Ignite Me: Shards of Glass, Part One

by Mills, L. C.

  “Oh yeah, I still write! Pour my heart out onto paper quite a lot and get paid for it! Oddly enough, I didn't know at the time, but I write for Cameron's label!”

  “Hmm sleeping with the boss! Is that allowed?!” He winked at me.

  I laughed, I had never thought of it that way. “Well, I always was a rule breaker!” I blew invisible dust off my nails and laughed. “Hey, so I'm going back to New York with Cameron next month for a business thing, don't suppose you guys will be around for hangs?!” I hoped they would be, I figured Cameron wouldn't need me all the time.

  They all passed each other glances. “Sure, um, you know Sean will probably find out if you go back right?!” Jack looked concerned.

  I appreciated the concern. “I know and I think Cameron is organizing a restraining order so he's gotta be really stupid if he breaks that! I will just deal with him if I have to! I'm not scared of him!” I hadn't ever been scared of him, it was more what he was turning me into, and I wasn't that little girl anymore! I was braver than her!

  He smiled. “Good, cause as much as all of us would love the opportunity to knock him down a peg or two, we don't want you getting hurt again! You're better than any of that BS!”

  I chewed the inside of my mouth, Jack had always been one of my best friends, he was the brother I never had and I loved him for caring enough to say it.

  “Thanks, that means a lot to me!” I glanced though my eyelashes at him trying not to cry.

  “So anyways, before you go, you need to like help yourself to merch! Rep it all over! We need the exposure!” Andy laughed. “That and you always look badass in band shirts!” He got up and walked over to collection of cardboard boxes.

  “No! I'll pay you! Don't give it away for free, you gotta be able to eat! Friends or not business is business!” I shook my head and got up and wandered over to the boxes. “You know I am a sucker for a shirt or hoodie! I basically shoulda been a boy!” I laughed.

  “Yeah, but you're a girl so suck it up and get rummaging! You might recognize one design! We always said we would make it into merch! And we refuse to take your money right boys?!” He stood back with his arms crossed across his chest, a determined look on his face.

  “Yeah, you ain't paying us! You're our friend and that year you worked for free so technically you earned it!” Jack's voice floated over, I wouldn't argue with them, I'd send them something to make up for it, I wasn't not paying.

  I rummaged happily through the boxes and after 10 minutes I had a small pile to the side, they had done well with the shirts, but I didn't get what they had meant about me seeing something I'd recognized.

  “Don't forget the hoodies!”

  I sighed. “Okay! Okay!” I moved to the larger box and pulled the flaps open and stood grinning at him like I was mad. “Oh my god! You actually used it! I am so excited!” I pulled one of the hoodies out and studied it. Last year I had taken a photo of them on stage and then drawn it and added lyrics. This was the design I was looking down at. I bit my lip and hugged it.

  “You don't mind us using it do you?! It's just so perfect for what we wanted and it’s been a popular seller!”

  I choked back the lump in my throat that was threatening to make my voice tremble. “Why would I mind?! I am psyched to see it made into a hoodie! If you had of let me know I could have drawn it again and made it look better!” It had only ever been a rough sketch in my mind so the fact they rated it meant to the world to me.

  “There was nothing wrong with the original! If you dig under the hoodies there should be some T-shirts!”

  “Oh, okay!” I stuck my arm right in and dug out a shirt with the same design on. I was a little overwhelmed by it all. Drawing was my one of my weaknesses, but that had always been one of my favourites and was actually framed in my bedroom. I counted the pile, I had four T-shirts and a hoodie. I bit my lip. “Would you at least let me pay for another shirt and hoodie for Cameron's sister?!” I didn't want to take advantage.

  Andy shook his head. “No, just take them! We got a press stuff all day Saturday with a high profile music mag so that’ll pay the bills for a while!”

  I grinned, it was good they were getting exposure, they'd probably provide them with clothes and free food and drink all day so at least they'd eat properly. I added Georgia's stuff to my pile and turned around. “That's brilliant guys, I'll look forward to reading it! I'll be sure to be seen wearing all this and you will make her day! She kinda screwed up, I feel sorry for her really!”

