It's Only Love

by Marie Force

  Ella replayed the disastrous presentation of her gift trip to the wedding and told her sister what he’d said and done. By the time she was finished, she had new tears on her cheeks and fresh anger in her heart. “I knew it was a gamble, that he would be worried about work, but for him to end things with me over it. That I just don’t get.”

  “He’s running scared, Ella. You caught him off guard, and he’s running.”

  “He said he wouldn’t do that. He promised to give us a real, honest chance, and it was going so well. Why would he do this?”

  “I don’t know, honey. I honestly don’t know. He’s got all these dark corners inside him that he doesn’t let anyone see. It’s hard to know what goes on in that brain of his.”

  “What do I do, Hannah? How do I fix this? I told him we don’t have to go on the trip if he really didn’t want to, but he left saying I deserve better and how he was bound to disappoint me sooner or later, and it was better it happen now. Did he go into this expecting it to end?”

  Hannah mulled that over. “It’s possible he went into it expecting to eventually disappoint you, and this felt like a self-fulfilling prophecy or something.”

  “It was only intended as a surprise to get him away from it all for a few days, so we could spend time together and he could go to his friend’s wedding. That’s all it was to me.”

  “It was obviously something much more complicated for him.”

  “I should’ve listened to him when he said he didn’t want to go, but Amelia was all for the surprise and Bob . . .” Ella shook her head, still trying to process how it had gone so terribly wrong.

  “You did a really nice thing for him, Ella. No matter how he took it, the gesture was a lovely one.”

  “For all the good it did me. Now we’ve apparently broken up and any chance I had with him is lost. No good deed goes unpunished.”

  “You want to know what I think you ought to do?”

  “That’s why I’m here.”

  “Go on the trip. Take a break from him, from work, from everything and have a nice, relaxing vacation. We’ll be there, Will and Cam, Hunter and Megan, Bob and Amelia. We’ll all make sure you have a great time.”

  “Gee, that sounds fun. A romantic getaway with my siblings and their partners as well as the couple I’d hoped might one day be my in-laws. Woo-hoo, sign me up.”

  “You’ve already made the arrangements, and it’s too late to back out now without losing the money. Why let it go to waste? Maybe some time apart will help Gavin get his head on straight when he realizes how much he misses you.”

  With her elbows on her knees, Ella let her hair cover her face. “I don’t think I can go back to him after this. I told him if he left it was over, and I think I mean that.”

  Hannah put her arm around Ella’s shoulders. “Nothing has to be decided tonight or even tomorrow. Come with us on the trip, and we’ll figure it out when we get back. Let him miss you.”

  Ella leaned into her sister’s comforting embrace. “Okay. I’ll go.”

  “Are you packed?”

  Nodding, Ella said, “I packed two days ago because I was so excited.”

  “Then stay here tonight. We’ll run by your place in the morning to pick up your bag before we go. How were you planning to get to Boston?”

  “We were going to drive.”

  “Then you can come in the car with us. It can take ten and we’re at eight.”

  Ella wiped away more tears that kept coming at the thought of going on the trip without him. “Everyone will know that he shot me down.”

  “That’s on him, not you.”

  “I played this all wrong, Hannah.”

  “You played it just right. What you did was done out of love for him. No one could ever blame you for caring too much.” She kissed Ella’s cheek. “Let me get you a pillow and blanket. I’ll be right back.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind me bombing in on you guys?”

  “Don’t be silly. I already rocked Nolan’s world. He’s out cold until the morning, and we won’t have time for anything then. Our pickup is at six.”

  “In that case,” Ella said with a weak laugh for her sister. “I’d love to stay.”

  “Great. I’ll fix you up with something to sleep in and a toothbrush. I’m glad you called, Ella. There’s no need to go through this by yourself. I just wish I had more insight into why he would’ve done such a thing.”

  “So do I.” While Hannah was off gathering what Ella needed for a sleepover, it occurred to Ella that she might never understand why he’d reacted the way he did. And wouldn’t that be awesome? To have the rest of her life to try to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong with the man she loved beyond all reason. That thought was the most profoundly depressing of the many thoughts she’d had since it all went bad earlier.

  Hannah returned with clothes, a toothbrush, a pillow and a blanket. “Make yourself at home. Anything you need.”

  “What if Nolan wakes up, and I scare the hell out of him?”

  “He was awake just now, and I told him you’re staying.”

  “Thanks again, Hannah.”

  “Any time. This is what big sisters are for.”

  When she was settled on Hannah’s comfy sofa, Ella stared up at the dark ceiling for what seemed like hours. She had no way of knowing for sure how much time went by, but sleep remained elusive. She must’ve drifted off at some point because the sound of someone pounding at the door woke her up.

  For a moment, she couldn’t figure out where she was. But then she remembered coming to Hannah’s and spending the night on her sofa. She also remembered the disaster with Gavin and began to ache all over again.

  She heard movement in Hannah’s room and heavy footsteps leading to the door. It opened, and she heard Nolan’s tense voice along with that of another man.

