The Army Doc's Secret Wife

by Charlotte Hawkes

  ‘If you don’t want me here, then answer me something.’

  ‘Answer you what?’ he asked, wondering why he felt as though he was walking into some carefully set trap.

  ‘Why am I still listed on your Army paperwork as your next of kin?’

  Ben felt his breathing stop, before exhaling with a whoosh of air. So he was right—she was only here under obligation, because the Army had called her. She resented him for it, and he couldn’t blame her.

  ‘I left you on the Army paperwork because we were married. If I’d put down someone else as my next of kin it would have raised questions.’

  ‘I see.’

  Something flashed across her face, but it was gone before he could identify it.

  He’d also left her on it so that she would always have a direct means to get in touch with him if she ever needed his help. He’d even hoped she would—especially in those first months after their wedding night. After all, they hadn’t used protection. He supposed it was a blessing that nothing had ever come of it; in his experience an absent soldier never made a good dad. And yet he suspected a tiny part of him had once hoped otherwise. Not that he could say that now.

  The silence hung between them.

  ‘Now I see that it was a mistake,’ he ground out eventually.

  * * *

  A mistake. Was that really how he thought of her?

  Thea felt the nausea churn in her stomach, as it had been doing practically every day since she’d heard about Ben’s accident.

  She watched him edge painstakingly to the rock wall across the hidden courtyard, and resisted the urge to leap down and ram his wheelchair under his backside, just to stop him from punishing his body.

  She spotted a movement out of the corner of her eye—it was the man who had been outside Ben’s hospital room that first day. She’d thought he was some kind of Army specialist, but now she wasn’t so sure. She’d seen him a few more times over the last few weeks, always observing but never making any direct contact with Ben. Perhaps he was some kind of counsellor—someone Ben could talk to. Someone who might be able to understand this irrational need Ben seemed to have to push his body to breaking point—and maybe beyond.

  The first time she’d seen Ben in the wheelchair she’d felt a laugh of disbelief roll around her chest. It had been a welcome light-hearted moment in days of frustrating ignorance and gloom. Only Ben Abrams could have engendered a posse of men from his unit marching down to the hospital to present their hero commander with a racing chair which had once belonged to a former Paralympic basketball champion.

  And only Ben would have hurtled around the corridors in it the following week as though he was in a rally car on a racing circuit, pushing his one good arm past its limits.

  Even she, who was impervious to him now—or at least ought to be—hadn’t been able to ignore the fact that the simple white tee shirt he’d worn had done little to hide the shifts and ripples of the already well-honed muscles which had glistened, to the delight of several of the medical staff, covered with a perfect sheen of sweat.

  She could still remember the feel of that solid chest against her body...the sensation of completeness as he moved inside her.

  You, my girl, have all the resistance of a chocolate fireguard. She shook her head in frustration. Hadn’t she learned anything from that night? Despite his warnings, despite his resistance, she had pushed and pushed until Ben had ended up hurting her—more than she could have thought possible.

  Yet here she was. And she might have come for closure, but he was already shaking up her emotions. It was difficult to keep hating a real-life hero who was prepared to sacrifice his own life for others time and again. Not just on an everyday basis, or even after Daniel had died, but when he’d been so very badly injured himself in that bomb blast.

  According to some of the neighbourhood wives, all the Army convoys used frequency-jamming devices—which meant that the enemy who had detonated the IED which had caught Ben’s patrol had to have been close by. Close enough to potentially have had a shooter to take individuals out.

  Ben would have known that too. With all his training it would have been one of the first things he had realised. But instead of taking cover he’d stepped up anyway, to save the lives of five of his men. By rights he shouldn’t be alive.

  She had to admire this man who was so hell-bent on fighting his way back to full health, who refused to sit back and wallow in self-pity. Even his frustration, his anger now, was because he refused to accept the limitations his body was imposing on him.

  She just wished he could let his guard down, even once, and let her in. But he never would. She wondered if he even knew how to.

  There was no doubt that Ben’s sheer grit had helped him achieve in a few weeks what other patients far more fortunate than him were still fighting to attain after months. She might have known Ben Abrams would be a rare breed... What was it her brother had once told her the men called Ben? Ah, yes, ‘the Mighty Abs’. And indeed he was—by name and nature.

  He even garnered attention in this place—not just as a soldier, but as a man. She wondered how much female attention he’d enjoyed over the last five years. It was none of her business, she knew that, and yet she couldn’t seem to silence the niggling question.

  Giving in to temptation, Thea allowed herself a lazy assessment of the man she had once thought herself in love with. Five years on and there were obvious differences, but he still resembled the young man she had known—if only briefly. Despite the dark rings around his eyes—testament to his recent experience—there was no mistaking that he was lethally handsome. Not pretty-boy handsome—he’d never been that—but a deep, interesting, arresting handsome.

  The nose which had been broken in the field a few times only enhanced the dangerous appeal he already oozed, and the scar by his eyebrow snagged at his eye, lending him a devil-may-care attitude. She remembered kissing that scar. The feel of his skin under her lips. The glide of her hands down that infamous torso. In her naivety she’d believed that if he gave in to her once, just once, he would realise that they could start again...redefine their relationship.

