To the Fall

by Prescott Lane

  Dylan bumps my shoulder. “You’ve got to play the pregnancy card every chance you get. It’s got an expiration date.”

  I shake my head, unable to smile at her even though I know she’s trying to cheer me up. There’s nothing cheery about a hospital. It’s got that unmistakable hospital smell. Everything is colorless, and most everyone here is unhappy. Maybe it’s the food?

  I stare at the locked door leading to the ICU. They have to buzz you in. Maybe next time it opens, I’ll just make a break for it. The receptionist behind the visitor’s desk clears her throat, like she’s reading my mind.

  Maybe if she did, she could help me figure some things out. Aside from Pierce, Dylan is the only person I’ve told about the baby. I can’t talk to my dad. I’m not ready for any judgment he might throw my way. It’s one of those times when I really miss having a mother around, which is why I considered going to see her, but I know deep down that’s not the answer. I know the person I really need to talk to is Pierce, but I’m not ready to do that, either. And now with Annie hurt, things seem even more impossible.

  The door opens, and the nurse walks toward me. “Two minutes,” she says.

  Leaving Dylan behind, I follow her through the maze of doctors, nurses, and equipment, trying not to look in other rooms, not wanting to witness anyone else’s pain. She motions to a room at the end of the hall, a wall of glass, the curtain half open inside. I step to the glass, placing my hand on it, seeing Pierce’s profile.

  He’s easily the sexiest man I’ve ever met. Handsome as the day is long, charming, funny, protective, and unexpectedly sweet. Every woman should have a man like him once in her life. A man that really knows how to kiss, how to make love to a woman, how to make your toes curl and your panties drop with one look. Everyone should experience that once. Problem is, you know no one will ever love you the way he does, make you feel that way again. He is the one, the only one.

  So what do you do when he hurts you?

  He lowers his head to her hand, his lips moving. I wonder what he’s saying. These two have so many secrets between them. I’m not sure he’d tell me even if I pressed, but I never have. Maybe I didn’t want to know. Maybe I didn’t think it mattered. Maybe I wanted him to tell me because he wanted to, not because I forced him. And I can’t ask him now.

  Secrets have a power—a power that shouldn’t be underestimated. Quiet whispers that live between us and feed on our fear, they are just as dangerous as any weapon. They can hurt, cripple, and yes, even kill. And unlike a gun or knife, which brings a swift blow, secrets are cunning and slow, like a poison. You can barely detect it. Sometimes you forget it’s even there. It’s usually then that the fatal blow comes.

  Gently, I rub my belly. Ride or die!

  Love him no matter what. I know that’s what Annie meant. I said I wanted all of him. I said I wanted someone to love me as much as I loved him. I guess it’s time to prove it. It’s easy to love his smile, his charm, the way he looks at me. Now it’s time to love the other parts of him. Love the bruises, love the scars, love the darkness he tries to hide.

  But he lied. And he lied big time. That’s hard to swallow.

  I don’t have to love the lie, but I do need to figure out why he did it. Was it all simply to get in my pants? My heart won’t let me believe that. I’m not that stupid, am I? If I dig too hard for the truth, I could be setting myself up for a big fall.

  Leaning my head on the glass, he doesn’t turn to me. I whisper, “To the fall.”

  *

  “Excuse me!” I call out, rushing across the street. The woman stops, locking her office door, turning to me. Pierce described her perfectly. A friendly face framed by a wide smile. “Dr. Lorraine?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Sutton Presley.” I study her face for any signs of recognition. “Pierce Kingston was one of your patients. He’s my . . .”

  “I’m sorry,” she says, turning back to her lock. “I can’t confirm or deny that Pierce Kingston is a patient of mine.”

  Smiling, I say, “I know he is. It was court ordered.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says again. “I can’t confirm or deny . . .”

  “Please,” I beg.

  She releases a deep breath. “In order to discuss a patient, I’d have to have a signed release from that patient giving me permission.”

