Ignite Me: Shards of Glass, Part One

by Mills, L. C.

  “Wow.” I pressed my hand against the glass window and stared in awe at London.

  Cameron stood beside me. “So you said you wanted to see if you could see your apartment from here, you’re just down from Tower Bride aren't you so you'll wanna look out of this window!” He steered me over to the other window and I grinned.

  “Well, it's down there somewhere! I'm up on the top floor! I have a sun terrace that's where I see this from!” I took my phone from my pocket and glanced at the texts. I was too scared to open the ones from Sean but I stared a little too long as my finger loitered over the open button. I opened it and glanced at the screen.

  Who the fuck was that Evan?! Why did he answer your phone?! Where the hell are you and why have you turned your phone off?! I'm sorry I said all those things and then did the opposite of that but I love you! I need you in my life! I'm falling apart here without you baby!

  I closed my eyes a second and then opened them, but glanced out of the window. 69 floors up in the sky, I saw things so much more clear than I had done. He was just scared I'd actually find someone else and be happy. He didn't need me, he needed help.

  I smiled as I scrolled to Damon's text.

  Hey Evan, did you find Romeo yet?! I hope you’re okay! If you get lost call me! I'll come rescue you!

  My face split into a grin. I really did like Damon he was my only friend here so far that didn't have any expectations of me.

  “Everything okay, you've gone silent!” He sounded worried.

  “Oh, sorry Cameron, I was checking my texts! Nothing majorly important!” I paused. “Sorry I wasn’t meaning to be rude.” I didn’t want him to think I had been ignoring him.

  I flicked the camera app on and started taking photos.

  He brushed up against me from behind as he moved. “There are touchscreen binoculars that tell you all sorts about the various London landmarks!” He reached around to press the screen just in front of me.

  I bit my lip. I was sure he'd brushed up against me on purpose. Each time we came into contact with each other I could almost feel a static current run between us. I didn't know what it was but I did odd things to me.

  “See, that's Tower Bridge over there.” His hand swept across the screen. “Sometimes if you’re lucky you see it open to let larger ships, though that can't pass under when it’s closed.”

  I wanted nothing more than to lean back into him, but I wasn't sure I should.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking Evangeline! I can't see your face from behind you, but you've gone quiet on me again.” He brushed his hand over mine as I randomly pressed another landmark subconsciously.

  I sighed. “You confuse me! I'm not sure what I am to you! You say you want us to be friends, but then you look at me like you wanna be more than that. You give all this mixed body language off, but then I'm not sure if I’m reading them correctly and if I'm honest you intimidate me a little bit!” I'd been totally honest.

  It was his turn to go silent. After a while I heard him, let a breath go.

  “I'm scared that if I jump in feet first I will frighten you away because I'm also very aware we only met last week but we have this chemistry and when I touch you I feel a connection to you! Evan all I can think about is kissing you and you kissing me back and how good it would feel, how good we would feel against each other but I don't want to rush things! I need to do things right with you!” He placed his hand over mine.

  My heart beat fast in my chest as I studied his hand over mine.

  “I want to take you places and let us get to know each other before I even allow myself to do more than touch you! There are things we both have issues with that we'd have to both share with each other and I want to have some good memories for us that are based on friendship.”

  I puffed out my cheeks. He was so intense the whole time. He was right though it was sensible to get know each other first, learn about each other's flaws, but the fact was he was so controlling of the whole situation I felt a little cornered by him. It wasn't spontaneous or natural it was almost like he was planning the whole thing out.

  “I want to get to know you I really do.” I managed to turn around to face him. I glanced up at him, he smiled down at me. He looked so much younger here than he had in the restaurant. His brown eyes gazed down at me, his eye lashes throwing shadows across his cheekbones. He didn’t utter a word.