  “What’re you doing here?” Nolan asked.

  “Came to see my boy for the holiday. Ain’t that allowed?”

  “It’s the middle of the night. Have you been drinking again?”

  “You ever get tired of being so high and mighty, boy?”

  Feeling as if she were intruding in her brother-in-law’s business, Ella wanted to shrivel up and disappear.

  “Are you awake?” Hannah whispered.

  “Yeah.”

  “Sorry about the disturbance.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nolan’s father. He comes to visit every now and then.”

  “In the middle of the night?”

  “Always in the middle of the night.”

  Listening to Hannah, Ella realized everyone had their own burdens to carry. Some were just heavier and more obvious than others.

  “Messes him up for days afterward.”

  “Should I go? I could sneak out the back door. If you guys need some time alone . . .”

  “No, it’s fine. We have to get up soon anyway.”

  Nolan came back in a few minutes later, wearing only a pair of sweats that showed off his muscular shoulders, chest and abdomen. He went directly to Hannah. “Why are you up?”

  “Just checking on you. Is he gone?”

  “For now.”

  “What did he want this time?”

  “What does he always want?” Nolan asked with a weary sigh. “Sorry about that, Ella.”

  “Please don’t apologize. I’m grateful for the loan of your sofa.”

  “Our sofa is your sofa.” His arm around Hannah, he said, “Come on, honey. Let’s get you back to sleep. You promised you’d take it easy if I agreed to the trip. I’m going to hold you to that.”

  “Yes, dear,” Hannah said. “We’ll see you in a couple of hours, El.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  They went into their room and closed the door, but Ella could hear them whispering. S
he wanted what Hannah had—a man who cared so much about her that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her or let her do for him. She wanted the love, the commitment, the promise of forever. Unfortunately, the only man she wanted all that with was eternally unavailable to her.

  She’d meant what she said earlier to Hannah. After what happened tonight, she wasn’t sure she could allow him back in again. It hurt too much—more than ever this time after what they’d shared over the last couple of weeks. Here she thought they’d made so much progress. But they’d never gotten past the starting line if it had come undone so easily.

  Hannah was right about the trip. It would do her good to get away for a week, to give them both some space to think about what’d happened and what, if anything, they were going to do about it. Right now, in this moment, she didn’t believe anything could be done. Maybe she’d feel differently a week from now. Only time would tell for sure.

  CHAPTER 25

  Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it

  alone. His own burden in his own way.

  —Anne Morrow Lindbergh

  Gavin sat outside Ella’s house all night, but she never came home. He thought about driving around to her siblings’ homes to find her but decided that tracking her down when she didn’t want to be found would do nothing to help his case. And what case did he plan to make? He wasn’t sure exactly. All he knew was he had to try to explain himself to her and beg for yet another chance.

  How many chances did one man deserve from a woman before she decided he wasn’t worth the bother? He had to be getting close to wearing out his welcome with Ella. Except he kept hearing her tell him she loved him. She’d loved him as recently as yesterday. Hopefully he hadn’t killed all that love with his ham-handed reaction to her gift.

  Gavin was still sitting in his truck in Ella’s driveway when a stretch limo pulled up to the curb. Ella got out and then got right back into the car when she saw his truck.

  He jumped out of the truck. “Ella, wait. We need to talk.”

  Hannah got out and came over to him. Nolan was right behind her. “Leave her alone, Gavin,” Hannah said. “She doesn’t want to talk to you. Not now. We’ve got a plane to catch, and we’re going to get her suitcase. You need to leave.”

  “Not until I talk to her.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” Hunter said, emerging from the limo with Will in tow.

  “Come on, you guys. Are you being serious right now? This is me.” He’d been friends with Hunter and Will Abbott for most of his life. Were they really going to pull this shit on him now of all times?

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you, Gavin, so it’s not going to happen,” Will said.

  Gavin took a step toward the limo.

  Will and Hunter took a step toward him.

  “Don’t do this, Gav,” Hunter said softly. “If you want to talk to her in the next week, you know where to find her.”

  “So that’s the plan? Blackmail me into doing something I don’t want to do?”

  “There’s no plan,” Will said. “Or at least there isn’t anymore. You saw to that, didn’t you?”

  “Please ask her to give me five minutes.”

  “We don’t have five minutes.” Hannah returned with Nolan, who carried Ella’s bag. “We’re due at your parents’ house right now. We’ve got a plane to catch and a friend’s wedding to get to. We’ll miss you, Gavin, but then we always do at Sultan stuff.” Hannah went up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek and patted his shoulder on her way by.

  The show of affection didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. Even after he’d broken her sister’s heart, Hannah still loved him. Thank God for small favors. He stood there and watched them put the suitcase in the trunk. The driver held the door for them as they got back in the car. It took off a minute later in the direction of his parents’ home.

  Left alone in the cold early-morning darkness, Gavin knew a moment of pure, unadulterated panic. Ella had reached her limit. She had nothing left to say to him. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened before now. As he got back into his truck and threw it into reverse, he decided it didn’t matter if she had nothing left to say to him. He had stuff to say to her, and somehow he was going to find a way to make her listen.

