Heart of Darkness

by Lauren Dane

  “He’ll make enough for fifteen people anyway. That’s why the cat’s so fat.”

  Ernie looked up at Dominic with one green eye and one blue eye. Neither was that impressed. He did stretch his head out to get a scratch though, so Dominic complied and was rewarded with a throaty purr.

  “How’d you sleep?” Tom asked as he came into the room with an armful of food.

  “It was hard to get used to the quiet, but after about thirty minutes my mind let go.” Despite all his emotional upheaval, it had been a deep and dreamless sleep. He’d needed that. Needed to wake up to the quiet of the house and Meriel’s scent on his skin and the sheets. He’d lain in bed, staring up at the naked beams above, just thinking.

  Of course all the thinking had only made him itchy. Uncomfortable and off balance again.

  “Tonight will be the one you really conk out. You should stay an extra day or two.” Tom began to pull out bowls and pots. Dominic automatically moved to help.

  “If you two won’t miss my helping hands, I’m going to grab a shower.”

  He turned to find her near the doorway, the sunlight on her hair, backlighting her like an angel. He saw her worry and it comforted. She cared about him, worried over him. She’d probably been up four hours already and had most likely been in contact with Nell about this business with his parents. He wished … wished she could take his side in this. Understood she had to protect her people, their people he supposed. But he wanted her to believe with him that his mother wasn’t a lost cause.

  “We’ve got it handled. Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour so you’ve got some time.” He moved to her, meeting her halfway. He wanted to join her, but that wasn’t the time. He needed the alone time with Tom and she knew that too.

  She said nothing else, but tiptoed up to kiss him quickly and then left.

  “I like her. She’s a lot like your grandmother, your Meriel. I’ve got a lot of things I’ve held back for you, for the time when you finally learned the truth. Pictures, that sort of thing. So you can know your grandparents too.”

  Dominic rejoined Tom at the kitchen island. Automatically, he began to peel potatoes. “I can’t believe you never told me any of this.”

  “I know you’re angry at me.”

  “I’m angry, period. What if she’s been looking for me?”

  “You’re a smart man. You were a smart boy too. Too smart to hold fantasies as reality. She’s not a fairy princess, boy, she’s a turned witch working with mages to hurt her own people to get a fix. Don’t forget it. If she has been looking for you, let’s all say a prayer of thanks she never found you. Gloria is nothing but bad news for you.”

  “You had no right to make that decision for me.”

  Tom slammed his fist on the counter and spun to face him. “Bullshit. I have every right to make that decision. I adored my brother. Idolized him. He was everything I wanted to be. He was good at everything. Sports, academics, women, my god, the women. But our parents didn’t know how to keep that channeled in a positive direction. In college he met Gloria and that was it. I’d hoped they would be good for each other, but they weren’t. She encouraged his recklessness and he doted on her. She needed a man who’d help her get her act together, but he wasn’t that man. He needed a woman who’d have given him a reason to finally stop fucking around and build a life as an adult. She wasn’t that woman.

  “And then you came along about six months after they married and we’d all hoped that would finally do the trick. It didn’t. So he came to me, on the verge of losing it. The last time I saw Felix, he stood in my living room and begged me to kill him if I ever saw him again. He gave his child to me to raise and protect and you’d damn well better know that’s what I did. I don’t have the right? Fuck. You.”

  Tom turned again and went back to slicing the bacon as Dominic peeled potatoes.

  Both men worked silently. Tom was slow to anger and usually quick to get over it. Dominic thought about his life. He thought about the way he’d been raised. Physically hale, fed intellectually and emotionally. The very firm way Tom dealt with him and any infractions made sense on a whole new level. He’d done it to keep Dominic from turning out like his own dad.

  And Dominic didn’t quite know how to process it. It had been a long time since he’d felt so out of sorts. He hadn’t missed it.

