Return to Oban

by Ruth Hay

  She took a moment to think about the highlights of their life together. Their courtship, if you could call it by such an old-fashioned term, was not what most people would call normal. When she thought back to those days, everything circled around Helen’s portrait. Anna’s desire to find an artist to do the work was the reason she met Lawren in the first place, and the reason she established a connection to him.

  After she had seen his work on her visit to his studio, she knew he was special but it took too long until she saw him as a potential life partner. In all the slow progress toward that realization, it was Lawren who made the moves. She was stuck in the fear of public humiliation when others realized he was younger. Now she could laugh at herself for this. No one cared. No one who counted had ever made any remarks along those lines. In fact, it was Jeanette who declared every woman should have a partner younger than she was. It was generally supposed to mean a woman would survive longer and if she wanted a companion in old age the chances were better if her male partner was a few years younger.

  Sadly, this had not happened in their case. Lawren’s unexpected death had left Anna alone and bereft for the second time in her life. The benefit in tackling this dreadful circumstance as a mature woman, was the self-confidence she had acquired along the way. Her Samba Plus friends, (Jeanette and Fiona were additions to the original group) had always been by her side and they were still. Her experiences in Scotland and with the A Plus Knitwear business, had given her finances and property as well as appreciation for all the good things in her life. It would have been a disgrace to collapse and bemoan her fate after the wonders of each minute she had shared with her husband.

  Although many of her friends thought they knew about the secret marriage, they were wrong; just as wrong as they were about Lawren’s sudden death. She had concealed much about these two crucial events. They were deeply private.

  Was it now time to reveal the real stories to the world? Time to set the record straight?

  She had committed to Ashley’s writing idea. She could not imagine anyone more sympathetic to their love story. This illness had forced Anna to face the reality of her eventual decline into old age and, God forbid, possible mental disintegration. If she chose not to take this opportunity, the story behind the headlines would remain untold. Is that what she wanted?

  The dire warning of the legacy of untold secrets was exemplified in her own family story. Her mother and father had fled Scotland for Canada, hoping to leave betrayals and mistakes in their wake, but the results had been disastrous. A forgotten daughter abandoned in the past; a marriage of sins unforgiven; a family ripped asunder and never to be repaired; a brother who would be an adult before he learned of his mother’s secret older son. The more she thought of it, the more Anna saw waves of pain and shame and regret and sorrow washing back and forth in the wake of bad decisions and hardened hearts.

  The McLeods had been victims of all this. Only Helen Dunlop had been able to rise above the life fate had decreed for her. She, alone, had turned evil into good and in doing so had passed on to her female relative the torch of truth. Anna could not let the torch be extinguished. Lawren would say the opportunity to set the record straight was now before her. It was her duty. His Drake family had also suffered from hardhearted decisions that split them apart and separated one branch from another.

  Anna knew she lacked the ability to write this story but she had at her disposal a person who could write, record, and untangle the strands, starting from her grandmother’s early life and moving into the present.

  Anna and Lawren’s story was a part of that, of course, and because of his fame, it would be the part that would draw the attention of a publisher. It was essential that Anna’s message about transparency and truth be clear from the start, or the book would lose its focus and become just another celebrity exposé.

  * * *

  She pushed up against the pillows with the sense of an important decision made. Now she must get well so the process could begin. There would be weeks of talk ahead and she needed to be clear of mind and voice to tackle the hours required for the task.

  At this thought, she considered an alternative. She could summarize Lawren’s family story for him as his father had passed away years ago and the only remaining relative she knew of, had gone to Australia decades before without leaving any contact information. But, her half-brother, Philip, could tell the story of his side of the family with the Purdy/McLeod link and perhaps her new-found McLeod clan in Glasgow might add their discoveries. What had started as a simple story of a love affair had now become a saga stretching across generations and bridging seas, but with the same theme of damaging secrets and forgiveness withheld.

  It was a huge task. It remained to be seen if Ashley was willing to undertake such an epic, also, whether other family members could be persuade to participate. A sense of urgency compelled Anna to slide over to the edge of the bed and stand up. She needed to get her ideas down on paper since she was not yet capable of speaking for the length of time it would take for her to convey her thoughts to Ashley.

  She staggered over to the little table beside the fireside armchair where she could see a notebook lying waiting with pen on top.

  Surely, Ashley would not object to losing a page or so?

  She plopped down onto the chair and picked up the notebook. Ashley had been writing something. There were several pages of brief notes and Anna had to flip through them to find a blank page to pull out for her own ideas.

  Suddenly the words on the close–written pages caught her eye. The word ‘always’ recurred several times. What was this? It read like a kind of dream sequence but parts of it were familiar as if Ashley had overheard something Anna might have said. By now she could not resist reading all of it. The fear of invading her niece’s privacy arrived and disappeared almost simultaneously. She felt impelled to find out what this writing could mean. She turned on the lamp on the table to focus her eyes better and wiped them with the sleeve of her nightdress. The sudden movement pushed the lamp to the side and it fell onto the carpet with a thump and a flash as the light bulb smashed on impact and the meagre light extinguished.

