Dirty Little Secret: New Adult Rock Star Romance (Not Exactly A Stepbrother Romance Book 1)

by Kristen Strassel

  “He was Dad’s friend. I’ve been taking sailing lessons.” Bret nodded to the guy and waved. “He looks like a stuffy old bastard, but he’s actually cool as fuck.”

  Holy shit. “You have? That’s awesome.”

  “Dad loved this fucking boat more than he loved us, I think.” Bret laughed, but his eyes were shiny. It had been a long day full of beer and sunshine, but he looked like he was going to cry. “I wasn’t going to let it sit here and rot. I know Ellen wants to sell it, but we can’t use it if none of us know how to sail. So, what the fuck? Gotta liven up Newport Marina somehow. Right?”

  “I’m actually proud of you.” I never expected this. “It’s a really cool tribute to Dad.”

  “I’ll teach you what I know.” Bret smiled. “I’m not ready to take her out yet, but I know he was really looking forward to spending time with you on here.”

  My eyes burned, and I pressed my lips together to keep from losing it. “I’d like that.”

  Rick came back with two excited-looking girls in their late teens. They vibrated with excitement. “Bret, these ladies tell me you’re famous,” Rick said.

  Bret flashed his rock star smile. “In some circles, I suppose that’s true.”

  “Are you kidding?” one of them said. “Enemy Impact is awesome.”

  “Thanks.” Bret actually looked humble. It was awesome to see these total strangers gushing over him.

  “Can we take pictures with you?” the other girl asked.

  “Of course.” Bret put his arms around the girls, and one of them fiddled with her phone, trying to get all three in the shot at the same time.

  I offered to take the picture for them, stepping in to take the phone from the girl. I took a couple of shots, making sure they got one they liked. I knew it was going straight onto social media.

  “What time are the fireworks?” Nikki asked. She was in much better shape after I forced her to take a nap. “This is going to be amazing. I’m from Cranston. I only get to watch fireworks over water if it rained earlier that day and there are still puddles in the street.”

  “Nine thirty, I think,” Matt said. He looked at his phone. “Soon.”

  “Where do you live?” I asked. “And was Nikki talking about you and bowling alleys earlier? I was confused.”

  “I’m in Providence.” He laughed, turning bright red. “Yeah, I was telling her I hope to open a bowling alley and mini-golf place. I miss doing that hokey shit. That’s the stuff I think is fun. And it can run itself for the most part, if I go out on tour. So I see it as an investment. And built-in entertainment.”

  “You mean when you go on tour,” Bret said. “I’m telling you, man, the label is interested in what you guys are doing. Wait till the show in New York. I bet you get an offer soon after that.”

  “I don’t like to count on things before they happen.” Matt couldn’t contain his smile. “But I’m not going to say no if they do come at us with anything.”

  “I think we should celebrate,” Nikki added. “Everything. It’s Independence Day, after all. We’re all together on this amazing boat, and we’re all doing what we love. We’re fucking lucky.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” Bret passed beer bottles to the three of us. We raised them in the air, glass clinking before we all took a long sip.

  Beer would never be the same for me after this afternoon.

  Nikki sat next to Matt on the long bench outside the cabin. He snaked his arm around her waist. My body warmed, not only from the beer, but from the smile they shared as they started talking again. She hadn’t shut up all day and Matt still wasn’t sick of her. He might not like to count on things before they happened, but it was pretty easy to see Nikki was a sure bet. Electricity flowed between them, and there was going to be more than one fireworks show on this boat.

  I jumped and screamed at the first of the twenty-one gun salute. Bret caught me by the hand. The boat rocked with the impact. Both impacts—me jumping and him touching me in front of our friends. He didn’t let go, and I didn’t move any closer. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Come up on the roof with me, Gem.” Bret tugged my hand. A quick look back at Nikki and Matt, to ascertain they’d slipped into an alternate universe, and I hiked up my skirt and followed Bret up the stairs. The guns exploded in time with every step. “Did you wear panties tonight?” he whispered when we got to the top of the stairs.

  Negative. “You’re a pig.”

