Evanescent

by Carlyle Labuschagne

  “I understand her.” My throat wanted to contract, take it back, I didn’t want to understand my prime. I didn’t want to understand any of it. I didn’t want to feel that everything was my fault. It was not my decision that ruined our lives.

  “You are not her.”

  “So I keep reminding myself,” I groaned.

  I turned, suddenly concerned. I held on to the pendant, the glossy surface comforting. As long as I had it, I was capable of feeling a few things. I used these newfound emotions as my guide. Having some kind of demonic disease running through one’s blood, logic was not our own. It was like a virus, once released, it affected your mind, ate it up until only the virus itself remained. I was designed like my prime, and in essence I was a mind-shifter, powers of the White Devine, which meant that soon the scales would either tip in its favor, or I would find out that I had no soul. How long can something live without a soul? Is that why I had trouble with the Shadow? I was tired of studying patterns around me, to make sense of the world I was born into. I considered every single being I’ve come into contact with. Heck, sometimes I manipulate them, just to see deeper into the soul’s behavior. My existence was measured in hours, but I had learned that the fickleness of human emotions affected us, as well as how it could be used in my favor. I just had to learn how to not let it rule me. It was hard, and as a copy of a prime who was solely reliant on emotions, it was almost impossible.

  “Do I have a soul?” I asked her bluntly.

  “I can see you do.”

  I released some pressure, my head falling back in relief.

  “Whose soul it is, is what we need to find out,” Anaya said, solemnly.

  I left my head hanging back, eyes pinned to the high, thatched roof. Not the words I wanted to hear. She bent over to a pile of luxurious materials, which hung over the back of a wide-backed, wooden chair right next to the cove created for the grooming area. I had to get used to primping myself without a mirror, or monitor. A mirror was a rare and special entity on our planet, and monitors were a tool.

  “Green, or yellow?” She held the shimmering material stretched out over each arm. “We have to dress up for our…”

  “Our last supper,” I added quickly, trying to lift the gloom from the room. Being in the Zulu kingdom is difficult, especially if it is where the Shadowing disease had first clawed its way into my – our minds.

  She laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” I poked my toothbrush at her.

  “There is an Earth legend about The Last Supper.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Look, as nice as this all is, as nice as you are trying to be to me, you can’t okay, it’s just going to complicate things for everyone.”

  “Yellow it is,” she said, ignoring me completely and holding the fabric for me to take from her extended arm.

  I tugged on the thick, yellow material, I hated dresses. It clung tightly to the tops of my thighs, squeezed the crap out of my ribs, and made breathing nearly impossible. The material was not held up by pins or even zips, it all relied on the folds and twists of the material to form a solid wrap-around. At times, I was scared that the dress would unravel with my movement, so I probably walked like a freaking idiot. The dining room was far, so I relaxed knowing the Zulu queens had ways of wiggling, even a stick figure like me, into the mounds of material. But being short was a problem for the bounds of material, and I had to carry the skirt-part-thing for five minutes down long corridors – sinful to ruin such beautiful material. Urgh! I hated not being able to move, to breathe. One last time, I tugged consciously at the front of the dress crisscrossing over my small bust a little too loosely.

  “Stop fidgeting. We are here,” Anaya said.

  I knew everyone was going to be staring at us the moment we walked in, how could they not? The girls looked amazing. Maya wore a turquoise dress, Anaya the emerald-green one. The dresses hugged their curves perfectly, matching and illuminating their golden skin. They were striking against the dark brunettes, with hair perfectly cascading in waves down their backs. We continued down the passageway with me wiggling, and staring past paintings of Zulu tribes from Earth. I admired how the village looked almost a replica of Africa. Portraits made from all kinds of natural resources, and clays watered down into paint. Leaves and twigs, grasses and sand, were used as textures. It all felt so surreal as we walked down the stark-white, stone corridor and stopped to bow at the huge Zulu guards standing outside the main dining area. For a second I felt… nice. I stood behind the girls, staring at the ivory and gold handles as the guards reached for them. The huge, round, wooden doors swung open. It was only when the brunettes flanked to the sides of the huge, wooden table that my heart jumped and my stomach plummeted as Troy’s face lit up. Too soon he turned away, making a show of ignoring me. I wanted to sit next to Anaya who had taken her place next to Dave, but someone took my shoulders and shoved me into the chair next to him. We all bowed as Thandiwe raised a round, zebra-patterned bowl, her face dotted with perspiration, her complexion almost gray against jet-black hair falling over her face in spirals. She had not worn her traditional headwear as her body was too sensitive, her skin raw and red from where she had scratched herself. I’d read the journals, especially the part where the incubated women go mad during the massive change of pregnancy, the change that drove them insane, split their souls from their bodies and minds. I swallowed, knowing somewhat how it felt to lose control over one’s self. But, Thandiwe was fighting with all she had, she would not give in the way I had before. Staring at the people around the table, Ava’s friends, I felt a twinge, a bite in my chest for what I had done, how I had lied to everyone. And as I held on to the pendant, I hoped that I could fight it long enough to be freed from the disease. All my hope was now hanging with Legentium.

