Whispers of the Past

by Shawna Hunter

  “Are you alright?” Panathea asked her, “you seem skittish…more so than usual.”

  “She’s probably just cold like the rest of us,” Moonbane groaned, “can we start the fire already? I’m freezing my nips off over here.”

  “That won’t last long,” Silvanth promised, “this rune is from northern Russia. It’s supposed to work something like the snow of an Igloo, trapping the heat inside the circle. We’ll be nice and toasty when the ritual begins.”

  “About that,” Panathea said as she left Nightshadow to speak with the others, “you set the ritual to begin at 3 am, but isn’t that the devil’s hour in catholic lore? I thought you hated Christians because they were too judgemental of peoples’ differences.”

  “That it mocks their trinity gave it appeal,” Silvanth’s voice seemed to fade as Nightshadow listened, “but it’s more significant than that. Many believe that it is the hour that the world starts to wake from its slumber and…” the voices of the real people before her disappeared entirely as a whisper more powerful than any she’d felt filled her mind.

  “You know child. You know they are mistaken. You know they have transgressed. Speak the words. Warn them. It is not too late.” Nightshadow closed her eyes and shook her head. Throughout her life she’d seen counselors, been given medications, and even faced the suggestion of institutionalization. Eventually, she’d learned that it was never a good idea to discuss the whispers she heard. They were, everyone always told her, in her mind and never worth listening to. Besides she’d been to countless campfires, and the whispers had never done more than complain. How much worse could it get?

  “Nightshadow?” Panathea put her hand on Nightshadow’s shoulder and broke the dream-like haze that had fallen over her.

  “Pan…sorry I spaced there for a second, what were you saying?” Panathea held up a zip-lock baggy with a sandwich in it.

  “We weren’t just going to sit around until 3, you know. I brought food, and Moonbane has some marshmallows once we get the fire going.” The whispers swirled once more, but it was a more traditional mocking. Nothing like the voice she’d heard a second ago. Maybe that was it? Maybe her condition was just acting up because she was hungrier than she realized.

  Accepting the sandwich, she let Panathea lead her to where the others were working on the fire. Silvanth had brought fire starter, and with a whoosh, the clear liquid ignited the pile of wood that zi had collected. Nightshadow tried not to think about how zi’d found so much, but she was fairly certain that zi’d felled a small tree somewhere outside of the circle. Another transgression as the whispers would say.

  At least the fire warmed them, and when Moonbane added her Iphone’s speakers to the mix, Nightshadow’s tensions began to fade. For a while, they were just four friends gossiping and snacking around a fire. Panathea brought up a professor she had a crush on, and Moonbane suggested a love spell. Silvanth advised against it with the usual line about love spells being notoriously prone to unintended consequences. Something about them attempting to meddle with fate’s design.

  Nightshadow sat back, enjoying the conversation but contributing little. She had to be careful at moments like these. She had to ensure that her dress covered enough of her leg, that her feet stayed flat, and that her hands didn’t linger too long on the ground. She could not permit any skin to skin contact with the Earth and especially not with the trees. If she did, then the whispers would grow louder. Usually, she could drown them out with the other sounds of the world, but when she made contact, it was they that could drown out everything else.

  It wouldn’t have been so bad really if they weren’t so critical and angry. With so many ancient trees she knew that there would be a few with something to say about the group’s plans, and she’d already heard enough. She was just starting to relax, after all, and she knew that letting the whispers grow louder now would be like sitting in the middle of an angry crowd. Thankfully, her friends didn’t notice. They were too absorbed in their own drama, and besides, she’d carefully cultivated a reputation as a neat freak for just this sort of situation. If anyone did notice her behavior they’d chalk it up to her not wanting to get her skin dirty. No one would think to ask questions that Nightshadow would rather not answer.

