Shattered

by Joan Johnston

  “So where did you hide those special things of your father’s?”

  The boys exchanged a look that suggested they both knew where that cell phone was hidden.

  “I can’t tell you that,” the other boy said. “Dad said we shouldn’t tell anyone. Then it wouldn’t be a secret.”

  “I just wanted to see if it was a really good hiding place,” D’Amato said, knowing it wouldn’t take Roberto more than a minute to convince these brats to tell him what he wanted to know. Unfortunately, he would have to return them to their father afterward, and there would be serious consequences if they showed obvious signs of wear and tear.

  “It’s a really good hiding place,” one of the boys said.

  “No one will ever find where we hid our special things,” the other added.

  D’Amato realized he was getting nowhere. He was just going to have to find a way to get these boys alone and convince them to tell him what he needed to know. If they still refused to reveal where they’d hidden that video, well, an “accident” could be arranged.

  “What are you doing here, old man?”

  D’Amato nearly had a heart attack when he realized his son was standing right behind him.

  “Daddy!”

  “Daddy!”

  Both boys ran to his son. Wyatt leaned down to hug them and said, “I hear you’re going to spoil your dinner with some ice cream.”

  They pointed at D’Amato and said, “He suggested it.”

  “Don’t let me ruin your fun,” Wyatt said.

  “Then it’s all right?” one of the boys said.

  “Go for it,” Wyatt replied.

  When the boys were out of hearing, D’Amato said, “You can’t have meant for me to stay completely away from my grandsons.”

  “That’s exactly what I meant,” Wyatt said.

  “Does that go for any future grandchildren?” D’Amato asked.

  “Kate’s still married.”

  “No, she’s not,” D’Amato said. “J.D.’s long gone.” Or he will be, as soon as I get that video or eliminate those kids. “I suggest you marry that woman and give me some more grandkids.” Children I can mold in my own image, not brats like these.

  “Tell the boys you have to leave,” Wyatt said. “And then go.”

  “I’ll go when I’m damned good and ready,” D’Amato retorted.

  “Bruce, assist my father to his car.”

  “Charlie, Frank, Del, Harry,” D’Amato called out.

  “Your men have already left the building,” Wyatt said. “Assisted by mine.”

  D’Amato’s face turned red as he realized he’d been outmaneuvered. “Very well,” he said. “I’ll leave. You can tell the brats I had to go.”

  He fumed all the way to his limo, where four very large bodyguards hung their heads and stared at the ground. During the drive home he thought of all the nasty ways four large men could persuade two eight-year-old boys to tell him what he wanted to know.

  38

  Kate was lying in bed with Shaw’s arms around her when he announced, “J.D. is dead.”

  She pushed herself out of his embrace, so she could look into his eyes. “For real?”

  “It’s not something I’d lie about.”

  Shaw had woken her at dawn with a kiss, as wind-driven rain spattered raucously against the sliding glass door. He’d reminded her with a series of quiet kisses on her eyelids and cheeks and throat that it was the weekend, and they didn’t have to go to work. And then he’d dropped that bomb.

  Kate felt breathless. “How do you know J.D.’s dead?”

  She felt Shaw’s chest muscles tighten under her hands as he admitted, “D’Amato told me.”

  “How does he know? What kind of proof does he have?”

  Shaw snorted. “If I know my father, you won’t be able to find a piece of J.D. big enough to do a DNA test on this time around.”

  “You think he had him killed?” Kate asked, appalled.

  Shaw made a face. “That would be my guess.”

  “Why would he tell you such a thing?”

  “Honestly, I think he believes that once you know you’re a widow, you’ll marry me and we’ll give him more grandchildren, one of whom might turn out to be more corruptible than the twins.”

  Kate sat up and met Shaw’s gaze in the gray morning light. “If J.D.’s dead, I can go home. If I’m a widow, I can marry Jack.”

  “When was the last time you spoke to Jack?” Shaw asked.

  “He called me yesterday.”