  * * *

  The subdued group of travelers picked up Gavin’s parents and headed out of town, only to be stopped just outside downtown Butler by an obstruction in the road.

  “Seriously?” Hannah said, reaching for the door handle.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Nolan said sternly.

  “We’re going to miss our flight!”

  “We’ve got hours until our flight,” Nolan said. “Stay put.” He got out of the car and went around to the front, where the driver was trying to move Fred along.

  “He’s not going to budge until he gets what he came for,” Hannah the moose whisperer said. “Get on out there and talk to him, Cam.”

  “No way,” Will said. “Enough already with his crush on Cam.”

  “He just wants to say good-bye before she leaves town for a week,” Hannah said.

  “And how do you know that?” Hunter asked his twin.

  “I thought we’d concluded a while ago that I speak Fred.”

  Bent at the waist, Cameron climbed over the others to get to the door.

  “Cam, wait for me,” Will said, following her.

  “What the devil is the deal with that moose?” Amelia asked.

  “He’s got a thing for Cameron,” Hunter said. “A bit of a crush, if you will.”

  “But wasn’t she the one who hit him that time?” Amelia asked.

  “He’s decided not to hold it against her,” Megan replied.

  Though her heart was broken into a million pieces by the confrontation with Gavin at her house, Ella watched the goings-on with a detached sense of amusement. How could you not be amused by a moose that had a crush on your sister-in-law? With the doors and windows open, they could hear Cameron and Hannah speaking with Fred, asking him to move along and let them by.

  Ella kept thinking about Gavin and his desperate pleas to talk to her. Her heart had nearly leaped from her chest when she saw him in her driveway waiting for her and looking as if he’d been there all night. She’d sent her brothers out to tell him she wasn’t interested in what he had to say, but that wasn’t exactly true. She was very interested, but after her siblings had been good enough to offer her a ride to Boston, she wasn’t about to make them all late.

  What she and Gavin had to say to each other couldn’t be said in a minute or two. And it was going to have to wait until she got home. With Fred blocking their path out of town, Ella wondered if the moose was trying to help her—and Gavin—by keeping her from leaving with things unsettled between them.

  That’s giving a moose an awful lot of credit, Ella thought.

  After a loud “moo” that made Amelia jolt in her seat, Fred ambled off into the woods. Will, Cameron, Nolan and Hannah got back into the car.

  “Can we please go now?” Nolan said.

  “Yes, dear,” Hannah said. “We’re all set. Fred knows when Cameron will be back, and he’s promised to keep an eye on things around here while we’re gone.”

  “You’re all tapped,” Nolan said. “Seriously tapped in the head.”

  Megan laughed. “I think so, too. For the record.”

  “Thank you,” Nolan said to her. “I feel like I’m surrounded by lunatics who actually think a moose, a wild animal, cares what they have to say.”

  “You can’t really argue with our success, though, can you?” Hannah asked him.

  “Spoken by the chief lunatic.”

  “Awww, he loves me so much.”

  Ella loved the banter between her sister and her husband, who had the patience of a saint when it came to his wife and the moose she seemed to understand so well. But seei
ng them so happy together, expecting their first baby and overcoming the obstacles life—and moose—put in their way made her doubly sad for the way things had ended up with Gavin. All she’d ever wanted was what Hannah and Nolan had, what her other siblings had found with their life partners.

  And she wanted it with him. Was it too much to ask to spend forever with the man she loved? It was beginning to seem that way.

  “How’d you manage to get free of the diner for a week?” Hannah asked Megan.

  “Butch of all people. He heard us talking about the trip and how I couldn’t possibly make it work, and he told me to shut up and go, that he was more than capable of keeping the place from burning down while I’m gone. We’ll see if that’s true.”

  “And Gramps is going to check in every day,” Hunter added. “As the proprietor, of course.”

  “He’ll be more trouble than he’s worth,” Will said with a chuckle.

  “I think that’s his goal. He’s afraid Butch might put him to work.”

  “We’ll see who causes the greatest disaster,” Nolan said. “Butch or Skeeter, who’s in charge of the garage against my better judgment.”

  Ella remained silent as the conversation swirled around her. Gavin’s parents had hugged her when they got in the car, but they hadn’t said anything more. She figured they’d find a chance to talk later. Right now, she was grateful for the others, whose presence made it impossible for them to talk about it while she was still feeling so raw.

  How long would it take this time before she could take a deep breath without excruciating pain? How long would it take to get over him after sharing such extraordinary closeness with him over the last couple of weeks? Every minute they spent together was imprinted on her heart in permanent ink. She would never forget a second of it.

  When her eyes filled, she looked down, desperately trying to control her emotions. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in front of his parents or her siblings.

  A warm hand curled around hers with a gentle squeeze.

  Ella looked over at Megan, who was sitting next to her. Megan continued her conversation with Hunter, Will and Cameron without missing a beat. The show of quiet support from the woman who would soon be her sister-in-law touched Ella deeply.