  Anna cried out, immediately regretting her impulse as her throat stabbed with pain.

  Ashley heard both the cry and the crash and ran in from the kitchen with her heart in her mouth.

  What now?

  She found Anna shaking and tearful, a broken lamp shedding particles of glass on the carpet and her notebook lying open in Anna’s lap.

  Ashley immediately guessed what had happened and she felt anguish at what her aunt might deduce from the notebook writing.

  This is not the way I wanted to introduce the subject of her dream conversations!

  Her first priority was to make sure Anna was all right. It was clear from the state of her nightdress that a change of clothing was necessary. Ashley had a fresh nightdress airing in the kitchen over the handle of the Aga, but she thought Anna would be ready for a warm, soothing bath. She helped her patient over to the bed murmuring reassurances that everything would be fine in a few minutes. Then she ran upstairs to fill the bath with water and an oatmeal-based product the doctor had advised. All the while she was watching the bath fill and testing the temperature, she was keenly aware that she was avoiding the difficult conversation that must come. She had no idea how to explain to Anna what she had read on the notebook pages but for the moment she cast that aside. If Anna could manage to climb the stairs and settle into the bath, Ashley could change the bed and sort out the damaged lamp and try to think.

  It was the mental space she needed. It did not look like Anna Drake was in any fit state to question her at length, so she had time to concoct a reasonable explanation, if one existed.

  Her heart was thumping wildly. It was possible she had broken faith with Anna and the entire book idea would be dismissed. This was bad, but even worse was the thought that Anna would see her as having betrayed her confidence and the special relationship they had
always shared would be gone like the morning mist.

  * * *

  Anna welcomed the bath idea. She leaned heavily on Ashley as they climbed the stairs and she sank into the warm water with a sigh of relief. The steamy air in the washroom was kind to her ravaged throat and Ashley had turned on the wall heater so the atmosphere outside the bath would not shock her patient with cold air when she emerged.

  Anna relaxed and slid down beneath the water for a moment so her head, which was also covered in irritating spots, could feel the benefit of the moisturizing oatmeal. Despite the shock she had experienced downstairs, she decided to wait until she could speak comfortably before challenging Ashley. If she knew the girl, it was likely she would offer an explanation soon enough.

  There was a great deal to discuss on both sides.

  For now, Anna was relishing the skin comfort she was presently enjoying. It might be the bath, or it might be the mental effort she had expended on the future plan for the book project, but she was beginning to feel as if the long days and nights of illness were finally behind her.

  Chapter Eight

  It took three more days of hot drinks and nourishing soups before Anna’s throat repaired enough for her to be able to speak for any length of time without discomfort.

  Ashley, as expected, had offered her apology for the shock Anna had experienced on reading her notes. Somehow, Anna accepted the notion that she had spoken to Lawren in her fevered dreams. Ashley wondered if it had happened before this, but she was reluctant to broach the subject. She was just relieved that her aunt had not been horrified at the intrusion into her private mind.

  They put the whole incident aside and concentrated on getting Anna back onto her feet, literally as well as metaphorically.

  So much time in bed had resulted in weakened muscles. Anna needed a walking stick to take the weight off her back which was painful if she stood upright for longer than ten minutes at a time but she was able to wear her usual pajamas and sit in the kitchen for a while and she preferred to sleep once again in the double bed upstairs. Daily baths were the most beneficial thing she had discovered although Ashley was concerned about slipping in the bathroom and had found a chair which she padded with towels and positioned beside the bath so Anna could pull herself out of the water more easily and sit there while she dried herself.

  Doctor Jansen approve of all these measures when he visited.

  “Our patient is progressing well,” he stated, while Ashley tried once more to provide him with a cup of tea.

  “However, I must say the nurse looks as if she needs a bit of a break.”

  “What?” Ashley was just catching up with the conversation while calculating if she had enough milk left to fill the jug. It was time for another order of groceries now that Anna could eat some solid food.

  “I mean, this has been a difficult period for you, Ashley. You should take the chance to get some fresh air and a change of scene.”

  “Oh, I get plenty of air when I am hanging out the washing and carting out buckets of ash from the fireplaces, but I guess I do need to restock the larder.”

  He cleared his throat. This was not going the way he had intended. It was a risk to try a different tactic but another house call was not likely to be required and this could be his last chance.

  “Well, if Mrs. Drake agrees, I could take you into Oban this afternoon and you could shop there.”

  Ashley put down the milk jug and looked at Edmund Jansen with new eyes. This was an uncommonly kind offer. She considered whether Scottish doctors usually included this type of service with their home visits then discounted the thought as highly unlikely. So, the offer must be more personal than professional.

  Aha!

