“Now I know you have no reason to believe me. However, she said if I tell you Slick wants you to move on…you might believe me more.”
Those words rocked me to the core. How the hell would he know anything about her nickname if she hadn’t told him? My mind reeled with confusion and doubt.
He rose to his feet. “I have a little more business while in California, so I really must be going. Thank you for your time and your respect on this matter.”
His eastern accent wasn’t as strong as hers. If this was any other man, I’d beat the living shit out of him…but I couldn’t…no I could…but I wouldn’t hurt him. Regardless of their relationship, he was still her father.
The wind blew and I watched the restraining order and the quarter million dollar check flutter in the breeze. As the limo pulled away from the curb, I grabbed the check and the papers, stormed past Tyler and fell face first back on my bed.
FOUR YEARS LATER
Chapter 28—Tessa~ Mail
Snow was coming down in white blankets over the city. I slid my feet into my Uggs and opened the door causing a flurry of flakes to melt instantly as they swirled indoors. After pulling the door closed, my feet trekked forward in the deep snow, crunching with every step. Four days had passed since I’d last checked the mail; well, this at least got me out of the house. Fresh air. Daylight. All good things. All things I needed.
The stone encasing the metal box was slick with ice and a quick hit with my fist broke the thin layer, sending brittle shards into the snow below. My steamy breath filled the box when I looked in. The pile of mail was bigger than expected—mostly catalogs and mailers from companies I had previously asked to be removed from. I wanted no part of that life.
As my feet found their way back through the silent powder, my heart fell as I spotted my gas bill. This one would be more expensive than the first month, and an anxiety settled through me as I wondered how much more. I shook off the worry…it didn’t matter. I was on my own. That was all that mattered. I’d make it somehow.
Then I saw it. Slick, my nickname, on the mailing address of an unobtrusive white envelope. A gut-wrenching shudder rippled from my shoulders, over my chest and down through my abdomen. The puffs of air coming from my mouth suddenly ceased as I could no longer find my breath. The mail in my hand fell one item at a time into the snow, as my cold, partially numb fingers wouldn’t cooperate to open the envelope.
Four years had passed since I’d heard that name—but yet he was still every other memory in my head. That wasn’t true…he was every memory. Finally the paper tore at the top of the envelope.
Slick- Hey stranger. Heard you’re tying the knot. Just wanted to say I hope you’re happy. I’ll be in Portland MN, Cincinnati OH, Boston and Philly on the 11th, 12th, 15th and 17th. Not trying to cause problems. But here are tickets to each show if you want to come. I’d love to see you, Slick. Bodhi
A pillow of steam shot from my mouth when my knees buckled. As I fingered through the tickets, I silently cursed myself for not checking the mail four days ago. What was the date? Had I missed them all? I fumbled for my phone to check what day it was. Damn, I had left it inside. Scrambling to my feet, I made a frantic dash for the house. What was the damn date? Silent tears began to streak my face as I searched for my phone.
As if reading my mind, it began to ring, and I stood still listening for the sound. Desperately, I dug through the blanket that had covered me earlier until my phone fell out of the folds.
“Dad!” I screamed.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“What is today?”
“It’s Thursday. What’s wrong, Tessa?”
“No. The date. What is the date?” I cried.
My lungs restricted, holding the breath I had taken in, anxiously waiting for his response.
“It’s the 14th. Tessa Faith. What is wrong with you?”
I hit the red end call button as my head spun. I didn’t want to talk to him anyway. The floor angled upward and I stuck my hand out to push it away. Why was the floor suddenly tilting? Something was off. I felt funny…then pain radiated through my wrist as it made contact with the floor. As I rolled over onto my back, I realized I was passing out…my eyes closed.
Chapter 29—Bodhi~ No show
“Portland! Thank you for coming out tonight!” Tyler shouted.
There was no way in hell I was doing an encore performance. After unexpectedly handing my guitar to the stagehand, I stormed off.
