Superstar Babes

by Narinder Dhami

  I turned on her. ‘Kim, you are supposedly my best friend and I’m relying on you to back me up during the contest,’ I snapped.

  Kim looked mutinous. ‘Maybe I want to win it myself.’

  ‘Oh, let’s stop messing around!’ Jazz howled. ‘We all want to win it. There, I’ve said it!’

  We slumped into silence again, glaring at each other. The tension was rising visibly.

  The only one of us who looked completely calm was Mr Hernandez. Wearing a green shirt patterned with yellow pineapples, he was perched on a chair with his legs strangely contorted underneath him.

  ‘Yoga,’ he informed me, breathing deeply through his nose. ‘It helps to keep me sane.’

  ‘Not very effective then, is it?’ Jazz said in a low voice.

  Suddenly the door of the classroom flew open. We all jumped, and Mr Hernandez, unable to extricate his legs fast enough, toppled off the chair.

  ‘Time to go,’ Mr Grimwade announced. He looked quite excited himself. ‘Follow me.’

  We all picked up the one small suitcase we were allowed to take (oh, what a huge scene there had been when Baby found that out) and went after Mr Grimwade. I was hoping to be first – after all, it had been my idea – but Baby was closest to the door. Now she sashayed out into the playground on her highest heels, waving at the assembled crowd like the Queen. We all trailed after her like ladies-in-waiting.

  ‘Our contestants are ready!’ announced Mr Grimwade.

  Applause and cheers.

  ‘Amber, you must be very excited.’ Martha Rigby thrust her microphone under my nose. ‘This is a big event for your school, and for you! Tell us how you’re feeling right now?’

  ‘Nervous but excited,’ I began before I was elbowed unceremoniously out of the way by Baby.

  ‘Watch this space,’ Baby purred, beaming at the camera, ‘because I’m going to win!’

  ‘Oh, she’s going to be even more unbearable if she does win,’ Geena muttered.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I said, trying to ignore the ranks of boys staring admiringly at Baby in her skinny jeans, ‘she won’t. The airheads never do.’

  Mr Morgan was trying to quieten the crowd down so that he could make a speech or something, but everyone was just too excited and they wouldn’t shut up. Looking rather fed up, he simply shouted, ‘Let the competition begin! And good luck to all the contestants!’ Then he stared at me rather hard. I wondered if he was wishing me particularly good luck, but sadly I think it was more of a warning. If this is a disaster, you are so dead, Ambajit Dhillon . . .

  Mr Grimwade led the way over to the sixth-form block and the crowd dashed along behind us. Gareth Parker and his minions were gathered outside waiting for us, Gareth stern and unsmiling, although the others, including Soo-Lin, looked quite thrilled.

  We went inside after Mr Grimwade, followed by Gareth and the sixth-formers. Gareth and Soo-Lin then banged the doors shut behind us and made a great show of locking and bolting them. The last thing I saw as the doors closed was George Botley in the crowd, winking and giving me the thumbs-up. I just hoped I hadn’t made a ghastly mistake asking him to help me. But no way was I going to miss out on Mr Gill’s thousand pounds . . .

  ‘Right, you know the rules,’ Mr Grimwade said briskly, ushering us into the nearest classroom. ‘No mobile phones, no books, no magazines, writing materials, no personal stereos, no laptops, etc.’

  Gareth immediately reached over and plucked the iPod straight out of Rocky’s hand.

  ‘Oi! Give that back, Four-Eyes!’ Rocky snapped. But wilted immediately under Mr Grimwade’s beady eye.

  We all lined up to hand over our mobile phones. As we did so, one of them went off. The ringtone was You’re Beautiful.

  ‘Typical,’ Jazz muttered as Baby dived into her designer handbag.

  We all waited for Baby to answer her phone. But she didn’t. Curiously, she took one look at the screen and let out a stifled exclamation (possibly a swear word but we couldn’t quite hear). Looking completely flummoxed, she stabbed frantically at the off button. Then she tossed the phone into the box on top of the other mobiles, as if it had scalded her.

  ‘You could have taken the call, Baby,’ Mr Grimwade said mildly.

  ‘No, that’s OK,’ Baby muttered, still looking flustered.

