by Ruby Madden
She could barely imagine having all of him pressed up against her, her legs wrapped around him…
{ CLAY }
Clay was charmed at how she knew exactly what she wanted to eat. Not a salad for Grace, but a simple, classic lunch.
He’d trailed closely behind her and chose the roast beef, balsamic and bleu cheese sandwich, a vanilla bean flavored Dry Soda and a coconut macaroon. He was glad he had thrown the bag of potato chips in at the last minute as it had just afforded him the simple delight of accidentally touching her.
Grace’s reaction was priceless. She was noticeably caught off-guard and dared he say, aroused?
God, how would she react to love-making if she gets that excited from a simple caress?
Sitting here, the two of them enjoying a simple meal together, he found himself not wanting the day to be over anytime soon.
Laying next to them, on an empty chair was the local newspaper’s movie listings. Clay picked it up and noticed that a movie he’d been waiting to come out was showing at the Fox Tower, right next door.
“Do you like to go to the movies?” Clay asked, in the spirit of spontaneity that was fueling the day.
“Like? Try love. I’m a bit of a cinema nut. My entire family is, actually. I go whenever I can. It sometimes breaks my budget. So, I try and watch a lot of Netflix too.”
“It’s just an idea, but there’s a movie playing at the Fox Tower, right next door, upstairs that I’d like to see. Would you be interested?” Clay asked, hoping she’d be up for it. He couldn’t just let the day end here.
He watched her smile broaden, her eyes full of delight. “I’d love that, let’s do it. What’s the movie?”
He pointed to the newspaper ad and braced himself for her reaction. It was his experience that people either loved or hated Woody Allen movies.
“Oooooh! Woody Allen. I love most of his movies, he always picks out the best actors and has the quirkiest scripts. He’s so neurotic in a weird sort-of affable way.” Grace gushed. Clay enjoyed witnessing her delight and engaging energy as she talked about something she enjoyed.
“Good. Then it’s decided, let’s go watch a movie.” He said, smiling at her.
Once they were done, he gathered up their trash and recycling, disposing of it appropriately. He exited the small deli shop first and held the door open for Grace. They strolled to the movie ticket booth that was just half a block away where there was a short line of movie-goers waiting to get tickets.
Grace made an attempt to buy her movie ticket which Clay quickly prevented by slipping his card to the cashier.
“My treat, please.” He insisted.
“Okay…” Grace relented, blushing.
Inside, while standing in line at the concession stand, he quickly typed out and sent an email from his smartphone to his team letting them know he needed to take the rest of the day off from work and that any meetings with him should be rescheduled. He then turned his phone to silent and slipped it in his jacket pocket, determined to ignore it for as long as Grace was in his company.
Today, it felt justified.
Grace was peering at the movie posters lining the walls. Clay noted her expression. She seemed absorbed by them. Pulled in.
She loves stories and being entertained… he mused.
It was their turn at the concession stand.
“Do you like popcorn?” Clay asked.
“Love it. With butter if that’s ok?” Grace answered, shyly peering up at him.
“Of course. Butter please.” He gestured to the clerk. “Water or soda?” Clay asked Grace.
“Water, I only drink soda occasionally.” She replied.
“Two waters please.” Clay ordered. “Like chocolate?” He asked Grace.
This time, Grace actually blushed, swiveling a bit in place like a kid in the candy-store. She nodded, almost too embarrassed to respond. As if admitting her appetite for chocolate was some luscious secret. Clay grinned at her and then picked out a gourmet chocolate bar. He gathered up their items after paying, handing Grace the bag of popcorn.
They walked to the theater and found a seat. It was practically empty with the exception of an elderly couple sitting in the first row at the front. Clay led Grace to the uppermost, back row at the top, for privacy.
Once seated, Grace began munching on the popcorn. The movie previews started and Clay settled into his seat, letting out a soft sigh. It was the strangest thing, but in that moment, he felt as if this the most natural thing. As if he and Grace had been viewing movies together for years. It also struck him how calm, at ease and content he felt sitting there next to her. It was a sweet satisfaction he couldn’t quite explain.
Midway through the movie, Clay remembered the chocolate bar and opened it quietly.
“Would you like some chocolate?” Clay whispered, leaning in close to her. Being so close, he was intoxicated by her soft, feminine scent.
Grace nodded, whispering back. “Yes, please.”
Even in the dim lighting, he could see her slight embarrassment. Clay snapped off a piece. He brought it to her lips. At first Grace hesitated, but then she opened her mouth, receiving the succulent morsel straight from his hand. She was peering at him sidewise and he noticed the confused but bemused look on her face. He knew she’d expected him to hand it to her, not actually feed her.
Was he actually hand-feeding her chocolate in a movie theater? Yes, yes he was…
Clay realized this turned him on. Sharing some sweet, edible pleasure with a curvy, blonde, curly-haired goddess. In a dark movie theater, in the mid-afternoon of the day, playing hooky from work.
Through the rest of the movie, Clay was riveted in sharing and feeding Grace the succulent morsels of chocolate. He noted how her slightly damp lips would close around the tip of his fingers as she received it from his hand. It made him think how lovely her lips would be to taste.
