Color Blind

by Leigh Lennon

  “Iz, I’m close.” He grunts at my words, a soulful and hungry grunt as though he will feast on my juices for days on end. His mouth continues to smother my pussy, bucking my hips against his mouth, giving him a new angle. Reveling this new vantage point, he begins to tease me, pulling away from my tender nub every couple of seconds. The bastard is laughing and somehow in the torture, his chuckle brings me joy. Sex with Iz was the best, without a doubt, I’ve ever had but the fun and joy we have together is so much more.

  I finally have enough of his teases and pipe in, “You bastard, just make me come already.” Yes, he loved when I begged for it, too. In less than ten seconds, my fingers dig into his back as I scream his name. The man still knows how to undo me, to the single utmost fiber.

  16 years ago

  Trusting myself has been the hardest fear to overcome. My tender heart can’t take another crack in its foundation. With Iz, I understand he is the bond that will join my torn heart back together again. The second I gave into his touch, our bodies never knew a moment away very long without some sort of physical pull.

  Kissing and petting and every other sort of visceral need we have for one another is not placating us anymore. It won’t be long until we fuse our bodies together. It’s when I decide to give him a part of me, very soon in our future, that I understand he’s my forever. I’ve never been surer of anything before in my life.

  15

  Israel

  I’m between Liz’s parted thighs, detecting the heat radiating from her with one of the longest orgasms I’ve known from her ever. Her long and lean arms that have released my back and are now above her head, finally surrendering to this, to us, capture my attention. I pop my head up from her, contained in this moment. I rock back on my knees, the juices from her are evident all over my face.

  Pushing off of the bed, I catapult to her head, kissing her, letting her taste herself in my own mouth. I moan within her as she reaches for my erection. “Liz.” I want to tell her everything. I need to share it all with her. Starting with the fact that I won’t let her go, not ever again, even if she pushes me away. I want to tell her that money isn’t an issue. She has to know I’ll take care of her, watch over, and treasure her always. Oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue but as we’ve always been in sync with one another, she perceives it, placing her index finger over my lips.

  “Not now, Iz. Let’s not think, let’s just feel.” I love her spontaneity to live in the moment but this has to go somewhere, I won’t let her go again. She’s tracking my gaze because I’m thinking out loud, not audibly but in every way Liz knows me. This needs to be straightened out tonight. I need to call her mine again. I want a commitment in this second. My better judgment stops me, perceiving Liz’s own fight within herself through the irises of her eyes, debating the logical choice in this decision. I don’t let her think too long because I love this Liz—the one who’s letting her heart dictate this second. But hell, I love any type of Liz.

  As her knees fall open, I lean over to the end table and grab a condom. Her brows shoot up and I'm not sure how to tell her why I have condoms in my drawer since I’ve never brought another woman back here besides those related to me.

  “Um, I was a little hopeful. I asked my personal concierge to bring some up here along with some wine and snacks.” I’m a guy after all and this is my girl.

  A small giggle escapes the supple lips of my Buttercup. “I’m not sure whether to feel like I was an easy deal or happy you thought ahead.” The purple of her eyes is heated and I understand she’s ready.

  “Happy, be happy, Liz.” I stop just inches from her face. “I’ve wanted this from the second I said goodbye to you at the airport in Charleston so many years ago, Buttercup. I. Have. Only. Wanted. This.”

  “Iz, I can’t promise…”

  I stop her. The two of us together will be a reminder of all we’ve missed. I’m still in between her legs and it takes no time for my erection to find the target. Her entrance is the beacon, calling me home after such a long time.

  My swollen cock sits at Liz’s wetness and part of me wants to tease her because turned on isn’t the word for my Buttercup in this moment. It’s more intense. It’s a necessity and craving surging together. “Iz, please.”

  With the cocky smirk she both loves and hates on me, I reply, “Because you asked so nicely, girl.” It takes me a second and between her natural wetness and the fact that we were made for one another, I thrust inside. Her moan tells me all I need to know.