“Bodhi!” Tyler yelled. “We’re going back on and you know it.” The roar of the crowd was deafening, and I pretended not to hear him.
“Stop!” Tyler’s hand lay flush with my chest after he raced past me. “I know you’re upset that she didn’t come but twenty-five thousand other people did. Now get your ass back out there.”
My jaw ticked in and out as my teeth ground together.
“Do it for me, man,” he said and winked.
“Fuck you. Let’s go.” I shoved him but did go in the direction he wanted. As we neared the side of the stage, the crowd continued to go wild. A mix of chants—some shouting O-Seed and others chanting Bodhi.
“Maybe if you were a little uglier we wouldn’t have to worry about this. By the way, there’s a girl out there that wants to have your baby—her sign says so.”
If I didn’t love him so much, I’d fucking punch him in the throat. I’d hurt him once four years ago after…right after… broke his jaw. My gut churned thinking about what happened. We both learned something that day. Me, well, I promised him and myself I’d never lay another hand on him…ever, as long as I lived. And I wouldn’t. Tyler, well, he promised me he would never try and get me to fuck another woman.
Back on stage, I grabbed my guitar, turned my ball cap around and we started playing the first of three songs that we had lined up. It was easier to play to the back of the stage. It had always been that way. But our record label and manager wanted me front and center right along with Tyler. So, as I sang one of the songs written about her, I scanned the face of every girl in the crowd—their eyes staring back at me and yet my eyes continued to find the one empty seat in the house. Tessa’s seat. She hadn’t come.
Back on the bus, everyone gave me my distance. Maybe it was because I slammed things harder than necessary or I grumbled beneath my breath. Regardless, they knew now was not the time. As we prepared to head to Boston, I had an idea of my own…
“I’ll be back,” I spat out.
Tyler loosely grabbed my arm. “Buddy. We need you.”
No shit. We are a three-man band. “I won’t let you down, Tyler.”
With that, he released my arm and nodded. “Be smart,” he advised, and I threw him my best shitty smirk.
“Why the hell would I start that now?”
My GPS lead me directly to her house or what I guess was her house. It’s not where I mailed the tickets, but when I called the USPO to confirm, they said her mail had been forwarded to where I sat now. The house was dark and covered in snow. There were no tracks leading out from the carport, which confirmed she hadn’t left her house. The amount of snow I’d driven in to get here made me feel minimally better. She shouldn’t be out and driving in this stuff anyway.
As I sat in the freezing temperatures, in a good foot or two of snow, staring at a dark house that I believed held the woman I loved, I began to feel a bit like a stalker—downright crazy in fact. But for the life of me, I couldn’t open the door and go up…so I just sat like the creeper I’d become.
I closed my eyes, willing myself to leave. Why hadn’t she come tonight? I’d seen her only a couple of times since they took her that night—her high school graduation, from afar, and a year ago, when I came to their engagement announcement party. Security was everywhere, but…I saw her. Any time my eyes closed and I was on the verge of sleep, I’d bolt upright rattled by her cries from four years ago that had haunted me every day since.
The truck I had rented plowed through the snow when I finally took
off. With the money they had, I didn’t understand why they lived in such a small house. But I did know I couldn’t wait anymore…I had to know if she truly wanted this guy or if she was still going to marry him out of obligation. If she didn’t come to any of the shows, then I’d have my answer.
Besides, she was a grown woman—she could have found me at any time had she wanted to. That was reality—a reality my head and heart didn’t want to accept. Two more concerts. Two down…two to go…that’s all, I promised myself.
Chapter 30—Tessa~ Free
“Hello?” she answered.
“Elle?”
“Who is this?” she asked.
“Tessa.”
Silence.
“Elle? Please…”
A quiet sob echoed through the phone.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered.
“Four years, Tess. Why?”
I listened to her words and they were like a vise on my heart.