How amazing they would feel… elsewhere.
{ GRACE }
Grace couldn’t believe how her day had started and where it was taking her. It felt like the most magical day in her entire life. She’d never been this spontaneous. Certainly not in keeping company with a sexy, charming stranger, in well - never.
Clay hand-feeding her morsels of chocolate had been just about the sweetest and one of the most erotic experiences of her adult life.
Quiet and hypnotized like a small child, she’d eaten bite after bite after bite. Disbelieving that a man was feeding her in such a seductive way.
When the movie ended, she’d hastily excused and made her way to the ladies restroom. Just as she’d anticipated, her panties were quite damp from arousal. She let out a soft gasp when she wiped herself, amazed at how turned on she truly was. Somewhat ashamed, she had to hold back as she felt both on the verge of tears and elation.
Once she’d tidied and cleaned herself up, she met Clay in the waiting area.
“Did you enjoy the movie?” Clay asked earnestly.
Grace swallowed nervously, she was having a hard time remembering what had happened in the film. Her mind was too focused on thinking about the erotic food exchange between them.
“Yes, very much so.” She said, deciding to tell a small white lie instead of remaining mute.
They walked towards the escalators that would lead them down a level, to the exit-entry and back to the outside world. Ever the gentleman, Clay held the door open for her.
Stepping back into the crisp, early evening Fall air revitalized her a bit and she found herself feeling bolder.
“So tell me Clay, do you often spend your days spontaneously charming single women and taking them out on the town for the afternoon?” Grace asked teasingly, peering up at him with her face semi-tilted sideways.
Grace noticed Clay blushing for the first time. He let out a cough-laugh of sorts. “No, actually. I’ve never done this before. It’s been wonderful though. The spur of the moment with such a lovely individual.”
&
nbsp; Grace swallowed again. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering like mad.
“Likewise Clay, this has been a splendid day. I’m so glad we met.” Grace said, once again feeling emboldened to say what she was thinking and feeling.
They fell into a pleasantly paced stroll, side by side, neither inclined to say much. Each enjoying the other’s presence. Grace was quiet, deep in thought and enjoying the walk through the park to the Portland Streetcar. It occurred to her that she knew now what her Grand-Mother was talking about. A bit giddy from it all, she found that she felt more alive than she had in a long time.
At the same time, she was nervous. A bit worried actually. She knew where this day was headed, where it would end. Most people would want it to continue.
Did he expect her to go home with him? Have sex?
Surely he was so much more experienced than her, a man like Clay could get almost any woman he desired. As much as she wanted to, she knew herself well enough to know that she wasn’t ready for a leap like that, not just yet.
He’d captured her heart today, not just her desire.
But Grace was more anxious than excited at that prospect, for reasons solely her own. She was so inexperienced in the bedroom. She didn’t want to lose his interest.
Her old familiar fears were rising.
It was hard to fight them, she felt that sense of dread rising, a type of panic that her mind knew wasn’t warranted, but her body betrayed her with. Anxiety, that would possess her, making her afraid.
She walked on, by his side towards the Portland Streetcar stop. Mid-way through the park, Clay stopped suddenly and pulled Grace into him. He started with a soft, gentle kiss that quickly developed into a passionate embrace.
Grace fought conflicting emotions inside of herself. As much as she wanted this, she was equally insecure and scared. Unsure of herself. As the kiss got more passionate, Clay’s hands began to roam. It felt amazing but she also experienced a flash-back.
A flash-back to an encounter and experience that terrified her.
Before Grace realized what she was doing, she raised her hand and smacked Clay hard across the face. Her reaction was more of a surprise to her own behavior than the stunned, hurt look on his face.
Taking a step backwards, she stammered a bit.
“I’m so sorry…” She was mortified at what had happened, she didn’t know how to explain to him.
In that moment, Clay realized why his attempt to kiss her had created such a strong reaction. “Grace, I have to ask. Have you been hurt before, has someone been careless with you?”
Grace looked away, wiping away the tears suddenly brimming on her cheeks. She felt foolish - so confused and silly. Other than her therapist, she never talked about it with anyone. Not even her family or friends.
Finding the courage to look at him, she nodded yes slowly.
Clay allowed the full weight of what she was revealing to settle within him. “Grace, it may not be any of my business, but were you attacked or -- raped?” He said with equal sympathy and soft-spoken fury.
The horror of hearing those words come out of his mouth, from the only man she had wanted to be intimate with in ages, it was too much.
She froze. Everything froze.
Inside, she wanted to vanish, to disappear. Her mouth went dry and she tried to respond.
That same awful thought came back to her… He won’t want me now that he knows I’m ruined, that I’m damaged goods, that I’m scared of sex…
Before Grace knew what she was doing, she saw her escape approaching in the form of a taxi. She raised her arm to signal it to her. And just like that, she ran to it, opened the door and slammed it shut, pleading with the driver to leave as fast as possible.
He did, assuming the worst about who she was trying to leave behind.
{ CLAY }
Clay was so stunned by Grace’s revelation and then her sudden disappearance that he hadn’t even had the chance to react.
