Alone on the Oregon Trail

by Vanessa Carvo

  It all turned out all right and we were able to get in a little supper and get everything put away for the night sleep before it became dark. That first night under the star lit sky was our first new memory and our first time to ever sleep under the stars. It was glorious laying there in his arms and playing games in the dark.

  We played many games between each other and it kept us young at heart, remembering how we began in dating. We would play games such as “I see this…” and we played it in the dark as if we could see things and we would describe things in great detail and the other would have to imagine it and then guess what it was.

  It was fun and he said I always gave too many details and made it too easy for him. As the night slipped by, I slipped off to sleep wrapped up in my husband’s arms, feeling as safe as any woman could feel, even out in the middle of the wilderness.

  Morning came early and I watched as Nathaniel rose from his sleep all in one motion, as if he had thought it all through. He jumped up and was on his feet in a matter of seconds, pulled open the wagon cover and hopped on down to the ground in one swing. All I could see was legs in the air and I had to chuckle watching such energy come from him.

  I was always the one who would take a while to wake up, wanting and demanding things before I could get started for the day. He could get up and start a fire while I would wake up and immediately want a cup of tea or cocoa first.

  That is why we got along so well. It didn’t bother him to be the one to fix the cup of tea, while I wasn’t bothered to be the one to drink the first cup. He was a gentleman and he spoiled me rotten, but I would like to think that I also spoiled him. Most of our marriage was all about spoiling the other.

  My ma always said that if you work harder at pleasing the other, than both of you should be satisfied, because you both are dedicating yourself to the other. It worked with us in our marriage and we just kept doing what worked. Nathaniel had a way with trying to find ways to surprise me with anything he could find.

  When we lived in New York he would bring me single flowers home or a special pretty stone he would find as he walked along. This first morning on our journey he did not forget to surprise me with this time a wild flower and it was the most special flower he ever gave me.

  I saved that flower the entire time on the trip and today it lies inside my bible in the book of Corinthians. It was precious white in color and as soft as billowy cotton, and today it still is as white as it was on that morning. He handed me the flower and I got so excited that when I jumped into his arms, he was not ready and we both went barreling to the ground and rolled three times before coming to a stop.

  All we could do was giggle at the other one’s look on their face.

  Standing at the fire I got a flash of something come to me and I got chills all over my body and I did not know what it even meant, but I kept it to myself. I figured it was something that must have related to a dream of some sort and I just put it out of my mind. I never mentioned it to Nathaniel and today I have mixed feelings about it.

  As I stood there, I heard Nathaniel as he was chopping wood and the sound just startled me as he was bringing the axe down. Nothing happened and everything was fine, but it left me with an uneasy feeling about him chopping wood. He chopped some wood and brought it over and added it to the fire and we sat and ate a wonderful breakfast.

  I was able to make us some biscuits over the fire as well and I enjoyed cooking out in the open wild. I could hear little animals as they scurried around and as we ate I could see little critters as they would peek out from under the trees.

  As we finished the meal I watched Nathaniel take some left overs and threw them under the tree to a few little squirrels and then we drove on down the trail in the wagon. He talked to me for a long time about safety in the wilderness and how you should never keep food or scraps near your camp site, but since we were leaving it would be fine to throw some extras to the animals.

  I noticed that Nathaniel was teaching me many things about being out there all along the way. I several times told him I didn’t need to worry about this or that because he was with me. He would correct me and tell me that many things could happen to either one of us and it would benefit us both if we both knew how to handle the wild.

  From the look on his face I could tell that he was very serious and at one point he even stopped the wagon gazing at me intently, waiting patiently for me to listen. From that moment on I began to listen to him whole heartedly and now looking back, I know that I was supposed to listen to him.

  The wild is not something to look at in a light way. The wild could be a blessing, but it could also be dangerous; and the more serious you took it, the better off you were. What Nathaniel taught me before his death is why I was able to survive later when I would be alone, finding my way along the trail.

  We were able to travel a long way the next day, about twenty-three miles in all. We stopped only a couple of times, once for me to stretch my legs and once for us to help a rabbit on its way. The poor thing had gotten its leg hurt somehow and it was hobbling alongside of the trail.

  As we passed by, Nathaniel brought the team to a halt and jumped off the wagon before I even knew what was going on. By the time I had jumped off the wagon, he had the dear bunny in his arms, rubbing its leg.

  We stayed there with the thing for a good hour, massaging its leg and giving it water. It wasn’t surprising to me that the rabbit was soon healed and hopping away in no time. Nathaniel had a way with animals and it was like his hands had a golden touch.

  I watched as the bunny hopped off into the grass and as he stopped for a moment he glanced back our way, wiggled its ears as if thanking us and then carried on. I found myself wishing that we had taken the bunny with us, and later I found myself crying because we hadn’t.

  I felt that it could have been something, a small part of Nathaniel’s love for animals that I could have kept with me always. I know that out there somewhere is a little bunny that met my husband’s love for life and because of his love, he was able to help that creature.

