Shattered

by Joan Johnston

  Even after he’d confronted his nearly-ex-wife, she’d lied.

  “The baby isn’t yours,” she’d said, facing him with her chin tilted upward in a gesture of defiance he recognized all too well.

  “You willing to prove that?”

  She’d frowned. “We’re getting a divorce, Jack. What does it matter whose child this is?”

  “I’m not having a son of mine born a bastard. It’s a burden no innocent child should have to bear. I can stand to be married to you long enough to give my son—”

  “Or daughter,” she’d interjected.

  “Or daughter,” Jack had said, imagining a little girl with Holly’s green eyes and red hair, “my name.”

  Holly’s eyes had brimmed with tears as she said, “I don’t want to spend the last few months of my pregnancy with us at each other’s throats. And that’s what happens lately whenever we’re together.”

  It had hurt to hear her say it, even though their marriage was within a few weeks of being over. “Too bad,” he’d retorted. “I’m not giving you a divorce until the baby’s born.”

  “I want this fighting to be over with, Jack.” Her voice was angry. But her eyes were agonized.

  “No problem,” Jack said. “The day you give birth, we’re quits. But the papers don’t get signed until then.”

  “All right, Jack. You win.”

  He’d won the argument, all right, but lost the war. At least, that was how it felt. Instead of being free to pursue a relationship with Kate, whom he loved, he’d tied himself to Holly for four more long months.

  Of course, he and Kate couldn’t get married anyway until they found her errant husband. She’d only admitted J.D. was alive after Jack had said, “I love you”—to explain why she wasn’t completely free.

  The world believed her husband was dead, but Kate knew J.D. was alive. How could she get a divorce from a man who was legally dead? And it took seven years after his “disappearance” to have J.D. declared dead—again.

  But he’d bought a ring, anyway. He’d planned to go down on one knee tonight and propose to her.

  Instead, he had to confess to Kate that while she’d been in a coma, he’d gone to bed with his wife. And gotten her pregnant.

  That wasn’t the worst of it.

  Holly had made demands of her own before she would agree to postpone their divorce until the child was born.

  “I’ll stay married to you on one condition,” she’d said.

  “You’re in no position to make conditions,” he’d shot back.

  “You have to live with me and Ryan until the baby is born.”

  He’d been so stunned that for a moment he hadn’t been able to speak. Fury had quickly followed. “Why are you jerking me around, Holly? You’re the one who asked for the divorce. You’re the one who kicked me out on my ass. And you’re the one who pointed out that all we ever do anymore is fight. Why in hell would you want us to live together for the next four months?”

  “I want us to use this time to mend what was broken between us.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.” Jack was pretty sure they couldn’t mend what was broken between them if they lived together for the next forty years.

  “I want us to become friends again,” she explained, her leaf-green gaze focused on his.

  He’d always been a sucker for that pleading look, and she knew it. But he wasn’t about to let her manipulate him. “Why make this any harder than it is?”

  In a soft, throaty voice that he couldn’t remember hearing Holly use in recent memory, she said, “We were best friends once, Jack.”

  “That was a long time ago,” he replied, his voice harsh. “We can’t go back, Holly. What would be the point?”

  “The point is, we’re going to have two children who’ll need us to be able to talk without arguing,” she said reasonably. “Two children who’ll need us to be friends in order to make custody arrangements without hurting them or each other.”

  He hated to admit it, but she was right. Over the past year, every discussion they’d had about Ryan had been laced with animosity on her part and resentment on his. But there was a sticking point that made what she suggested impossible for him.

  “I’m not giving up my job.”

  “You won’t have to do that,” Holly said. “I’ve accepted a position at M.D. Anderson in Houston. I’ll be doing research at the Children’s Cancer Hospital on a grant through the end of my pregnancy. All you’d need to do is ask for a transfer across the state.”

  He could hardly believe his ears. “When did all this happen?”

  “I’ve been working on it for a couple of months.”

  “You were intending to come back to Texas and you never told me?” He was angry again.

  “It wasn’t any of your business.”

  “My son’s whereabouts isn’t my business?”

  She flushed and her green eyes sparked with anger equal to his own. “I know about you and Kate Pendleton. I didn’t want to come back to Texas until the divorce was final. It would have been humiliating to have my colleagues know my husband was involved with another woman, especially someone as high-profile as the governor’s daughter-in-law.”

  He could see her point. Again. “How soon do you want to do this?”

  “I’ve already rented a house near M.D. Anderson. Ryan and I will be moving there over the weekend.”

  “This weekend?” he’d asked incredulously.

  “The furniture’s being delivered Saturday morning. So, do you think you can get a transfer?”

  His undercover assignment was located in Houston. He was investigating a businessman there. “That won’t be a problem.”

  “When can we expect you to join us?”

  “I can be there Saturday morning. Do you want help moving?”

  He saw the astonishment on her face. She hadn’t been expecting him to manage a transfer so soon. Or maybe not at all? Had this all been another trick?

  “That would be a big help,” she said. “I won’t tell Ryan you’re coming until you show up. It can be a nice surprise.”