  “You love it.” He sat with his legs dangling over the top of the cabin, hands back, and tipped his head up.

  Little explosions went off all around us—surrounding towns starting their displays, or people who picked them up illegally. The night was slightly overcast, which sucked for the fireworks, but the clouds lit up pink, green, and blue, and it was its own kind of magical.

  I dropped my legs over the side when I settled next to him. “Matt and Nikki seem to have hit it off,” I said, balling my hands in my skirt. I couldn’t touch Bret here. Everything was too raw. I needed too much. And so many eyes around us. The boats were docked close to one another, and those two girls Rick brought over couldn’t be the only Enemy Impact fans at the marina.

  “Yeah, they did.” Bret grinned. “I probably should’ve brought you here alone first, but tonight seemed perfect. Dad would’ve had us out here, drunk as shit, and it seemed pretty piss poor of us to leave him alone on his favorite night of the year.”

  The first blossom of explosives for the main event flashed in the sky, like Dad really was here, saying everything would be okay. Tears stained my cheeks, as I watched light rain down all around us. All that excitement and promise fizzling into nothing. Forgotten. It never seemed so poetic before.

  Bret put his arm around me. I crashed against his shoulder when he pulled me in, and watched the fireworks through blurry eyes, trying to mask the sobs that hiccupped out of me with each fresh explosion. I couldn’t fool Bret. My arms automatically wrapped around his waist. He pressed me against his side, rubbing my arm. His gaze was focused on the sky, eyes unblinking, the fireworks’ reflection blurry against the green pools.

  “Everyone can see us,” I whispered.

  “I don’t care,” Bret whispered back.

  I put my head back down and tried to relax. Tonight we were one in our sorrow, entangled in so many emotions we’d never be able to separate ourselves. It felt right, and it shouldn’t. Everything about this was wrong, but I couldn’t tear myself away. The danger between us had become a drug, and I was addicted.

  Applause broke out through the marina as the display came to a close, smoke rolling in from the water obscuring the other boats. Bret turned to me. All the electricity from the fireworks had settled between us, daring us to ignite.

  No, we had to let it fizzle.

  But I felt empty. Not from missing Dad, because he was here with us on the boat. I wanted to kiss Bret. So badly. I knew what every part of him tasted like except for his mouth. The most maddening part of him. Those lips that dripped venom had to taste like honey. I knew it.

  Bret blinked, hard. I could drown his eyes right now. I took a deep breath, preparing to get pulled under with him.

  He didn’t kiss me. I’d never before been so relieved and so angry at the same time. But neither of us could escape the force field.

  “Hey. Um…” Matt stopped when he came upstairs. It had to be our loaded gaze, not meant to be shared. Our arms still around each other. “Nikki and I were thinking of hitting the blues club and wanted to see if you guys were game for a drink,” he said.

  “Oh.” Nikki giggled behind him.

  Bret didn’t let go of me, and he didn’t flinch. If he did, I’d have dived into the ocean and began my future as a mermaid. It seemed like the only conceivable way out of this. “Gemma got upset watching the fireworks,” he said, like what we were doing actually made sense. “Our dad loved this shit. He loved the Fourth more than he liked Christmas.”

  “Sorry to hear that.” Matt came over and touch
ed my shoulder just as Bret disengaged.

  I cringed. I didn’t mean it, but the whole world was spinning. We were caught.

  Matt seemed to buy the story, but he was drunk. “I lost my old man a couple years ago. It sucks. Stuff like this brings it all back.”

  “Do you want to go for a drink?” Bret asked me.

  I looked back at Nikki, wide-eyed with guilt. She had her arms slung low across her stomach and a grin I couldn’t quite read on her lips. It was one of those feral girl smirks. I didn’t know Nikki well at all. Her behavior today surprised me, and I didn’t know if I could trust her with the world’s biggest secret. Regardless, she knew it.

  “No, I want to go home,” I said.

  Chapter Twelve

  “So you and Bret aren’t really related,” Nikki said the next day at work.