  “Dr. Jansen, that would be most helpful. Please finish your tea and I’ll check with my aunt to see what she needs. If she agrees, I will be ready in a flash. I don’t want to delay you.”

  With that, she was off upstairs to talk to Anna who was sitting by the fireside with a book.

  “I think it’s a splendid idea, Ash. You go. I’ll be fine here. I’ll do some phone calls. Oh, if you can find me a long cashmere sweater, I would love that. My skin is still very tender and it needs some TLC.”

  “Certainly! I’ll see what I can get in town. I won’t be long. I’ll take my phone with me in case you feel worse. Could you alert Cameron for me? If he’s not available later I will just take a taxi from the grocery store. Thank you!”

  Anna noticed how eager Ashley was to get away for a spell and she could not blame the girl. She had been shut up in the house for weeks with a non-communicative invalid. Not much fun for a young woman.

  Ashley stopped for a minute in her bedroom adjoining the washroom. She combed through her hair and swiped some pink lipstick on her lips. There wasn’t time for more. Her outdoor coat was downstairs with her purse and credit card.

  She raced down the stairs like a kid let out of school. Just like a kid, she felt excited. The question was whether it was the taste of freedom causing the excitement, or the person who was supplying the freedom? For the moment she did not stop to search for the answer.

  Edmund Jansen was standing waiting at the front door. He helped her into her coat and made sure she had the house key and without any further discussion, they were off down the gravel path and roaring back to Oban.

  Anna thought how different the house felt when she was the only occupant. A silence fell in which she could hear the sound of birds. A woodpecker must be in the fir trees that marked the western border of the property. Wind soughed in the chimney and a gust threatened to extinguish the peat flames.

  These sounds had been missing for some time. Her ears had been blocked during the worst of the fever and now, each tiny outdoor reminder was all the more welcome.

  The season had changed since she had first arrived. The long, bright days of autumn were fading fast. Already the drapes were being drawn earlier in the evening and storms from the sea could be expected soon. It was the lovely, cozy period of retreating indoors and appreciating home comforts. And yet, she felt she had been confined indoors for too long and the charms of her country home had been lost to her. The coming months were bound to be busy if the writing project were to proceed but there were also other priorities to be attended to.

  When this happy thought occurred, Anna rose up and went to the bedside phone.

  “Jeanette? Is this a good time to call?”

  “Anna! Thank God! I was beginning to think I’d never hear that sweet voice again. How are you feeling my dear?”

  “I am returning to life, I believe. My throat is better each day hence this call. Please give me the latest on everyone. Ashley has passed on the news, of course, but I feel so out of touch.”

  “Bless that Ashley! If she hadn’t been on the scene, you would have been dragged off to hospital somewhere. Everyone has been calling me to avoid disturbing you. I am the point person, at the moment, so I am well supplied for this situation. Sit back and I’ll fill you in.”

  Anna had to smile. Jeanette had a certain Canadian style. She did not ‘beat around the bush’, as they said in these parts. Anna knew she would be saved from having to ask any further questions. She settled down against the bed pillows and relaxed.

  “So, we McLennans are ready for the move to the bigger house. All the redecorating has been done. The children have sorted out their toys and I have made strenuous efforts to clear out every cupboard and storage bin. You know how I hate clutter. I mean to start off with everything tidy and in its appointed place. Even George has helped, after I threatened to take his assigned office in the new house and turn it into something more useful unless he got his files, his mail and his messages in proper order.”

  Anna laughed. Jeanette was a force to be reckoned with. She considered asking if there were to be some of her antique finds added to the décor but that was another topic for another day.

  “As for the Campbell establishment: George and I went over there a couple of days ago
and, Anna, you will have to see what they have built. It’s in the most beautiful location, of course. They had the pick of the estate but what’s so amazing is the way they chose to build. Fiona was determined to have an environmentally sound project and the whole place is green from top to bottom. I won’t say more. It needs to be seen by your own eyes.

  The best news from Gordon is that Fiona has finally gone into hospital. The third Campbell of the clan is arriving imminently. I’ll call you as soon as I hear.

  Oh, I believe Bev and Alan are due home in a day or so. Bev forced me to tell her about your illness and she is determined to see you as soon as they reach Oban. She says wild horses won’t keep her away and she has had chickenpox as well as the shingles vaccination so she is safe.

  I think that’s all for now. So good to be back in touch, Anna! We’ll have quite the reunion as soon as you are well enough to withstand all the hugs and kisses heading your way.”

  “Oh, Jeanette! This is the best medicine possible. I feel so much better already with all this to look forward to.”

  Jeanette noted a catch in Anna’s voice. The poor darling has had a terrible time but it will be over soon now. Just as well I decided not to tell Alina how bad Anna has been. All she knows about is a bad throat infection. She would have been rushing across the Atlantic on the first plane if I hadn’t said how well Ashley has been handling things.

  “Right, then! Be good, and do what the doctor says. Give yourself a hug. Bye for now.”