To Bed or to Wed

by Sandra Sookoo

  Felix stared while she marched back to the cheval mirror and smudged the soot lightly along her jaws and chin. “That will not fool anyone. Now you resemble a pickpocket from the gutter or a rather bad actor on Drury Lane.”

  “It’s the best disguise I have. Besides, I’m risking much by not removing my hat once I enter.” Charlotte frowned once more into the reflecting glass. “I may have not thought this plan through enough.”

  “Too late now, my girl. You’ve robbed me of sleep, so we’re committed to this farce.” He shoved a greatcoat at her. “Here. Father wore this ten years ago, before his waistline expanded. At least it will cover you decently.”

  “What if Nathan refuses to talk to me?” Charlotte slipped into the coat. Her father’s spicy scent clung to the fabric and brought back memories of happy times gone by, when she’d been sure and confident about her place in life and not so confused by the possibility of scandal and marriage and losing the one man she loved to distraction. Her heartbeat raced. Yes, it was true. She’d fallen in love with the marquess and she’d be hopeless without him.

  “Then you’ll know and can take the appropriate action… or I shall be landed a facer and bring you home with a damaged reputation and Society on fire with word of your scandal.” He shrugged into his own coat. A few seconds later, a soft whistle sounded from down below. “Our carriage is here. Let our adventure begin.”

  Knots formed in Charlotte’s stomach as the carriage drew to a halt on St. James Street outside of White’s gentleman’s club. Her chest tightened and her palms sweated like mad inside her borrowed gloves. “Tell me again what I need to do.”

  Felix huffed his irritation, for they’d already been over the plan twice. “The last I saw of Ravenhurst, he was at the gaming tables. When we enter the common rooms, if anyone asks, I’ll introduce you as a friend of my brother’s then go immediately to find the marquess and explain the situation as quick as I can. Once he’s secured, you and he will retire to a private room or a corner if a room isn’t available where you will state your case in hushed tones with alacrity. I’ll stand guard nearby.” He grasped her hand. “I cannot stress this enough. Whisper, Charlotte. Your reputation depends upon it. If they hear your voice…”

  “I understand.” When the door swung open, she startled. “Felix, I’m afraid.” Her heart felt as if it thumped from her throat. She should have not acted so rashly, should have sent a note around to his residence later in the day asking for a meeting instead of this nodcock plan. The Darrington name would be dragged through the proverbial mud if she was found out.

  “It’s simple, really. He’ll either agree to talk or he won’t.” Her brother hopped out, gesturing with his eyes that she needed to follow. He wouldn’t offer to hand her down since she was playing the part of a man.

  Charlotte remained silent as she clambered out of the carriage, nearly losing a boot in the process, but a clench of her toes kept it on her foot. She wasn’t afraid Nathan would refuse to talk to her. It was more a fear that he would then summarily dismiss her as not worth his regard. Perhaps she’d meant nothing to him. Perhaps those kisses and pretty words could have been said to any woman of his acquaintance. After he’d all but called her out yesterday morning, why should he want to take such a risk? If he was still in a foul mood, it would be nothing for him to call attention to her real identity and effectively sever their connection in front of the eyes of London’s titled and noteworthy. Tears sprang to her eyes.

  “Banish the waterworks or else you’ll draw suspicion. Stiff upper lip, my girl,” Felix advised as he led the way to the front door. “Keep your head down, hands in your pockets and stay quiet. Stick to the fringes of the room if you can. I shall return momentarily—either with your man or news from him.”

  The moment she stepped into the club, Charlotte was in a completely foreign world, but one that was a smidge familiar. The oaky scents of pipe smoke and leather sat heavily on the air. Low, masculine talk buzzed around her. Conversations melded together as she followed Felix through the gathering room. The clink of crystal competed with a few loud blasts of congenial laughter and bragging. In many ways the club reminded her of the times when her father had friends and contemporaries over and they’d talk long into the wee hours of the night.

