by Lynn Tyler
By the time she got off the phone with her last vendor, she had talked four out of the five into lowering their prices, and she could hear the laughing and joking coming from the kitchen. Glancing at the clock, she decided she could use a celebratory drink, and Nathan made the absolute best martinis. She stood up and stretched out the kinks in her back.
Nathan, Jeremy, Anna, and someone she assumed was the reporter were standing in the kitchen. The four of them were gathered around the island, watching Nathan handle the martini shaker. “Ah,” she said, sidling up to him and standing on her toes to brush a kiss against his jaw. “You read my mind. Is there enough for me?”
“Of course,” Nathan said with a smile.
To everyone else, that smile would look genuine. It was only because she’d known him since they were teenagers that she saw how strained that smile really was. The little lines that fanned out from his eyes were so much more pronounced now than they had been even when Jeremy had moved out.
Accepting the glass from Nathan, she sat down on the stool beside him and resisted the urge to gulp back the entire glass in one swig. She’d seen Anna drink any number of the players under the table and knew the other woman wouldn’t blink an eye at her draining a glass in one go. The reporter, on the other hand, well, he was a different story.
She forced a smile and placed her glass on the counter, reaching across to offer her hand to the young man standing rather awkwardly on the other side of the island. “Rachel,” she said.
The young man shook her hand firmly and smiled nervously. “Billy. Nice to meet you.” He played with the label on his beer bottle, fiddling with the edge until it pulled loose. He kept up the nervous twitch until Jeremy sat down next to him and nudged his shoulder companionably.
Rachel’s heart eased a little at Jeremy’s display of lightness. He’d been the complete opposite of Nathan in the last few weeks. Where Nathan had been sullen and distant, Jeremy had blossomed. Whatever had transpired between the two men had been what Jeremy needed to feel completely comfortable in their relationship. He still made love to her sweetly but now treated Nathan with just as much passion. Now when he lost himself in his work, it wasn’t because he needed to distance himself from her and Nathan. He worked on his video games because he’d been inspired and couldn’t wait to work that inspiration into whatever game he was working on.
She had felt herself slowly falling in love with him, and now, he owned as much of her heart as Nathan did. It had been stupid of her to think she could be involved with another man in such a personal and intimate manner and not fall in love.
Everything would have been perfect except for two fears. Nathan’s attitude, for one. She could really live without the shitty attitude. Something was seriously off with him, and she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. It scared her that, for the first time since she’d known him, she couldn’t help him with whatever was bugging him. It was almost like her bond with him was breaking down.
The second fear was a little more abstract, although just as terrifying. She had long ago come to terms with the fact that, as a hockey wife, she might be forced to give her business up should her husband get traded. Sure, she could always sell it and start over wherever Nathan ended up, but it wouldn’t have been the same. She could have lived with that. But now they had Jeremy in their lives. There was absolutely no way she would be able to give Jeremy up if either he or Nathan ever got traded. The idea of choosing between them and leaving one of them behind was enough to make her queasy.
The publicist finally stood up and carried her martini glass over to the sink. “Well,” she said, “I’m going to have to insist we call this a night. Nathan and Jeremy have to leave for a string of away games tomorrow, and they need their rest. Billy, can I give you a ride home?”
Billy shook his head and held up a set of keys. “I borrowed my brother’s car.”
Their guests left, and Rachel shut the door behind them with a quiet click. She leaned her head on the cool wood, loathe to turn around and face the two men. The tension had been rising steadily, and it was so thick now she thought she could taste it. It left a sour, sticky note on her tongue that mixed poorly with the vodka taste still lingering in her mouth. Straightening her shoulders, Rachel turned around and took the bull by the horns. “Nathan, I don’t know what crawled up your ass, but it needs to end here. I can’t live like this.”
The dark look Nathan shot her told her what she’d said probably hadn’t been the best way to start, but Nathan rarely responded to pussyfooting around. He was blunt and to the point and usually appreciated that she spoke her mind.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at her. “I’m not allowed to have a bad day?” He dropped his eyes so he was staring at her breasts.
Her nipples immediately pebbled, and she inwardly cursed her body. After so many years of marriage and very passionate sex, her entire body had been conditioned to prime itself every time Nathan looked at her. And Nathan, damn him, knew it.
Crossing the space between them in just a couple of steps, Nathan gripped her wrists and yanked her against him, kissing her roughly as if he couldn’t get enough of her. She softened against him for just a second until her mind screamed at her that he was trying to distract her from the inevitable confrontation. She pulled away from him, and it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life. There was something so desperate in his manner, and she ached to make everything better. “No.” She pushed away from him forcefully when he wouldn’t let her go. “Sex can’t fix this, Nathan. Tell me what’s wrong, please.”
Nathan took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring, and she sensed he was fighting for control. “I’m just having a bad day, that’s all,” he muttered, lowering his eyes to the ground and refusing to meet her eyes.
