I am Haunted: Living Life Through the Dead

by Zak Bagans

  I’ve investigated cases where Ouija boards were used to conjure up a demon named Zozo. The legend is that Zozo is attached to all Ouija boards and attacks people who use them. During these cases, I worked with Robert Murch, the world’s leading expert on Ouija boards, and a man named Darren Evens, who has probably done more research on Zozo than anyone else in the world. In the end, I came away more of a believer in Ouija boards than a skeptic. Surprised? I was too.

  The basic concept of a Ouija board is simple: Two people place their hands on a plastic planchette over a board covered in letters, numbers, words, and symbols and ask spirits to join them. The participants open themselves up and ask questions of the spirits, who use the available energy to move the planchette and provide answers. Since its invention, skeptics have called the Ouija board fake and claim that it’s an ideomotor response, or involuntary movement by the human participants, rather than real communication with spirits.

  My theory is that the Ouija board allows us to tap into a part of ourselves that we still don’t understand. This world is complicated and mysterious, and if scientists can’t tell us how the energies and consciousness within their own bodies work, then how can they tell us that our subconscious is moving a planchette while we’re awake? Can some of the planchette movement be caused by an ideomotor response? Sure, but that response is a subconscious event, and there’s evidence that suggests spirit connections take place in the subconscious. So it could be that a spirit is using the person’s subconscious to move the planchette, and we just call it an ideomotor response because we have a need to explain everything.

  We don’t fully know how our brains work yet, but there’s definitely more that we don’t know than we do know. We don’t use 100 percent of our brains, so there’s a portion that’s virtually untapped, and just waiting for the right moment to be activated. I believe that part of the brain can help us do great things, and maybe it can be accessed by using a Ouija board. I know that using one can open up a portal and call upon spirits because I’ve seen it happen.

  The thing about a Ouija board is that you need two people to make it work, with both people focusing their energies on the planchette. A Ouija board forces you to concentrate on a single point. I believe that when two people are doing that in harmony and you ask a spirit to speak, you’re opening up a new part of your mind and body. You’re exercising and strengthening your mind to open up to an interaction with a ghost.

  I believe that a lot of mysteries within ourselves can be uncovered during a Ouija board session. You’re constantly asking your partner if he moved the planchette, and he’s thinking you did it, but the whole time it’s really energy from a part of your body that you never use that is contacting a nearby spirit. The average person who doesn’t have a constant spirit attachment might be afraid or nervous, which can affect the outcome. But when two people believe in something strongly enough, then it becomes emotional, and emotions can unlock connections to spirits and invite them into our lives through the Ouija board.

  Some people say that there’s no difference between a Ouija board and a K2 meter or a digital recorder that’s used to capture EVPs, but that’s BS, and I’ll tell you why. When you use a K2 meter or digital recorder, you’re just asking a question. You’re not as focused as two people concentrating on a single point would be, and you’re not tapping into the natural energies of two people to get a spirit to come through (and they do). Not everyone is a paranormal investigator, but it’s easy to have a paranormal encounter with a Ouija board because you and your partner are contributing different energies. It’s a memorable experience, but it has a dark side that everyone should be aware of.

  In a case we investigated in Oklahoma, a man had used a Ouija board and conjured up the Zozo demon. Those who call upon Zozo frequently see the planchette on the Ouija board go back forth between the Z and O over and over again: Z-O-Z-O-Z-O-Z-O-Z-O. Zozo has been known to attack and sexually assault people when summoned, and I believe he waits for people to get their minds and focus into the red zone on the emotional tachometer before he comes through. There have been numerous credible cases of Zozo coming through Ouija board sessions, so it’s more than a myth to me.

  Zozo could be the spirit of a man named Walter Kenilworth, a palm reader in the early twentieth century who claimed that he stole people’s souls through his readings. Kenilworth published books on how he used his psychic powers to steal souls and money, so there’s a theory that Kenilworth is Zozo and comes through Ouija boards to attack people.