  Giving me a sympathetic look, she starts to walk around me. I look up into the night sky, the stars shining brightly. “What if he was in trouble? Then could you talk to me?”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t help you,” Dr. Lorraine says.

  I exhale and lean up against the wall. “I’m pregnant.”

  She turns back to me, and before she utters a word, I know the pregnancy card isn’t going to work this time. “Congratulations.”

  “My boyfriend lied to me. I left him, but I want to know why.” I look up at her. “I want to know why I’m losing him. Why he lied to me. I deserve that much.”

  She gives me a tight smile, and I apologize for bothering her. She leans up against the wall next to me. She keeps her word, not speaking, but offering quiet comfort. We stand in silence in the darkness. Two women who’ve spent a lot of time with this man, yet he’s hidden from us both.

  *

  I didn’t get any answers from Dr. Lorraine, but it wasn’t a wasted trip. It gave me some time to think. Still, it’s left me exhausted and with no answers, and I’m not sure where to find them. I’m not the type to go rummaging through his things. Apparently, I’m just the type to confront his therapist. Sighing, I head inside my hotel lobby.

  Annie is the person who knows Pierce best, and I can’t ask her anything. The only other people I can think of are Tawny and Vicki. He’s too protective of Tawny for her to know anything. Vicki just might be the wild card in all this.

  My cell phone rings. My hand shaking, I look down at his name on my phone. I’ve been avoiding his calls but know I can’t do that forever. Besides, what if something worse has happened with Annie?

  Taking a deep breath, I answer, “I heard about Annie. I’m sorry.”

  “What are you doing?” he asks, his voice sharp as a knife. “Dr. Lorraine called me.”

  “She didn’t tell me anything,” I say.

  “Sutton,” he says. God, I love the way he says my name. It’s commanding yet vulnerable all at the same time. “Please leave this alone. Annie’s already hurt. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

  “Too late,” I say. “And I want to know why.”

  “Then ask me.”

  “Why did you lie to me?”

  I hear him exhale. “I didn’t want to lose you. You said it was a deal breaker for you. I couldn’t lose you.”

  I feel my heart soften. “I know there’s more to it. I can feel it.”

  “Let this go,” he says.

  “I can’t,” I say. “When it was just me and you, I did. I respected your wishes. Like that day in your office with Vicki. I knew there was more to it, but you didn’t want to tell me. I let that go. But I’m pregnant now, and I . . . Why won’t you tell me?” I ask. “Why did you get a vasectomy in the first place?”

  “I didn’t want any surprises.”

  “To hell with you, Pierce,” I scream, sick of his double-talk and lies. “You tell me to ask you, but you don’t give me the whole truth. Remember, you said one day you’d tell me. That day is here.”

  “Calm down,” he says. “The stress isn’t good for you.”

  “I’m calm.”

  “You don’t sound it,” he says. “How are you feeling? I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You both.”

  “We’re fine,” I say. “How’s Annie? Is she still in ICU?”

  “How’d you know she was in ICU? Were you here?” he asks.

  “Earlier.”

  “I didn’t see you,” he says.

  “I didn’t want you to.”

  “I need to see you,” he says, his voice soft and distant. “Where are you?”

  “You g
oing to leave Annie alone in the hospital?” I ask.

  “To make things right with you, yes.”

  “I’m not sure you can make this right,” I say, a little sob escaping.

  “I need you to be brave,” he says. “Brave enough to love me.”

  “Then you need to be brave enough to tell me the whole truth. I’m carrying your child. I can carry your secrets, too.”

  “It’s not just about me,” he says. “These secrets don’t just belong to me. They’re Annie’s and . . .”

  “And?”

  “Don’t stop loving me,” he whispers.

  How am I supposed to respond to that? I know I’ll never not love this man—this closed off, frustrating, bossy man.

  But the thing is, sometimes love gets it wrong. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person. That’s the thing about a fall. You can’t undo it. You just have to live with the damage you get from it—the bumps, scrapes, and bruises.

  Maybe loving him isn’t good for me, isn’t the right thing for me, and now I have to think about the little person inside of me, too.