“It’s been weeks,” Rachel countered. The exasperation she was feeling was leaking into her voice, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. “You’re grumpy, surly, and disinterested in everything I have to say. You barely touch me anymore unless we’re having sex.”
Jeremy edged his way over to stand next to Rachel, placing one big hand on her shoulder. She was grateful for the show of support, and she soaked up the touch. Nothing could prepare her for Nathan’s next words. “So because I don’t jump up and down every time you sign a contract for another society wedding, I’m surly? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have other things on my mind?”
Rachel reeled from his words. He had always been so proud of her accomplishments before, and though the words weren’t too hurtful in themselves, the sneer with which he said them sent a shaft of pain slicing through her heart.
The hand on her shoulder squeezed gently, and Jeremy stepped slightly in front of her as if to block her from Nathan’s words. “Low blow, Nathan.”
Her husband finally looked her in the eye and seemed to deflate. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I think I need to get outta here for a little while.” He grabbed his keys and headed for the door. He paused and turned around, his face a mask of complete misery. “I love you, honey. I’ll see you when we get home from our away games. Jer, I’ll see you tomorrow on the plane.”
Without another word, Nathan walked out the door, got into his car, and drove away. She stared out the window, hugging herself around her waist. It felt as though a chunk of her heart had been ripped out and had driven away with her husband.
She felt Jeremy move up behind her and tentatively settle his arms around her waist, crisscrossing them over her own arms. “I’m sorry, Rach. I can’t help but feel this is my fault. Nathan has been in a piss-poor mood since I came back. Maybe I should just leave and let you and Nathan get things back to normal.”
Panic welled up in her, and she clutched at his arms, even as she turned around to face him. This wasn’t exactly how she pictured telling him, but it was now or never. “Jer, I love you.”
Well, that was smooth. And the surprised look on his face didn’t exactly reassure her. Suddenly, the s
urprise morphed into the biggest grin she had ever seen grace Jeremy’s face. She just wished Nathan could be here to see it, too. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she felt them slipping down her cheeks, gathering speed.
Jeremy cupped her face with both his large palms and tilted her head up so he could kiss her. Instead of kissing her mouth though, he kissed her cheeks, thumbing away her tears as he went. “I love you, too,” he whispered, still stroking her face gently. “When we started this…thing between the three of us, I never expected to fall in love with you. The fact that you love me back blows my mind.”
“What about Nathan?” she asked, hating the tremulous quality she heard in her voice. She hated crying. It made her nose run and her eyes swell. But she really couldn’t fathom how this relationship was going to work if they didn’t get everything out in the open.
To her consternation, Jeremy’s grin simply grew wider. “It took me a long time to admit I could be attracted to another guy, but once I let myself acknowledge my feelings for Nathan, I realized I was in love with you both.”
Just like Dr. Seuss’s Grinch, Rachel’s heart expanded so quickly she was surprised it still fit in her chest. She laid her head on Jeremy’s shoulder and let him carry her back to the couch, where he sat with her in his lap. “Don’t worry about Nathan,” he soothed, rubbing her back. “He’ll come around.”
She nodded absently. “What if you or Nathan gets traded?” she asked, unable to keep her real fear inside. “I don’t think I could bear to live without either one of you.”
Leaning back against the couch, Jeremy began running his fingers through her hair, the expression on his face thoughtful. “I suppose that is an issue,” he conceded. “I guess we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, why don’t we just bask in our glow and wait for Nathan to shit out whatever crawled up his ass.”
Despite her mood, Rachel couldn’t help the little giggle that slipped out. Jeremy flipped on the television and surfed through the channels until finally settling on some kind of science fiction show that soon drew her in. Commercials were for kissing, talking, and snack breaks. By the time the show was over, she was even more convinced she was deeply in love with him.
Finally, the conversation turned to shoptalk. She told him of the event with the Family and Children’s Services, and he told her about the latest video game he was working on. It turned out that the game, a point of view hockey game, was almost done. “I’m even thinking of pitching it to the major gaming companies.”
She loved the enthusiasm she heard in his voice when he spoke of his games. Nathan had told her of his conversation with Jeremy where the younger man had revealed that his ambition growing up was to be a software engineer instead of a hockey player. “What about hockey?” she asked.
Jeremy shrugged and smiled at her shyly. It was so damn adorable he was still shy when they’d admitted their love for each other. “Hockey is my job,” he said, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “I have goals for hockey, of course. But when my hockey career ends, I’m glad I have something to fall back on. I can’t imagine being thirty-five and retired permanently.”
Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Rachel tried to imagine Jeremy sitting around the house with nothing to do. It wasn’t something she could fully envision. The man was constantly doing something. And it was just like him to have goals for his hockey career. Curious, she twisted in his arms and looked up at him, giggling when her curls hit him in the face, forcing him to spit out some of her hair. “Tell me one goal you have for hockey.”