  Darren Evens is one of those people. He has not only summoned Zozo, but may also have a personal connection to it. Darren has done a lot of research on Zozo, and Zozo actually came through during a Ouija board session. Zozo picked up Darren’s daughter and threw her down the stairs, which obviously hurt her and scared him. After spending time with Darren, I believe that Zozo is part of him, but he doesn’t know it.

  We went to Darren’s house to film an episode of Ghost Adventures, and we had some bizarre experiences there. Our tech, Jay Wasley, was with us during this session. Jay also has a connection to Zozo and was almost killed by it once. During an earlier Ouija board session, a friend of Jay’s was overcome by the demon and suddenly jumped on top of Jay and tried to stab him. To this day, the Ouija board makes Jay uncomfortable, but we convinced him to take another “stab” at it for this episode and participate in a session with Darren. Of course, crazy things happened, and I’m convinced that Zozo came through.

  The session we did in Oklahoma was with a group of people who know the Ouija Board well. We’ve all had experiences with it and are deep into the paranormal, with histories of attachments and sensitive abilities. In addition to that, we were in a house that had a lot of paranormal residue from Darren’s previous sessions. So there was quite a bit of paranormal energy there, and I believe our spirit attachments fought with each other for control when we were trying to contact Zozo. At one point, Darren’s wife left the house and came back with her pants unbuttoned and belt undone, saying that Zozo had sexually attacked her. We also caught a lot of noises and other evidence during the session that remain unexplained.

  Whatever the truth is, my eyes have been opened to the dangers of Ouija boards. The weird thing is that you can buy them at Toys “R” Us. Is there more to this company that we don’t know? I’d love to talk to them and see if they realize the harm these boards can cause. We won’t send a kid into space, but we’ll give him a portal to another dimension and invite a demon in. It makes me wonder if Walter Kenilworth’s descendants are shareholders and the whole thing is just a big ploy to make money.

  IT WOULDN’T SURPRISE ME.

  23

  LOCKDOWN HANGOVER

  It’s way worse than a regular one.

  Just about everyone has experienced a hangover. You go out, you have fun, you drink too much, and the next day you wake up in pain and make a list of the people you need to apologize to. The day after a lockdown is no different…except for the lack of booze.

  I’ve evolved as an investigator, and as time goes by I release more and more of myself to the spirits I come in contact with. I let them use my body however they need to, opening the door to the spirit world wider and wider. This has resulted in deeper and deeper connections, but it comes at a price. The more I allow spirits in, the more sensitive I become to them and the more damage they can do, even long after a lockdown is over. Early on, when I had only a few investigations under my belt, I learned how important it is to trust what your body is telling you. Some of us are like tuning forks or lightning rods for the paranormal, but like anyone who abuses his body in any way, I start feeling the consequences of that abuse over time.

  I’m very much in tune with myself. I can recognize a skipped heartbeat, a wheeze in the lungs, a sudden attack of goosebumps, or a powerful wave of sorrow, and I know what they all mean during a paranormal environment. I don’t do this once in a while as a hobby in my free time; I do it all the time for a living. I’m frequently
on an emotional, empathetic level with spirits, and I’m sure they know that I’m in tune with their world. It’s almost like a part of me has already passed over, and the spirits can sense that and reach out to me as a result. I truly believe that I’m connected to the afterlife in some small way, but it’s taken its toll on me. After a lockdown I’m always in pain, and some lockdowns are worse than others.

  Our investigation of the Sorrel Weed House in Savannah, Georgia, gave me a three-alarm hangover. It was very similar to a real one—headache, nausea, dizziness, throbbing, memory loss—but weirder. I can usually gauge how bad my hangover is going to be by the interactions I have with spirits during a lockdown, but this one threw me for a loop. It was an incredible connection, sure, but the lasting impression it left on me was disproportionately huge.