  He grinned. “That's what teenagers do! Do you want a bag for all those?!” He laughed and walked back over to the boxes and pulled out a canvas bag, flat packed in a clear bag with what looked like patches and badges inside.

  “Holly hell is that button badges and patches! Hell yeah I want one! Make that two!” I loved badges and patches.

  He picked out two and laughed. “I said you'd lose your shit over this!” He added them to my pile.

  “Dude you know I am a sucker for bags and badges!” I put them all down on the table and undid one of the clear bags and pulled out the bag and undid it, it was a good shopper size so with some skilled folding I managed to fit my haul of merch into it. I studied the badges. “Oh my god, these are the photos I took! They look epic!” I was virtually jumping up and down. Kids were wandering around with my work on their jackets and such and I hadn't even realised. The patch had been deliberately frayed and cut about, and had the band’s name on it.

  “We figured you'd approve!”

  I checked my watch. “I should prolly go! You guys are on quite soon so I don't wanna mess with your routine, but let me write something down for you all!” I pulled a business card out and grabbed the pen from the table and wrote my address down. “You can literally come to mine anytime you guys are around! I'm sorry I was a crappy friend these last few months!” I slid the card into the center of the table.

  “Don't even apologize for that! We understood why you bailed! Fuck, after what that asshole did, no one blamed you for needing to get away! No one!”

  I glanced up at Andy and smiled. “Thank you for being you! Now group hugs before I go!” I braced.

  A few seconds later I was being squeezed by all three of them. I could hardly breathe for the combined force of them all. I imagined how Cameron’s face would look if he saw me right now, he’d probably have a melt down and the rebel in me knew I wouldn’t mean to make him jealous but I would just to see how far I could push him.

  “Hey, if you get right hand barrier, I'll try and throw you a pick! But just in case you miss cause your eye hand coordination is fucked! You can have a un played pick now!”

  Jack moved away and came back with two custom picks. I turned them over in my hands, there was one black and one red, the black had white print on, the front had the band's logo, three score marks to represent each member and the back had Jack's name on. The red one was pretty much the same only it had Andy's name on and was printed in black.

  “These are awesome! I'm gonna keep these! Might make them into a necklace! I bet the kids go mad after these at gigs!” I slipped them into the change pocket of my jeans they'd be safe there.

  “Yeah, we tend to chuck them at the ones that have been making the most effort! It's kinda hit or miss though!”

  I chuckled. “I bet! I'll text you about New York hangs when I know details! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you! I'll go sweet talk him!” I winked.

  They all laughed.

  “I bet you could persuade anyone to do anything!” Jack winked at me.

  I shrugged. “Oh, I dunno, it must be the uncoordinated sexual magnetism!” I tried not to laugh but failed.

  “See, this is why we are all friends! No other girl would say that! You're kinda one of us!” Andy led the way down the stairs of the bus.

  “Just making sure you don't break your neck on the way out!” He raised a brow.

  I sighed. “I'm not that bad! Okay, I kinda am but thank
s!” I shook my head.

  “Want me to walk you over to the door?!” He smiled.

  I shrugged. “If you want!”

  I wondered if he wanted to speak to me alone so I just went with it.

  He was silent as we walked over to the back of the venue, but I could tell he wanted to say something because he kept glancing at me.

  “Andy just spit it out!” I sighed.

  He stopped walking and turned to face me. “So this new guy, he treats you right?! I mean I don't give a fuck about the record contract if he's not treating you right! You deserve someone that's gonna be good to you!” He looked a little embarrassed.

  I smiled up at him. “Andrew, he treats me like a princess! I mean he's complicated and we are learning as we go, but I assure you he would never do anything to hurt me! I respect you for saying it, but you don't gotta worry!” I pulled him into a hug. “You really don't have to worry and thanks for all the cool swag!”

  He wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Good, and you're welcome! I'll tell the security to let you hop over the main barrier! They should have started to let the crowds in now!” He let go of me and stepped back.

  “Thanks, and good luck! Don't break a g string!” I giggled at my own joke.