  “Have I lost you?” he asks.

  “I’ll come by tomorrow,” I say.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Tawny’s is the first face I see when I walk into the ICU waiting room. The place is empty today except for Tawny and Vicki. Giving her a hug, my eyes go to her mother, remembering the venom Pierce’s voice held for her. You don’t hate someone like that without reason.

  “Have you seen Annie?” I ask Tawny.

  “No, can’t get my brother out of the room,” Tawny replies.

  “Apparently, he’s not making any friends with the nurses,” Vicki says. “Refusing to leave her side.”

  “They’ve been close like that for a long time?” I ask.

  “As close as two people can be,” Vicki says, smiling.

  “I used to make them pretend they were married and play house with me,” Tawny says, laughing. “They hated that.”

  I reach into my purse and hand her some money. “I doubt your brother’s eaten anything. Could you go down to the cafeteria and get something for him?”

  “Sure,” she says.

  Vicki and I both give her a smile, our eyes glued to one other. I’ve got a mind of my own, and I don’t want to dislike someone just because Pierce does, but something about the way she’s looking at me lets me know she’s not my friend.

  Taking a few steps toward her, I ask, “This is all so shocking. Did you have any idea Annie was using drugs?”

  “She always was a wild one,” Vicki says, her fingers combing through her bleach blonde hair. “We worried she’d be a bad influence on Pierce when they were younger.”

  “She never got him into trouble, did she?”

  “You should ask him about that,” she says.

  Does being vague just run in this family? “I’m asking you.”

  Her eyes narrow a tad. “Did you know Annie was sent away when they were teenagers?”

  I can only think of three reasons you send your daughter away. Either they need drug treatment, mental health treatment, or they’ve gotten pregnant. I don’t bother to ask which was the cause for Annie because I know she won’t tell me.

  “How old was Annie when that happened?” I ask.

  Vicki shakes her head. “I don’t know, maybe fifteen.”

  I step away, my mind spinning, pieces to the puzzle coming together in my head. The strange connection Tawny seemed to have with Annie.

  The first time I met Annie, Tawny, and Pierce was the night of Tawny’s performance. Annie was cheering louder than anyone. Her head leaned on Pierce’s shoulder like proud parents watching their child. Why didn’t I see it before?

  Annie flew all the way to New York to see her. You don’t just do that for anyone. I have to be wrong! Tawny definitely has Pierce’s blue eyes, and she’s a blonde just like Annie.

  Taking a deep breath, I do some quick calculations. Annie’s thirty now. Tawny’s fifteen. The math works. Hell, no—it can’t be!

  But the pieces line up. I shake my head a little. I tell myself again that it can’t be. Clearly, I’ve seen too many soap operas. But still, maybe! My hand finds my belly, feeling like I’m about to be sick.

  “You alright?” Vicki asks, motioning for me to sit.

  If I don’t want to pass out again, I know I better. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little light-headed.”

  Her head tilts to the side. “Should I get Pierce for you?”

  “I don’t want to bother him,” I say and decide to take a risk. Something I know Pierce will hate. I lean over a little and whisper, “We just found out I’m pregnant.”

  Her eyes wide, she says, “That is news.”

  “I know, it just sort of happened. We’re both so excited.”

  “Congratulations, you’re very lucky,” Vicki says.

  “Thank you,” I say. “Did you ever think about having more kids?”

  “Pierce’s dad and I struggled with fertility issues, so another child wasn’t in the cards for us.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “You must’ve been thrilled when Tawny was born.”

  “Tawny is a blessing, for sure,” she says.

  “Do you mind if I ask, how did you finally conceive? Did you take fertility treatments, or did it finally just happen on its own?”

  “Why do you want to know?” she asks.

  “Just curious,” I say, shrugging. “Tawny and Pierce are so much alike. I hope this baby gets their beautiful blue eyes.”

  “Since you and he both have blue eyes, I’d think your baby will,” she says.

  “Sutton?” Pierce’s concerned voice calls out, his eyes darting between Vicki and me. God, he looks tired. His hair’s messy, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes heavy with sleeplessness.