  Whatever she thought White’s would be like, the reality of it was far from her imaginings. Instead of the den of iniquity she’d half-imagined, a long highly-polished bar occupied one side of the large room. Men sat on thick padded stools, while many of the round tables had clusters of gentlemen around them. A few of them held newspapers or books while others orated about politics or news of the day. At one of the tables, men talked about a couple of the newest debutantes to hit London. Felix darted into a nearby hallway, and Charlotte took that as her opportunity to skulk to the far side of the room. She wished she had time to explore the many other rooms waiting along the halls, but her imagination would have to suffice. Her heart stopped beating a second when she was forced to say a gruff “good evening” to a man who crossed into her path, but after returning the greeting, he continued on to the bar.

  At one point, she passed a table where four men were taking wagers with each other on whether or not Napoleon would make good on his threats and escape from Elba. Dear God, I certainly hope not. What a bunch of stuff and bother that would be. But then at another table, two gentlemen were occupied in a game of chess. They each had snifters of brandy nearby and her throat constricted. A good stiff swallow of the liquor sounded heavenly to her, and she’d almost grabbed for one of the glasses before she had her urge in hand and quelled it.

  She ducked behind a potted palm and waited. Please hurry, Felix. This place makes me uncomfortable. Her stomached clenched. She resisted the desire to press a hand to that organ since she supposed men didn’t do such a thing. In some respects, there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. After all, these were the same men she socialized with in Society; some she’d even dined with at routs. Yet in this gathering of overwhelming maleness, there was a power she hadn’t experienced before and it sent goose flesh over her skin beneath the borrowed clothing. The future of laws, of city planning, of politics and of public opinion was given birth in this club—or ones like it—and some of these men had the wherewithal to make life miserable or ecstatic for her and her family.

  Why couldn’t I have just stayed at home and followed Mother’s instructions for my life? She squeezed her eyes shut to help stave off silly tears. Perhaps all her troubles would go away if only she would follow Society’s dictates on how a proper woman should behave. It would make for a boring life, but she wouldn’t be in the middle of such a potentially harmful escapade. Poor Felix didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of her stupidity if they were found out, which would be imminently if she continued to loiter with the plants.

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you? If I could see past your disguise straightaway, surely others can too.” The familiar baritone breezed past her senses and interrupted her self-pitying thoughts. Her heart stuttered. “You have taken a very great risk coming here, Charlotte, and I do not appreciate being chased into what is supposed to be a private sanctuary.”

  She popped open her eyes and sucked in a surprised breath. Nathan stood in front of her, so close she caught a whiff of his scent and felt the heat from his body—and the force of his banked rage. Above everything, need swamped her. She wanted nothing else from life except to be in his arms where she felt safe. “I could think of no other way to talk to you.”

  “It’s not an excuse.” He gave no quarter and his eyes didn’t soften.

  “Where is my brother?” She flicked a glance around him, but his wide shoulders blocked her view. Her confidence fled as the reality of being somewhat alone in unfamiliar territory with the marquess sank in. The courage she’d naturally possessed faded. She couldn’t win the man if he didn’t give at least a little. No amount of warmth infused Nathan’s expression. The fate of her mission didn’t bode well. �
��I suddenly wish to go home.”

  Why did I ever think this would be a good idea?

  Chapter Eleven

  The longer Nathan stared at her, the more his respect and regard grew. According to the brief conversation he’d had with her brother, she’d flaunted convention and risked her reputation in order to sneak into the club for the mere chance to speak with him. Pleasure, mixed with annoyance, heated him. Why would she do such a thing, especially when he’d thought their association had ended the morning before? There had been no doubt how she’d felt with that slap, yet she’d surprised him with the strength of her mettle and the depth of her determination and courage. Charlotte was definitely not like other women.

  “I ordered Swandon home, but I think you need to stay and show accountability for this farce.” He encroached upon the space separating them. “I assured him I’ll take full responsibility for you tonight.”