  I remembered the mysterious phone call she’d had on the morning of the Who’s in the House? finale. The one that had put her in a really bad mood. I wondered if this call was from the same person, whoever that might be. Ha! Another mystery for me to think about. And I was going to have a lot more time on my hands from now on to come up with possible solutions . . .

  Rocky was looking suspicious. ‘Was that a call from another guy?’ he demanded. ‘Are you two-timing me?’

  ‘No, so shut up!’ Baby snarled, giving him a shove.

  Gareth Parker stepped quickly (and, I have to admit, quite bravely) between them. ‘We’ll need to search your suitcases next, of course,’ he announced, obviously relishing his role as jailer.

  Auntie eyeballed him sternly. ‘Young man, no one is going through my lingerie,’ she informed him.

  ‘Nor mine,’ Geena snapped.

  ‘I don’t mind you looking at mine, Gareth,’ Baby said, batting her eyelashes and flirting outrageously.

  ‘I meant, Soo-Lin and the girls will check your suitcases,’ Gareth blustered.

  Soo-Lin and some of the other sixth-form girls led Auntie, Kim, Baby, Geena, Jazz and me away into the adjoining classroom.

  ‘What’s all this flirting with Gareth Parker?’ I asked Baby as we unlocked our suitcases. ‘If you’re trying to get round him somehow, it won’t work. That guy’s made of granite.’

  ‘He’s kind of cute though, isn’t he?’ Baby remarked. ‘Sort of all dark and brooding. Like Heathrow.’

  ‘I think you mean Heathcliff,’ I replied. I suppose Gareth was actually quite attractive if you looked closely. But you had to stare hard to see it.

  After our suitcases had passed inspection, Mr Grimwade, Gareth and Soo-Lin led us off to the sixth-form common room, which was to be our base for the next five days. We were all filing down the corridor behind them when something very dramatic happened. Quite unexpectedly, Baby stopped dead in the middle of the corridor, flung her arm out and pointed straight at Geena.

  ‘Geena’s hiding something!’ she proclaimed. ‘She’s trying to smuggle it into the contest!’

  We all swivelled to stare at Geena. She had flushed deep red in the space of just one and a half seconds.

  ‘I am not,’ she protested.

  ‘What are you talking about, Baby?’ Gareth asked sternly. ‘Everybody’s bags have been checked, and they’re fine.’

  ‘It’s not in her bag, whatever it is,’ Baby replied, flashing him a sweet smile. ‘It’s in her hand. That one. It’s something white.’

  We all stared down at Geena’s left hand, which was tightly clenched.

  ‘Oh, this,’ Geena said in a would-be casual tone, opening her hand very slightly to reveal a screwed-up bit of white paper. ‘It’s just a good-luck note someone passed me in the playground, that’s all.’

  Jazz whipped round to glance at me. ‘I bet it was him!’ she whispered in my ear. ‘Geena’s secret boyfriend!’

  ‘I’ll take charge of that,’ Gareth said sternly, whisking the note out of Geena’s hand.

  As we all went off down the corridor again, Jazz and I hung back so that we could have a private gossip.

  ‘Was Geena talking to anyone when we crossed the playground just now?’ I asked urgently.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jazz wailed. ‘I wasn’t looking.’

  ‘How frustrating,’ I muttered. Geena’s mysterious love-life was something else I’d almost forgotten about during the preparations for the contest. ‘Jazz, we simply have to find out what’s going on.’

  ‘I’m up for that,’ Jazz replied enthusiastically.

  The sixth-form common room was large and spacious with a kitchen at one end o
f it. I was intrigued to see that fixed cameras had been set up all around the room in different positions. It looked as if we could be filmed wherever we were. Black-out blinds covered the windows to make sure that no one could see in from outside, and lights had been brought over from the TV studio in the drama department. The classrooms that were doubling up as bedrooms were on either side of the common room, and there were two sets of showers and toilets too.

  As we looked around, I quickly realized that, as the common room was the only place with cameras, anything we said or did outside there would not be filmed. Interesting. I could be all sweetness and light in the common room, and say and do what I liked outside it.

  ‘As you can see, you can only be filmed when you’re in here,’ Gareth explained smoothly. ‘However, we intend to deduct votes from anyone who spends too much time outside the common room. Apart from when you’re asleep, of course.’

  ‘How much time is too much time?’ I demanded.

  ‘We’ll be the judges of that,’ Gareth declared pompously.

  ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’ I accused. ‘That’s because you’re a narrow-minded, annoying, swotty little—’

  ‘Amber,’ Soo-Lin interrupted, ‘we have actually started filming.’

  ‘What!’ I gasped. Sure enough, the green camera lights were on – I just hadn’t noticed.

  ‘This is only a test – right?’ I asked, beginning to sweat just a little.

  Gareth shook his head in a superior manner. ‘No, we’ve already done lots of test shots.’ He smirked. ‘We decided to switch the cameras on before you came in. To get some candid shots.’

  I didn’t zip my mouth shut as Rocky had done earlier, but I clamped my lips together firmly. Now that I knew we were being filmed, I could watch what I said and did. But I already had an uncomfortable feeling that it wasn’t going to be as easy in practice as it sounded in theory . . .

  ‘We’ll leave you to settle in.’ Mr Grimwade headed for the door, followed by Soo-Lin and Gareth, who was still grinning triumphantly. ‘But I’ll be in touch soon with your very first challenge. Good luck.’

  ‘And don’t bother trying to escape,’ Gareth called over his shoulder. ‘There’ll be a group of teachers and sixth-formers watching what’s going on here in the common room at all times. All the other doors on this corridor will be locked, apart from your sleeping quarters and the shower rooms. We’ll be leaving the main doors unlocked, just in case there’s an emergency, but there’ll be someone on guard outside, day and night. And people will be patrolling around the building too. Goodbye.’

  The door banged shut behind them. We all stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment, staring at each other and at the cameras. It was actually quite hard to take in the fact that our every move was being filmed.

  ‘Are you OK, Kim?’ I asked. She was looking ever so slightly green.

  ‘Not really.’ She swallowed hard. ‘It’s just knowing that we can’t get out if we want to.’

  ‘Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that—’ I began, but stopped myself abruptly. I’d been about to say that I didn’t believe there would be security around the building day and night, whatever Gareth Parker said. I didn’t want to say it on camera, though.

  ‘Oh, this is going to be such fun!’ Baby announced merrily, sinking into a chair right in front of one of the cameras and directing a toothy smile straight at it. ‘I’m so looking forward to it – and it’s for such a good cause.’

  She was almost as good an actress as Molly Mahal.

  ‘I’ve written a special Who’s in the School? rap,’ Rocky boasted, moving in front of her to hog the camera. ‘I reckon I ought to do it now, to start the contest off properly.’

  ‘Oh, I think we should unpack first and get settled in,’ Geena said quickly.

  Suddenly there was a knock on the door. We all jumped so high we almost hit the ceiling, and Baby let out a melodramatic shriek. I dashed over and flung open the door to find Gareth Parker standing outside, holding a large cardboard box. We glared at each other.

  ‘These are the materials for your first challenge,’ Gareth snapped, thrusting the box at me. ‘And we want everything back that isn’t used. Oh, and we’ve counted all the pens and pencils, so don’t bother trying to nick any.’

  ‘But what’s the challenge?’ I called as Gareth stomped off down the corridor.

  ‘ATTENTION, CONTESTANTS!’

  The booming voice of Mr Grimwade over the loudspeaker system bounced off the walls of the room and nearly deafened us.

  ‘Er – I think you need to turn it down slightly, sir,’ we heard Soo-Lin say.

  ‘Ah, yes . . .’ There was silence for a moment or two, and then Mr Grimwade’s voice was back, a bit lower but not much. ‘Contestants, we have your first challenge!’

  ‘Ooh, sock it to us!’ Mr Hernandez called. ‘We’re ready!’

  ‘The challenge is to make yourself a fancy-dress costume from anything you can find lying around the common room and the classrooms,’ Mr Grimwade went on. ‘We’ve given you some basic materials in the box Gareth has just delivered. The sixth-formers and I will be awarding points for the best costumes and, of course, your efforts will also be voted for by the rest of the school. You have one hour – starting NOW!’

  There was a second’s pause before we all stormed into action, apart from Baby, who remained in her chair, fluttering her eyelashes at the camera.

  ‘Look!’ I flung the cardboard box open and began pulling stuff out. ‘Tissue paper! Staplers! Glue! Card! Paints!’

  ‘Ooh, give me some!’ Jazz declared, launching herself at me. ‘I’ve had a fab idea!’