  At the house, I came into contact with a powerful spirit in the slave quarters that I’ll never forget. This spirit wasn’t just strong; it reached inside me and let me feel its emotions, connecting us like a cross-dimensional umbilical cord. Moments like this are always strange and unpredictable, but I’ve long since thrown caution to the wind, so I opened myself up and allowed it in. What did I get for that? I was paralyzed. I stood motionless and frozen in time, unaware of my surroundings for several moments. You lose all sense of time and space when a spirit takes a hold of you like that. You don’t recognize the people around you. You don’t know what time it is. Nothing is familiar, and your head swims until you fall into a trancelike state.

  It’s this moment, when the spirit is drawing your energy from you and you are feeling the spirit’s emotions, that really drains your body. There’s a scene in Bram Stoker’s Dracula where Keanu Reeves’ character is being held hostage by female vampires. They continuously suck his blood, but they leave a tiny bit so he’s barely alive. That’s exactly what a lockdown hangover feels like. That’s how deep I get into these experiences. These hangovers are the worst because it can take days to get my body working properly again.

  I love these intimate interactions and ethereal moments with spirits, but the next day kicks me in the gut. It took me five days to get over that investigation in Savannah. I was nauseated, dizzy, and just plain off. And it shook me up not only because it took me so long to get over it, but also because I was so irritated with everyone afterward. We all go our separate ways the day after a lockdown, and I usually ride to the airport with Billy and Aaron. This is when we’re most on edge with each other because the residue of an evil spirit takes time to wear off. When we have an emotional moment during a spirit interaction, channeling, or possession, we end up carrying the residue of that spirit, and it takes a little while to get ourselves back to normal.

  We know this now and have learned to stay quiet until we’re home because no one wants to say something he’ll regret. We even keep the joking to a minimum. We can turn on a dime, and we usually try to talk as little as possible so we don’t. On the way home from Savannah, though, Billy and I got into it because my connection with the spirit stuck with me and changed me for a while. But in the end, it was worth it to me. I’m convinced that the longer and stronger the hangover, the deeper the connection was with the spirit.

  My lockdown hangovers make me wonder what these interactions might be doing to me. Spirit interaction is like a drug that you develop a dependency on. Addicts return to their “precious” no matter how severe the effects, and in some ways I guess I’m no different. The rush is not without its consequences. I’ve developed a lot of health issues from the locations I’ve investigated. In addition to respiratory troubles, I believe I’ve developed other, deeper problems from opening myself up to spirits. These lockdown hangovers seem to take more and more of a beating on me. They get harder and harder and take longer and longer to get over. This is my career and my passion, but at what point do I say, “It’s not worth it anymore”? Professional athletes all go through this, and though I was never destined to play in the NFL, I have something in common with those men who lead a life that physically destroys them. I have to be realistic and figure out when it’s time to step away and do something else. And that makes me sad.

  The lockdown hangover cure is more than just carrying a crystal in your pocket, saying a prayer, or burning some sage. Those types of cures can help a little, but they’re more mental than anything—placebos, really. The only real way to flush out a lockdown hangover is to get home and work it out. I like to go to Red Rock Canyon near Las Vegas and let nature cleanse me. It’s a spiritual place that was once home to the Paiute Indians, and I feel that being there rids me of any negative crap I bring home. I don’t really do anything out there; I just stare off into the distance and ask Mother Nature to help me out. It keeps me from going insane sometimes. That and my dog, Gracie.

  Gracie has always been there for me, and I’m lucky to have her. I occasionally do work for the Nevada Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (NSPCA), and one day I went to a shelter and one of the workers said to me, “I think you need to meet somebody.” Suddenly this dog ran toward me from about 40 feet away and gave me the biggest hug ever, like we were old friends and she was glad to see me after a long separation. I immediately felt this energy and power, like she was there for a reason. She’s a pure soul, and I really believe that Gracie was sent to me by a higher power to help get me through tough times. Between her, the canyons, and Mother Nature, the lockdown hangovers don’t stand a chance.

  THEY STILL SUCK, BUT I ALWAYS

  FIND A WAY TO BEAT THEM.