  “Oh?” A touch of fear infused the word.

  “Indeed.” Nathan wanted to chuckle. With her expressive blue gaze and the high color on her cheeks, any man with one blind eye and half a brain could see through her disguise. In that moment, with the knowledge she could be found out at any time and with so many of his peers around him, lent intrigue and urgency to her play, but he didn’t wish for any of the men in the club to realize her identity. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. That she’d do something as bacon-brained and bold as sneaking into White’s simmered his blood and captivated his imagination. What else was his Charlotte capable of? “The soot does nothing for your completion. It doesn’t resemble whiskers, not even if I were foxed.”

  God, what a lark! How she’d thought of it, he’d never know.

  “Take me home, my lord.” A shudder shook her frame. Confusion and… desire perhaps, swam in her gaze. “I cannot remain here and need the security of my own room.”

  How could any gentleman refuse such a request? His groined tightened. “Gladly, but we shall make use of the rear entrance.” It took all of his willpower not to guide her there with a hand to the small of her back. “Refrain from speaking until we’re in my carriage.” If anyone in attendance questioned his motives or why he was seen in the company of a rather scrawny-looking young man who had a tendency for blushing, Nathan wouldn’t give them a second thought. He dared them to make mention of the incident. Beyond that, he wanted to situate Charlotte away from prying eyes and wagging tongues, kiss her until he’d convinced her he wasn’t the cur she undoubtedly thought. The trip through the trailing halls of White’s had never taken so long.

  Once in the confines of his carriage, he relaxed. “We should arrive in Mayfair shortly.” Anticipation lanced down his spine. Alexandra had stormed out of the house with Jamie in tow earlier that afternoon, presumably intending to remove to her own townhouse if the flurry of servants packing their things was an indication. No one else was in residence in his London address. He’d be free to take Charlotte to task in any way he chose.

  Yet… A stab of unease shot through his chest. If she still had doubts regarding him, he would take her home immediately.

  “Thank you.” She sat on the bench opposite him, huddled into the corner, her face turned toward the window. “I apologize for putting you in a precarious situation, but there was no time and no other way I could think of so quickly.”

  The thrill of hearing her voice in the darkness swept over him. “Think nothing of it, but if you wished to speak with me, why did you not send a note ‘round earlier? Why do something daring in the middle of the night?” Though he had every right to scold, the anger that usually sat festering like the plague inside him never materialized. Was she the balm to his wounded soul?

  “I should have done that, yes, but where you’re concerned, my common sense doesn’t work properly.” Her voice was a mere whisper. “Would you have taken the missive to heart?”

  “No. In all honesty, I probably would have torn it to bits. Such was my mindset at the time.” He didn’t like the admission, but he refused to lie. “When you and I are together, everything seems magnified and bigger.” If whatever lingered between them was to grow, she’d need to be aware of his constant battle with his temper. “However, it must be stated that I knew how wrong I’d been two hours after you stormed away.”

  “Two hours it took you. I didn’t think you’d be so dull, my lord.” She sniffed. Was she crying? His heart squeezed. He loathed that he brought her such grief. Would a life together consist of such things all the time? Or was that part of the glory of finding someone to love? There would always be more than happy times between them.

  Nathan sighed. He moved to share her bench. “I should never have said those things to you. Licking my wounds and lashing out is not the way to win your heart.”

  “You made me feel worthless, as if I was merely one of the masses of women you must know, that you didn’t value my intelligence and only thought of me as a fortune chaser or worse.” Her voice wavered. She still didn’t look at him.

  “That wasn’t my intention. I spoke out of anger, but it’s no excuse, I know.” He didn’t try to touch her, for if he did, he’d be lost.

  “I suppose your reaction could have been worse.” She kept her voice low. “Regardless, I am none of those things. I care not for wealth and am quite happy in a worn, comfortable day dress over a fancy ball gown. I do not wish for a man to see me as a pretty possession or a trophy he’s won. I’m more than that.”

