I flinched when his hand touched my upper back. “Are you OK?”
“Just give me a minute,” I begged, resting my palms on my knees.
“I need medical, please,” the security guard said, and I glanced up quickly enough to see him talking into a little walkie talkie on his shoulder.
All the memories, the feelings, the smells, the tastes—they were all back. Flooding my mind in a barrage of recollections of every single encounter. Every single touch. Every single kiss.
“I have to go,” I whispered.
“Have you been drinking?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head and back stepping away from him.
“I have someone coming. Just a second.” He held up a finger as if that would prevent me from escaping. No way was I staying anywhere near this bus. Finally, after 21 years, I’d become my own person and the mere thought of Bodhi made me feel out of control again…
When I spun around to flee from the guard, I ran smack into a huge, muscular body.
“Tess?”
I glanced up to the face of the brick wall I had hit and Collin stood there looking down at me.
“TESS!” he shouted with a growing smile. “Oh my God, has Bodhi seen you?” The unmistakable question in his eyes was enough to send me running again. Without thinking, I leaned on my tiptoes, brushed a kiss over his cheek, whispered, “So good to see you, Collin.” Then I ran and couldn’t look back.
The snow was so much heavier back in New Jersey. The drive back to my townhome kept my attention off Bodhi at least temporarily, and I breathed a sigh of relief once I parked beneath the carport.
I’d sat in the parking garage back in Boston for over an hour trying to pull myself together before the drive home. At one point I went all out with the fucking ugliest cry ever as I reflected on the shitty hand I’d been dealt. But the thing is, no one could possibly understand. Poor little rich girl at a private school… I laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it all. Classic example of money not buying happiness.
Pulling my scarf tight around my neck, I got out and trudged through the snow to the front door.
The inexplicable feeling that only happened when Bodhi was near still had not subsided. My entire body tingled and I bordered once again on tears. I was a goddamn emotional mess. I think I needed a shrink.
When I slid the deadbolt key into the lock, the crunching of snow startled me, but before I could turn around, the body pressed up against me shoving me up against the door.
“Bodhi,” I panted, knowing instantly who it was.
His forehead rested on my shoulder and both his hands lay flush against my door on each side of me. I was trapped. God help me.
“Is he inside?” he finally growled after a long few minutes. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Was who here? The hoarseness of his voice thrummed something inside my chest—a silent warning not to turn and look at him. If I did, it would be over. Yet, my heart wanted him to touch me, to take me, all of me, right here.
His nose skimmed over the back of my hair with a slight inhalation, and goose bumps fanned out over my body.
“Bodhi…” I said again, steam puffing out of my mouth.
“How’d you know it was me?” His tone was filled with anger.
“My body knows. It…knows when you’re near. It always has,” I whispered.
With those words he flipped me around, my body jarring back against the front door. He’d never hurt me—I knew that, but he was scaring me. Embarrassment settled through me. I’d cried my eyes out tonight. No make-up. Swollen eyes. Ugh.
Then I saw his eyes. Dark. Angry. Haunted. Hungry. A red ball cap turned backward on his head. Classic Bodhi. The tightness in his jaw frightened me more than I was willing to admit. His shoulders seemed broader, his chest thicker.
Slowly, he raised his hand to my mouth and his thumb brushed over my bottom lip…I was losing this battle.
The way his eyes flitted over my face was gut wrenching, but the thought of the damn quarter million dollar check kept leaping to mind. Why had he taken it? Cashed it? I had to know.
I shoved him in the chest barely moving him. Even in the darkness, I could see his brow lower and he fisted my hair. He yanked backward angling my neck back, my lips barely two inches from his. Our breaths joined in a pillow of steam between us.
Suddenly, his mouth mashed against mine with such force I winced and whimpered, but he didn’t let up. His tongue invaded my mouth, delving deep, aggressively searching for something. One of his arms snaked around my waist jerking my body into his as his mouth continued its assault.