  “I hear congratulations are in order,” Vicki says.

  He captures my hand, pulling me to his side. “I couldn’t keep Tawny away from you, but you will never see this baby,” he rages.

  “Pierce!” I cry. He seldom loses his cool. It’s got to be stress and lack of sleep.

  “Annie doesn’t want you here, Vicki.”

  “Did she say that?” Vicki asks. “Did she wake up?”

  “Get out,” he says.

  Vicki glances at me then walks out without another look at Pierce. He moves to hold me, but I step back. I’m not sure if it’s my pregnant hormones making my mind go crazy, but I have questions that need answers. I just come right out and ask him: “Have you and Annie ever been involved?”

  Pierce is a direct man. He’s steady in his answers, his actions, in everything he does, but I see him hesitate a moment, waiver, like he’s searching for the truth. “Where’s this coming from? Did Vicki say . . .”

  “Why was Annie sent away?” I ask.

  “I need you to understand . . .”

  “I don’t understand,” I cry out. “I have these crazy theories flying around in my head.”

  “Tell me,” he says, his voice gentle, holding his arms out, encouraging me to sit.

  I sit before taking a deep breath and looking straight into his eyes. “Tawny isn’t your sister, is she? She’s your daughter. You and Annie’s daughter. You have the same eye color. And I know something happened. Annie was sent away. Is that because she was pregnant? Did Vicki and your dad agree to keep the baby and raise her as their own? Is that what happened? Is that why you hate Vicki? Is that why Annie stays so close to Tawny? Is that why you got a vasectomy? Because you didn’t want anything like that to happen again?”

  His hands fall, and I see the same uncertain look in his eyes. I want answers, but at the same time, I’m not sure I’m ready for them. If I’m right and Tawny is his daughter, can I accept that? It was years ago, way before I met Pierce. Will it matter? Will it change things? As much as it scares me, I have to know the truth.

  “Answer me! Did you ever have sex with Annie?”

  “Now is not the time.”

  “Am I right?
” I ask. “If I was wrong, you’d say so.”

  “Sutton, if you keep this up, you’re going to blow up a lot of lives, including Tawny’s. I will not let that happen,” he says firmly.

  “I have a right to know if this baby isn’t your first.”

  He kneels, lowering his head into my lap. That one simple gesture makes my heart soften. The man I love is hurting. My instinct, right or wrong, is to comfort him. Hesitantly, I caress his dark hair. His arms tighten around my waist as his lips lightly kiss my belly. “I love you,” he whispers to my stomach, then his eyes turn up to me, and the only word he says is, “Please.”

  “That’s not fair,” I say.

  “I know it’s not,” he says. “But for now, can you just let me love you, love our baby?”

  “I know you didn’t want this,” I say, motioning to my belly.

  “I didn’t know I wanted you, either. Until I did.” His head tilts, a little smile on his lips. “I didn’t know how good dinners in the bathtub were until you showed me. I didn’t know that sex was better when you love the person until I loved you. I didn’t know the kind of man I wanted to be until I found the woman I wanted to be better for. So you’re right. I didn’t want this. But now I do. I want this more than anything.”

  Being with Pierce is like having your soul ripped out. He accepts nothing less than your entire heart and soul and if you don’t freely give it, he takes it. He’s a man that’s used to getting what he wants. But not this time, at least not until I get some answers.

  “I’m going to see Annie,” I say, turning away from him and heading for the door.

  “Damn it,” he mumbles, rushing to catch up with me.

  Ignoring his pleas that I wait, I get my visitor pass and march to Annie’s room with Pierce following me, ignoring the rules that allow only one visitor at a time.

  I slide open the door, seeing her pale skin, all the machines, the lines going into her. Suddenly, I don’t want to be in here—I don’t know what I was thinking coming in here. Now is not the time for this. I try to settle myself with a few deep breaths. Pierce takes his place next to her bedside.

  “She used drugs when we were kids. I didn’t realize she was using again.”