Broken (Broken #1)

by A. E. Murphy

  I use my phone again and purse my lips when I see the chain is stuck between the skirting board and the floor. What are the odds?

  I give it another tug but don’t get anywhere. Plus, I’m worried I’ll break the chain further.

  Sliding onto my belly, I pray that there are no spiders and lean my phone against a shoe so it shines directly where the chain is stuck. I give it another tug. Nothing.

  Damn it.

  It is really stuck in there. I think the clasp has slid through and has twisted.

  I head back into Nathan’s room and pull open the top drawer of the desk by the bed. I’ve seen him grab pens and things from in here, I’m hoping there’ll be something I can use.

  What the hell? When…? Oh my god.

  I grab the photo and blink in astonishment. It’s of me and Nathan on the Ferris wheel, I’m pregnant, my head is resting against his shoulder and his chin is on top of my head.

  The memory surfaces and it suddenly dawns on me that this is what he must have been buying when I went to the toilet that night at the fair. My mouth stretches into a soft smile, I touch the picture with the tip of my finger affectionately and place it back in the drawer.

  I think Nathan feels more for me than I realised. How else do I explain this secret photo? He clearly doesn’t want me to know that he has it or it would be on display. Either that or he would have at least shown me.

  So how long has he felt this way? I thought he disliked me back then.

  My mind goes back to my necklace, I grab a ruler (why the hell he has a ruler upstairs I have no idea) and get back to work on loosening the necklace from the skirting board.

  The corner of the plastic measuring device slips between the floor and board at the corner. I slide it along the crack until I’m a few centimetres away from my jewellery.

  Click. Uh-oh. The skirting board just fell away from the wall. That’s not good.

  My attention is on the small dark space, I’m sure I can see something. Like a box of sorts. Using the light from my phone I shine it into the hole, scared I’ll find any number of creatures. Instead I find a very small and clean space filled with DVD cases perfectly lined up.

  What are these?

  Nathan’s porn stash? I can’t help it, my curiosity won’t let me leave them behind. If it’s porn or possibly even Nathan doing naughty things I’ll just put them back.

  I’m so lucky. Caleb always said I was lucky and he was right. It feels like I was meant to find this. What are the odds that this would happen because I threw my necklace?

  I run my finger over the plain black cases with labels along the narrow edge. My eyes instantly zoom on one that seems separate from all of the others. It’s the only one that’s labelled,

  First Time

  (Inc---Stephan)

  Isn’t that Mr Weston’s name? I’m sure it is.

  I pull out three of the unlabelled DVD’s and the labelled one and walk back into Nathan’s room. I should have taken better note as to where everything was, he’ll most likely notice that I’ve moved them being the perfectionist that he is.

  I wish I had my own TV in my room, less chance of getting caught but I know he won’t be back for a while. It still makes your hands shake at the thought though.

  When I open the DVD the title baffles me.

  I don’t hesitate to place the disk into the attached DVD player behind the TV and turn it on.

  He Knew

  What kind of title is that for a homemade porno? That’s assuming it is a porno.

  I pop the DVD in the player and sit back on my knees. The screen is fuzzy for a few minutes with white noise. The quality isn’t great either. Huh, seems to be some kind of… oh my god. That’s here, I’d recognize that front door anywhere.

  “Where is he?” A man I don’t recognize speaks from behind the camera. “Where’s my big boy today?”

  Oh, it’s some kind of home video.

  “Here, Grandpa here!” I let out a startled laugh as a dark haired boy who can’t be older than six comes rushing through the archway and vanishes from sight as he no doubt hugs his grandpa. Wait… I’ve seen this boy before. The picture I found. It’s Caleb!

  My heart soars.

  “Look what Grandpa has, Nathan.”

  Wow. It’s Nathan? Is he sure? He must be, he’s their grandfather. The resemblance is uncanny.

  “Cool.” The video wobbles a lot and crackles as the boy’s grandfather shows him the camera.

  Nathan is now back in view, his face only seeming to be a few inches away from the camera. Oh my god. I know those eyes and those lips and those freckles. That’s Nathan. It is Nathan! Now that I’m getting a closer look I can tell that it’s him.

  “And how old you are now?” Grandpa asks as he takes the camera back from the happy little boy. So carefree, so happy. It’s odd seeing Nathan this way.

  The boy smiles and the smile is so easy, it reminds me so much of Caleb, “I turned six yesterday!”

  “I’m guessing you’ll be wanting a present?”

  The little boy bounces on the spot, his tight white shirt and cute little blue bow tie the only thing in view as he goes up. He can jump pretty high for a kid of his age. “Pwease, pwease, pwease.” Aww, he said pwease. He’s so adorable.

  “Come on then,” Grandpa leads him outside. “To the barn.”

  “Yes!” Nathan hollers, his little fist pumping the air. “To the barn!” He says this like a superhero and flies forward through the long grass. I can’t stifle my smile at his playful behaviour.

  Ah, I get to see the barn which has been burned to the ground.