  24

  POST-POSSESSION BLUES

  It’s a state of mind.

  I got a question on Twitter one day: “What does it feel like after a possession?” The short answer is that I feel confused. It might be a horrible analogy, but the best thing I can compare it to is being drugged. Being possessed is like being out of control and not wanting to be. I would compare it to coming out of anesthesia (see chapter 19, “Overland Hotel,” on my nasal surgery for the painful details of that ride), but it’s not quite the same.

  A possession is unexpected. You lose control of your body, which really sucks. You fight it, but no matter how badly you want the evil spirit gone, it persists until it’s ready to leave on its own or is forced out by an exorcism. You want to regain your consciousness and retake control of your body, mind, and feelings because, trust me, you’re not the one calling the shots in those situations. You know that something bad has entered your system, and while it’s rooting around in your house, the things you see with your eyes are foreign to you. The world you know (or thought you knew) looks and feels totally different. You don’t recognize people. Your personality is no longer yours. The most noticeable part is that others who know you look at you and know that it isn’t you. Everyone stares and asks if you’re okay, like you’re having a serious freak medical problem.

  My worst possessions to date occurred at Poveglia Island in Italy and my return to Bobby Mackey’s Music World in Kentucky. At both locations I encountered something strong that got in and took over my body and mind and took a long time to get rid of. They were both painful experiences, but what I felt invade my soul at the Demon House that I own in Indiana was frightfully powerful (see chapter 3 for more on that). I am not keen on the idea of it happening again. That place is evil, and I will have to take massive precautions before I return.

  A possession feels like you’re driving down the road with your family and someone tries to grab the wheel and steer you into a tree and kill everyone. But they’re using your hands and you can’t understand what’s happening. You feel like a puppet of the devil, and when the demon leaves and you regain control of yourself, you feel very strange.

  You also feel confused and ask yourself a lot of questions. Why did it happen to me and no one else? What did the demon want? Did it cause permanent damage? Am I going to hell now? How do I make sure I’m clean? How do I keep it from happening again? All these thoughts fly around in your head, and it takes some people a long time to clear them awa
y and rediscover who they are. A possession can really shake your faith and make you doubt yourself.

  The body’s reaction to a possession is indescribable. Some people don’t remember anything about the experience; there are moments I don’t recall even when I see them replayed on film. That’s truly surreal and scary. At other times I was aware of what was going on, but I was just a passenger on a vehicle I couldn’t control. I was outside my body watching the events go down, and there was nothing I could do about it but fight to get my body back. Regaining control is a little like being stuck in a nightmare and fighting your way out of it to wake up. It’s the definition of weird.

  After my possession at Bobby Mackey’s, the residual effects stayed with me for months, but at the exact moment I felt the demon leave my body, there was instant relief, and I just wanted to sleep. I was a puppet, and the puppeteer had cut the strings. My energy sapped, my legs gave out, and I nearly collapsed.

  Is there a sick part of me that enjoys it? Yes. Because when you’re possessed, time stands still. Nothing matters. You don’t think about your problems or your pain or the world you’re used to. All the things that make me who I am are gone. That release of self and seeing the world through different filters is a bit of a rush. In no way am I saying that a possession is fun, and I spend every minute of it trying to break free, but my mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s. I’ve explored the worst holes on Earth and seem to find beauty and wonder in walking paths that most people disregard as disgusting. Spirits have opened my mind, like a musician with a muse that helps him write better music. They’ve made me a better investigator by repeatedly exposing me to death and the afterlife.

  Have you ever had a dream where you did something very bad but secretly enjoyed it a little? I mean a vivid dream in which you are conscious of this bad thing you’re doing, and when you wake up you get a little thrill from the bad thing you did. You shake it off and think, Oh my God. Why did I just enjoy that a little? When I was possessed, everything in me was bad, but I didn’t really care. A part of me even liked it, but that part wasn’t me. You don’t accept it, but a part of you wants to, and reconciling those two sides is tough.