by A. E. Murphy
“Slapping a pregnant woman felt good?” Sasha feigns horror.
He only sighs, “I’m leaving you behind if you don’t stop bullying me.”
“Like that’ll ever happen,” Sasha snorts quietly, knowing full well he can hear her.
“Me leaving you behind?” His face takes on a daring expression, willing her to say yes.
“Guys,” I laugh and finish my breakfast. “Come on.”
“Yeah, we’re going to buy big belly some new clothing.”
“You’re such a bitch, Sasha.” Even if her words are true.
She only smiles in return, “You’ll be skinny again soon.”
Shudder. “And mature.”
“And a milf,” Tommy adds which makes Sasha throw the same piece of cucumber back at him.
I stand before they involve me in the food fight, “I’ll just be a minute.”
“Kay,” another piece of cucumber goes flying.
“And clean up that mess,” I order and strut out of the room, ignoring the small hard lump of food unknown that hits the back of my head. I don’t look either, I won’t give their quiet laughter the satisfaction of seeing me react.
Back in my bedroom I grab my bag and open the top drawer of the dressing table. Sure enough there is a small roll of notes. Way more money than I need. Sigh. He needs to stop doing this.
I unroll the notes and stuff them in my back pocket. It’s then I notice a folded envelope with my name on the front.
I take it out and turn it over, the corner has something heavy weighing it down, making the paper bend when I hold it at an angle.
First I dig for the source of the weight and blink in astonishment when I see the ring. A gorgeous gold back with a cluster of diamonds spiralling around a larger one in the centre. My hands tremble as I take out the note. What is this? Why is there a ring in here?
My heart clenches as I unfold the note, the ring still in my hand.
My eyes scan over the short yet neat paragraph.
I’ve been doing some thinking and I believe that at this point it would be in our best interests to get married. I don’t expect an answer right away. Think about it. I want my nephew to have a stable home and my last name. I also don’t want people thinking badly of you because of the circumstances. There’s a lot I can offer you, there’s also not much in the ways of my being a husband but I’ll try. I promise to keep you happy and you have my word that I’ll respect, care for and protect you and my nephew until the day that I die.
Nathan.
I drop the ring like it’s burning hot, the note too. My brain forces my body to propel me backwards, my eyes wide as fear and panic races through me.
Why would he ask me this?
I glance down at the ring already on my finger and notice how simple it is in comparison to the ring Nathan has gifted me with. His brother’s ring. The one Caleb put on my finger.
How can he even… why would he… what is wrong with him? He can’t honestly think I’d go for this?
Marriage means a lot of things, sex being one of them. I could never do that. Never.
He can’t honestly want this… can he?
I feel sick.
“Are you ready?” Sasha shouts.
“C… coming!” I call and tuck the note and ring back into the envelope before thrusting it back into the drawer.
This won’t ruin today, I won’t let it. Nathan is just being noble, even though he has a weird way of showing it. It’s not the eighteenth century, or whatever century that shit like this went down. It’s not even necessary in any way shape or form. I don’t care what people think of me. Caleb was the love of my life, they can go fuck themselves if they think I wasn’t his.
He chose me, he died beside me. In my stomach is half of him.
Damn it Nathan! What are you doing?
Why would he ask me this today of all days? Maybe so I could talk it over with my friends. Screw that. I’m not looking to see their reactions, that’s something I’d rather miss.
I head down the stairs, fanning my face to rid it of the nervous perspiration that seems to be beading on my skin. “Let’s go,” I push open the door, my bag tucked close to my side. “There isn’t much to see in the village. But there is a nice clothing store. The women there are amazing at making clothes to fit you perfectly.”
“Wow.” Sasha remarks dryly. “How lucky for you.”
I shrug, “I like it, I like the people and the coffee shop and what few restaurants they have, which yes, are all pub restaurants. They’re cosy. Like something out of a movie.”
“I envy your quiet life,” Sasha again says this dryly.
Tommy opens the car door for me, forcing Sasha to get into the back. Which I’m grateful for because once in the back I doubt I’d be able to climb out again. It’s only a three door car. The front seats slide forward for access to the back.
Definitely not going to happen.
Sasha doesn’t seem to mind though. She leans forward between our seats and messes with the radio. Good luck getting that out here.
She gives up after ten minutes and turns on a CD, I direct Tommy to the village.
We stop at the clothing store first, Sasha cringes at almost everything. It is very… formal I suppose but it’s warm and comfy.
“EBay, Christ. Ever heard of it? Just because you’re pregnant and living with a bunch of fogies doesn’t mean you have to dress like one,” Sasha whispers, I stifle my laughter and allow the lady to guide me in the back for measurements. She takes them in seconds, her memory clearly better than mine. After pointing at a few different things I pay at the counter and meet Tommy on the sidewalk outside.
“That was fast,” he comments, ignoring a still grumbling Sasha. “Now what?”
“Welcome to hell,” Sasha looks up at the sky. “How do you not get bored here?”