  He groaned and rolled his eyes. “Corniest joke ever, enjoy the show!”

  We walked the rest of the way to the venue's back door where we were greeted by more security guards.

  “Hey, can you take my friend through and help her jump the barrier! Her boyfriend is waiting the other side and he's a record executive so we don't wanna piss him off!”

  The security guy nodded and indicated for me to follow him.

  “See you later Andy! Watch that G-string!” I shouted as I walked off.

  I heard him roar with laughter as we moved further into the venue.

  “This way miss!” He led the way to the stage and then took a sharp left and went down a flight of small steps.

  I grinned as we got closer to the camera pit, I could hear the buzz of noise from the crowd already and adrenaline pulsed through my body. This was what I had grown up hearing, as a little girl I'd stand stage side and listen.

  “Where about do you need helping over?!”

  He stopped walking as we reached the entrance to the camera pit. Various photographers from music magazines where hanging around setting up cameras.

  “I'll just take a quick look!” I peeped out and studied the front row, there was only a few kids that had made it inside, and it was still early thankfully. I spotted Cameron and waved at him. He wasn't that far off.

  “Literally just over to the right!”

  Cameron waved at us as we approached him. “Figured you'd arrive soon! I'll help lift her over the barrier thank you!” His tone was casual.

  “Right you are!” The security guy turned and walked away unbothered.

  I sighed. “Thanks for the help!” I shouted as he left, then turned back to face Cameron. “No need to lift, I'll swing my legs over! There is a crate full of water bottles down there that I'm gonna stand on and actually while I'm here I'll help myself!” I grinned and nabbed a bottle of water, then used the crate to step up onto, once stood on the box I was able to sit on the edge of the barrier. “Mind I don't kick either of you!”

  Both Cameron and Georgia moved back a little as I swung my legs over and then hopped down. “Well, that wasn't too bad!” I grinned up at Cameron proudly.

  He flashed me a brilliant smile. “That was a triumph for your coordination! So how did it go seeing your friends?!”

  “Oh, it was just brilliant! It's like I never went away! I didn't know how much I missed all of this until I got here though! The tour buses, the venues the smell of the backstage area, the sound of the crowds! It's in my veins and I think it always will be!” I glanced around the venue, it had an upstairs area too, it was small but it had a good vibe to it. None of the kids at the front had taken a lot of notice, I wasn't part of the band so they didn't care too much and I liked that. I grinned, seeing people pulling on new band shirts and excitedly taking photos.

  Cameron's arms wrapped around my middle as we took our places back at the barrier. “Your eyes are on fire! That’s a passion you and I share! I love these venues! It's almost like you can hear all the previous artists that have played here! All just in the fabric of the building!”

  “I couldn't agree more! Literally never use flash photography in places like this because you get so many orbs! They are attracted to the light and the noise! It's all part of it though, and it doesn't matter who you are or how much money you have when you stand here and you look at that stage, we are all equal for a while!” I glanced sideways at Georgia and wished I hadn't automatically when she gave me an odd look. I raised an eyebrow at her.

  What the fuck is her problem. I frowned.

  Cameron's head rested on my right shoulder. “Please ignore my sister, we had words! Also, if any of that stuff in that bag you have is for her, wait till Saturday to give it to her! She's acting like a little brat right now!”

  I nodded, so he'd understand I had heard him.

  “I missed you! I look forward to getting you all to myself later on!” He kissed my cheek.

  I let a shaky breath go. “I missed you too, and I look forward to that!”

  After half an hour venue was pretty much full after a while which would have normally meant we would have been crammed against the barrier as people tried to shove forwards to get a better view, but Cameron was over 6 feet and had created me a safe spot against the barrier so for once I wasn't going to get bruised ribs.

  “Tall people should be at the back! Ugh, I won't be able to see anything from here, shove forwards! They might move!”

  “I wouldn't advise that if I were you! If you wanted better places you should have got here earlier shouldn't you!” Cameron's voice cut above the noise of the crowd, a warning in his tone that should have been enough.