  As time passed, she almost forgot why they were there. It was easy, when you didn’t want to think about other things, to sink into the minutiae of life. Moonbane had moved on from Panathea’s story to discuss her own crush. As Nightshadow listened, she couldn’t help but notice the way Moonbane watched Panathea as she told it. It was painfully obvious. Moonbane wasn’t focused on the girl she was telling her friends about. She was focused on the girl she was telling the story to. Her eyes fixed on Panathea as she talked about her. A girl in a few of her classes who could apparently rock a lab coat like nobody’s business. Everyone smiled as she went on about this girl, everyone except Silvanth.

  Zi was always reluctant to join in on this sort of banter. Silvanth was human, of course, but zi had had too many bad experiences with dating. A pan-sexual, zi really didn’t care about the bits and bobs of those zi was attracted to, but zi had yet to meet someone who could look past zir own. It struck Nightshadow as a rather lonely state of affairs, and she was about to reach out and offer comfort when Silvanth’s own phone sprung to life. Banging out several deep bell rings, zir alarm informed the coven that it was time to begin preparations for the ritual.

  Moonbane wasn’t thrilled about her story being interrupted before she could make Panathea jealous, but she held her tongue as Silvanth stood. Zi nodded for her to go on, however, but Moonbane had to reluctantly admit that she didn’t have much more to say. Nightshadow doubted that was true, but Moonbane’s story wasn’t provoking the jealousy she’d hoped, and it seemed that, for now, she was waving the white flag. Not that she didn’t shoot Panathea a spiteful look as she did so.

  Chapter 3

  Silvanth had set zir alarm to go off a half hour before the ritual was to begin. In that time zir coven could stretch, complain, and refocus on the ritual. It was a practical step to take. One born of how well zi had come to know zir coven sisters. In their early days together, they’d missed the crucial time for more than a few rituals due to a lack of proper discipline. This time, however, Silvanth wasn’t willing to take any chances.

  “My back,” Moonbane whined as she stretched her arms, “next time let’s bring folding chairs.

  “How about some tents while we’re at it,” Panathea mocked, “it’s a sacred ritual dumb dumb not a camping trip.”

  “That doesn’t mean we can’t be comfortable,” Moonbane shot back.

  “Geez, if it were up to you, religion wouldn’t require any sacrifices,” Panathea rolled her eyes in derision as the other woman squared her shoulders.

  “Oh, you’re just mad about that bunny.” It was a low blow. There were, contrary to popular belief, very few rituals that required live sacrifice, and the one the coven had performed had been so gory that they’d all sworn off it. No one brought it up unless they were looking for a fight.

  “Not cool,” Panathea withered before the memory. “I still have nightmares about that.” Nightshadow could see Moonbane preparing another volley. It was their typical back and forth. Moonbane would push Panathea until she ran off to cry or started fighting back and neither Nightshadow or Silvanth could agree on which reaction was worse. One of them had to do something before their sisters’ fight spoiled the ritual and when she met zir eyes, Nightshadow knew who it would have to be. They all respected Silvanth far too much to team up on zir.

  “Oh, she’s just mad because your fling didn’t last,” Nightshadow took the bullet again, throwing out a simple truth that she knew would turn both women’s’ attentions to her once more. It worked. The sisters were united in their defensive reaction to Nightshadow bringing up their personal history.

  “What would you know about it?” Moonbane demanded.

  “Ya Nighshadow, not cool, that was
a tough period for us,” Panathea added.

  “And I don’t think it’s quite over yet,” Nightshadow dared comment. “I mean you two are always so catty to each other. It throws off our energy. I don’t think the ancients will be very interested in communing if they’re just going to wind up listening to you two bicker.”

  “Our little sister has a point,” Silvanth added before the sisters could advance on Nightshadow. “Let us take our corners and have an airing.” Neither Moonbane nor Panathea were happy about it, but Silvanth was the leader. Both girls flashed Nightshadow a disapproving look, but they took their positions dutifully. Nightshadow couldn’t help but feel like she’d ratted her friends out to the principal as she took her own corner but at least this minor ritual might do them some good.