  “But I feel a little like you're planning this whole thing out when in my limited experience with men, you can plan all you like, but something will come along and throw all your plans out of the window.” I licked my lips as I glanced up at him. “I’m not even sure I’m over Sean yet, that whole thing was a mess.”

  He sighed and tilted his head to one side. “Is that a gentle let down Evan?! It's okay if it is, I just thought we were seeing how it went.” His eyes gazed down at me full of confusion.

  I sighed. I liked it when he called me Evan but he only did when he was desperate enough to soften his tone to placate me. “No! No, it's not Cameron! It's me saying I'm not a pawn in a game you can pick up and move around to make you happy! I can understand we need to work things out between us, but I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing! You either see us being something or you don't! It's as simple as that.” I'd been messed around in the past by guys and I wasn't going to let him use me.

  He stroked his hand over my face.

  “You don't listen at all Evan, I want you! Good god I want you so badly, but I don't just want you like I wanted other women, I've never felt this way before! I mean when people talk about love at first sight I always scoffed at them because I didn't think love was a thing you found with one particular person! I thought it was something people just said they felt, you know a product of modern life made out of the need to be with someone to be what society tells you to be!” He took a deep breath before continuing.

  “Evan I can't stop thinking about you! When I saw you with my sister that night and then what you'd done to help a complete stranger I was amazed by you! You have all these quirky ways of doing things and spending time with you today has been the best time I've spent with anyone in as long as I can remember! I think I'm falling in love with you. So yes, I want us to be something! I'm not the kinda man that uses women.”

  I stared at him blankly. My brain whirled. How the fuck can be he be falling in love with me he's only just met me properly. Oh boy I sure knew how to pick them, but when I glanced up at him he looked terrified. I frowned again. He had just confessed his deepest feelings for me, he was vulnerable now and here I was freaking out over it. Trying not to over analyse it.

  I felt my chest tighten. My heart beat faster and I knew I had to move away from him for a second or so to collect my thoughts so I could give him an answer, but I was also aware he'd take me moving as a rejection.

  “You can't love me! You don't know me!” I took a shaky breath. “I'm broken, I'm not sure I can be fixed!”

  He stepped back, giving me space. “That's why I wanted to get to know you! Take you places, show you that I am worthy of you! Please don't be scared of me. I'm not normally like this. You aren't broken Evan and nor am I we just aren't like other people! We see and think differently. Please let me look after you! Let me love you.” He pressed his palms together in front of him and his eyes searched mine desperately for clues.

  I felt better now he wasn't crowding me. What did I want from him?! Sure, I liked him, he was cute! He made me smile, which I'd not felt like doing in a long time. I knew how he felt because I had loved Sean at first sight and in some small capacity I still did, but if I looked at it without over thinking I could see me and Cameron working if I just stepped outside of my comfort zone, if I could just take a leap of faith like he had. If I got to know him, spent time with him then maybe I'd fall for him too. What did I have to lose?! Sean had hurt me in more ways than one and I'd been left hollowed out and slightly bitter about love, but I could help Cameron and maybe he could help me too,
I was fed up of feeling empty.

  I let a breath go. “Cameron I'd like to maybe try because I know you'd love me like no other man has! I'd like to go out a few times and see how we get on because as much as I try and deny it, I do feel something for you that I'd like to explore!” I smiled up at him. Normally I would have run a mile from this kinda thing, but I liked him. A lot. I liked how he made me feel. Safe. I knew love with him would feel different too.

  His face split into a full on smile that made his cheek bones jut up. “That's all I ask of you! To try! Let me show you what real love is! I know something bad must have happened with your ex to send you running half way across the world and I won't ask you to tell me until you want to but I won't hurt you, I won't take you for granted. I'm looking forward to getting to know the real you, Evangeline!” He breathed in.

  I smiled up at him. I knew this was the equivalent of me jumping off a cliff, but I knew he'd never let me hit the bottom. “I know I'm safe with you.” I tiptoed and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

  He flushed red and looked flustered. “Thank you. I won't let you down!”