  We’re quiet but we don’t break contact, our eyes, the way we communicate to one another’s soul, are locked on each other. My speed intensifies and because this is the one person who could make me blow my load with a sexy wink, I know I won’t last long.

  I fucking hate the barrier between us but I know Liz well enough to understand no condom would be a ball buster, both literally and metaphorically.

  “Buttercup, are you close?” I don’t even get the words out as her pussy clenches around my shaft and I have to hide my arrogance of how, still after all this time, I can make my girl come.

  Only in the smile on her luxurious lips, I’m aware she knows I know the answer to my question. I push though, riding the climax for all it has to offer until we’re spent. Collapsing next to her then pulling her tight near me, I instantly sense the tension in her shoulders, as though this is all registering at once.

  “Liz, take your own advice you told me earlier, stop overthinking it and let me just hold you.” There’s so much I have to say. I need her here in the morning. I could go slowly, her pace. Sure, that’s what I’ll do. Fuck, I think as sleep overtakes us both—this is Liz and slow isn’t in my vocabulary in making her mine again.

  Two hours later, I wake to emptiness next to me as I pivot quicker out of bed than the best NBA point guard. My eyes adjust to bright lights of the city when my breathing evens, taking in the silhouette of the woman I’d thought had left me to wake up alone. Crossing the floor from the bed to the large windows overlooking the bay and the bridge, Liz doesn’t startle as I wrap my arms around her. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Sure, the city is always a sight for my eyes, but I’m not talking about San Francisco.

  “Funny, I didn’t see this view when you carried me in here last night.” A shy giggle escapes her mouth. Awe, we’re past being shy with one another, though it’s adorable on her.

  “Yeah, funny how that works. I think you had other important matters on your mind.” I trail kisses down her neck as the stiffness in her body overtakes her.

  “Buttercup, stop that.”

  She continues to stare straight ahead as if she can see Alcatraz. “Iz, what are we doing?”

  I can’t help but answer in the most obvious but obnoxious way. “C’mon, if you need an explanation, Buttercup, I apparently did something wrong.”

  Sliding out of my embrace, she’s not in the mood for humor. She twists her body around to stare, but it’s not the heated lust we shared last night. In her stance and gaze, she’s the scared girl I said goodbye to back in Charleston.

  “Liz, do you still love me?” It’s a simple question with a simple answer.

  “Iz, you know I do.”

  “Then, it’s that simple,” I explain but this is Liz the lawyer I’m now negotiating with and if I thought she had mad skills as a negotiator before, law school has prepared her well to find the cracks in my plea.

  “Possibly sure as fuck, you know that’s not true.” Okay, point taken, now I’m face-to-face with counselor Eliza Parker and I don’t think I’ll win this one as the disgust over our past seeps out her lips.

  When my own mouth tightens, my arms yearn to touch her, in the hopes this simple act may calm us both. “But we can make it easy. Sure, we have shit to work through, but my body aches for you.” I put it out there, this tough football player is begging for this woman in front of me.

  The crease between her brows furrow and the annoyance crosses her face. “Then what, Iz? We forget it all? What the fuck
are you suggesting?”

  Ah, Liz and the f-bomb. She isn’t this dainty little southern belle who never swears but when the f-word is thrown from her beautiful lips, it gives me pause to think. It’s a point she sure as hell wants to get across.

  I try to advance, emptying the space between us but she steps back from me. This is agony, her being so close but I can’t take her in my arms as she was a couple hours ago. “Buttercup, I know you well enough, this isn’t just a fuck that occurred between us. It was raw, real, like we have always been together.”

  Her expression never shifts from the annoyance written on her face. “So, Israel, I’ll ask you again, what now?”

  Awe, she has called me by my given name and it grates my very last nerve. “I want us—to start over. We were given a second chance and I don’t want to squander that.”

  She crosses her arms over her chest and though her beautiful tits are covered with her bra, I miss watching them from the corner of my eyes. “So, that’s all you have? You would make a fucking horrible defense attorney.” The words sound playful but the tone in which they are delivered, along with the sour look on her face, she’s still the district attorney ready for a conviction.

