55
Seventeenth Day of Nisan
Twelfth Year of the Reign of Xerxes
Year 3404 after Creation
Hathach wasted no time appearing in my chambers this morning. The maids were still urging me to drink some warm tea to soothe my stomach and my worried brow when he arrived with news about Mordecai.
“A message from Mordecai?” I asked eagerly.
“No,” he replied. “I have not spoken to Mordecai. I have brought news about Mordecai, however, and something of interest transpiring in the king’s palace.”
I urged him on.
“Haman intends to kill Mordecai today, before the feast tonight,” he said.
I cried out and a maid ran forward to steady me.
“Something had spurred him to put his plan in motion at once rather than wait,” Hathach said. “Haman has ordered a gallows built, seventy-five feet high. He has planned to hang Mordecai on it, publicly, after he has arranged it with the king. In fact, Haman went to the king this morning, before dawn, to have Mordecai’s death warrant sealed.”
My head was in my hands and I could not steady myself even to look up.
“But, good queen,” he quickly added, seeing my distress, “Harbana brought me news of Mordecai that may yet delay his fate. I do fear, though, the cure is worse than the disease, for it may provoke Haman to a rash act that would certainly be Mordecai’s final undoing,” Hathach said, his voice trailing away as if in thought.
I looked up at him, and he continued.
“My queen, Harbana told me the king could not find sleep last night. As is his custom, he ordered his records be brought in and read to him. As chance would have it, or perhaps as your G-d would have it, out of Xerxes’ twelve-year reign, the passage that the records keepers turned first to was a story about Mordecai’s loyalty to the crown in exposing the murderous plot of Bigthana and Teresh. Even while Haman was waiting in the outside chamber to ask for Mordecai’s head, the king was being reminded of Mordecai’s faithful service. Who else but your G-d could have planned that?” he asked me in awe before continuing recounting the drama to me:
“The king was startled to remember this account, and he sat up in his bed. ‘What great honor was given to Mordecai for this?’ the king asked. ‘Nothing,’ the records keeper and attendants replied. ‘Nothing has been done for him!’ the servant added again for emphasis. It had not been hard for them to remember a faithful servant to the crown who had been slighted. The king, seized with an idea, stood up and asked if anyone was in the outer court. There were no advisers at that hour, except for Haman, who had just arrived from building the gallows.
“The king ordered him brought in, and posed this question: ‘Tell me, Haman, what honor would be most fitting for the man who has served the king well, and deserves recognition?’
“Surely Haman had nursed just such a question for years, because Harbana says his answer was swift and sure: ‘Long live the king for his generous hand to his faithful servants! This man would be most honored, my king, to wear a robe that the king has worn in ceremony,[1] and to ride a horse the king has ridden in a royal procession. This man’s good name would be secured for all generations if the king would have a nobleman lead him on horseback through the city, calling out to the people, “This man is highly favored and honored above all men by the king!”’
“So it is being done,” Hathach finished. “Mordecai is riding through the streets, led by Haman, and probably right past the gallows Haman has built.” Hathach paused to laugh, shaking his head as if he was shaking away the tension.
The servants broke into giggles as well—rumors of Haman had rippled throughout the court for months now. He was not known for his patience with their own mistakes when serving him or his honorable treatment of the youngest servant girls.
But then Hathach grew serious again: “Mordecai is alive, for the moment, but Haman’s wrath is sorely provoked now. I do not know what will happen; Haman will not risk a public murder so soon after this great honor, but in the common streets, who is to say a stranger cannot be persuaded to finish the work?”
Hathach looked at me intently before he left as Ashtari put her hand on my shoulder. “May you find success tonight, my queen,” he offered.[2]
[1] Haman is not simply asking for a piece of clothing, but in fact, a fortune: The robes the king wore in ceremony and receiving visitors from his throne were woven out of gold, with rows of precious stones between the stitches. Haman is asking here for riches and honor allowed only a king.