  “Did you hate him? Or me?” Dominic poured oil into the cast-iron skillet and waited for it to heat while he grabbed some onion and green pepper to go with the potatoes.

  “Never you. I was young when I came out here. Having you … well, it gave me a direction. One I didn’t really have. I suppose you saved my life in a lot of ways.”

  Dominic waited for more as he slid everything into the hot skillet. Tom would say more when he was ready.

  “I grew up with a larger-than-life big brother. He took me with him sometimes when he’d go with his friends. Seeing what he’d become … I was disappointed, but more than that, I was angry. He had everything, including a baby, and it wasn’t enough.”

  Dominic looked around the kitchen. At the cabinets they’d made and installed themselves.

  “Did you know I made extra money when I was in L.A. by doing carpentry?”

  “Yeah? Good. You have a good hand with it. But you’re better at running things. This club of yours. Meriel told me about it last night. She invited me to Seattle to stay whenever I like. I want to see what you’ve built. If you’ll have me in your life, that is.”

  Dominic turned to face the man who was his father in every way that was important. “I’m pissed off at you. But that doesn’t change that I love you. Of course I want you in my life. Why do you think I’m still here?”

  Tom turned the bacon. “Put the biscuits in the oven please.”

  Dominic did.

  “Maybe you’re only here to get more info on your mother.”

  Dominic turned the potatoes, satisfied with how golden they’d gotten. “Really? You think that?”

  “No. Not really. Leastwise that’s not how you were raised.”

  “I know I haven’t been much for thank-yous and stuff. But I get it now.”

  “What’s that?”

  “All the limits I used to think were so severe, so much more strict than others. You did it to keep me from being him.”

  Tom snorted. “Partly I suppose. You’re headstrong. He was too. But so am I. Headstrong isn’t a bad thing. I just wanted you to have a sense that you could do anything you set your mind to. That inner strength and confidence your father lacked in the end. And then you ran off to Los Angeles and I worried so much. I just had to hope you’d snap out of it. And you did. You’ve built a good life, Dominic. You and Meriel will have a good relationship. And one day you’ll have babies and I can teach them how to fish and camp too.”

  Dominic had needed to hear that. He hadn’t realized it until that very moment just how much.

  “Meriel can see the marks. The protective ones on my body.”

  Tom’s brows rose for a moment. “Really? Your magick works together well then? I didn’t grow up in a clan. And then once you came along I wanted to get you away from any group of witches where you might be discovered. I know the rules I was raised with, but you’ll have to teach me about your life now.”

  Dominic realized no matter what else, he and Tom would get past this.

  “When I first met Meriel we had this sort of … potential. Major attraction. The clans are run by full-council witches, as you know. But they’re like junior partners until they meet and do the ascension spell with their bond-mate.”

  “So you were compelled to be with her? So she could take over a corner office?”

  Dominic grinned. “I felt that way at first. I didn’t trust any of it, but I can’t deny the appeal. Anyway, it’s not so rare it’s only one person in the world or whatever. I could have walked away. She gave me space, gave me time as I worked it through. But I don’t want to.”

  “So you’re one of them now?”


  “Yes. What I choose to do is up to me. Meriel is obviously very involved. They have committees and they own several floors of a building in downtown. They have businesses and it’s all to benefit the entire clan. They’re like a giant corporation but also maybe some of the mafia too.”

  It was Tom’s turn to laugh. “When you’re hiding from those who want to harm you and yours, the rules change.”

  “Exactly. Anyway, not all bond-mates are romantic or sexual. Sometimes it’s just a person you’re magickally connected to. Meriel’s mother’s bond-mate is like that.”

  “So what’s the catch? I mean, the bond is voluntary you said. What happens next to ascend?”