  “I want you, Liz—to make up for lost time. I want to take care of you. I don’t want you to worry about anything.” I continue by sharing with her that I want to move her to a safer place to live, not a small efficiency in a building that’s meant for office space. Partnership is want I want. Hell, Liz was and will always continue to be the one, this fact I’ve known since the crisp old age of nineteen.

  When I speak these words, every muscle in her jaw becomes rigid. She shifts back from me, even further. Her breath quickens and she breaks eye contact. I’ve freaked her out. There’s so much more to say but I stop before I scare her off anymore.

  I attempt to touch her but I pause, just shy of her soft ivory skin. “Liz, we can figure this out tomorrow. Please, come back to bed with me, Buttercup.” Running her fingers through her thick blonde locks, her lean arms stretch to reach mine.

  With a tight smile on her face, she simply replies, “Okay, Iz, for now, but this doesn’t mean anything.”

  Bringing her close to my body, I drop a kiss on her forehead. “Whatever you say, Buttercup.” She reluctantly follows me back to my bed as I pull her. Liz snuggles in close to me and we immediately fall asleep in each other’s arms, and this is when it’s reaffirmed that Liz has always been built perfectly for my body.

  The sun shines in through my floor-to-ceiling windows when my arms reach to the left to find Liz in my massive bed. But my arm keeps on reaching as it comes in contact with a piece of paper. My fingers snap the paper as my heart reads the words I knew were coming.

  Iz,

  I can’t. I just can’t, not yet. I know you, Iz. You have our future mapped. I’m not there. But you’re right. I still love you, that will never change.

  Liz

  I pick up my phone but since I don’t have Liz’s number, I call the one person who knows how to get ahold of her. With one ring, he answers.

  “Fuck, Iz, I knew this phone call was coming but shit, I was hoping I’d get a little more sleep.” Lang’s voice is groggy but for him, it’s never too early to greet me with his salutations of Fuck, Iz.

  “Whatcha mean, you knew this call was coming?” I bark, unable to tolerate his fucking head games.

  I hear the release of a long, deep breath escape my best friend’s airway, “She’s okay, Iz. Eliza that is. She called Candy and we came to pick her up. Eliza’s shaken and as your best friend, I’m telling you to give her some space, Iz. You dumped a lot on her. Plus, since I’m a selfish bastard, I need her A-game today.”

  “What. Did. She. Say?!” I roar with a demand that Langston is very familiar with.

  “Iz, I’m telling you—if you want a second chance, leave her be for now. And for fuck’s sake, if you care for me as your friend at all, you won’t fuck with her today since both she and I need this.” The line goes dead and it’s the first time Langston Jamison has ever hung up on me.

  Am I that selfish of a bastard that he has to remind me to let her have this day? I’m not sure I want an answer to this question.

  16 years ago

  It’s Christmas and most of the campus is bare. Liz’s decision to stay in California and drive with me to L.A., spending the holidays with my family, has weighed heavily on her. Not seeing her sister has caused great stress. I offered to fly home with her, so we could be together, but I could tell in her reaction her father wouldn’t approve. In this day and age, at the turn of the twenty-first century, it surprises me that the issue of an interracial couple is still a bias in many people’s eyes.

  With Christmas break letting out almost a week ago, we decided to stay behind for a couple days, just the two of us. I have a bigger dorm, so we’ve been staying at my place for the duration, though I’ve been sleeping on the couch and she in my bed.

  Liz is fearful of something, but I haven’t pushed. I love this girl. It’s happened quickly, without abandon and without me even fully understanding, but she’s branded in my heart and it will never leave.

  She’s secure in the crook of my shoulder when out of nowhere she says, “I loved someone once and he broke me.”

  Her confession is so sudden, her voice too soft and if my mind wasn’t trained fully on everything Liz Declan, I might have missed it. Before my mind catches up to my mouth and I’m able to respond, she’s continuing, “There’s nothing to say, Iz. Only I loved him and he loved the money that’s associated with my name.” Her words trail off; I’m not sure she’s done or if this is all I’ll get.