  An airing was a less complicated ritual meant to bring harmony to a coven that was unbalanced. Similar to a trust exercise, nothing said in an airing could leave the circle. It was a safe space, one meant for healing and reconciliation. All members could voice their deepest grievances to redress wrongs and seek forgiveness. It had smoothed over more than a few fights in the past, but Panathea’s history with Moonbane had never been confronted in one. That hurt had always been considered far too deep. Now, however, Nightshadow had pushed them into it. It was something that even she couldn’t believe she’d risked. Something that had sprung so quickly to her mind that she hadn’t had time to analyze it. The risk of this blowing up in their faces was high, but the sisters did seem ready to confront what happened.

  Now it was too late to back down. All Nightshadow could do was trust her instincts. This was going to have to happen at some time, and so it might as well happen tonight. Perhaps it would even help them with their other workings. The coven would need to have its energies balanced and focused if they wanted to make contact with the ancients after all. First, however, they needed to take their positions of power.

  Silvanth went first, standing on the east side of the fire pit and holding zir arms out. Moonbane took zir left hand in her position to the south, and Nightshadow took zir right in her position to the north. Panathea was the last. She took Nighshadow’s right hand with ease but hesitated before offering her right to Moonbane.

  “Panathea,” Silvanth was speaking like a mentor again, “we must close the circle to sanctify it. Only then can we have a place of trust for the airing.”

  “And we don’t have all damn night,” Moonbane said as she snatched Panathea’s hand. With the circle closed, they shared in a calming breath before each recited the words “trust, love, safety, sisters” three times. Once spoken the coven members backed up ten paces to give each other space and keep from getting burned by the fire.

  “Who shall begin?” Silvanth asked the group.

  “I will,” Panathea volunteered, “I wish to confront Nightshadow for pushing us to this.” She looked to the taller girl with hurt in her eyes, and Nightshadow nodded solemnly.

  “I apologize for exposing the circle to this hurt,” she said carefully, “but our aim tonight is both sacred and dangerous. The circle must be in perfect harmony if we are to succeed in our goal.”

  “I understand,” Panathea replied, “and I forgive you…but it still really sucks.”

  “You know what sucks?” Moonbane cut in, “having your heart toyed with by a faker.”

  “And so, we come to the heart of the matter,” Silvanth said nervously. A few years ago, before they were Moonbane and Panathea the coven sisters had attended the same high-school. Moonbane had accepted her sexuality at that point, but Panathea had been unsure. Befriending Moonbane, they’d grown close and had begun to engage in certain sapphic explorations. Panathea had seen it as casual. A way for her to test the waters, but Moonbane had thought that there was more to it. The two had ended up fighting, and their friendship had ended until Silvanth had mended it. The hurt, however, had lingered and now here they were.

  Moonbane recounted all of this to the circle in a hurt rant filled with accusations. She hurled her cruel verbal barbs at Panathea hoping to cause the same pain she felt, but Panathea did not reply. Instead, she listened in stoic silence much as she had with the story about the lab coat girl. Finally, Moonbane had had enough. She raised her voice and very nearly stepped away from her position to confront her coven sister more directly.

  “Well? Say something,” she demanded. She looked as though she were ready to grab Panathea’s shoulders and shake her, but Silvanth intervened by raising zir hand.

  “Do not break the circle,” zi warned in a surprisingly threatening voice. Panathea’s eyes were on her feet. She seemed ashamed as she considered Moonbane’s accusations.

  “I have apologized,” she began carefully, “I’ve explained that I was young and confused. I have tried to move past what happened and to heal our friendship. Nothing has been good enough, it seems. So, I ask your forgiveness, but more than that, I ask what I can do to heal the wound I caused you.”

  “You can’t,” Moonbane began bitterly. Her demeanor had changed with Panathea’s words. Now she seemed more like she wanted to storm off into the woods, but before she could, Nightshadow spoke up. The whispers had come to her as the others argued and offered an insight beyond any she could have come to on her own. Ordinarily, she would have dismissed such things, but this time, it was too relevant to simply ignore. Besides, someone had to say something, or the airing Nightshadow had provoked would have ended their coven.