  I glanced around to see what the fuss was about, I hadn't taken too much notice of who was saying what, I was used to getting shoved around at gigs, it was kinda part of it. Two teenage girls stood next to Cameron glowering at him, clearly not happy. They were around my height and had the typical scene hair styles and looked like they had both just ran into a display at Hot Topic they were the kinda fans that only went because they had crushes on the band members or because it was cool to be into rock music! You could tell their type a mile off! I raised a brow at the one nearest to me as she opened her mouth to retaliate. It wasn't in warning it was more as if to say, really, you don't fool me! I could see right through their act.

  “Is that what’s her name...You know the one that was with Sean from Acceptable Fragment?!” The blonde one shrugged and gave me a dirty look.

  I laughed. She hadn't tried to disguise that she was talking about me.

  Her friend stared at me like I had grown a second head. “Doubt it, I thought she was prettier and thinner than that... And taller! Plus, she's American so why would she be here with some posh dude! He wouldn't be her type!” She flipped her long dyed black hair over her shoulder as she continued her discussion.

  I smirked and twisted so I was facing the girls. “They invented these awesome things called planes! See all these kids in the first few rows, that won't move for you?! That's because they waited all day to get a place at the barrier! Respect that and stop shoving or I'll call security over!”

  Her eyes went wide and she stopped talking, but her friend wasn't done - yet.

  “Who the fuck do you think you are! Just because you’re a little bit famous you think you can tell people what to do! If I wanna get to front I damn well will!” She narrowed her eyes at me angrily.

  “I think that's quite enough!” Cameron's tone this time was in warning.

  “Fuck you!”

  I shook my head. “No, honey he only fucks me and you really need to tone down that fake ass attitude of yours stat cause I can and
will call security but 100 scene points for effort! I'm sure you can go on Twitter tell all your little friends! I might even retweet you if it’s good!” I laughed and turned away. It felt good - in an odd kinda way. It had been a while since I'd actually offended anyone, my online reputation was slipping! I had had quite the reputation for telling people as it was! I was the daughter of a rock star after all! I had to keep appearances up! I grinned, finding it funny.

  “Bitch!”

  I ignored the name calling, they were just kids, and I’d had my fun.

  Cameron's arms wrapped around me again. “Hmm, I do believe you rather enjoyed that and just as an FYI - as you'd say, I rather enjoyed hearing you say I only fuck you, very domineering! Hmm!” His lips brushed my ear.

  I grinned. “I couldn't help myself! Fake kids annoy me and I'm not sure I should have done because it's prolly gonna be all over Twitter!”

  He chuckled in my ear. “Well, I don't care if the whole world knows I only fuck you! Because then they'll know you are mine!”

  I brushed my hands over his arms. “I know!”

  The venue lights went down as the whispering started from people that had witnessed the confrontation and I forgot all about the girls, my face split into a huge smile as the audience simultaneously erupted into a scream that sent shivers down my spine. As the bass kicked in, it vibrated through my entire body, from the floor upwards, it resounded in my bones. The guitar kicked in then the drums, the crowd got louder and louder as the first few chords were played. I was transfixed as the spotlight fell on Jack, then to Andy and Johnno. Within seconds they had kicked off into their first song, furious and flawless as they owned the stage. I let the beat take me away, as I danced on the spot, singing at the top of my lungs, joining the few kids in the crowd that seemed to know the words.

  Cameron's arms slipped from around my waist and rested either side of me on the barrier, allowing me to jump around a little.

  This was where I was at home! In venues surrounded by sweaty kids all singing their lungs out, all for various reasons, it was cathartic, a therapy for many. It was moments like this that I reminded myself that I was very lucky to be standing watching my friend’s band! That I was privileged to even be here. I glanced at Georgia and smiled, she was bouncing up and down, her arms in the air, I could hear her singing, and she was oblivious to anything but the band and the music. This was her escape! From her issues, her family for a while she would be free! These were the only places my mind didn't think about other things, I was free of my anxiety that held me back. As Jack kicked off another song I danced like I was 17 again. I didn't care who was there or who wasn’t, I was watching my best friends rock the place. I got lost in my own thoughts for a while until I realised the singing had stopped.