  “Absolutely you are, and I thank God for it.” She smelled faintly of roses, and he smiled. Poor thing. She wasn’t adept at intrigue. Didn’t she know not to bathe with rosewater before assuming a male identity? “In case you’re wondering, I’m not the rogue or monster you think. I’m very much flummoxed when it comes to women. I cut my last liaison short just before I went to Spain. There have been no women in my bed since. If I’m harsh, it’s only because I’m terrified I’ll do something wrong and lose you.”

  Finally, she turned her face toward him, but no hint of a smile brightened her features. Soot smudged her flawless skin. “What am I to you then? Are you enjoying a few dalliances to pass the time? A tryst while Parliament is in session?”

  “No.” Gently, he removed the ridiculous top hat from her head then tossed it to the opposite bench. How she’d managed to keep it on with all that glorious hair piled beneath it, he’d never know. “As I told you before, I do not conduct my affairs like the many men in the ton.” He made short work of undoing her cravat then used the length of cloth to wipe the coal dust from her face as best he could. “Contrary to popular opinion, there are a few of us who are honorable and loyal, and are happy to be such.”

  “What does that information have to do with me?” She made no protest as he removed her gloves. They landed on the carriage floor along with the cravat. Her dear hands were cold and shaking.

  “Just this.” Nathan put a finger beneath her chin and tilted her face upward so she had no choice except to meet his gaze. Her lips parted slightly, but he ignored the fetching picture she made. It wouldn’t do to rush his fences quite yet. “When my affections are engaged, I will go to great lengths to ensure that said woman has no doubt how I feel about her. My sister has been dealt with and will no longer try to keep us apart. I’ll also do everything in my power to protect her, even if she protests such high-handed actions.”

  “Yes, and?” One of her eyebrows rose in the same move that had stoked his ire the previous morning. Now it fanned his desire.

  The urge to kiss her grew strong, but he fought it. “You don’t intend to make this easy, do you?”

  That coaxed a smile from her. “Nothing worth having in this life is easy. If you wish to win my heart, you’ll have to work harder.”

  “Minx.” He drew a thumb along the curve of her bottom lip and grinned at her tremble. “For whatever reason, call it inexperience, nerves, or the fear I’d do or say something to cause you to hate me, I’ve bumbled this whole affair. For that I am deeply sorry. I should have told you
immediately that I wished to court you. I should have stood up for myself when everyone around me tried to manipulate me.”

  She cast her gaze away. “I’m part of that problem. Recently, I’ve come to understand I’m very much like my mother in the managing department. I should change. I want to, but—”

  “No. I adore that you have the courage to stand up to me and my moods.” He worked his jaw. “You’ve turned my world on its ear, Charlotte. I refuse to lose you again from stupidity and my temper, but I must ask you a question. Do you care for Armenstout? If you do, I’ll walk away and never bother you again.”

  “Henry? Good heavens no. Wherever would you get such a story?”

  He sighed. “Obviously, Alexandra. I’m glad to know it wasn’t true.” With gentle pressure, he turned her face and held her gaze again. “Please say something.” What if after everything, she didn’t wish to go the distance with him?

  Charlotte remained silent. The carriage lurched to a halt before his townhouse, but neither of them moved. “Do not ever order me away from you again.” She cupped his hand and pressed it tighter to her cheek. “You and I are in this together or we’re not at all. I have neither the time nor the inclination to wait while you figure it out, for my mind is already made up.”

  “Meaning?” He refused to let her scurry away even as his pulse went rampant.

  “I accept you, faults and history, everything, just as I hope you do me. I have no desire to change you, but I do wish to see you happy.” The tendons in her neck worked with a swallow. “I’ve heard the story of what happened to you while in Spain. I understand you now and could never ask for a better man.”

  When she pressed a fleeting kiss to his palm, he reeled. “If you wish to hear more of my history, I’ll oblige you, but it isn’t easy for me to relate. It’s one of the scars I must bear.”