“Oh Elle. I’m free now. Free of it all,” I cried happy tears, but a lump in my throat prevented me from swallowing. “I’m so sorry. After Bodhi came here…” Shit…saying his name hurt so much even after all this time. “Elle they pulled me from the hotel room naked and they hurt him and…”
“I know, Tess. I know. We heard the story many times.”
Bodhi had told them.
“Why’d you stay away? I mean I know the restraining order but…really?” she asked.
There was so much I couldn’t tell her. Things Bodhi…none of them could ever know. “Elle. For a full year I had no contact with anyone from the outside world. They didn’t let me come home at fall break or Christmas. I had no one. Then when I graduated…” My chest felt like it was going to implode, as the pressure became too much recalling it all. I wept out loud.
I heard her sniff.
“Elle. I tried to find you on Facebook. I Googled you. Then it felt like no one was trying to fine me. I just stopped.”
“Tessa,” she cried too. “Please come see me. Please.”
After sniffing, I asked what I’d been dying to know. “When did he get out?”
“What do you mean? Who?”
“Bodhi?”
“What are you talking about? Out of where?”
I sat on the sofa…crouched into a ball…my arms wrapped around my legs. The room started spinning again…just like two days ago when I got the letter.
“Prison, Elle. For the cocaine.”
“What the fuck? Tess! It was my cocaine. Bodhi never went to prison. I went to treatment for six months so I wouldn’t do any time! Me! It was my cocaine. He lied to save you and cover for me. Where did you get that he went to prison?”
Elle’s cocaine? My stomach lurched and the popcorn I’d eaten earlier threatened to come back up. Big tears swelled in my eyes as the reality of what she was saying hit me. Bodhi had never done time…he’d never been sentenced to two years like my father said. Like he swore to me. But he had papers.
“He showed me the papers. My father. He showed me the legal papers of his conviction and sentence!” Anger festered inside me. But, truth be told, it didn’t matter because when offered the money to stay away from me…Bodhi took it and cashed it!
“It was a lie Tessa. You know your father. He’s a fucking cocknut! How could you have believed such a thing?” Elle’s voice raised about three octaves as she screamed.
“Bodhi said it was his coke! I didn’t know,” I cried, angry with myself. “I’ve done nothing but bury myself in my school work for four years. I’ve thought about him every day.”
“You seriously left him? Christopher?”
“Yes. All of them. I’ve left them all. I’ve moved out to a little shit hole townhouse of my own by campus. It’s all mine.” There was no pain in my heart for them either. They didn’t matter to me. Bodhi did. But knowing he’d been out all this time and hadn’t come to find me crushed my soul.
“Bodhi’s here, Elle. Well, in Boston tonight. I’m going to go see him.”
Silence…
“You don’t think I should?” I stood and started to pace.
“Tessa. I’ve missed you so much. But honestly, I don’t know. Bodhi is…different now. He isn’t the same Bodhi you remember.”
The words wedged in my throat. I didn’t ask for clarification. I wasn’t sure I wanted it.
“He sent me tickets to the shows. I’ve already missed two.”
“Just be careful, Tess. Is this your personal number…because I swear to God, I’m never going to let you go again. Those fuckers changed all numbers…everything. Mom even got sick and you think they gave a shit? No.”
I had so many questions…so much I wanted to know…but I could only think of Bodhi right now. How had we turned out like this?
“Look. I need to go. But I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know what happens tonight. Plus we can catch up too.” I paused. “Elle, I’m sorry. I needed to figure things out. I needed you…I did. But, it hurt too bad knowing you were connected to him. Close to him every day.”
She exhaled. “I think I get it. I understand. We can talk more later. I love you, Tess.”
“I love you too. So much.”
After I hung up, I breathed a sigh of relief. That was the first of many relationships that needed to heal.