  Was she hoping he wouldn’t show up? “What are we going to tell him? He’s going to think we’re getting back together.”

  “We can worry about that after the baby is born.”

  And that was that.

  Jack was distracted from his thoughts when Kate stuck her head out her front door and asked, “Are you all right?”

  He shoved his way out of the SUV and headed down the sidewalk. “I’m fine.” As he closed the distance between them he said, “I have some news I need to share.”

  He was surprised when her smile of welcome disappeared and she replied, “I have some news, too.”

  4

  Kate wanted Jack’s arms around her. She’d been seriously rattled by Wyatt Shaw’s visit. She’d realized she would never get to the twins’ elementary school before class let out for the day, so she’d called a friend who lived near the school and asked her to pick up Lucky and Chance. Her friend had called to let Kate know she had the boys in hand, so at least Shaw hadn’t intercepted them before they got on the bus. The boys were going to stay at their friend’s house and play for a while before her friend brought them home.

  Then she’d paced the floor, waiting for Jack to arrive.

  Jack represented comfort. And security. He arrived at her front door dressed like the lawman he was in the only “uniform” the Texas Rangers wore: a crisp, long-sleeved white western shirt with, in Jack’s case, a bolo tie with a silver clasp, Wrangler jeans, a western hat and cowboy boots.

  As he stepped inside, he set his gray felt Stetson on a nearby table with the crown down. As soon as he did, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  He shoved the SIG Sauer P226 in a slide holster on his belt out of the way. But she could feel the cold imprint of the Texas Ranger badge, a star within a circle stamped out of a silver Mexican cinco peso coin which he wore over his left brea
st pocket, against her cheek.

  She waited anxiously for his arms to close around her. Finally they did. But it wasn’t enough to quiet her fears.

  “Hold me tighter, Jack.”

  His grip tightened at last, but only for a moment, just long enough for her to hear that his heart was thumping surprisingly fast. Then he grasped her shoulders and pushed her away.

  Kate raised her face, thinking Jack wanted to kiss her. She was confused by the anxious look in his dark brown eyes. For a moment, it seemed he wouldn’t kiss her. And then he did.

  Kate welcomed the passionate meeting of tongues and caught fire as Jack yanked at the buttons on her cotton blouse. He shoved a hand inside her blouse, then inside her bra, and palmed the naked weight of her breast. He used his other hand to press her hips tight against his erection.

  The abrasive brush of his callused thumb caused her nipples to peak. His tongue mimicked the sex act, withdrawing, then seeking honey again.

  Kate shoved her hands up around Jack’s neck and into his hair, raising herself on tiptoe so their bodies would fit better, feeling the hot, hard length of him through the layers of denim they both wore. He wasn’t nearly close enough. She wanted him inside her.

  Her hand shoved its way back down between them. She traced the shape of him, the length of him, the heat of him, and heard the guttural groan that told her he liked what she was doing.

  Which made it all the more shocking when he tore his mouth from hers, yanked his hand out of her bra and grabbed her shoulders with both hands. He held her at arm’s length, his eyes tortured, his lungs heaving.

  Kate could feel Jack’s body trembling with need. Felt her own knees buckling, as nature did its best to get her supine to procreate. “Jack?” she gasped.

  “We have to stop. We can’t do this.”

  “Why not? I love you.” It was the first time she’d said the words. “And I know you love me.” He’d told her so in the days before she’d been shot. He’d proved it by coming to the hospital every day while she was in a coma, and by taking care of her sons when her mother-in-law might have seized the opportunity to steal her children away.

  Jack closed his eyes. His jaw worked as though he were fighting some great emotion. “Oh God, Kate.”

  When he opened his eyes at last, there was a hopeless look in them that made her breath catch. Kate could think of only one reason why Jack wouldn’t want to make love. She looked earnestly up at him and sought the words that would ease his troubled mind.

  “It’s okay, Jack. I know we can’t get married right away, maybe not for a long time.” J.D. might never be caught.

  “But being shot, being in a coma, has taught me that none of us knows how long we have in this world. My heart is yours, Jack. I think it has been for a very long time. I want to make love to you. With you.”

  Jack made a low, growling sound in his throat, but he kept her at arm’s length.

  “We’ve waited long enough,” she said. “I want to start our lives together now. We can worry about J.D. when—or if—he ever shows up again.”

  Kate tried to reach out and touch Jack, but his grip tightened painfully. “Ow. Jack, you’re hurting me.”

  He let go of her abruptly and took a quick step back. When Kate reached out again, he put his hands up and snapped, “No. Don’t touch me.”

  Kate recoiled. “What’s wrong?”

  He shoved a hand through his sun-streaked chestnut hair and looked down and away.

  Kate recognized the move. J.D. had done it often enough. That was guilt. But guilt about what?

  Jack stalked past her to the wet bar on the far side of the living room. He found a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, poured himself a stiff drink and gulped it down in two swallows.