  “This is how it was explained to me and I’ve found it pretty accurate. Each of us has natural defenses—barriers around our magicks. Not all witches, but a small percentage the clan witches call full-council have a way to unlock it via another person. You have to choose to let those down and marry your energy with your bond-mate. The ascension spell unlocks those walls and, well, the best way to put it is that the magick of each person works as one unit. The spell throws all the walls around our latent magick wide open. Essentially an ascended witch is operating at full capacity because there are no reserves waiting for the balance of a partner. The bond-mate is a stabilizing element to channeling all that magick. Like the third leg on a stool. I’ve got my magick, Meriel hers and then there’s our magick.”

  Meriel came into the room and he turned to smile. He liked the way she looked, her hair loose, face clean of makeup.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” She looked worried and he wanted to fix that.

  “I was just explaining how the bond works. I was about to say that the spellwork we do together is even stronger than anything we do individually. It’s harder to break down with unraveling spells. You should see the warding she helped me do at Heart of Darkness.”

  She smiled up at him.

  “Can you get these potatoes on the table? I’m going to do the eggs. Scrambled okay?”

  “Yes, please.” She took the potatoes and set the table, getting coffee and juice for everyone.

  Chapter 21

  “SO do you want to talk about it?” Meriel looked up from her meal and across the table. He’d been moody and a little distant since they’d returned from Bend. He’d thrown himself into his work, making excuses to stay at his place instead of staying with her.

  He’d been fine when they were still at Tom’s. A little pouty here and there. Snippy, but he hadn’t really distanced himself until he’d pulled up at her place and said he had a lot of work to catch up on and left.

  He hadn’t asked her to stay with him and she’d felt like he needed the space so she gave it to him. She’d given him a few days, knowing he was upset about his parents and probably needed a little time to process by himself without the pressure of her or Tom’s presence.

  But this had gone on long enough and she was done. They had a life together and it was time to remind him that she was part of it.

  “About what?”

  “Really?” She sent him a raised brow.

  “Look, it’s over and done with. The past is the past.”

  “Really?”

  He sighed. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Hm. Too bad. I do. You can’t just pretend you’re not upset about all you learned when we were at Tom’s. I get it. How can you not be? I’m not going to judge you for your feelings. I just want you to talk to me so we can work our way around it.”

  “I can’t emote on demand.”

  “I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to share yourself with me. I’m not looking for tears or rages, unless that’s how you feel and you want to do that. But you’ve avoided me for four days. If you’re angry at me, let’s talk about it so we can work it out.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You think what you think about her and I think what I think. Anyway, just because we’re bonded doesn’t mean I have to vomit all my feelings at all times for your amusement.”

  She stood and grabbed her purse, clamping down on her own hurt. “You’re right. You can’t. And if sharing with me makes you feel that way, there’s nothing more for me to say. I’ll be away until Friday. I’ll call you when I get back.”

  She’d hoped he would come after her, but he remained seated so she took her coat and left Heart of Darkness, running into Simon on the way to the door.

  “Meriel. It’s good to see your pretty face.” He bent to hug her. And then when he pulled back he took a good look. “Don’t tell me he’s still locked up.”

  “He doesn’t want to share with me and I can’t make him. But I can’t sit here knowing he’s upset and that he won’t open up even a little. I know it’s still new between us, but I can’t feel this way and I don’t think it’s helping him either. Keep an eye on him please. I’m going to San Francisco. I’ll be back Friday.”

  “Give him a chance. He’s never had anything even remotely like what he’s got with you. It makes him vulnerable to share. He doesn’t know how to do it right.”

  “I know. I’m not walking out on our relationship. Just this moment in time. I brought him dinner. I try to talk to him. He ignores me. He hasn’t slept over in a few days. He’s shutting me out of his life so until he’s ready to let me in, I have to be patient.” But it hurt too much to stay around just then. She wanted him to come to her and share. Understood why he hadn’t yet, but it left a lump in her throat and hurt her stomach.

  “He’s been working too much. I think he slept here last night. Though I did notice he’s got one of your T-shirts as a pillowcase, so he’s not as tough as he tries to come off. Will you be safe? I mean, away from here when all this stuff is happening?”