I second-guessed my jeans, leather boots, and black brushed-leather poncho. Though it was super cute, it looked too biker bitch. Too late…I was already here and nervous as hell. Never in my life had I been to a concert before. I bought a beer—and walked into the section directly across from where my seat was, standing in the doorway of the half full arena.
Overly cautious, maybe—but bottom line, Bodhi knew where I was going to be sitting and call it control or whatever you like, but I wanted to see him first. My pulse sped to the point where I was inhaling long, slow deep breaths to try and get it to slow.
The first band came on and was tolerable…the second was better… and then the O-Seed came on.
“Ma’am, I need you to please find your seat,” an usher instructed.
Seriously…after two freaking bands and now you ask?
After a quick smile, I hurried to a different section, but my view was obstructed from some lit up sign. What the hell? How does one light up a sign with no electricity? Intrigued, I walked the extra two feet to see what was lit with Christmas looking lights around the perimeter of the sign.
BODHI! You light up my life!
Take me to bed or lose me forever!
Slowly I backed away as the acid in my stomach burned my esophagus. I think I needed to see a damn digestive doctor because the past few days had not been good. The thought of the thousands of girls throwing themselves at Ty, Dirk and Bodhi…ugh…
“BODHI!” a girl shouted, making me remember why I was there.
When I spun around and stared at the stage—I saw Ty first. TY! Still skinny. Hair a little longer. More handsome. My heart swelled. His blue eyes and beautiful smile. Hearing him sing was literally music to my ears.
Yet, as quick as that, my eyes flashed to the baseball cap wearing guitar player. Oh my fucking God. As he strummed the instrument, his swollen biceps looked like they were going to rip the seams of his peach T-shirt. The California sun had been good to him. The small rip in his jeans about three inches above his knee was exactly what I expected. God…he was… I swear to all that is holy, I would have sworn he couldn’t have gotten better looking, but some how he had.
“Ma’am, I need you to find your seat. You can’t stand here.”
Once again, I nodded and moved on this time more annoyed. I refused to go to my assigned seat.
Between songs, girls chanted Bodhi’s name and a surge of jealousy shot through me. The man could have his pick of any girl in here tonight. It had been four years…why did that thought make my heart hurt?
Some of the songs I recognized and some I didn’t. But none of that made a difference. For the first time in years, my skin buzzed with his pre
sence. Just like it did back then.
I remembered the feeling now. How it felt when he was close to me, like a warmth tingled just beneath my skin, setting my body ablaze from the inside out. For four years, I had fought hard to forget that feeling and I’d done so well to bury it. But…now as blood began to simmer in my veins and seeing him and remembering the things he’d done to me—my body felt more alive than ever.
The feeling made me dizzy and I needed to pull it together. His voice crooned out through the speakers—it was all around me. Swallowing me. I needed him. I hated admitting that because I’d made up my mind a few months ago that I needed no one, least of all a man who took money in exchange for not seeing me. Yet, I knew if I stayed here, hearing his voice, seeing him…watching him—I couldn’t.
I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. Short breaths coming at uneven intervals—an anxiety attack looming. Pressure in my chest. The room spinning. In my heart, I had thought seeing him would be OK. I thought I could handle it. But somewhere between the women shouting his name, to his sexy, unforgettable voice fucking my ears, I broke.
Unable to take it, I ran, down the lit hallway, past the vendors, the merchandise for sale and busted through a door with an exit sign. Pain shot up the arm that still needed x-rayed from my fall, but I kept my pace until I hit another set of doors. A security guard lunged for me as I burst through those too.
“Stop, lady!”
Outside, I inhaled sharply to get oxygen before I passed out. The cold air was torture to my gasping, deprived lungs. When I opened my eyes, I was looking straight ahead at The O-Seed’s bus. You’ve got to be kidding me. Kill me now!
“Lady, you can’t be out here,” the guard caught up to me panting.
No problem! “I don’t care where I am. I just needed air. I’m sorry.”
Slick Page 16