Abruptly, he stopped. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked, his voice thick as he pinned my shoulders against the door.
“What do you mean,” I cried out, and my chin trembled. The thought of him not liking my kiss anymore scared me to the bone.
“That wasn’t your kiss. Our kiss. You’re pretending!” His tone was gruff.
“Maybe if you weren’t raping my mouth!” I screamed back, breaking free as I unlocked my door and stepped inside.
He stood wide-eyed just staring at me. “Are you alone?” The question held surprise.
“I live alone, Bodhi,” I spat out with as much distaste as his earlier words. Shaking off my coat, I tossed it into the chair by the front door. “I can barely afford the damn gas bill so please shut the door.”
He swallowed, holding my gaze as he shut the door behind him. He, too, shed his coat. Jesus…his body was spec-fucking-tacular. I glanced away.
“Tessa.”
Looking at him would be my undoing, but I did.
“I’m sorry for raping your mouth,” he said softly, keeping his eyes locked on mine. Anger tightened the corner of his eyes.
“Don’t tell me that wasn’t my kiss when that wasn’t your normal kiss either,” I retorted. “And that shirt is waaay too small for you.” I threw some logs in the fireplace and turned on the gas to get it going.
“I buy them small so I look bigger,” he said flippantly, flexing his arms.
“Do you do that with your underwear too?” I knew it was a stupid comment, but I wanted to make him mad.
Four measured steps is all it took for him to get to me. “You trying to piss me off? Clearly, the angry kiss wasn’t for you. Do you really want another?”
I’d take another and then I’d take another. He stepped even closer.
“Or how about an angry fuck, Slick? You want that? Because I guaran-damn-tee ya, I’m up for that job right now.” No humor carried over from the previous conversation. His jaw ticked in and out.
My upper lip pulled into a slight snarl. “You’re angry?” I raised my voice and then cackled sarcastically. “You are? Are you kidding me?”
He lifted his ball cap off his head and resituated it. “I understand, Tessa. I’m probably not as angry as you are since I’m not the one marrying a fucking douche bag.”
Pissed off, I reared up on my toes and pointed my finger in his face. “I’m not marrying him,” I gritted. “But I fucking promise you he’d never have taken two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars to leave me alone!”
Bodhi grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the front door.
“Let go of me!” I jerked away as I saw him grab his coat. Immaturely, I stormed to the kitchen because I didn’t know what else to do. I swear to God after only being with him for 20 minutes, I wasn’t sure I could ever endure being without him again. I refused to watch him leave.
I grabbed the cheap bottle of wine from the counter and popped the cork off. I didn’t even bother to grab a glass; I drank it straight from the bottle.
“Tessa.”
I nonchalantly turned toward him sipping the wine as if every part of him didn’t get to every part of me.
He held a piece of paper up to me but didn’t move. So, I strolled toward him. In the left hand corner of the rectangle crumpled paper was my father’s name…Ethan Ashby. It was a check for two-hundred-fifty thousand dollars
dated four years ago.
Chapter 31—Bodhi~ Lies…truth
The hurt in her eyes was evident when I showed her the four-year-old check. But I truly wasn’t sure why and I, for fuck’s sake, couldn’t think straight. The only thing echoing in my head was her saying she wasn’t getting married.
When the light reflected on her face, my heart sank…plummeted into my gut.
“You’re eyes are swollen. Have you been crying?”
Her body language—slumped shoulders and head down—shouted defeat. She seemed emotionally exhausted. I took the wine bottle from her hands and set it down.
“Tessa. Why were you crying? Tell me, please.”
I placed the check on the counter in the kitchen and nervously took her hand and guided her to the countertop, lifting her and gently resting her on the granite. A silent memory slid through my mind of the last time I had lifted her—four years ago. This girl was every fucking memory for me.
“At the concert.” She shook her head warding off some thought. “Seeing you. Hearing you. All of it came flooding back like a damn tsunami knocking me on my ass.”