  Sheer folly.

  Now, at twenty-six, she understood what Ben had known all along. Things between them would never have worked. He was too entrenched in his ways and she was too idealistic. Still, even if she had realised that one night would be their only night, she wouldn’t have changed it—even to spare herself the pain. But she would have taken her time that night. She hadn’t been a virgin, but at twenty-one she hadn’t had a wealth of experience either. She’d spent the last five years imagining how it would have felt if she’d let Ben do all the things to her he’d wanted to, let herself explore him more...

  Heat suffused her body and, embarrassed, Thea dragged her mind from such inappropriate ponderings. Her emotions had been all over the place since she’d seen him again.

  Because you still haven’t told him your painful secret, goaded a little voice. She closed her mind but it refused to be silenced. What about the baby you lost? Ben’s baby?

  As long as he’d been away she’d been able to convince herself that it wasn’t the sort of thing that could be explained over the phone. But now that he was back she no longer had that excuse. She’d have to tell him before he left again. But not now—and not here.

  ‘Anyway, I’m not following you,’ she said abruptly. ‘Yesterday I was visiting you, but today I’m working in the area. I’m on my lunch break.’

  ‘You work here?’

  ‘The scrubs didn’t give it away?’

  Ben frowned. ‘You were in your final year of medicine at uni when I left. Then you were going to be a junior house officer. I thought you wanted to go into paediatrics after rotations? That your goal was Great Ormond Street?’

  She felt an unexpected rush of pleasure that he remembere
d. It shouldn’t matter. But it did.

  ‘It was. But then Daniel died and everything changed.’ She shrugged, seeing the flash of sorrow in his eyes before his face closed against her, as she remembered it doing a decade earlier when she’d spoken her brother’s name. Just another reminder of the fact that he could never open up to her.

  ‘I realised I was better in trauma. Daniel had taught me some stuff over the years—techniques you guys use out in war zones which had yet to filter down to Civvy Street. I was able to adapt those things into my own work, so I started to gain quite a reputation. Before long I was getting offers to go and learn from Army trauma doctors who were coming back from Afghanistan. The more I learned, the better I became, and the more offers I got.’

  ‘So now you work here? Nice scrubs... Blue always was your colour,’ he said without thinking. The conversation topic had momentarily given them common ground.

  ‘Actually, I work with the Air Ambulance as a trauma doctor. I just happen to be on secondment here at the moment.’

  He saw through the excuse immediately, and the moment of connection between them disappeared as he glowered at her. ‘You’re playing with your career to stay here and check up on me?’

  Dammit—she hadn’t wanted him to realise. She’d been lucky that the Air Ambulance had been so understanding from the moment she’d told them about Ben last month.

  ‘I’m one of the doctors for the Air Ambulance. I don’t play with my career,’ she objected. ‘They have set up a temporary exchange programme with one of the hospital-based trauma doctors for me.’

  ‘Are you that good?’ He looked impressed.

  ‘Yes.’ Thea nodded proudly and offered a cheeky grin. Typical of Ben to cut to the chase, and she wasn’t about to disappoint him with false modesty. She was proud of all she’d achieved—especially after losing Daniel and Ben, albeit for very different reasons. ‘I am good, as it happens.’

  She’d worked hard for her achievements, and her past had driven her on—including Ben’s abandonment.

  ‘There’ll always be more to learn—new procedures, research progress... That’s the nature of medicine—you know that. But, yes, I’m one of the top in my field.’

  ‘I’m pleased for you,’ Ben acknowledged, and the sincerity in his tone gave her an unexpectedly warm glow.

  She had been setting money aside ever since her first decent job, and now had enough to pay Ben back every bit of money he’d ever given her for her education. But something warned her that now wasn’t the time to mention it. Somehow they seemed to have struck the beginnings of an uneasy truce, and she wasn’t about to jeopardise it.

  ‘So, you’ve been here every day?’

  ‘When I’m working here. Sorry, Ben, I don’t have time to come and visit you all the time.’

  Had her nose just grown about a foot? She had been surprised that he hadn’t informed Dr Fields that they were estranged and got him to force her to stay away. But then, that would have entailed talking to a stranger about his private life.

  Thea watched as he tried not to let her see he was leaning on the rock wall for support. The nurses had told her he’d long been refusing any pain medication, claiming it would prevent him from being able to tell whether his body was healing or not. She wasn’t convinced—there had to be more to it than that. Still, it was little wonder that his brain was hazy if he was dealing with that level of pain. If so, was this her perfect opportunity to convince him that he should be discharged into her care?

  Apprehension rippled through her. If she was honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted him in her home again—it threatened to raise too many unanswered questions. She’d thought Ben was firmly in her past until she’d received that nightmare phone call a few weeks ago. Then she’d realised she needed closure. But the way he had her emotions scattering all over the place scared her. She couldn’t afford to let him get under her skin again.