  I knew she was going to ask, and all day I’d danced around saying something first. When the subject came up, there was no way to avoid the impact of the explosion. A bomb that cracked the façade that this could ever be okay.

  What the hell was I going to say? It looked bad, it was bad, and I couldn’t think of any explanation that made it less bad. Ignoring it seemed like a good strategy. Until I couldn’t anymore.

  She’d been moving slowly and painfully, dark circles holding up her puffy eyes. For her it was still yesterday; she and Matt had stayed out all night. I wasn’t in much better shape. I tossed and turned all night, anticipating this very moment, too knotted up to relax.

  “We are. My mom married his dad.” Simple. Clean. Yeah, right. “Just not blood related.” Shit, was that an admission of guilt?

  “Oh, well that’s good.” She giggled.

  I kept working, loading feed into the giraffe troughs and ignoring the sweat trickling down my spine.

  “Have you two always been close?”

  “No, we hated each other when we were younger.” I hoped Nikki was too hungover to pick up on my voice shaking. “We still don’t really get along, but we’ve been closer this summer, since our dad died.” Or something like that.

  “You act more like boyfriend and girlfriend than brother and sister.” Nikki kept working as she spoke. Her words sent shockwaves through my body. She trained the hose on the waterhole but raised her eyebrows when my mouth dropped. “Not that I can blame you. If I lived under the same roof with that hot piece of ass, I don’t know how I’d keep my hands to myself.”

  I dropped the feed bag. “There’s nothing going on.” I hoped that sounded convincing. “What you saw last night on the boat—”

  “I’m not talking about the boat. I’m talking about all day, Gemma. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Especially when we played volleyball. It was like the rest of us weren’t even there. I can’t believe no one said anything to you. I was going to make a play for him, but seriously, why bother? He’s all about you. Not that I’m selling myself short with Matt.” She flashed a knowing smile. “The two of you disappeared for an awfully long time yesterday.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. “I went upstairs to change my bathing suit. I wanted to hang out by myself for a couple minutes. You drank a lot yesterday. It might have seemed longer to you.”

  “Whatever.” Nikki laughed. “What did you do when you went home last night? If there’s nothing going on, why didn’t Bret come out with us? You both missed a good time, by the way. I’d invite you out another time, but you know, if there’s nothing going on…”

  “I went to bed.”

  Nikki raised an eyebrow.

  “Alone,” I said. “I don’t know what Bret did. Yesterday wasn’t easy for either of us. Our dad died less than two months ago.” I knew I shouldn’t have invited her to the party, but I thought we’d keep it together a little bit better than this. Our behavior on the boat had to be pretty good proof if she had any suspicions. “We had the party in his honor. Yesterday was a rough day.” My eyes burned with emotion. Grief. Frustration. Shame.

  Most of all, stupidity. What the hell had I been thinking? That we’d get away with this? Nikki was loaded yesterday, but what about my relatives, who weren’t? My mother? All these little things happening had to be adding up to her. It was a matter of time before she figured it out—or even worse, caught us in the act.

  Again.

  This had to stop. We played with something worse than fire. A burn would scar. Hurt. But it was possible to recover. We’d never be the same, but we’d adjust to the new normal. There was no adjusting to this. There could never be normal after it. The burn would never go away. I knew it, because the feel of Bret’s arms around me on the boat, holding me, comforting me, still smoldered against my skin almost a day later. He’d touched me in every way conceivable, but never like that before. I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it felt to be in his embrace. But it left me with an ache, like something had broken. And I didn’t know how I was going to recover.

  “Did you have fun?” I asked, trying to shake the conversation off, like my boss didn’t accuse me of trying to hide an affair with my stepbrother. My boss, whose boss happened to be my mother. If I had balls, Nikki would have them in the palm of her hand. All I had going for me was that Nikki seemed to know her way around a sack, and she’d probably be nice to me.

  “I had a blast. Matt’s amazing. I know you didn’t get a chance to talk to him much, because you were… um, hosting the party, but—like—if I were to write a list of all the things I wanted in a man, it would be him. I only hope it’s still the same after we’ve been apart and the initial impact wears off. We’re going out again tomorrow. He wanted to go tonight, but I need to crash.” She laughed. “You and Bret could come with us.”