  I was distracted by cheering coming from the other end of the room. I glanced around Cameron so I could see what was going on and saw a young couple in the centre of a group of people that had gathered. He was sliding a ring onto the girl’s finger.

  “Aww, I think he just proposed to her!” I smiled a genuinely happy smile.

  What a place to be proposed to in.

  For a second or so the girl turned her face towards me and we made awkward eye contact from across the room. She was even paler than I was. Was that even possible?! She glanced away when the boy stood up. They couldn't have been much more 19 years old if that.

  Cameron caught up my hand. “If I've not freaked you out too much would you like to go up to level 72?! So you can take photos of the shards?!” He didn't make a comment about the teenagers.

  “You haven't freaked me out, I just need time to let it sink in! I didn't come here looking to meet anyone but I'm glad I met you last week, but I'd rather your sister hadn't been so scared by that asshole though!” I looked down at our combined hands and smiled. “Let's go on up to the last floor!” I was excited for what the future might hold. Maybe I could learn to love him. Maybe I wouldn't even have to try once I got to know him.

  We walked past the couple I'd seen only minutes ago. They were hugging by one of the windows.

  “Congratulations!” I grinned as I said it. I felt happy for them yet I didn't even know them.

  They both smiled at me as I passed by.

  “I think we can try another joint selfie at the top! I'm not normally a selfie kinda guy, but I guess that's about to change!”

  I laughed. “I know they say its vein to take selfies but I'd rather see a photo of someone at a place then just a boring snap of it! Unless you're one of those vapid model types that legit finds any excuse to take a selfie half naked! They do it for the attention!” I snorted as we started the climb up the stairs.

  “You have a valid point! I confess to having a little mooch around your profile and I like your style of photography, selfies included! You are very talented with a camera and with a paint brush!” He smirked.

  I grinned. “Thank you! I just love to try and capture a moment without it being to false.” I'd been so busy concentrating on looking at everything as I climbed the stairs that I somehow missed the next step, my foot tried in vain to scramble for the step but felt myself falling forwards.

  I half screamed as I fell forwards. I swore internally, threw my arms out in front of myself, screwing my eyes shut and braced for impact, but instead of feeling the hard steps, I was suddenly being dragged backwards.

  Cameron's strong arms held me against him.

  “Fucking hell Evan, you have no balance or coordination at all! You could have been seriously hurt!” The edge to his voice sounded scared.

  My heart beat so fast in my chest that I felt dizzy, everything swam.

  I clung to his arms like my life depended on it. I had been a few feet away from smashing my face into the steps.

  “Are you okay?!” He sounded worried now.

  I laughed nervously. “Not really, I think my hearts trying to burst out of my chest, thanks to you I'm okay though!” I rested back into him trying to steady my breathing.

  “It's okay Evan, you're safe with me! I told you I'd look after you and it's a good job I was here!” He set me back down on the step I'd tripped up. “You scared me half to death! Do you know the damage you could have done to yourself falling up that step?!” His tone was chastising but I knew it was because he was freaked out.

  “I know, I'm beyond grateful for you catching me! I have something called Dyspraxia I've had it since I was a kid! It affects a whole bunch of stuff like coordination! It's not bad though it's kinda mild!”

  I frowned. “I've never told anyone else that before, it's kinda personal!”

  It was, people were so quick to judge me. The fact was it only affected my coordination and some balance issues I was perfectly fine with every other aspect of life.

  He took my hand and started to lead me back down. “I won't risk taking you up, I'm worried you'll trip down the stairs!”

  “Whoa, hold on cowboy! I've jumped out of a plane attached to a parachute and no one freaked out, then so a few steps are nothing! I'm going up, I wish I'd never told you!” I pulled my hand free.

  He tutted. “Oh, Evangeline it has nothing to do with what you told me, I've heard of it before, it's nothing and I certainly don't think any less of you! I'm pleased you told me!”