  A minute goes by when she pops her head up to look at me. “That’s why I’ve been so cautious with you.” She pauses briefly as she takes my hand to her chest, right over her heart. “Cautious with us. Not that you’re out for my daddy’s money, which I want no part of, but because my heart can’t handle another break in it.”

  Liz has demons in her closet. It’s been as evident as the beauty that covers her face. Leaning my head into hers, our eyes lock. No matter where we are, our eyes find each other, always. “And now?” My tone is controlled, low but needy.

  Rolling over on her stomach, putting the weight on her elbows, one hand finds the top of my head, rubbing her fingers around my neck. “Now, I want you. I need you.”

  “Buttercup, with you I see my future. A picket fence if you want it. A place by the ocean, a kid or two—whatever you want. It’s yours.”

  She strokes the stubble on my face when she replies, “We’ll be hit with a lot of hate, Iz. People won’t understand our love; they’ll think it’s wrong. Still after all this time, there will be people that think race shouldn’t be crossed.” She pauses and continues, “But as far as I’m concerned, they can all go fuck themselves because I love you and I’ll fight bigotry with you by my side.”

  The fierceness in all her beauty, she’s the only person I want in this world. Delving my fingers deep into her locks and pulling her hair out of her sweet face, I only reply, “I love you, too, Buttercup.”

  16

  Liz

  After Lang and Candace picked me up from Iz’s fancy condo, she came back to my room with me. Whenever the step-witch would take Candace’s already low confidence and destroy any of it I’d rebuilt, I’d crawl into bed with her and whisper in her ear anything that would make her smile. Sometimes it would be funny, silly songs or it would consist of us talking into the night, shedding all the damage the step-witch had unleashed on her. Other nights, I’d hold her and she’d cry in my arms. Even after I’d been married, I’d often leave Neal, going to Candace.

  This was her time to comfort me, hold me, and whisper those words of encouragement. Candace knew a small fraction of the burden I carry at the hands of Daddy. Until recently, she knew nothing other than I had a deep love for a man I couldn’t have a future with.

  In her embrace, I couldn’t talk. I was mute and I cried. Everything at
once hit me and I grieved the life I missed with Iz, the torture I endured at the hands of Neal, Daddy and the step-witch. The years my father forced a career and life onto me I never wanted. The way Iz looked at me today once he knew a sliver of the truth. And mostly for the lie I have lived for so long. But once you commit to a lie, it becomes part of your truth. I can’t let it go now, not after all this time. It’s a fear no one would ever understand.

  After all the tears were shed from my eyes and I couldn’t possibly produce anymore, they still came. Candace eventually went to sleep but I lay on my back, watching the lights from outside play against the ceiling of my hotel room.

  Finally, at six a.m., I understand sleep is not an option when I decide to begin my day. After a long shower, I check my texts and see one from Lang.

  Langston: Iz just called. I tried to buy you some time but he’s not going away.

  Iz was never one to give up so easily, only when he assumed I’d let race dictate our relationship. In a way, I did but I wasn’t going to let Daddy win so easily. When Daddy gave me the ultimatum, I needed time to come up with a plan to whisk Candace away from the life that was certainly going to strangle her, but I needed time to formulate a plan. I couldn’t tell Iz the whole truth, not then and certainly not now.

  With my towel over my naked body, I search the mirror while I rock back and forth. In any anxiety-filled moment, this is the one stance I take. Sure, I’m not always naked when I do this, but in the motion of back and forth, it gives me pause to think. Falling back into the arms of Iz is natural, as natural as brushing my teeth.

  The second I surrendered myself to Iz again, I forgave him for not believing in us all those years ago. But it’s not a matter of forgiving Iz but forgiving myself for all the lies and deceit. If there wasn’t still so much truth I had to come clean about, I’d be waking up in the arms of this man right now. If we’re to start anew, I want to find a way to unburden myself from the lies I’ve kept hidden for so long. I’m not sure I can take that chance.