  “When was the last time you saw him?”

  “That’s not really any of your business.” It was a defensive answer because she hadn’t once seen Jack during the past month since Ryan’s bone marrow transplant. He’d called regularly with news about Ryan, but the calls were brief and they exchanged no words of love. As far as she was concerned, Ryan’s illness both explained and excused Jack’s lack of loverlike behavior.

  Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, she’d heard excitement and joy in Jack’s voice when he called. The bone marrow transplant had taken, and Ryan would soon be coming home. Jack had made arrangements to talk with her today while the boys were visiting with Ryan in the hospital for what might be the last time.

  “As a matter of fact, I’m seeing Jack today.” Too late Kate realized the impact her words might have on Shaw.

  She was surprised when he said, “If Jack McKinley’s really what you want, Kate, I’m not going to stop you.”

  She pursed her lips. “What’s the catch?”

  Shaw was lying relaxed, his hands folded behind his head as he said, “I’m keeping the boys.”

  Kate pulled a pillow protectively to her chest. But the blow had already been struck. “I can’t believe you’d threaten me like that.”

  “I’m not saying anything I haven’t been saying all along,” Shaw replied. “I’m not going to miss any more of my sons’ lives.”

  Kate didn’t like the turn the conversation was taking. “What if the twins want to leave? What if they want to go home?”

  “I don’t think they want to go anywhere. I think they like it fine right here.”

  “I’m sure they miss their friends and their school,” Kate argued. “And Jack.”

  They’d miss their father more.

  Shaw didn’t say it, but Kate knew he was thinking it. To her chagrin, he was right. Would the twins be so anxious to stay with Shaw if they knew their mother wasn’t part of the deal? She didn’t think so. But asking them to choose between their mother and their father would tear their hearts in two.

  Or maybe not. Maybe they weren’t as connected to Shaw as he thought. They liked him. They liked having a “Daddy.” But did they love him? She wasn’t sure.

  “Why don’t you ask them what they want to do?” he said.

  “All right,” she said. “I will.”

  She shoved the covers aside and marched down the hall to Lucky’s room in her nightgown. She was disconcerted when she realized Shaw was right behind her, bare-chested, in the cotton drawstring pajama bottoms that were all he’d worn to bed.

  The boys were still asleep.

  “You going to ask them, or not?” Shaw said.

  “They’re still asleep,” she whispered. “Besides,” she added irritably, “children go where they’re told to go and do what they’re told to do. I’m the parent. I’m the one who’s supposed to make decisions in their best interests. Marrying Jack is one of those decisions.”

  “I’m a parent, too,” Shaw pointed out. “I think our opinions about what’s best for Lucky and Chance differ. I think they belong with their father.”

  Kate realized he wasn’t saying that she belonged with him. He was only interested in keeping the boys. He certainly hadn’t asked her to stay. She was free to leave and go marry Jack.

  Of course, she’d made it clear she didn’t want to stay. Was she having second thoughts about that? Second and third and fourth thoughts, she admitted. But she wasn’t going to stay
where she wasn’t wanted. Desperately wanted, she amended.

  Shaw wasn’t acting the least bit desperate. He seemed totally calm. Relaxed. Confident…that she would take the path of least resistance and stay without being asked, she thought bitterly. He hadn’t offered anything of himself as an inducement to change her mind about leaving.

  Did you want him to offer his heart? Do you want his love? What about Jack? Don’t you love Jack anymore?

  Kate felt confused. And miserable. She didn’t know what she wanted. Certainly Jack’s behavior over the past month hadn’t been encouraging. Had Jack changed his mind about wanting to marry her? Was that why he’d avoided seeing her?

  On the other hand, he’d asked to see her immediately once he’d found out Ryan was going to get well. Holly was within a few weeks of her delivery date. At long last, Jack was going to be free of obligations to his son and his unborn child.

  Was he finally going to propose?

  What would you say if he did? Are you still in love with Jack? Or have you fallen in love with someone else?