[2] See corresponding commentary in appendix.
56
Evening, Seventeenth Day of Nisan
Twelfth Year of the Reign of Xerxes
Year 3404 after Creation
I was led down the corridor through the king’s palace once more. I had chosen this time to wear a royal robe of white fabric, with settings of turquoise beaded into the blue sash I wore at my waist. Golden ropes hung from my hands and ankles, and my hair had only been swept back loosely; strands hung down to frame my face and neck, and the king could undo the pearl pick holding it in place with one hand, if he wished. The girls had painted my eyes with ground malachite, setting them off with a brush of green on top, and a deep black line beneath. My lips were a deep red, and I wondered if my face was flush to match. Deep in the bosom of my robe I had tucked a lotus flower, so that its scent would rise to Xerxes as he kissed me. With that final touch, I had done whatever I could think of to make myself inviting. I knew the banquet would be inviting as well.
I was confident of my cause, and my preparation, but not of my king. From Hathach’s report, I knew Haman had not revealed himself entirely to the king. Xerxes did not even know Mordecai was a Jew, and thus one selected for slaughter by Haman. I wondered if the king even understood what he had signed when he handed the Jews over for destruction. Xerxes was famous for the number of massive projects he undertook: extensive highway systems, unheard of before his time; seats of government throughout his kingdom; civil laws and procedures, tax codes and systems that were complex. It was no secret that he signed so many royal decrees he barely had time or inclination to read them carefully. He was a man given to action, not details. His enemy had found his one true flaw and aimed neatly.
When I revealed the truth, when I was at last unveiled as a Jew doomed before him, and his rash decision was exposed for the foolishness that it was, how would he react? Would he be angrier that he had been tricked so easily, or that he had been betrayed by his closest adviser? I thought of the cobra charmers that entertain the court. They knew how to focus the snake and thus control his venom if he struck. I had done well to survive in the courts this long, but when Xerxes’ anger was aroused, who would be safe? Xerxes had been betrayed once by a woman he loved and would not suffer it again. Wounds of the heart that have not healed often control what our hands find to do. Could he be trusted to see clearly who had betrayed him? Would he understand that I must save my people and defy the crown as the surest course to safeguarding the honor of his reign?
As I approached the banquet hall, a very young eunuch ran forward and pressed a note in my hands before fleeing back down the hall.
Beware.
Haman has not acted alone.
But neither will you face this night alone, for I have commanded the Immortals to guard the banquet hall with triple their normal numbers. If you are in danger, from Haman or the king, scream and my men will break into the hall and carry you to safety. If this happens, you are to meet me on our mountain, where together we will decide if you will return to the palace. Once again, we will entrust our fate to others.
Cyrus
It was a grace to know Cyrus was ready to save my life, and a torment to think of new endings to this story that would never be. I would save my people tonight, or die in the palace that took me
from them.
The doors to the banquet hall opened, and I was pleased. The table had been set much as before, but now copper mirrors reflected the light from the candles all around, and fresh red roses were a scarlet river running down the center of the table. Tears came to my eyes as I took in their scent. I had once been a girl who prayed the scent of these roses would return to her with a hint of adventure; now I longed for them to bring me a remembrance of home, and of quiet, simple days.
The doors opened behind me and I turned to face my guests. Haman entered first. He was richly dressed but looked disheveled somehow; I could not put my finger on what was out of place. Perhaps it was only his heart, or conscience, if such a man can have one, that was unkempt and ill at ease. There was something new in his eyes tonight, something I have not often seen so raw in this palace. Fear. It almost overshadowed the sultry cravings I could see were still alive.
Then the king was announced and made his entrance. I smiled, a smile free and honest when I saw how innocent he was of the treachery he was walking into. I felt sorry that I had never been able to reveal my secret to him. I would be glad to tell him everything at last. If I lived. To survive this night, I had to direct his venom toward Haman.