  “No,” I said too quickly. “I don’t think it’s a great idea.”

  Nikki didn’t bother to hide her surprise. “So you’re not a couple. Whatever. You’re my friend, and Bret is Matt’s friend. I’m hoping Matt and I are a couple. Eventually we’re all going to get together.”

  I swept up spilled food and put it in the trough. The giraffes didn’t care about the five-second rule. “I can’t go out anywhere, because I don’t have any money. I don’t know if you realize I’m not getting paid this summer.”

  “Oh.” Yep, Nikki, it sucked. “I forgot. We don’t have to do anything that costs a lot of money. And I’d be willing to pay your way if you were my wing woman.”

  “You already have the guy.” I laughed. “That’s not how it works.”

  “I know.” Nikki locked the gate behind us as we left the giraffe area. We didn’t need any patrons getting into places they didn’t belong. “But you’re always so serious here. It was good to see you having fun.”

  A little pseudo incest would loosen up almost anyone. “I’ll think about it.”

  **

  We were so screwed. Nikki was the same drunk and sober. Just a little more intense when she was drunk. She was forward, direct, and got what she wanted. She wanted to get me and Bret to go out, even if it was just to get us in captivity and tease us with a stick until we snapped, and she’d keep at it until she wore us down. It couldn’t end in anything but disaster.

  I needed to steer this back to what it was. A battle. A hate fuck. Most importantly, a secret. I had to push aside any respect or feelings I had for Bret and figure out how to top the bastard. He’d worn me down, and I needed to get my eyes back on the prize.

  Five million dollars or bust. Stepbrothers be damned. I didn’t have any room for emotion. I had a stack of fucking bills, and the collection agencies had found my number. I’d be damned if I was going to waste my precious cell phone minutes explaining my sorry self to them.

  No more emotion. I needed to shove that shit way to the back of the bus.

  Bret wasn’t home when I got back from work. Too tired to play games—well, the childish kind, where I avoided him until I came up with my next move in our bigger game—I was glad I didn’t see him. Neither of us had said much on the way home from the marina.
>
  We needed to talk? Yeah right. More like open up a vein, splatter all over the surface of our universe, and leave a bloody, cum-stained handprint as we slid down into the rabbit hole.

  It was my turn again, after yesterday’s bottle fucking and public hand holding. Bret had promised he was going to push me to the point where my limits blurred. Check. I’d told him my fantasy of being watched. Check. There was no way we could ever go out with Nikki and Matt, because he’d have my skirt up around my waist in the middle of the dancefloor and…

  I was wet just thinking about it.

  He hadn’t told me his fantasy, but if I was willing to bet, it would have to do with giving up total control. Or maybe getting him to completely submit to me had become my new fantasy. The bastard wouldn’t do it for the sake of being polite. Yes. That was what I wanted. The thought of the way his body reacted, like it didn’t even belong to him when there was a chance he could slip through the cracks and fall into another realm, was enough to send me over the edge, too. If I was wet before, I was dripping now. Short of breath, writhing on my bed.

  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the five million. But this wasn’t even about the money anymore. I’d tried to let myself be okay with the fact I couldn’t get him to that place, but the reality of it sat in my stomach like sour milk. It was becoming a borderline obsession, because it was the one thing he wanted and I couldn’t do. I always believed I could do anything if I put my mind to it. It got me in this mess in the first place. After five years in college, and almost a quarter of a million dollars in debt, I was going to do whatever I had to do to succeed. I had to get Bret in my thrall.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Have you talked to Bret since the party?” Mom asked while we had lunch together at work.

  We didn’t have a chance to do this often. Working with live animals, we couldn’t always plan our lunch times. Today I was helping her out with some research data—a choice I was sure raised a few eyebrows throughout the zoo, but whatever. Maybe it meant I was going to be hired as a regular employee at the end of the summer. Or I could put it on my grad-school application. And it got me away from Nikki and her never-ending questions about Bret.