  “Mom? Daddy?” Chance said, sitting up in the other room and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What’s going on?”

  The cat stretched luxuriously, hopped off the bed and trotted down the hall, heading for Shaw’s pillow.

  Shaw gestured with his eyes, daring her to ask whether Chance wanted to stay or go.

  Kate realized she couldn’t put her sons in that position. They’d accepted Shaw as their “Daddy.” And they loved her. She would have to make the decision for them. She couldn’t stay. But how could she bear to leave them behind? It was a dilemma for which she needed to find an answer.

  “Daddy and I were just talking. I’m sorry we woke you up,” she said to Chance.

  “Go back to sleep,” Shaw said.

  It was a sign of how much the boys trusted Shaw that Chance simply lay back down and pulled the covers up over his head.

  Kate left the boy’s room and headed into the kitchen. She was afraid if she went back to bed, Shaw might try to seduce her into staying. She missed making love to him. She ached sometimes, wanting him. But she didn’t think physical pleasure should be involved in the decision she was about to make.

  She filled a mug with water and stuck it in the microwave while she rooted through the various tea bags in the cabinet to see what she wanted. A black tea with lots of caffeine, she decided. Earl Grey. She got the half-and-half out of the fridge and waited for the microwave to ding, so she could put in the tea bag and a dollop of cream.

  Shaw had started the coffeemaker perking, and the strong smell of Columbian coffee made her feel nauseated. For a moment she panicked, imagining what might be causing her to feel sick to her stomach. But the situation itself was sickening enough to be causing her queasy stomach.

  She tried to remember the last time she’d had a period. Not since she’d come to live with Shaw, she realized with horror. She’d made love to him twice—that first night—without a condom. And not once in the three months since then. She couldn’t possibly be pregnant. Could she?

  Kate shook her head. No. It wasn’t possible that he could have gotten her pregnant—twice—from a single night of lovemaking. The odds must be astronomical.

  Kate felt stupid. And vulnerable. And unhappy. She shot a look at Wyatt from the corner of her eye. Had that been part of his plan? To get her pregnant, so she would stay with him?

  Well, it wasn’t going to work. Even if she was pregnant. Which she probably wasn’t.

  Kate’s stomach rolled with nausea. She left the cream out of her tea, because it suddenly smelled bad, and sat down in one of the two stools on opposite sides of a hightop table that looked out over the puddled courtyard patio. In the distance, the sun was breaking through the clouds, but she felt oppressed by the overcast sky. She was grateful for the plate of raisin toast Shaw set on the table between them. She grabbed a slice and bit into it and felt her stomach abandon its revolt.

  “How are we going to work this out?” Kate said.

  “You could stay.”

  As a declaration of love, it lacked a great deal. She wasn’t sure Shaw ever intended to get married. His father seemed to think he would, if what Shaw had said about D’Amato hoping they would get married and have more kids was true.

  Kate realized how easy her decision would have been if Shaw had said, I want you to stay, or even Would you please stay? But he’d merely offered to let her remain in his home as the “guest” she’d been since he’d coerced her into coming here with the twins.

  Kate wished Jack’s situation were more settled. Holly hadn’t yet delivered the baby. And Ryan had to be watched closely by the doctors for several more months. Jack wasn’t quite free to marry her, even if she was finally free to marry him.

  But it was wrong to stay with Shaw simply because she couldn’t be with Jack right now. Wrong to give the impression to her sons—and to Shaw—that they were a happy little family. Not when Shaw had never indicated that he loved her, let alone that he wanted her to be his wife.

  This morning, he’d told her he was keeping the twins, even if she chose to leave. He would do nothing to stop her. He would let her walk right out the door.

  Because he thinks you don’t have the guts to go and leave the boys behind. Or the guts to steal the boys when he isn’t looking. He thinks you’ll stay because you have nowhere else to go, since Jack’s still living with his wife.