  “Let us be thankful for what we have this day.” She nodded, holding the ivory cup to the huge, candled chandelier hanging above our heads, casting light shadows on the walls. Kronan helped Thandiwe to her seat. We bowed in thanks, and started taking our seats. Troy didn’t once glance over at me. As I pulled my chair closer to the table, the hem of the dress got caught under one of the legs. I tugged on the dress, tried to shove the chair back, but I had wedged the thick, sunny material between the foot of the heavy, wooden chair and the black carpet so perfectly, I couldn’t even stand to free it without tearing the material. I blew out an unsteady breath. Troy turned, taking his napkin from the table, not giving me a second thought. The table made a screeching sound as I pushed it back. David and Robert grabbed for the cups and plates at the sudden movement. I looked down, feeling very embarrassed. Way to go genius, great way to show them you are not a freak. Tatos grabbed the chair and freed me from my torture as the uncomfortable silence mounted. I pulled the material free, then moved closer to the table as someone slipped the chair in behind me. Now I was trapped again, between the table and my chair, and suspicious, glaring eyes staring right at me. Troy grabbed the cutlery, placing it neatly beside his plate in an effort to not make such a big deal of my presence. If it were up to him, they would have kept me in a hole somewhere.

  “Thank you,” I said to Tatos, and whoever else had jumped up to help me. I suddenly felt nervous around everyone, shaky even.

  “You’re making a racket. I’d like to eat in peace, please,” Tatos mocked, not unkindly.

  I caught the glances shared between him and Anaya. Was he being nice to me for her benefit as Truth Seeker?

  First, there was silence, a thick, uncomfortable, palpable silence. A white cloth folded in the shape of a teepee fell from my plate as I settled in. Beside me, Maya giggled, grabbed the cloth and put it on my lap.

  Kronan cleared his throat. “The women look incredible,” he said, simultaneously smiling and rubbing the back of his neck. He tugged on the sleeve of his black shirt, slowly adjusting to his old clothes from his time back on Earth.

  “Cheers to that!” Dave lifted a wooden beaker covered in white and blue beads, his eyes shyly touching Anaya’
s.

  “I wish Sam was here,” Robert said, and just like that the silence flooded back.

  “Let us begin,” said Thandiwe. “I am glad to share this meal with you all.” She looked to Bongi sitting on the opposite side of the long table. He nodded, and started to pass food around.

  The food was unlike any I had seen, or tasted. I ate the white maze mounted on my plate first; thick and fluffy, drenched in something that looked like spinach, but tasted more like some kind of deliciously infused leafy herb mixed with all kinds of vegetables and a rich gravy. Then I tucked into the golden, honeyed corn. I tried to slow down, to savor each bite but it was too late, the hunger took over like never before and I tore into the corn, then the stew; my moans of ecstasy filled the room.

  “I hope when I die and go to this fantasy place called Heaven, there will be a replica of this meal for all eternity.”

  Kronan and Maya burst into laughter.

  “I second that,” Robert cheered with mouth full of food.

  “Here, here!” Dave chimed in.

  And then, Troy shoved his chair back and threw the cloth thing over his untouched food.

  “What’s wrong with all of you!” he shouted, and took off.

  I looked down at the sauce staining my fingers, twisted them in the cloth resting on my lap to clean them. Portions of unchewed food caught in my throat as I tried to swallow.

  “He’s taking this hard.” Kronan tried to lift the tautness brimming the dining room. I stared up at the blank maroon walls, free of weapons, animal furs and masks, and wondered if those things also reminded Thandiwe of her evil husband.

  “This journey is hard on everyone,” Anaya began.