He blushed, but his eyes sparkled. “I want to get a hat trick. You know, scoring three goals in the same game.”
She did know what a hat trick was. She was married to a hockey player, after all, but she didn’t bother to mention it. Besides, it was one of the cutest things she had ever heard. “I’m sure you’ll achieve that in the near future,” she said, settling back against him.
Kissing the top of her head, he stood up and placed her gently on her feet. “Some players never get a hat trick,” he said with a half smile. “It’s just something I’ve always wanted to say I’ve done.”
He glanced at the clock on the DVD player and winced. “It’s getting late, and I still have to pack for our away string. You wanna come and keep me company?”
Rachel looked at the door once more, her thoughts suddenly drawn to Nathan. What was going on with him? Where was he going to spend the night? She knew he wouldn’t be spending it with another woman. Maybe he would crash at Johnston’s place. He’d always had a fondness for the odd goalie. She ached to pick up the phone and call him, to make sure he was taking care of himself, but he’d clearly needed some space.
“Come on, sweetheart, let’s go upstairs and get me ready to go. Nathan will come back when he’s ready. I’ll talk to him on the plane tomorrow, okay?” Jeremy tugged on her hand, drawing her to the stairs.
He was right. Nathan needed to work out whatever was going on in his head. She followed him up the stairs and into their bedroom. She laid out one of Jeremy’s suitcases on the bed and began folding clothes into it as Jeremy gathered up his toiletries from the bathroom.
She eyed the other suitcase that had been placed in the corner and hefted it up on the bed with a sigh. By now she knew exactly what Nathan like to pack for away games and she and Jeremy packed the bag quickly. “Will you get this to the airport for him?”
Jeremy nodded and carried both bags down the hall stairs, placing them next to the door.
By the time they were done, it was late enough to go to bed, and they spent the rest of the evening cuddling under the covers. As good as it felt to know that Jeremy loved her and Nathan, she couldn’t help but think of how perfect it would have been to have Nathan in bed with them.
Nathan sat on the bench sullenly, spitting out his mouth guard and scowling down at the blade of his stick as if it was the reason he was playing so poorly. There were only thirty seconds left in the game, and they were losing miserably. Johnston sat next to him, swearing loudly in French. “What was the point of pulling me when we’re so damn far behind?” he muttered as the Bruins scored another goal on the Leaf’s empty net.
“Shut up, Johnston.” Nathan growled with frustration as the buzzer signaled the end of the game. It couldn’t have come soon enough for him. He watched Jeremy skate by on his way off the ice to talk to one of the coaches. He was so tired his eyes literally ached with the effort to keep them open.
He had spent the night on the goalie’s god-awful, lumpy couch. The bloody thing was a full half foot shorter than his own frame. All he could think about was the look on Rachel’s face when he’d left and how she would probably never forgive him for his tone of voice. That, and how proud he was of Jeremy for standing up for her.
Wiping the sweat out of his eyes, he trudged down the hall to their locker room and stripped off his equipment, letting it fall on the floor without a second thought. He dragged his sorry ass into the showers before anyone else had even removed all of their equipment and stood under the steaming water, hoping to wash away the guilt that was literally eating him alive.
A hard shove displaced him from the hot water, and he turned to see an irate Johnston now standing under the showerhead. “Shit, man. Get your head outta your ass. You let me steal your shower as easily as the Bruins stole the puck from you.”
“Fuck you,” Nathan shot back, getting right in the other man’s face. “I know you’re pissed that you broke your winning streak, but that’s your fault, sucker. You should have stopped at least three of those goals.”
Johnston shoved him again, harder than before. It was clear the normally easygoing goalie was more than just pissed. He was furious. “Don’t you blame this on me,” he said, poking Nathan in the chest with his index finger. “I seem to recall at least four goal opportunities that you missed. Can’t win if you don’t score some goals, fucker.”
“All right, all right,” Jeremy shouted as he strode in, comple
tely naked, to separate them. “We all played crappy. It wasn’t any one person’s fault.” He placed his body between the two of them and crossed his arms over his chest. Thank god Nathan was too pissed for his body to react to Jeremy. The other guys might have dropped their odd looks and teasing over the gossip column in the last few weeks, but sporting a woody for Jeremy’s naked body might prove to be a little too weird.
Johnston was the first to back down, although he did turn into the shower that he’d just forced Nathan out of. “Geez, give a guy your couch for the night and he jumps down your throat.”
Nathan grabbed his stuff and made his way back into the locker room, ready to hear the coach’s lecture. As usual, it was full of curse words, and the vein in his temple was pounding at top speed. He sat in his towel, feeling more and more miserable as time went on and then feeling more and more ashamed at his behavior. He had never wallowed in self-pity before. He’d never had any use for it, and besides, he hadn’t gotten to where he was now because he’d let himself get dragged down by negative emotions.