  He’s wrong. You have a home of your own, and the will to be independent and self-sufficient. You have powerful parents and grandparents who can help you fight for custody, if it comes to that. All you need is the strength to walk away.

  Kate caught her lower lip in her teeth as she considered the alternatives. Go on her own? Or try and take the twins?

  “What are you thinking?” Shaw asked.

  “That it’s time to go home.”

  “I told you, the twins—”

  “They can stay,” she interrupted. “For now. I presume we’ll have to work out some sort of visitation plan, like divorced parents do.”

  He looked stunned. And unhappy. And disturbed.

  She wondered if she’d been mistaken. Could he possibly love her? If he did, he wasn’t saying it. Were the words necessary? Weren’t his actions—the passionate lovemaking that first night, the solicitous concern for her safety over the past few months, the precious time he spent with her and the twins—sufficient to tell her how he felt?

  Obviously not. She wanted the whole enchilada. The words and the actions and even a romantic gesture or two. Or three. Maybe she was foolish. Maybe a man as wealthy as Wyatt Shaw, as urbane and sophisticated as he was, didn’t need those sorts of gestures to attract a woman.

  Maybe he was jaded by all the women who’d pursued him for his good looks and his wealth without knowing or caring who he was as a person, or what he wanted and needed from a relationship. Maybe he’d given up on love. Maybe he didn’t believe he was lovable. Maybe the best he hoped for was really good sex.

  Kate felt her heart squeeze with sympathy for the young boy who’d lost his mother and been betrayed by his father. Which made her wonder how many women Shaw had ever told about his past. And why he’d chosen to tell her such intimate facts about himself.

  Kate glanced surreptitiously at Shaw, who was staring out the window at a cardinal that had landed in the moss-laden live oak that draped the courtyard.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Shaw said, when he caught her looking at him.

  She flushed under his focused gaze. “I was just thinking.”

  “What?”

  “It’s nice when it’s quiet like this.” Which was as close as she could come to saying, Be quiet and let me think.

  He was an astute man. He sipped his steaming coffee and turned his attention back out the window.

  Why had he told her such intimate facts about himself? So she’d beware of his father. So she’d understand the danger to their sons from that terrible old man. Still, she’d n
ever realized before how vulnerable he’d made himself by revealing so much. Surely that meant something.

  But it wasn’t words of love.

  If you looked at it another way, he’d used his past as a lever to frighten her into staying with him. Had he simply been manipulating her all along to get what he wanted…his sons? And maybe another child?

  It was too late to go back now and make other choices. She’d brought Lucky and Chance to Houston. She’d introduced Shaw to them as their biological father. She’d had unprotected sex with a virtual stranger—again.

  She could only go forward from here.

  “I’ll stay until we can have lawyers draw up some kind of custody agreement,” she said at last. “That will give me time to give notice at M.D. Anderson and to see if I can get my job back at BAMC. They said I could come back, but with the economy the way it is, they might already have hired somebody else.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  Was that tension she saw in his shoulders? Anxiety she saw in his eyes? “I think that’s best, under the circumstances.”

  “You mean, the circumstances that have you pining for a married man who’s about to become a father for the second time with another woman?”

  Kate flushed with anger. “That’s the first time you’ve ever been petty. It doesn’t become you.”

  She watched a muscle work in his jaw before he said, “The truth is the truth. Even if you don’t want to hear it.”

  She wondered if Shaw had ever apologized, even when he was wrong. Although, he wasn’t wrong, was he? She was pining over a married man who was living with his pregnant wife, supporting her as they watched their son fight his way back from the brink of death. That sort of life experience was going to change Jack forever.

  He might no longer be interested in being a husband to her, when he had a wife and brand-new baby living somewhere on their own. She couldn’t believe how tempted she was to tell Jack to stay with his wife. That she’d found someone new. Someone who fit her better.

  But she wasn’t going to stay where she wasn’t wanted. She’d given Shaw a dozen chances this morning to ask her to stay. He’d remained obdurate. He wanted the boys. He’d said nothing about wanting her.