  But if he needed someone looking out for him for the next few months then she owed him that much after all he’d done for her. Besides, as the cottage was part of Army married quarters, technically it was as much his house as it was hers.

  ‘You’ve got your hospital stay and your initial rehab stay. After that you’ll have a long-term rehab stay—or you can choose to come home with me so that I can help you through your recovery.’

  ‘So that you can keep tabs on me, you mean?’

  ‘Yes, if you like.’

  No point in denying it.

  ‘Look, Ben, you’re going to push yourself—we both know that. Hell, the whole hospital knows that. But they won’t discharge you to live on your own. They have a duty of care to make sure that someone is around.’

  ‘Thea, I don’t want to have this conversation with you.’

  ‘Well, frankly, I don’t want to have this conversation with you either,’ she bit back.

  He’d never listen to her if she buckled at his first objection. She’d been preparing her line of argument for the last week.

  ‘Ben, the situation is ridiculous. It’s your house too—married quarters because you’re an officer. Don’t you think that people are suspicious that they’ve never seen you there? Did you know that I’ve had to pretend to go away, stay in hotels, just to pretend we’re together when you’re on leave? If you don’t come home now, being this injured, you’re going to open us up to an investigation.’

  She shrugged. Maybe that was what he wanted. For the Army finally to realise. Take the house away. Force them to face up to their sham marriage and divorce? She wasn’t sure.

  ‘I’m sure we can live there together on a temporary basis...separately.’ She licked her lips, forcefully blocking any more memories of their night together in that house.

  ‘Separately. Of course,’ Ben echoed.

  His voice sounded unexpectedly hoarse, as if his mind had taken him to the same place hers had. Which was ridiculous, she knew, and fanciful. She doubted Ben ever thought about that night, or else he did and cringed at the way she’d thrown herself at him.

  Yes, she definitely needed closure.

  ‘Consider it, Ben,’ she pressed on. ‘You gave me a home, and you funded me so I didn’t have to drop out of medicine at uni and take some waitressing job, or something, just to keep a roof over my head. Do you know how many people out there have the smarts but could never pay for the education you paid for—for me?’

  ‘You achieved this by yourself,’ Ben growled. ‘Your success is nothing to do with me.’

  ‘You’re wrong,’ Thea shook her head, wondering why he suddenly looked so angry again. ‘I feel I owe you. If you come back home we can stay out of each other’s way, but you can recover at your own pace and get back to the Army. Because that’s your goal, right?’

  His face said it all, and it was as if her heart plummeted to the uneven flags underfoot. What was it that drove him so that he refused to take care of himself and let his body recover? He seemed so hell-bent on getting back to the Army, being redeployed as fast as he could.

  Or was it just that he was desperate to get away from her? Again.

  She shook her head and faced Ben down.

  ‘Fine. So you come home, recover properly, and then you’re free to get on with your life. And I can get on with mine knowing that I owe you nothing. From that point on my successes will be my own. Deal?’

  She waited, wondering what lunacy had made her think that Ben would agree.

  Still, she couldn’t help pushing... ‘Deal?’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ Ben rumbled at length.

  ‘Think hard,’ she bit out.

  He had at least four more months of recovery and procedures in the hospital—although at the rate Ben was going he’d be out much sooner than that—so she had some more time to work on him. But today was a start. He might not have wanted her to be his wife, but
after supporting her financially all these years she owed him something. And at least he wasn’t refusing outright any more.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘SO, HERE WE ARE...home.’

  Whether she meant her home, his home or theirs, Ben wasn’t quite sure. But, despite the overly cheery demeanour, the slight catch to her voice, which she had tried so hard to hide, reassured him that she was finding this whole thing as awkward as he was.

  He looked up at the familiar and yet alien house. It had been five years—hardly any wonder that he felt almost apprehensive about going inside. He stood there, his one solitary bag at his feet, and stared at climbing roses he didn’t remember, a freshly painted fence which was so well bedded into the grass it had clearly been first built a few years ago. Even the evening sun seemed to be in on the act, picture-perfect as it set over the roof.

  This wasn’t his home. This was Thea’s home. And he felt like an intruder.

  What the hell was he doing here?

  ‘Ben?’ Thea walked over to him, holding out his walking cane.

  He gave a single, sharp shake of his head.

  ‘I don’t need it.’

  ‘Ben. Don’t be too proud.’ She reached for his bag. ‘You’ve achieved in three months what it takes most patients five or six to achieve. But you still have a way to go.’

  He stayed her hand and she jerked her head sharply to look at him.

  ‘At least let me carry it for you.’

  ‘Thanks, but I can manage,’ he spoke quietly.

  ‘Ben...’

  ‘I can manage, Thea,’ he repeated firmly, softening his words with a smile.

  The hospital might not have been prepared to discharge him unless he had someone to take care of him, but he’d be damned if he’d let his presence interfere with Thea’s life—even for a moment.

  Slinging his bag over his shoulder and ignoring the flash of pain—less pain now...more an intense discomfort from his arm—he urged his reluctant legs to follow Thea through the door.