  I looked up the stairs and then back at him and rolled my eyes. “I want to see it from the top, I'd like you to come with me, but it's okay if you don't want to! I'll come back another day!”

  He rolled his eyes at me. “You are impossible! I'll take you to the top, but please take one step at a time in front of me and on the way back down I'll climb down in front of you!” He indicated for me to start climbing.

  “Whatever you want!” I didn't care as long as I got to see the top.

  After a while we reached the top, the cool air brushed against my face as I walked out on the platform. It was much the same as downstairs only this was open air.

  “Well, that wasn't too bad, did you catch your shin when you tripped the first time?!” He looked at me with a concerned look on his face.

  I smiled up at him. “No, thankfully you caught me in time!”

  He held his hand out for mine. I grinned and placed my hand in his. Cupped.

  “It's amazing how much you can see from up here, the trains look like toys! And the tracks like tangled string!” I pulled my phone from my pocket and took some photos.

  “I never thought of it like that, but you're right. It kinda looks like a whole toy city!” He smiled. “You have a way of seeing things that is so unique, much like yourself!”

  “Smooth talker!” I winked at him. “Can you take a photo of me?!” I held my phone out to him.

  He grinned. “Sure! If you stand looking out, I'll take a few for you.” He backed away so he could get me in the whole frame.

  I turned and looked out of the glass window. I heard the camera's shutter go off, I glanced up and for the first time and saw the top the building, the shards of glass jutting upwards proudly. I was in awe, the building was beautiful. I turned to face Cameron wondering if he'd finished taking photos and caught him looking at me like he was annoyed about something. “Everything okay?!” I hadn't done anything wrong, I'd only been standing looking up.

  He walked over. “Who's Damon?! He sent you a text. Wants to know if you’re lost! Since you didn't reply to his last text! You didn’t say you had a boyfriend?!” He handed me my phone back with an annoyed look on his face.

  I felt annoyed that he'd somehow taken offense over a friend texting me and considering a few minutes ago I had agreed to give him and me a chance how did he assume D
amon was a boyfriend?! I confused and angry.

  I licked my lips. “Don't give me that disapproving look! He's just a friend, literally that is all he is! He's the one that told me about this place! Also what kinda person do you think I am that I’d be playing you both off like that?!” The more I thought about it the more insulted I became.

  He frowned ignoring what I’d said. “He put two kisses! How did you meet him?!”

  This was so stupid. It had turned into 20 questions. I grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him towards the area that was sheltered away from the other guests all milling around.

  “You have no right to ask me that or expect me to explain myself to you! If this is how things would be for us Cameron I'm not sure I can deal with you being so possessive of me!” I let go of his hand.

  He sighed. “I'm only concerned for you Evangeline! You have to be careful with some guys, they just want to get in your knickers! You’re too good for that.’’ He sniffed in.

  I wanted to scream at him that it wasn't that he was worried for me, it was because he was just jealous. I took a deep breath and looked him dead in the eyes. I'd fix his little concern right there and then.

  “Regardless of if he wants into my panties or not, I don't want into his and that should be all you need to know!” I was impressed with how well that had come out, I'd turned his words back around back onto him.

  He opened and closed his mouth, then sighed. “Well, that's me told! I never meant to insinuate that you did want anything romantic with him.” He smiled at me lopsidedly with soft eyes. Quite clearly pleased Damon wasn't my boyfriend.

  I tilted my head to one side. “He's a nice guy, but I've told him I'll only ever be his friend! He understands that! I'd better let him know I'm okay!” I glanced down at my phone. “I'm going to tell him I bumped into a friend here and that's why I didn't reply!” I made myself busy texting.

  Damon! This place is freaking immense! I bumped into a friend outside and we went for lunch! I'm now on level 72! No sign of Romeo the fox! I'll see if he's loitering in the gift shop! I'll see you later!