“Nathan takes me to the city with him sometimes. That’s fun. Jeanine the housekeeper is there every morning so I get to chat with her for a while. Nathan also got me a laptop and there are loads of books to read and places to explore.” Not including the rat infested grass that I tend to avoid. “He’s suing his parents,” I say this in a hushed tone, mindful of ears listening in on the empty streets. I’m probably being paranoid but I don’t want to take any chances.
“He’s what?” Tommy blinks and looks directly at me, his eyes full of curiosity.
I nod and chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment, “Yep. Don’t say anything to him though, he won’t like what I’ve told you. They went crazy when they realised I was staying with him, cut off his trust fund which wasn’t theirs to take. Just like they did with Caleb.”
“Ouch, bastards.” Sasha blows her fringe from her eyes and looks through a store window at the trinkets lined up perfectly behind the glass. “What is their problem?”
“I have no idea.” But I really want to find out. “I don’t get it, it makes no sense. This can’t just be about the fact I’m not from a family of their choosing. I think this is something a little closer to home.”
Tommy cocks his head, “What do you mean?”
“Maybe it’s the whole rebellion thing. Or maybe they had women in their minds for their sons. Who knows how they work?”
“Hmm,” Sasha starts walking again, we start following. “It is all a bit strange but it does happen. Remember that guy I dated.” She looks up in thought. “What was his name?”
“Who?”
“The one with the strange flick at the front of his hair.”
Tommy chuckles, “Reece?”
“That’s the one,” she clicks her fingers and smiles. “His parents were really strict. They hated it when they found out he was dating me. They wanted him to marry a girl from his neck of the woods.”
Ah, I remember that. “That guy was an idiot.”
“Yep,” Tommy chips in and places his arm around her shoulders. “Not that it matters much seeing as you forgot his name after only two years.”
Her hand whips ar
ound to smack his chest, her smile never falters though, “I was just using him for his car. When summer was over we dropped each other. He was sad about it, I pretended to be.”
“Bitch,” I laugh in shock and kick a small pebble across the ground. “I thought me and Caleb would end the summer before I started University. I was so sure he was lying and saying pretty things to take my virtue.”
“Nice.”
I elbow her to shut her up and continue, “He kept telling me he was staying but I couldn’t even comprehend the reality of a man as amazing as Caleb, after only a few days, promising me the world.”
“He always did promise you the world,” Sasha sighs wistfully, her hand clinging to mine.
“I don’t think he ever realised he’d already given me it,” I mumble, feeling that familiar ache of grief in my chest. “He was my world.”
“Soppy,” Tommy pretends to hurl on the sidewalk. Immature much?
“Do you think he’d be angry with me? I promised him I’d stay away from Nathan.”
Tommy shrugs, “Probably not, I mean, the circumstances haven’t been ideal. I’m sure he’s grateful of his brother.” Why don’t I feel like this is true?
Sasha shakes her head, “Nah, he’s definitely pissed. Caleb was the jealous type, but he’ll understand too. I don’t think you need to be worried about what he’ll be thinking, he knows you’re doing the best you can to get your life how you want it.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“We are.”
Chapter Eighteen
I cry when my friends leave at five. They promise to visit again in a couple of weeks, so our parting wasn’t too difficult. It was difficult hugging them and thanking them for all they did for me, it brought back memories but it needed to be said.
When they left I instantly raced up the stairs and pulled the envelope back out of the draw.
It’s been half an hour and I’m still stood slapping it against my other hand, wondering how I’m going to deal with this.
“Gwen?” Nathan shouts as the front door closes.
Oh bugger, I was supposed to make dinner. I hastily throw the envelope back in the drawer and jog to the stairs. “Sorry, I fell asleep,” I’m lying. You mind fucked me with your note and ring and I stared into space for god knows how long.
He smiles, his eyes soften, “No problem. Go and rest, I’ll make dinner.”
“Umm, no, that’s okay. You’ve been driving and I just… I’ll go and…” I point to the kitchen. “That way.”
His lips twitch, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I turn and walk straight into the small desk that holds a vase of fresh flowers that I stocked only two days ago. I grab it before it can roll, inwardly cursing at my clumsiness.
Nathan takes a few steps over to me, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just…” He asked me to marry him, in a note, which I guess is better that him asking me to my face. I don’t think I could handle that. “I’m a little out of sorts. Is that the kettle? Did you press the kettle?” I begin my journey to the kitchen but Nathan’s hand wrapping around the back of my shirt stops me. “Problem?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he’s standing right behind me, like directly behind me. “Is there something you want to talk about?”
My mouth opens and closes. Do I? “I should start dinner if we want to eat before midnight.”
Even though his chest is to my back, I know he’s licking his lip. “I’ll help.”
“You don’t have to,” I tug forward but he pulls me back, my heart hits my throat, I can hear it in my ears.
“I want to.”
“Kay,” gulp.
He finally releases me and follows me into the kitchen, I collect the ingredients needed and start preparing. Nathan stands to the side waiting for orders.
