporadically sobbed.

  He had no idea if he’d done the right thing by marrying her, but he knew he was honouring his promise to Dan and that was all that really mattered. Plus, even if their marriage was fake their friendship didn’t have to be. Thea was grieving, and Ben knew just what she was going through.

  Unable to lie there listening to her distress, he got up off the creaking bed and ducked out of his door to knock gently on Thea’s. No answer, but by the sudden silence it was clear that she had heard him. She didn’t respond.

  He should leave. She obviously didn’t want him there. But a little voice told him she needed him. He knocked again, then turned the handle, tentatively at first.

  ‘Thea, is there anything I can do?’

  Thea was sitting up, her knees pulled to her chest. Her tense features relaxed slightly as she looked up and saw him.

  He crossed the room in a couple of long strides, scooping her up and pulling her into his arms, assiduously ignoring the pretty lacy lemon negligee. One hand secured her to him, the other smoothed her hair gently, and he let her cry it out. Holding her until she finally grew still.

  When she did, he shifted as though to lower her back onto the bed.

  ‘Don’t go,’ she whispered. ‘Please, stay with me...just for tonight....’

  ‘It’s not a good idea.’

  So why was he so tempted?

  Lifting herself, Thea searched his face with red-rimmed eyes. ‘Then at least talk to me, Ben.’

  Talking. The thing he was least good at.

  ‘What about?’ he asked, faltering.

  ‘Anything...’ She hiccupped. ‘Distract me.’

  ‘Why did Dan always call you Ethel?’ he blurted out, his mind having gone suddenly blank. ‘I never knew your real name was Thea until our date. When I found out you were Dan’s sister.’