  My suspicions are soon confirmed when they manage to make it to the huge white barn, almost as big as the house. I see Grandpa’s slightly aged hand unlatch a door around the side and push it open. This camera movement is making me feel a little bit nauseous.

  “Where is it? Where is it?” Nathan bounces up and down excitedly on the spot just inside of the doorway. The light flicks on, showing how terrible the quality of the video camera from eighteen years ago really was. And this video camera is probably one of the best of its time. Whoever made these videos must have gone to a lot of trouble to convert them onto a DVD.

  “You’ll see, but first,” I hear the door shut and lock. “I need to tell you a secret. Can you keep a secret?” The camera focuses on the boy’s face, which suddenly gets serious as he nods eagerly. Why am I suddenly feeling uneasy? Where are the animals in this barn? “Good. You’re very special to me Nathan. You’re my eldest Grandson. That means when I die, all of this will be yours.”

  “All of what?” Nathan asks, his cute nose crinkling.

  “My house, this barn, my cars.” Cars? I haven’t seen any cars. Maybe Nathan sold them.

  “Cool! Can I have my present now?”

  They enter another room, I don’t know much about barns, but I know they’re supposed to have more space than this. This room is a bit bigger than the last and I’m wondering why there’s a bed in the corner. Maybe it’s where the farm hands would rest or stay. There’s a sink too but it doesn’t look to be in very good condition.

  Grandpa switches on another light but it’s not very good. I can barely make out Nathan’s face but I can see his white suit perfectly. He looks like a little sailor.

  Grandpa moves around and stands by the bed, the camera still pointing at a curious Nathan.

  “Ready for your present?” Grandpa asks Nathan who beams. “You’ll get it on one condition.”

  “What?”

  Oh my god.

  My hand flies to my mouth and tears burn my eyes. I watch but I don’t. I scream but I don’t. I sob but I don’t. I can’t look away and before it’s even over I race to the toilet and vomit.

  “Why is your pee pee out Grandpa?”

  Oh my god. My body won’t stop shaking.

  “Well, to get your present you have to be a very good boy. We’re going to play a very fun game.”

  “What game?”

&nbs
p; “I need you to do something for me.”

  “I don’t think I want to.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, that’s gross.”

  “Do it.”

  Whack. Cry. Sob. Scuffle.

  “Good boy. That’s it.”

  Sniffle, sob.

  I can’t get it out of my head. My stomach heaves again but my mind won’t move to something else.

  “Can I stop now?”

  “No.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Take them off.”

  My body is in shock I just know it. Oh. That poor boy. That poor, poor boy.

  “Stop! Stop! It hurts! Please stop! DADDY! MUMMY!”

  The screams, the cries, the begging. Bile rises again.

  He chokes, unable to breathe. A hand is over his mouth as the old man groans, sighing every few seconds. One hand holds the camera. I see… everything. I want to look away but I need to see, so I can absorb his pain. Make it so he never felt it.

  “That’s it,” his hand works it. His disgusting length. “Catch boy.”

  “NO!”

  “CATCH!”

  I race into the bedroom and hastily take the DVD from the TV. It feels like fire in my hands. I place it back into the DVD case and tuck it into my coat. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I do know that I can’t just not do anything.

  Oh my god. Tears spill, my vision blurs. I can’t believe this.

  Nathan.

  Oh god. Nathan. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

  I shouldn’t do it… I shouldn’t but I need to know if there’s more. Are all of these DVD’s recordings of abuse?

  I check the few I have, one by one, only glimpsing at each one to confirm.

  It takes me a few minutes but I manage to get through the entire stack of them that were hidden behind the skirting board. Only glancing at a few and sobbing when I realise that the last one is of Nathan when he looks to be about eleven.

  Vomit comes up again, I barely make it to the toilet this time. The sound of the awfulness coming from TV only makes me feel worse.

  My breathing is out of control, my mind wants to shut down and block this out. The things I’ve just witnessed are too painful to bear. How does Nathan live with this? Why has he never said anything?

  How can he stay here after experiencing that?

  I rinse my mouth out after brushing my teeth and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Nathan. Oh my god. Nathan.

  Poor Nathan.

  This explains everything. Oh god.

  Sob.

  My face burns from my salty tears, they won’t stop.

  “CATCH!”

  This is why Nathan has an issue with his hands… isn’t it? What am I going to do?

  “What the fuck did you do?” I spin, my back hitting the sink as my eyes land on a furious Nathan, his hands grip the doorframe as if anchoring him. “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

  “Nathan,” I attempt but it’s cut off when he lunges for me, his hand fisting in my hair. It’s not painful, not in the slightest, but it could be if he just pulled a little bit harder. Fear mingles with the overwhelming sorry and my already weak body begins to shake. “I…”

  The usual gold tone of his skin is now red, a vein throbs angrily in his forehead. “I told you to stay out of my room!”

  “I…”

  I’m dragged into the hall and slammed roughly against the wall, again, it doesn’t hurt but it puts the fear of god into me. My bones rattle and my fear rises. “I TOLD YOU!”