“Could you pass me the milk?” I ask as I cut the pasta sheet into smaller squares and start filling each one. He looks over my shoulder as I dip the sealed parcels in the milk and place them in the boiling water. “Why did you leave last night?”
“I wanted to give you and your friends some privacy,” he responds and I’m shocked by his honesty. Although now I feel guilty. “Don’t look like that, I didn’t mind. I had work to do anyway.”
“Well… thank you,” I look at him with a grateful smile and grab the salad bowl. “How are things with your parents?”
“My father is furious but he’s also scared. My mum isn’t speaking to me and the business is suffering because my father refuses to change his stock and prices.”
“That’s not good,” I shake my head a little as my hand wields the salad knife of rolled up lettuce. “What are you going to do?”
“Actually,” His lips purse as if thinking about whether or not he should tell me. “I was thinking of starting my own.”
I stop chopping and tilt my head, “Your own jewellery business?”
“Yes.”
My curious expression slowly melts into a smile, “Nathan, that’s a brilliant idea.”
He blinks as if shocked, “You think so?”
“I know so. You’ll do great, the jewellery you showed me is fantastic. Better than anything I’ve seen of your dad’s.” It’s true, his jewellery is really good, although I don’t speak for everyone. We all have different tastes. But if his dad’s business is failing then maybe that’s the direction he should go. I tell him my thoughts and his face stretches into a smile I’ve not seen on him before. It makes him look very handsome. Too handsome.
“You have no idea how…” he clears his throat and chews on his lip for a moment. “You’re amazing. Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I laugh, enjoying his giddiness that makes him look his age rather than the age he pretends to be.
“Excuse me for a moment,” he leaves the room and races up the stairs like a kid going for his favourite toy.
Still smiling, I look back at the meal I’m preparing and continue with it. This has been a very, very good day.
At dinner Nathan pulls out a large folder full of laminated sheets of paper. I glance at it as he flicks through each page, he uses a marker to write notes on certain items of jewellery and occasionally asks me what I think of the ones I see. Mostly I like them, a couple of them I don’t but not because they aren’t good, only because they aren’t my style. But this is great because he needs a diverse range.
Fortunately, having already been in the business he knows how to kick start this kind of thing. I don’t have a clue so I just promise that I’ll keep him well fed and thoroughly entertained throughout the experience. His smile tells me he appreciates it.
After dinner he takes the folder, plus two more, into the living area and spreads them out on the table and ground. I watch as he brings down an easel of sorts and starts cutting out smaller images of his designs and placing them in groups on single sheets of A2 sized paper.
His concentration is mesmerising. I’m not sure why, but watching him in his element, murmuring to himself and darting back and forth makes it impossible for me to keep my eyes off him.
Eventually he removes his jacket and rolls the sleeves of his shirt up.
I keep his coffee filled and nurse a Horlicks by the open fire.
“Just a second,” his voice disturbs the silence followed by him leaving the room.
I wait, although it’s not like I’m doing much else.
“Here,” and he’s back. Damn his footsteps are almost silent. I didn’t hear him until he was walking into the room. “Lift your hair.”
“Why?” I eye the arm that is hiding behind his back.
“Please?” He places his free hand on my shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
I relent and lift my hair.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers, I do so.
Something flat and cool taps against the swells of my breasts, a thin chain follows as his fingers trail around my neck and clasp it at the back. He pulls my wrists away, allowing me to
release my hair.
I daren’t open my eyes. Obviously I do eventually and my hand and eyes immediately go to the unique, flat pendent hanging from my neck. My breath rushes into my lungs and stays there. “Nathan…”
“I know you said you couldn’t accept it before but I need to see it on somebody. I want you to have it,” he kneels in front of me. Is that a camera in his hand? “It fits you. Perfectly in fact.”
Shit. What do I say? He’s already given me so much. This is… it’s beautiful and I adore it, but how can I accept it?
“I’d like to take a picture,” his gloved hands rest on my knees. “If you don’t mind.”
“I look like a frizzy freak.”
“Quiet, you look beautiful,” he moves back and sits on the table. “It’s just to capture the necklace against your skin.”
Nothing to do with my boobs then? “Sure. How do you want me?”
Did he just squirm? Nah. I’m imagining things. Although his cheeks are slightly flushed. Probably because he just ran upstairs and back down again. “Okay,” he raises the camera to his face and looks at me through the lens. “Relax.”
That’s hard to do when you’re suddenly under a spotlight you never wanted to be under. I duck my head and tuck my hair behind my ear, waiting for him to finish.
“Hold it, with just your thumb and finger,” he says and helps me move my hand into place. “Excellent.” A few more clicks sound before he finally finishes and I release the breath from my lungs. “Thank you.”
“Want a cookie?”
“You made cookies?”
I nod and climb to my feet, “I’ll fetch them.”
As soon as I enter the kitchen I splash water on my face and pour myself a drink, trying to get rid of the heated feeling in my stomach, trying to get rid of his almost chocolate eyes dilating in between each shot. There is something horribly wrong with me.
Caleb. Forgive me.
I’m lost without you, mind included. I think you took it with you.