  “Yes. I’ll be on Owen land with other Owen witches. Life goes on. I can be there for him, and I am, but I can’t experience his grief and his guilt. I have to go. Please watch him. If anyone suspicious comes around, will you let me know?”

  “If that bitch comes around, I’ll make sure she never can again. And you be careful too. I don’t like you being away right now with all this mess.”

  “I can’t be here right now, Simon. I’ve given him space. I’ve not shown him just how upset I am. But I have feelings too. And I have a job. I have a clan to run. This meeting is important and so I’ll go. It’s two days.”

  And all she could do, she thought as she drove home, was hope he felt it when she was gone.

  “YOU’RE being a grumpy fuck who is going to have my fist in his eye in about five seconds.” Simon growled at Dominic from across the table.

  Dominic slumped, looking around for the eight-millionth time, hoping to see Meriel and then remembering she was gone. And then he’d start missing her again. Even more than he had an hour before.

  “You miss her.”

  He sighed. “When she said she was going I didn’t think she meant it. I went to her house yesterday morning and she was gone. I had no chance to apologize or to even say goodbye.” He should have followed her when she’d left Heart of Darkness that night. He’d let pride keep him glued to his seat as she walked away.

  “Do you even know if she got there safely?”

  “She sent me a text when she got to San Francisco giving me her hotel and room number.”

  “You haven’t called her yet? What the hell is wrong with you? I know you understand the magickal stuff now, I’ve seen how much stronger you are. The wards on the club, all the diversions and glamours between the back room and the front of the house are seamless. Gage’s idea of changing the overall flow of traffic between Other and human entrances was helpful too. You’re better now. With her in your life. You’re stronger. You don’t lose your cool at all. It’s like you’ve finally calmed down enough to know you’re doing just fuckin’ fine, thankyouverymuch.”

  Dominic laughed at that description. “Pretty much from a short time after we met until this fight, we’ve gotten along. Sure we bicker. She’s a very vexing woman sometimes.” He said
that with a big smile. “I came up on this thing and when we were in Bend, we had this unity and closeness. She’d been supportive and helpful. She left me and Tom alone enough to work through our stuff, but not long enough for us to start fighting.

  “The way she is stuns me. She’s got this effortless intuitiveness about what I need. I took that. But I got back here and we sort of fell back into our schedules and I guess I fell back into my old patterns. I didn’t have this person to share with and turn to before her. I sure didn’t have a person I was metaphysically attached to, who shared my life in such a breathtakingly intimate way. And I was pissed off. Scared too probably, that she gets to me the way she does. I didn’t want her to be right about my mother and I resented that she was.”

  “Why aren’t you telling her this?”

  “I thought I could hold out until she got back. Give us both time to get past the anger and hurt. Be a little further from it. I’d show up at her place with flowers and some sea salt caramels and a lot of groveling, that we could get to makeup sex within an hour or two.” He covered his face. “I know. God. I’ve never run after a woman before. I let that get to me and then I’ve suffered for it just like she knows I will.”

  Simon laughed. “That’s tough love, man. But it’s either deal with it now and at least get some relief from this suffering and then you can get to the sex part way faster when you get back. Or you can wait till she gets back after you’ve suffered for another day and then still have to apologize and admit you were being a jerk.” He tipped a beer in Dominic’s direction. “She’s a ruthless, canny bitch. I really love that.”

  Indeed. He did too apparently.

  “So I talked to Nell earlier. They got some possible hits on my mom.”

  His friend looked around and then shook his head. “Get your head out of your ass. Damn it, Dominic. You are one of the smartest guys I know. Street smarts, business smarts. You are a survivor for a reason and that’s because you are fearless when it comes to the truth. Except for now. Why you holdin’ on to some fantasy that this witch is anything but a cancer? You don’t need to find a witch like her unless you got plans to remove her from your enemies list.”