  We covered a good twenty some miles and then he told me that we would be crossing a good sized river in the morning so we were going to pull off for the night. I must have not had time to even think about crossing rivers out there because when he said that it was like I had just realized there would be rivers.

  I did not want to cross a river unless I was on a ferry boat. I could not imagine how we were supposed to get across in a wagon, and as my fears grew, Nathaniel pulled the wagon to a halt and sat and explained to me how we would do this.

  He told me that I did have a choice, I could cross in the wagon, or I could ride atop of a horse and cross. I did not like either choice. As he described it in detail to me, I only found myself getting more nervous and it was not long until I was in tears.

  I had never been in water except for a tiny water hole in New York where children would play when the streets and a nearby park would flood. I was very afraid and did not believe that I could do it. With the patience of Job, my husband was able to calm me and comfort me as he guided me in prayer on the subject.

  It wasn’t long until I was able to find the courage to follow my husband in courage and faith and crossed a mighty river.

  Chapter Two

  (Lessons in Love)

  I had to laugh when he finally showed me where we would cross. I felt like a big chicken and rather silly when I saw that where we would be crossing was not very deep at all. I had not understood when he had said that we would ford the river.

  When we came to the spot where we would cross I then became quite brave and began showing off how courageous I was. I told him that I would be fine driving the wagon across and he just smiled that old familiar smile for me.

  We did cross and it was quite enjoyable for me and for the horses as well. When we came to the bank of the river, the horses acted as if they did not want to even get out of the water and quite frankly, I didn’t either.

  As Nathaniel ho
pped off his horse, I ran to him and pulled him teasingly back out to the water and we played and splashed water at each other and even took a little swim. This tiny river crossing is where my husband taught me how to swim.

  He said that day that there was no better opportunity to learn to not fear water than right then. I felt safe enough and in only about three or four feet of water I giggled as I learned to swim, float on my back and dog paddle.

  I felt quite accomplished by the time Nathaniel said we should move on and I held my head very high when I finally came up out of the water. My husband was a blessing that day that would help me down the road in my travels and I can again look back at God’s intervention in my life, teaching and guiding us both to use the time we had together wisely and lovingly.

  Crossing the river at such a shallow section was brilliant I thought, as I looked at my husband and realized how much I did not know about him. I always knew he was smart, but for the life of me I could not figure out where he learned all the things he was doing on the trail. I felt fortunate to have such a wise husband.

  When I would try to compliment him and boast about him, he always would correct me and tell me that it was not him that was smart, it was God who was guiding him through the Holy Spirit. When he told me this I felt shamed for a moment because of course I should know that all glory should go to God for every good thing, for we are nothing without Christ, and we can do all things through Christ which strengthens us.

  Again, my husband was being the spiritual leader and I thanked God for such a husband.

  After crossing the river we traveled another ten miles or so and decided to pull off in a section of trees along the banks of the river. It looked like a wonderful spot to have our evening meal and we would be able to listen to the birds as they would settle down and nestle in their nest above our wagon.

  We felt safe there and we both had grown a little tired. As I began gathering my cooking supplies I could hear my husband whistling behind the trees as he was gathering wood for our fire. About the time I was finished unloading he met me at the fire and he informed me that he would have to cut some of the wood, that all he could find was huge limbs. We both did not think twice about it and began gathering the limbs and bringing them closer to the wagon.

  I helped him pull over the limbs and as I started to work with preparing our meal he began chopping away with his axe. It had been fifteen minutes or so when I heard him scream aloud the most horrifying scream I had heard since we left New York City streets. Trying to get to him it seemed as if I was in slow motion and even standing still. I could not get there quick enough, but when I did get to him; I then was frozen in place.

  Looking out across the limb I saw my husband standing there with the axe sticking in his leg. The world stopped, all noise ceased and if I ever knew what death must feel like, and it was then.

  I am not sure to this day if I was breathing or not.

  My eyes were glued to his leg and I could not even bring myself to look at him, but when I did finally see him eye to eye, it was the most horrible sight I have ever seen. In his eyes I saw the most awful fear I have ever known. It was as if someone was holding me back or down because I could not move for anything.

  My poor husband had to even encourage me to go closer to him and when he finally got me to get nearer; he had to tell me what to do. I could not even bring myself to do what he was telling me, and I found myself in shock.

  Since my body wouldn’t move, I watched my poor husband as he tried to get the axe out of his leg and when he let out a blood curdling scream, that is when I awoke from my shock, and I ran over to him.

  He was in tremendous pain and without him even telling me what to do; I at once acted out of sheer natural response and grabbed the axe and pulled as hard as I could. I was not strong enough to get it out.

  To my horror, blood began pouring down his leg and he was growing weaker and I alone knew that if I did not hurry he would be passing out and I would be totally on my own, not knowing what to do.