  “A moment’s silence for our loved ones lost, please.” Kronan bowed his head.

  Then Maya cleared her throat. “She’s not dead.”

  Rion took her hand from her lap.

  “Please don’t,” she said. “I am speaking only the truth, ask her, ask Anaya.” She shot Anaya a hard, solid stare, challenging her to reveal the truth.

  “Fine,” Anaya conceded, sipping from the mead in the cup.

  “But not now, we need to respect the queen’s hospitality. Let us enjoy this dinner first, and I will tell you everything you need to know.” She started on her food with a slight glance in our direction.

  “What are you talking about,” I whispered to her, as everyone got lost in the remainder of the rewarding meal.

  “Nothing. Ava was right. This prophecy has made liars of us all.”

  Troy, didn’t come back to dinner. Once all the plates had been cleared, the queen was taken back to her chambers by the remaining queens. As she was led out by two of the queens, Umondi and Nesa, the middle Zulu queen’s caramel eyes caught mine. This was followed by Thandiwe’s gaze, which also brushed over mine before she looked down. Could it be that they were sisters? Nesa and Thandiwe looked very similar, from the ebony tone of their skin to the sweet, oval shape of their faces, delicate, gorgeous features and bone structure. I recognized the loneliness in their eyes, though. Her change due to the pregnancy was making her mentally ill; the solitude is the hell written about in those journals. The queens held Thandiwe under each arm, helping her to the door, their red headdresses perfectly wrapped around their heads. White, beaded earrings swinging as much as their colorful skirts when they moved down the hall, guards with spears flanking all three. I had not seen Nomsa since my unexplainable disappearance, or my call by Enoch. It was sad that out of the eight queens, only three remained from the royal family. Perhaps that was why they needed the unborn child so much, to carry the royal bloodline. But at what cost? What if the unborn boy or girl carried the crazy gene like its father? Would they kill it? And if so, when? Will they use the child’s gifts, call upon the dark, ancient Zulu craft to cleanse its soul? I had yet to see the craft have a good effect on anyone. The dark craft belonged where it had started – in the grave.

  “Thandiwe told me when you were taken from us,” she whispered, her voice almost silent.

  “She saw it?” Maya’s voice was barely a whisper, as she started to realize that all Truth Seekers controlled the information given to those unborn to the Circle. At first, Ava had thought the Minoans were different from the Council, mainly because there were many things they spoke about openly. But then the Truth Seekers justified their lies with their path, to control the information until they were absolutely sure. This was to protect the young minds, and manipulate the unborn Circle members to follow the prophecy.

  “Yes, Thandiwe’s foreseeing abilities spiked at moments, and she could seek certain people’s path on will.”

  “So the Change is making her stronger, like it did for Ava, and for you during your Change,” Kronan said to Maya. “I can only suspect this is a key aspect of those connected to the Circle.”

  “Still,” Maya retorted irritably, “You didn’t think of telling me the moment I came back, or at least the moment I regained my cognitive abilities?”

  “You were in no state to carry such burdens on your shoulders. I didn’t want to give you false hope,” Kronan explained.

  “False hope?” Maya shrieked. “Burden! If there is any chance, any chance at all, my mother can come back to us, I need to know. I’ve lost friends, a father, and a brother to this war.”

  “He is not your brother,” Kronan reminded her.

  “Anaya knows what I mean by that. He. Was. Our. Brother. We lost him, but he was part of the family once. He was as much her son, as I am her daughter. It kills her to know the son she raised, strayed. And, I was supposed to help her get him back.”

  “What are you saying?” Anaya’s voice a soft, incredulous, whisper.