Her hands shook as she reached out to touch my face, dragging her fingers over my stubble. I’d shaved that stubble every day out of spite for four years because I knew how much she loved it…but yet I’d let it grow the last few days in hopes of seeing her.
I poured her a glass of wine and tipped it to her lips, offering her a sip. When I pulled it away, a small drop dribbled down her lip. Instinctively, I leaned forward and kissed over the droplet, causing her to moan so softly.
This time, she picked up the glass and swallowed the contents in their entirety, surprising me. She was skinnier now than before and her ass was smaller. I didn’t like that. She stared at me for a long moment.
“Bodhi. Kiss me…like only you kiss me,” she begged.
Fuck me. There was no way I was ready for this. But, not willing to deny her, I wedged myself slightly between her legs, licked my lips and closed my mouth over hers. All anger from earlier vanished in a split second. In a moment’s time, our kiss fell in sync as if not a single second of time had passed. An involuntary groan ripped from my throat as our tongues mingled in a slow dance of their own. The sweet taste of wine laced her tongue. Her hands lay flat against my chest, and when there was a hint of resistance, I slowed the kiss and stepped back.
“I’m sorry. That was the wine,” she quickly whispered.
Bullshit! The wine didn’t have time to do the talking yet.
“Well now, Slick, if that happens after one glass of wine…tell me what will happen after two?” I smirked, fire growing in my belly and my groin.
Her lips curled up, and as she tucked some hair behind her ear, I noticed she had no engagement ring. That reality continued to sink in. Without hesitating, I rubbed over her finger where a ring would be. Her big brown orbits stared at me…blank.
She swallowed, held her chin high. “Why didn’t you come for me after the restraining order was lifted?”
The last thing I wanted to do was upset her, so I tried to control my facial expressions. But, what the hell? “The restraining order wasn’t lifted until you were 21. Only a few months ago. But I was there for your high school graduation, Tessa Faith Augusta Ashby,” I smiled. That day was the first time I had heard her full name.
“You were there?” Her brows shot up.
“Yes. I was.” I stared down at my shoes for the longest time before I could tell her more. “I saw you at your engagement announcement too.”
Her hand clasped over her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes.
“I knew I was violating the court’s order, but I needed to see you. God, I wanted to talk to you. Just to see if you were really happy.”
“Bodhi. The restraining order was only good through my 18th birthday.”
I gripped her shoulders, shaking her a bit. “Tessa, I have a copy of the one you signed keeping it in place until you were 21!” I nearly shouted. The realization of possibilities hit me. “It was signed by a judge!”
The biggest tear I’d ever seen slowly rolled down her cheek. I wanted to fucking kill Ethan Ashby.
“There was no restraining order?” It was a rhetorical question. I knew the answer, but I had to ask.
She simply shook her head and then clawed at my chest gripping my shirt in sheer desperation.
“What?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”
She slid off the counter and darted out of the kitchen, down the hall and into a cluttered bedroom of boxes as I followed. She hysterically ripped lids off of boxes, tossing them and moving to the next. More tears streaked her beautiful face.
I took hold of her arms. “Baby. What are you doing? What are you looking for?”
“The papers. Court papers.”
“Look at me,” I said, gently lifting her chin. “I believe you. It’s OK.”
“No! Not those papers.” She tore off another lid. This clearly meant something to her.
The room was cluttered enough, it was difficult to maneuver around, but I started opening boxes too. After a few minutes, I came to one with papers. I moved them around and spotted some legal looking papers.
“This it?” I asked, handing it to her. She snatched them from me.
After she opened them and read over them, she flipped them around to me. My name with some sort of case number was at the top. What the fuck?
“What is this?”
“He told me you were sent to prison for two years for possession of cocaine. This is your, whatever. Sentencing! I don’t even know. It makes me sick. I HATE HIM!” She screamed and fell to her knees.