  So, I used every ounce of my strength, lifted up a prayer to God and pulled on the count of three; and as I pulled, the axe came out and I about toppled over with it flinging over my head. As I pulled it out, he immediately hit the ground in agony.

  By this time the blood was flowing so fast that I knew the worry was that he would bleed to death. He was able to speak and he told me to make a tourniquet above the wound and I tore off part of my dress skirt and tied it around his upper thigh.

  Knowing I would need clean water I ran to the wagon and brought back a barrel of water and clean linens and I laid my husband down in a clearing and I began pouring water over his wound. I began getting very afraid and he tried to calm me down as he was telling me how to clean the wound, wash it out and to at once began stitching him up.

  At the time we thought we could take care of his wound by stitching it up, but what we would find out later is that his leg would have to be cut off to spare his life and if gangrene set in, death was even possible.

  This is not something I could even consider and I refused to listen to him talk about it. I remembered that I should make myself listen to him and his instructions, so I sat quietly as he explained how things could go.

  Then he passed out into the quiet of the night and I was left sitting alone, scared out of my mind and crying out to God about what had happened. I felt myself change that night and I later came to find out that I had gotten very mad at God and from then on, my heart began to harden toward God.

  I guess I must have made a vow that if my husband should die, then I would leave God. I was unaware of doing that, but from the looks of how things went for a long time after that, it must have been so.

  For quite some time after that I was upset with God and was on a slow downhill course of doubting God and His love.

  While my husband was unconscious I at once began stitching up his wound and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done up to that point. I certainly had no medical background, but to save my husband’s life, I was able to get myself together and began stitching his wound and tried my best to think of it as stitching up a garment and I made as clean of stitches as I could.

  As I cried, I would take a stitch at a time and turning my face so the tears would not run into his wound and after what seemed like eternity, I finished the last stitch. After that, all I could do was to just sit and to stare down at him.

  My beautiful and amazing husband had a wound that could kill him and I was too afraid to even think of falling asleep and I sat over him the entire night, diligently watching every breath come from his lips.

  I found myself watching him so closely that I was counting each time his chest would rise and lower. I, several times felt the urge to lay my head down next to his, to feel him close to me, but I was worried that I might fall off to sleep and then not be awake if he needed me.

  So, I sat and counted his breaths, praying one minute and being mad at God the next. My emotions became a roller coaster ride, going in and out of praising God and being mad at God.

  Morning came and as I sat and watched Nathaniel I caught myself doubting that he would survive. Instantly I wanted to slap myself for thinking such a thing. I knew that we are to believe in God’s working power, but I felt myself growing weak. I managed to talk myself back to God and began praying so hard that Nathaniel would wake to the morning, and not more than a few minutes later my husband opened his eyes and raised his head.

  I was so happy to see his eyes open and I bent my face down into his and kissed him ever so gently. As I sat over him he told me how much he loved me and that he would be fine. He informed me after looking at his own wound that I had done a very good job stitching him up and now all we could do was wait to see if he would escape infection.

  We both knew what to look for and that would be our next trial before us. In the meantime he told me that I would have to be the strong one for a while and that he needed me to be strong. I also would have to keep getting us
firewood for fire at night and for cooking.

  When he began telling me all the things I would have to take over and do, I started to get overwhelmed and didn’t think I could do any of it. He could see the doubt in my eyes that really had more to do with fear, and he began talking to me about how Christ would work through me if I would hold on to my faith.

  This is when I came to my senses and realized that I was beginning to fall away in disbelief because I was angry. I took a look at Nathaniel’s calm face and could not understand how he was not angry as well, but I tried to stay settled down for him.

  Each time Nathaniel would fall asleep, I would pray for him to wake up and for God to tell me what to do. Each time Nathaniel would wake up and each time I would know what I needed to do next. Everything looked to be getting better until one morning when I awoke after a short sleep and Nathaniel had a look of horror on his face.

  When I asked him what was wrong, he asked me “Are you strong enough with the Lord to accept the fact that I will lose my leg?”

  “No, I will not accept that Nathaniel; you must be wrong!”

  “I am not wrong. Take a look at it right now and tell me I am wrong.”

  I did not want to look but I turned my head and looked under the blanket and Nathaniel’s leg had turned black and green and it had come up his thigh. He told me that I would have to do the unthinkable and it would be the only way he would have a chance to survive. When I dared asked him what the unthinkable was, I knew before he answered me what he was going to say and I began to scream and threw a horrible fit.

  This, of course, didn’t do Nathaniel any good, but it was something I could not stop. After I had thrown my fit and had worn myself out, I then crawled over to him and lay in his arms, crying like a baby.

  For a few minutes I lay there and then he told me that I would have to bring myself to do this or he would not make it through the night. My heart hurt, my head hurt, my legs hurt; every part of me hurt. I found that I could not breathe and I could not stop crying. It was as if my body went into overload and there was no stopping it.