  Kate watched him warily, stunned by his rejection. All she could think was that something had changed while she was in a coma. That he didn’t love her anymore. That he’d kept on watching over her sons because he’d felt an obligation to do so. He’d gotten carried away by the kissing and touching, but he wasn’t interested in anything permanent. Which explained why he’d seemed so upset by her profession of love.

  “Have you changed your mind about loving me, Jack?” she asked, struggling to keep her chin from quivering.

  “No!” His voice was loud. Harsh. As guttural as his groan of pleasure or his growl of guilt.

  “Then why did you stop? Don’t you want to make love to me?”

  “My balls ache, I want you so bad,” he said through gritted teeth. “I love you. I want to marry you.”

  Kate shook her head in bafflement. “Then why—”

  “Holly’s pregnant.”

  It took Kate a moment to process what Jack had said. She was trying to figure out what Holly’s pregnancy had to do with Jack not making love to her. And realized what he hadn’t said.

  “It’s your baby.”

  Jack didn’t bother to confirm what she’d said. He just stood there looking sick at heart.

  “When…? How soon…?”

  “She got pregnant over Thanksgiving,” he said. “The baby’s due in mid-August.”

  Kate felt the heat grow in her cheeks. While she’d been in a coma, Jack had been having sex with his wife.

  “I’m sorry, Kate.”

  “For what?” she snapped. “Holly’s your wife. She is still your wife, right?”

  “She is. But—”

  “Does this mean you’ve reconciled? That you’re not getting a divorce?”

  “It was an accident,” Jack blurted.

  Kate laughed. It wasn’t a nice sound.

  “We were arguing and…” He rubbed a hand across his nape. “Aw, hell. That’s how Holly and I settled every argument we ever had during our marriage. It was just…habit.”

  “You didn’t take any precautions?”

  “She’s forty-one. Neither of us thought she could get pregnant because she’s been…What’s it called?”

  “Menopausal?”

  “Yeah. She started missing periods and said that was the end of kids for us. So I didn’t think—”

  “That’s the understatement of the year,” Kate muttered.

  “Look, neither Holly nor I planned for her to get pregnant. It just happened. And now that it has…”

  He paused again, and Kate waited to hear the death knell to her dreams of a life with Jack. “And now?”

  “I don’t want my child born a bastard.”

  Kate’s breath soughed out of her. “I see.”

  He didn’t explain further. He didn’t need to. She could see where he was headed.

  “I presume that means you’re not getting a divorce.”

  “We’re still getting divorced. We’re just not going to sign the papers until after the baby’s born in August,” Jack qualified.

  “What if I’m willing to have you live here and make love to me while you’re still, technically, married to Holly?”

  He was already shaking his head. “I can’t do that, Kate.”

  “Why not?”

  “Holly set conditions on us staying married until the baby is born, one of which is that we live together in Houston for the rest of her pregnancy. She has a job at M.D. Anderson.”

  Kate felt dizzy. “You’re moving to Houston? To live with Holly?”

  “And Ryan.”

  Kate felt an awful ache in her chest, felt her eyes brim with sudden tears, as though someone she loved had just died. She fought the sorrow with anger. “Why would Holly want you to live with her? She’s the one who asked for the divorce!”

  “She wants to use these few months together to work out some of our differences, so we can be friends again.”

  “Friends?” Kate snorted the word as though it was an epithet.

  “Holly and I won’t be sleeping together, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Because I’m in love with you.”

  Kate moaned and swayed. She covered her face with her hands
and fought back a sob.

  Jack crossed the room in three strides and gathered her in his arms. His cheek was pressed close to hers and his voice was gruff as he said, “This is just a hiccup, sweetheart. We’ll be together soon. But I have to do this.”

  Kate opened her mouth to tell Jack about the threat she faced from Wyatt Shaw and closed it again without speaking. It would tear Jack in two if he thought she was in trouble and needed him while he was stuck living with his wife in Houston.

  “When do you leave?”

  “Tonight. I’m helping Holly move in tomorrow.”

  Kate startled herself when she burst into tears.

  “Honey, sweetheart, please don’t cry,” Jack crooned.

  Kate felt him kiss her closed eyes, felt him kiss away the hot tears on her cheeks.

  He put a finger under her chin and tipped her face up. “Look at me, Kate.”

  He waited patiently until she opened her eyes.

  She looked up at Jack through a veil of tears. “It’s not fair, Jack. It’s like fate is conspiring against us.”

  “Our day will come, Kate. Sooner than you think.”

  But Kate wasn’t so sure. What if Jack fell back in love with his wife? And she’d been counting on Jack to be a buffer between her and Wyatt Shaw.

  She swallowed over the painful knot of sorrow—and fear—in her throat and said, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “Hey,” Jack said, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. “It won’t be so bad. We can talk on the phone every day, and I can visit sometimes on weekends. We have the Internet and texting. If you love me as much as I love you, we can get through this together.”

  She didn’t want to be coaxed into compliance. She stiffened in his arms. “You’re still planning to woo me while you’re living with your wife?”

  “My very pregnant wife,” Jack pointed out.

  “Pregnant women are beautiful.”

  “I’m sure you were,” Jack said with a grin. “And I hope you will be again.”