  “I know… I didn’t mean…” I scream and cover my face when his fist comes up; it doesn’t hit me, it hits the wall beside my head. My flight instinct kicks in, I duck under his arm and try to escape.

  I don’t make it three steps, an arm wraps around my midsection slamming me back into his chest. “Let go!” I beg, my tears now of fear. What’s he going to do? “Please Nathan, let me explain.”

  I thrash, trying to tug my arms free but he has hold of my wrists, pinning them across each other and to my breasts. “Where did you find them?”

  “In… in the closet,” I stammer and let out a sob. “I came back for my necklace, it got stuck. When I tried to get it out the skirting board came off.” His heavy breathing hits my ear, he sounds like he’s about to hyperventilate. “I thought it was a home video. I swear… But then… I only checked the others.”

  I whimper when he spins me in his arms and slams me against the wall, it doesn’t hurt but it does jolt me throughout my entire body. His hands grip my neck as he moves his face to my ear. “If you ever tell anyone about this…”

  “I…”

  He squeezes the back of my neck, effectively shutting me up. “I will end you.” The way he says this is so menacing, so cold I barely recognise the Nathan I thought I knew.

  My eyes widen with fear and my body trembles even more than before. “Nathan.” I slide my hand up his arm and touch his cheek, he looks away, shame clouding his features. What does he have to be ashamed of? “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

  His body tightens, his muscles now cement beneath his skin, “Get out.” He pulls away from me and glares with an anger so potent, I back up a space. My coat is flung at me. “Don’t come back, Gwen.”

  “Nathan…” I try, my brow furrowed with sympathy and concern. “I…”

  “I said get out!” He bellows and grips my arm. I’m pulled down the stairs, stumbling slightly as my sluggish legs try to keep up with his quick and powerful strides.

  “Please, don’t…”

  “No,” he shakes his head and clamps a hand over my mouth. “I never want to see you again, I never want to hear from you again.” I’m led down the last set of stairs, tears burn my cheeks.

  “Nathan, please.”

  “Shut up!” He snarls, dragging me towards the door. “I mean it Guinevere.” The door opens and I’m shoved outside into the cold. Cold, emotionless brown eyes attack my greys. “You’re dead to me.” The door slams shut, leaving me petrified on the spot.

  “Oh my god,” I murmur, my teeth chattering. Tears that were falling before now rush from my eyes in two endless streams. I hold my coat tight to me and race towards Jeanine’s car. We have to leave and we have to leave now. Whatever demons Nathan’s holding aren’t something I want to address. He clearly doesn’t want to share them and I don’t blame him. I can only imagine what it’s like having a secret that powerful.

  I’ll give him his wish.

  I try not to break down when I get to Jeanine’s.

  I do. I break down so badly I can’t even sob as I cry.

  Jeanine instantly kneels beside me and pulls me into her arms. She tries to reassure me that everything will be okay. It’s not like I don’t know that it’ll be okay. Of course it will be okay, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over these past few months since losing Caleb, it’s that life goes on. I’ll be okay but I’ll never be the same.

  Not after what I’ve just seen.

  Nathan… my poor Nathan. How do I deal with this? I want to take away his pain but I don’t think he wants it taking away.

  Another Weston male came into my life, made me feel alive and then left without looking back. For Caleb this was nature taking him from his body, for Nathan this was his nature taking him from me. Different types of nature that was forced on both of them. Caleb’s was a natural nature, Nathan’s was a nature so unnatural, it scares me to even think of it.

  I’m going to vomit again.

  Nathan would never be this way if not for his grandfather. If the man were still alive, I’d probably kill him myself. Prison sentence be damned.

  Was Caleb abused too? No… something tells me that this never happened to Caleb.

  But why?

  Will I ever know the answers? Do I even want to know?

  No. I don’t think I do. I want to take my son and get far away from here.

  So that’s what I’ll do. It’s what I have to do.

  It just h
urts so bad, knowing that he’s hurting…

  To Be Continued…

  Here’s a sneak peek into the future…

  I hold the brown bottle in my hand and bring it to my mouth. My chest and throat burn after I swig the spirit. I welcome the burn, I deserve it. I deserve the pain and the torture. I’m no better than he was.

  Her hands bang against the glass, she can see me. She’s looking right at me. Screams of fright and anguish can be heard over the crackling and roaring flames that have engulfed the house. They lick at the sky, creating a huge cloud of thick, grey smoke that lingers over the trees.

  She doesn’t deserve to die this way, I didn’t even know she was here, but she knows too much. This is a means to an end. She’s seen it, she’s heard it and she knows it so she must die with it.

  I only pray that her end is swift. For the pain in her eyes troubles me, it must be scorching hot in there now. The room she’s standing in has begun to glow orange. The flames have finally reached her. She’s too high up to jump out of the window and there’s clearly no other way out.

  I take another swig and lean back against the tree behind me. Watching her long black hair fall from its hair tie as she frantically beats at the window.

  My own sorrow for my sins overwhelms me and I cry silently as she falls from view, the smoke too thick for her lungs. At least darkness will claim her before she burns alive.