I felt unsteady as I led Xerxes to his seat. Women in his kingdom were but dressing for a man’s bed and a satisfactory way to provide heirs. The king had once banished a queen on the advice of his counsel. Now would he accept the word of his queen and banish the adviser? Dear G-d, I pleaded silently, how can it be that I should change history? I am a prisoner myself—how can I ask for the freedom of a nation?
The eunuchs began pouring the wine, and the king settled comfortably against me. He did not seem to notice that his companions were in private distress. I took a long, deep drink of the wine and let my fingers run through his hair, as I might have done on any occasion. I noticed Haman gripping his cup tightly, his mind somewhere else. Eunuchs hovered over him, refilling the wine much faster and more frequently than I had seen the previous night. The soft music of the lyre filled the room, and as I traced my fingers down along the side of the king’s face, I could tell he was closing his eyes, enjoying the moment. Nearly all his senses were sated now, and for Xerxes, this was a good night. In between sips of his wine, I fed him pistachios. The three of us found little to speak of, but Xerxes took this in as if we, too, had been transported by the evening.
When they began clearing the center table for the main dish, Xerxes propped himself up on one elbow and turned himself a bit to look at me.
“Queen Esther,” he asked, “what is it you want, my beloved? I would give you half of all I own, if you would but ask!” He loved being so generous in front of Haman, showing he could give away half a kingdom and not miss it. Had he but known I would ask for so much more. His steady stare told me he expected a reply tonight, in earnest. It seemed no one moved as I fought for the words to come next.
My courage escaped me suddenly, and I wet my lips as I paused. I met Xerxes’ eyes, and my mind seemed to fall back suddenly, through a thousand nights, to the first evening I had been brought to his chambers. I remembered his first caress, and the look in his eyes when he had slipped his ring on my finger. I remembered how he slowly drew me into his dreams, dreams of a kingdom ruled by justice and order. He would lose his dream, by his own hand, if I did not act and act well.
“I was brought to you with nothing, good king,” I said. “You have given me all I have. You have given me yourself, a gift I was not worthy of. Yet I am forced now to ask for more. Forgive me. I must ask my king for two things tonight: my life, and the lives of my people. My people have been betrayed, our necks brought low under your mighty sword. You, too, my beloved, have been betrayed because you were not told who it was you were to destroy. You would kill me, your queen, and all of my people by a decree issued from this court in recent days.”
Xerxes exploded, “I would never do such a thing! Your foolish maids have lied to you, as I swear by my throne, Esther!”
I shook my head, not meeting his eyes. “No, my Lord, I have seen the decree signed by your own ring. You ordered the massacre of my people, and by your decree I must die too. For I have held a secret from you all these years. When I was a girl, I was a simple thing who tended roses and lambs, and was orphaned too young. That is what you know of my past, and that much is true. But there is always more to a tale than is told at first passing, and what I kept from you I will tell now. For I was raised by Mordecai, the Jew who often is at the king’s gates conducting minor business for the court, while I tended our stall in the market. I, too, am a Jew. It is true that your father who sat before you on the throne was good and kind to the Jews, and I have nothing to fear from you. But there is among us a people who were once bent on destroying the Jews, every last one of us, down to the mothers and the babies in their wombs. Many generations ago, G-d granted my people one battle, a battle to wipe this menace from this land forever, and completely. But our hand faltered when we wielded the sword of G-d. We committed a great sin by allowing our enemy to live on. We were unable to do what must be done. We believed too much in the hope of change in men’s hearts. We believed that the past was a dead and silent thing. I am sorry that the mistake of our past now reaches out to strip you of your good name. I must ask you tonight to reverse your order. No king has ever reversed a royal decree, this I know, but I beg you not to stand on the tradition of dead men who only crumble away beneath you. Reverse the decree and punish the man who presented it to you.”
“Who is it, Esther? Who is the traitor? He will pay with more than his life!” Xerxes commanded.