  “...because you didn’t cause the wound,” Nightshadow said. Everyone stopped and looked at her. She’d spoken with such confidence. Her words calm and clear in a way that was unfamiliar even to her own ears.

  “What…do you mean, sister?” Silvanth prodded.

  “I mean that the hurt in Moonbane’s heart was not caused by Panathea,” Nightshadow responded with the same eerie calm.

  “You weren’t even there,” Moonbane challenged.

  “Yeah,” Panathea added calmly, “I don’t know that you can really be so sure about…”

  “I don’t know that I can be either,” Nightshadow confessed, “but I am. Moonbane’s pain comes from within. She is angry at herself because the deception was hers. She fooled herself into thinking that you and she were more than you were.”

  “Interesting,” Silvanth said before Moonbane could form a response, “but what of Panathea’s anger?” Nightshadow paused again. She was listening to the whispers at her ear now and they were making sense.

  “Panathea feels guilt that her friend was hurt. She feels responsible for that pain even as she tries to push the blame away. Moonbane’s words have been hurting her more than her actions hurt Moonbane.”

  “Alright,” Panathea said after a moment’s pause, “let’s say you’re making sense. What should we do about it?” Nightshadow was silent again, listening to the whispers and parroting their words to the group.

  “You can only forgive one another after you have forgiven yourselves. To make peace, you must be at peace.” Nightshadow was not enjoying this. These weren’t her words, and as she spoke them, she found that they weren’t coming in her voice. It was similar, formed by the same lips from the same vocal chords, but it was not her own. She felt like a puppet and could not explain why. The strange words, however, did resonate with her sisters. Neither had a snippy comeback to offer as they weighed what she had said.

  Silvanth was the first to break the uncomfortable silence.

  “Nightshadow has spoken wisdom. Can either of you deny the truth of these words?” It was all very theatrical, and ordinarily Nightshadow would have been stifling a laugh, but something irked her about the whole thing. While Moonbane and Panathea shuffled on the spot, she scanned her surroundings. At last, she felt it. Against her ankle, on that small patch of skin between the bottom of her dress and the top of her heel. When she’d backed up to form the corners, she’d come near a small bush, and one of its branches was brushing her flesh. It truly hadn’t been her voice speaking. It had been the
whispers speaking through her. That realization chilled her.

  For so long she’d written off the whispers as voices inside her head, but now there was direct evidence to the contrary. Yet, it still wasn’t enough to be certain. Moonbane, were she not currently facing her own self-revelatory crisis, would likely have told her that she felt the branch before she consciously realized it and that that provoked her condition. Nightshadow would have to investigate more when she could, but there was little she dared do at the moment. Not in this place. For now, there was nothing she could do beyond accept the words for what they were. Right on the money.

  “I suppose you have a point,” Moonbane finally confessed. “It’s not easy to hear but your reasoning is sound.

  “I agree,” Panathea continued, “I mean I’ve been writing off our back and forth as simple frenemy BS, but now that you mention it, I do think that it was hurting me more than I realized.”

  “Are you ready, then, to let this anger between you pass?” Silvanth asked gently, “and to embrace as sisters once more?” Moonbane and Panathea were awkward as they slowly made eye contact. Neither wanted to make the first move, but it was obvious, even without the whispers, that they both wanted to hug it out. Finally, Nightshadow couldn’t take their stalling anymore. She spoke in a voice she was relieved to find was all her own.

  “Oh, come on. We don’t have all night,” she said, parodying what Moonbane had said earlier. Clearly, the magic of the airing had worked, however, as the two sisters did not join forces to attack her again. Instead they turned and faced each other, approaching and embracing as they both whispered apologies to one another. Silvanth and Nightshadow applauded the display, and as south and west returned to their corners the entire circle was filled with a sense of completeness. For a moment, everyone reveled in the feeling. It was as if there was a ball of light far brighter than the campfire between them, and they were all bathed in its glow. Again, it was Silvanth who broke the silence first as zi applauded the sisters.