  We shared out the stuff in the box, and then Kim and I disappeared into the girls’ classroom to get started, leaving Auntie, Uncle Jai and Dad poking around the common room, looking for inspiration. Meanwhile, Rocky and Mr Hernandez had already got to work in the other classroom.

  Geena and Jazz joined Kim and me after a while, and we all had such a laugh making our costumes. Even Kim cheered up a bit. We could also hear raised voices and gales of laughter coming from the common room next door. I felt pleased and also quite proud of myself. This was turning out exactly the way I’d planned.

  When Mr Grimwade called us together again an hour later, there was more hysterical laughter. I was a daisy and Kim was a buttercup. We’d wrapped ourselves in green tissue paper and wore white and yellow cardboard petal headdresses. Jazz had made herself a fairy costume with a rather snazzy glittery wand, and Geena was a hula-girl in a tissue-paper grass skirt and a paper-flower garland.

  ‘Where have the sofa cushions gone?’ asked Jazz, glancing round the common room. ‘And all the throws?’

  An Indian maharajah and his maharani (Uncle Jai and Auntie) paraded into the room and we all applauded. Uncle Jai was wearing one of the sofa throws and a very dashing turban made from a tea towel. Auntie had very painstakingly wound herself into a tissue-paper sari and had a red-paint bindi. Their servant (Dad) followed behind them, wearing the other sofa throw and wafting them with his palm fan, which was actually a broom handle with cardboard leaves stuck on one end of it.

  ‘I can’t wait to see what Baby’s wearing,’ Geena muttered in my ear. Baby had worked on her costume on her own in the girls’ shower room. She’d been intensely secretive and had refused to let anyone see it.

  ‘We’re still waiting for three of our contestants!’ Mr Grimwade yelled over the loudspeaker.

  We all winced.

  ‘I wish he’d stop doing that,’ Jazz complained.

  ‘We shall be deducting votes if you don’t show yourselves NOW!’ Mr Grimwade added menacingly.

  Rocky rushed in from the guys’ classroom. His outfit must have taken him, oh – all of five minutes to get ready. He wore a T-shirt, shorts and trainers, all of which I guessed he’d brought with him, and he’d wound strips of white tissue paper around his hands.

  ‘I’m a boxer,’ he explained as we all looked blank. ‘You know, like in th
e Rocky movies?’

  He bounced across the room with some fancy footwork and aimed a pretend jab in Auntie’s direction. She glared at him.

  ‘Oh, are you all waiting for little old me?’ Baby called, slinking into the room. She was wearing a cut-off T-shirt, a tissue-paper veil across the lower half of her face and a tissue-paper skirt with a long slit up one side. We all goggled at her. Her skirt was rather revealing.

  ‘I’m a belly dancer,’ Baby explained patiently, shimmying across the room.

  ‘Baby, go and put your jeans on, now,’ Auntie snapped, moving swiftly to cut her off as she headed for the nearest camera. ‘That skirt is almost see-through.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Baby said with pretend innocence. ‘I didn’t realize.’

  Auntie bundled her quickly out of the room, and at the same moment we heard Mr Hernandez yelling for help. We ran out and found him wedged in the doorway of the guys’ classroom. Not surprising, seeing that he’d strapped the purple sofa cushions to himself, front, back and sides, and was about five times the size he’d been before. He also had a strange cardboard triangle attached to his head and was carrying Auntie’s handbag.

  ‘What are you meant to be, sir?’ asked Geena as we helped to push him through the door.

  ‘I’m a Teletubby,’ Mr Hernandez panted.

  Of course. It was obvious once you knew. We could hardly stand up for laughing as we shoved him through the door and into the common room. Mr Grimwade could barely say anything over the loudspeaker, he was chuckling so hard, and we could hear the sixth-formers laughing hysterically in the background. It looked like Mr Hernandez had probably won the most votes from them, then – although there would still be voting by the rest of the school taking place later this afternoon, when they watched the first day’s filming.

  ‘The first challenge is now over,’ Mr Grimwade announced. ‘We’ll be in touch with you again tomorrow. But don’t worry, we’ll still be keeping an eye on you all!’ Then the loudspeaker system clicked off and there was silence.

  We all stood there in our ridiculous costumes and things suddenly went quite flat. I realized that there was a long afternoon to get through before bed time.