Cradling her in my arms, I carried her back out to the sofa. She had been irrevocably hurt and manipulated by this man. Both of us had been.
I brushed soft kisses over her forehead, her nose and then her lips. There wasn’t a damn thing we could do about it now.
“Aren’t you angry?” she asked.
I couldn’t explain it if I wanted to, and I didn’t. The anger managed to slip away. Her eyes. Her hair. Her lips. Her body. Her smile. All of it—salve to heal my wounds.
“Yes,” I spoke softly, hoping to calm her. “It makes me very angry. Angry enough to do something I’m afraid I’ll regret. And something that would only make me lose you again.” Insecurities taunted me with those words because I didn’t know if she was mine to lose at this point. “I know what it feels like to lose you once, Tessa. If we decide to…I don’t know…I’m not sure I’d survive it again.”
“Bodhi…” her tone had softened. “He screwed with our lives.”
“Yes.”
“We could have been together. All this time!” Her words escalated again and I tucked her into my chest.
“Remember that summer?” I said, soothingly stroking down her hair trying to distract her.
“Sometimes it seems so long ago and other times it seems like yesterday.”
When I inhaled, her hair smelled the same as it did back then. She seemed stronger back then—she was more broken now. Reason 43 to hate her father.
“Every breath you took that summer was mine,” I whispered.
Little brown doe eyes fluttered up at me.
“Those were the best two months of my life, Bodhi.”
“Mine too, Tessa. You came and went without a warning. Nothing has been the same in my life since you left.”
Her palm cupped my cheek.
“At least you had the group. Collin, Matt, Ty, Ben, Elle.”
There was no way I couldn’t tell her. But the last thing I wanted to do was add more hurt.
“Elle and I…we are a little at odds,” I admitted.
Confusion possessed her expression. “What do you mean?”
For so many reasons I was afraid to have this conversation.
“Do you remember the night you came back from the boat? I’d left you there to get my guitar and you found me on the sofa with Elle?”
She nodded and tried to rise up. I tighte
ned my grip preventing her from moving away from me.
“Tessa, if you don’t mind, I just got you back in my arms, please don’t try to get out just yet.”
Her chest rose and fell perfectly and I’d truly never seen another woman as beautiful as her.
“Anyway,” I continued. “When I got home that night, Elle was high. She and Ben had broken up and she was a mess. I knew then I was crazy about you and I’d told her that if her habit hurt you at all…it was a deal breaker for me.”
“Bodhi. She would never hurt me.”
“But she did, Tessa! Had that coke not been in her car, you would have walked away with a minor in consumption ticket. You would have not gone to jail. Your father would never have been notified. Who knows how things may have played out?” Pain radiated through my chest just thinking back about the day she was taken from me.
“Make amends with her. For me?”
Her plea tugged at my heart. I’d come here so angry and yet it vanished the moment I’d seen her.
“Tessa. Don’t ask me that,” I said so softly begging her with my tone to back down. My thumb drew down her cheek praying she would understand.
“Bodhi. Please. She’s the only real family I have that I love and care about.”
Those beautiful, brown fucking eyes were like molten chocolate talking to a fat kid. There was no way I was saying no.
“I’ll talk to her when I get back,” I agreed, caving to her plea.
She readjusted herself in my arms. “How long have you guys not spoken?”
“Since the night you left.” A dry swallow got wedged in my throat as I watched her eyes widen and her face crumble.
After brushing a kiss over her forehead, I pulled her into me.
“I’ll talk to her, Tessa.”
She nodded. “Promise?”
“Yes.”
Fueled by anger for so long…and now nothing but love navigated my words and my heart. It was amazing how quick she changed that.
“Bodhi?” her voice was still like music to my ears.
With my thumb and index finger, I lifted her chin till our eyes met.
“Where do we go from here?” she asked.
The possibilities in my head were endless. There was no doubt in my mind that my destroyed heart was back in her hands. And there was no doubt that I would give her the opportunity to destroy it again.
Slick Page 17