“The traitor is the one who has shared your bread, and your wine, and would share your queen if his plan to overthrow your crown would succeed. The traitor’s plan would perhaps have been perfect, save he did not know that I am a Jew as well. I wonder, Haman, as you are a man of many details and plans, how this fact eluded you?” I said, turning now to face the dog himself.
Xerxes wrenched himself to his feet, glowering at Haman, who was still reclining on his cushions, searching for his voice. Haman almost replied, but only little gulps of air went in his mouth, and he could not expel any words with them and instead waved his arms a bit. Finding he had no words that would placate the king, Haman then filled with rage. Haman’s powerful arm swept his place setting cleanly to the floor, and he brought a fist down on my elegant table. His eyes unveiled the bitter bloodlust of his dreams, and he glared at Xerxes. Haman rose from his cushions and stood, the two men staring at each other across the large table. The eunuchs standing at their posts all along the walls glanced around the room in panic, unsure if the guards outside the door had heard, and would now arrest Haman immediately. Everyone waited for Xerxes’ command.
But Xerxes stormed out. As he threw back the doors, I heard a tremendous violence. Apparently the main course had arrived, and Xerxes had sent it sprawling down the corridor when the doors smashed into the platters. Confused servants scattered about, unsure how to serve us during this calamity. Haman found his words now and his tone was much softer than the hate burning in his eyes moments earlier.
“Good Queen Esther, save me from this error,” he said. “The Jews have been speaking in such harsh ways about you. They are jealous, I can see that now, the way lesser sisters envy the prettiest. I sought only to be free of them, and to have you, because your great beauty compels me. Forgive me as you would forgive any of love’s fools. You cannot know the pain of loving one you cannot hold.” He tore his robe and ran his hands over his face in anguish.
I turned my face from his pleas, and he came around the table to crouch near me. He had torn his robe so that his chest was plainly seen, the great muscles no longer straining at the fabric covering them.
“I know what you feel for Xerxes. I know that you do not love him,” he said, his voice low. “I can give you what he cannot.” Haman cast a pointed glance out the balcony.
“I can give you your freedom.”
I would not look directly at him. He moved closer to take my hands in his, and I protested loudly. Instinctively, his hand went over my mouth as his eyes swept the room. I struggled to get free and Haman lost his balance, lurching onto me. His hand now dislodged from my mouth, I screamed.
The doors flew open, their heavy cedar wood nearly shattering from the force, as Xerxes and a storm of Immortals broke in at the same time. The Immortals ran for me, leaping over the table, wrenching Haman off of me by his neck. One Immortal grabbed me, and I felt him begin to lift me over his shoulder to rescue me at Cyrus’s command. “Let me down! It is Haman who is in danger, not me!” I hissed to him, and he released me.
Xerxes roared, “Dare Haman rape the queen while I’m deciding his fate?”
Haman froze, terror gripping him tightly. He wasn’t even aware that he was still clutching a gold chain he had torn from my robe.
Harbana, the king’s eunuch, spoke first. “Look over there!” He pointed to the view just beyond the windows of the hall. “Those gallows were built by Haman to hang Mordecai publicly, the servant who saved the king’s life!”
The king moved his stare from Harbana to Haman, and then to the guards. Xerxes’ voice grew cold and stinging. “You are indeed a man of details, Haman, and I thank you for the foresight. Harbana, call Cyrus, the Chief of the Immortals, and have him hang Haman on the gallows,”[1] he commanded.
The guards picked up the stricken Haman and led him away. Xerxes commanded that we be left alone. He came to me as I reclined and took my hands in his tenderly.
“What have I done, my queen?” he asked. The weight of the years, of the kept secrets and shaded heart came tumbling down now as I revealed my truest love for him. I pressed the back of his hand against my cheek and let my tears fall at last. He called out for a guard to enter.
“Find this man Mordecai and bring him to us immediately,” Xerxes commanded. I hoped it was to be Mordecai who would enter next, and not a messenger telling us we had acted too late. Xerxes held me while we waited.
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