He stood in place, suddenly alone.
With dismay, he realized – he only knew Grace’s first name. He didn’t know her last name, hadn’t gotten her phone number and didn’t know where she worked.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He yelled out loud, to thin air. The woman of his dreams had come and gone, in a day.
Idiot, idiot, idiot… I should have waited. I needed to be patient. I needed to romance her. I’m such an ass!
Frustrated, irate at the thought of someone mishandling Grace or worse. This was one of the worst cluster-fucks of feelings he’d experienced in a long time. To have such a powerful connection to such a desirable woman, and to have her disappear, just like that.
It was vexing.
What do I do? Clay groaned a bit to himself, oblivious to a group of passerby’s that looked at him with curious alarm.
Pulling himself together, he sat down at a nearby park bench. The early eve of a Portland night was getting chillier and crisper. The twinkle of the park lamps turning on in their distanced solitary arrangement seemed to speak to a sadness within him. The park was mostly empty and the silence of it resonated with his loneliness.
How lonesome he truly was, was his biggest secret. He’d never dare reveal it to those in his life as most wouldn’t believe him. But it was true, Clay, despite all of his success, charm, and business connections, frequently mused at this odd anguish of lonesomeness inside him.
Today, was the first day in a long, long time that he’d felt truly connected to another person. And such a lovely, sweet soul at that. Grace was everything and more in what he wanted, sought and ached for. A companion to adore, spoil, maybe even marry. He liked how she owned her appetite, her body, her love for books, food and cinema.
How excited she got, then shy.
He thought about how the day started and all the little things between them that revealed their mutual interest in one another. Reluctantly he called a cab, to pick him up and take him to his car. He knew it would be smarter to just take the streetcar back to his car parked in the NW neighborhood, where his workday had started. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He needed a bit of distance from how this day had begun and where it had ended.
Because in all seriousness, a grown-ass man never wanted to be seen in public, crying.
{ GRACE }
Grace sensed him before she saw and heard him. Sebastian, her favorite co-worker.
“You seem awfully quiet today, Grace. What’s up?” Sebastian set down a paper-cup teeming with a foofy coffee drink, on the counter in front of her.
“Do I?” Grace picked up the coffee offering and inhaled the cinnamon mocha deeply. “Thank you Sebastian, you know me all too well.”
Sebastian was decked out in his chef outfit, his gorgeous amber yellow eyes assessing her.
Grace was grateful that it was turning out to be a quiet day at work. Most of her co-workers were working elsewhere in the boutique hotel and she was enjoying some peace and quiet at the moment.
“Girl, you’ve been moping around all week. What gives? I need deets. Stat, like pronto. Now.”
Grace smiled. She loved Sebastian. A handsome gay black man that always made her smile. He was wonderfully self-deprecating. A wee bit snarky. Always fashionable and definitely a proud geek on occasion. He was also the hotel’s executive chef.
“I met someone.”
“Do tell!” He let out a man-squeal, his full attention riveted on her. “It’s about time that my Gracie got herself a man.”
Grace frowned and sighed. “Well, I met a man. I ain’t got nothing. It fell apart at the end because I freaked. It was awful. I keep kicking myself over it.”
Sebastian took a moment to assess her. “Woman, call him. Explain yourself. It’s as simple as that. No more moping allowed.”
Grace shook her head. “That’s just it, we didn’t exchange numbers. I ran off before I got his number. I’m so fucking stupid, Sebastian.”
“That does suck.�
�� Sebastian was thinking. “Surely you got his full name? We can search for him on the Internet.”
“I only know his first name. I spent the entire day with the man and we never got to last names. The whole day was magical. Til the very end, until I freaked out and had to run off and ruin it…” Grace shared.
“Why’d you run off?” Sebastian asked, a look of concern on his face.
Grace looked away and out the window. She was trying to decide if she should tell him. She’d always been hesitant to share such personal things about herself.
“I freaked. We were kissing and I was loving it, but then it got really passionate, really fast. When he got more hands-on, it triggered a… flashback. I slapped him.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows rose. “Was he getting fresh with you too soon?”
“No, he was a total gentleman. It’s not him, Sebastian. It’s me. I’m… I’m damaged goods.” Grace stammered.
Sebastian took a step back, a look of consternation on his face. “Grace, what do you mean sweetie?”
Grace got quiet again and sat down, with a sigh, into her chair. “I have a hard time, with men. When it comes to intimacy, I’m scared.”
Sebastian clued in to what Grace was sharing with him. He leaned forward and took her hand. “Sweetie, there ain’t nothing in the whole wide world you could tell me that would change my opinion of you unless you’re a baby puppy killer, which I know you aren’t. You can tell me. I’m here to listen.”
Grace bit her bottom lip, worried she might cry. This entire experience was proving how vulnerable she felt most of the time.
“I don’t have much experience to pull from and what experience I do have is mostly bad. I got scared and so I slapped him. And then I was so mortified at what I’d done that I ran off. I ran off like the man was trying to rape me… or something. Who does that?” She explained, her voice faltering.