  I could hear the entire conversation from where I was sitting, it was unbelievable. Ava had abilities before, but being able to hear them from the edge of the village was extraordinary. My body and mind as a clone was perfectly designed to harness abilities, to magnify them if you will. Amplifier; this is what I am. The truth of my existence is a rotten one. Troy had told Ava once that we created our own destinies, and I remember it as if he had said it to me. I smiled to myself. Perhaps I am something special after all? And, if Ava’s white divinity power is that of a mind-shifter, my mind-shift is so much stronger, my abilities have no boundaries as an amplifier to it. I could turn minds if I wanted to. I smirked to myself, bending my back and stretching my body out over the yellow stone beneath me. My feet dangled from the edge of the canyon meeting the spray of the falls below, and as it dampened my face I tasted it on my lips. I could even smell a chill rising up in the air, like a cold front heading toward the Zulu kingdom. But to my skin, I had no such luxury of feel. Over the gushing below from the waterfall, my hearing floated, and it was almost as if I could see the sound waves travel through the air, different sounds making different colors, vibrations dancing like tiny rain drops over water. The breeze’s vibrations a crisp, milky-white; it was flowing, twisting and turning around trees, washing over the leaves with a subtle rustling. One would never have thought that only hours ago there had been a huge storm compared to the calm blanketing the entire Zulu islands. I followed the green pattern of insects’ songs into the evening sky. A purple sky bled to dark teal, illuminating the three aqua-powdered moons, their golden rays slicing through a fluff of clouds. It was a start of something great for my last night on Poseidon. The storm had cleared, and the sky had never looked so promising. I followed the hard, blue spikes of the obvious heated discussion happening somewhere. I zoomed my eyes on the energy lines of that specific conversation, wondering what I might pick up. I followed the line with my eyes over the clearing, then through the thicket of trees untouched by the tornado earlier, and carried on over the golden grasslands. Then, using my mind’s eye followed the line where my eyes could reach no more.

  “Stop wallowing over it.” I heard it, as clear as if I had picked up a communication device and plugged it right into my brain.

  “Yes, we have no way of getting messages
from the caves, but if they are in danger, trust me, Ash and Twitch would have found a way to tell us. And soon we will hear from Greg on that ship.”

  “Why do we have to get stuck in this war? We have our own to protect. You really believe this prophecy thing? We were doing just fine until she got in the way.”

  “I believe anything Troy tells me,” Dave said matter-of-factly.

  “You sound like you love him,” Robert uttered with a snicker.

  “You’re saying you don’t? After everything he has done for us?”

  “No, I don’t doubt him, it’s her I don’t trust.”

  “I know what you are saying, but you’re not thinking clearly. I told you not to down that mead,” David joked.

  “It was not mine that was the problem, it was that second cup of beer I had.”

  “Or, maybe the third,” David said, on a laugh. “The Zulus know how to brew alcohol don’t they?” He chuckled.

  “It’s not funny,” Robert moaned.

  “No, its not. Look, I know you think you love this gorgeous, fiery, redheaded girl and maybe she loves you too, but right now – like you said – we get our own. She will be there when all of this is over. That is the only way to be with her, you know that.”

  “Are you sure they cannot trace them in those caves?”

  “Kronan assured us,” David said.

  “Well, I guess it’s set in stone then.” Robert was being sarcastic.

  Dave seemed to calm Robert down, because the high spikes their voices had emitted earlier, slowed down. I rocked my feet over the edge, reveling in my abilities, my toes would probably be freezing right now, but sometimes it was great to not feel anything. I felt almost free. It was wonderful that I had come out here to be alone, I thought. I could test my abilities as amplifier, figure out who I was and what I wanted without the push and pull of readers and givers. I gave Dave and Robert the slip, and wondered why it was sometimes so easy? Why I hadn’t seen it before? In my attempted sneakiness, the desperation of fleeing was so great that perhaps in trying to be unnoticed, I really was. Maybe I was pushing things into their minds. I crossed my arms behind my neck, bending one knee to rest my foot on the shiny stone beneath me. The night’s glow lit up the bright specks in the rock, causing a soft white hue around me. I really was enjoying my last night as Ava. Once more, I freed my mind of all her memories; they held me back. I would get exactly what I wanted. I was gaining enough familiarity through studying everything and everyone around me, to shift any situation my way. My body and mind were at its strongest. My smirk grew. I crossed my leg over the raised one, gently swinging my foot through the air, focusing on the movement of air around it – testing my theory as an amplified mind-shifter, forcing my skin to feel something. I held on to the pendant that housed purification properties. Somehow, the spell had harnessed some of Troy’s mojo and captured it in the pendant. I wondered if I believed hard enough, could I feel the breeze, or even the damp I could smell in the air if I’d bring my own skin to life? Just before the blood-shift there was the slight sensation of feeling on my skin. I was sure it was all in my mind. I lay there in total bliss, and directed my hearing back to Anaya and Maya arguing. Yes, I was a little too excited about their relationship taking strain; of the boys starting to falter in their faith, and of Thandiwe being occupied by her condition. These were all the things I could use.