“You know—” He sucked in a breath, ground his molars, let his blood cool to a mere simmer. “—at some point you’re going to feel real bad for bustin’ my balls.”
She gasped, but didn’t get a chance to condemn him further because Sadie showed up in the doorway. She squealed. “Ian!”
He shot a victorious grin at the old bitty. “Hey, lovebug. Where’s your brother?”
“Ian?”
Question answered.
“Hey, buddy.”
Chase gave him knuckles. Sadie hiked her backpack up on her shoulder.
“Can you take Pene and sit at those tables for a minute?” The trio all nodded and went to the tables in the front foyer, sitting on the benches. Chase watched him with eagle eyes. The kid knew something was up, something big, but he didn’t ask.
Ian leaned over the high counter to whisper to Ms. Disapproving. “The kids probably won’t be back for a few days. Maybe a week or so. If you can have their teachers put together homework packets, I’ll pick them up and see that the kids get them done.”
She stood, her rolling chair slamming back into the desk behind her. “You, sir, do not have authority to check them out for days.”
“Again,” Ian said in a calm whisper, “when you understand the circumstances of my picking them up today, you’re going to feel like a first class bitch.”
“They’re not going anywhere with you.” She grabbed the phone. “I’m calling the police.”
Ian’s patience snapped. “Yeah, they’re a little busy mourning the death of one of their own.”
Her eyes went Hoot Owl.
He dug a business card out of his pocket. “My cell is on there. Please don’t bother Kayla right now. She’s got enough to deal with.”
He didn’t wait for a response, just showed her his backside and left, posting a big smile on his face to greet the kids. “Who wants ice cream?”
Two feminine, “Me!” came back at him. And one crystal blue set of eyes held his. Ian hadn’t ever realized how much Chase looked like his father. Interrogation seeped from every part of the boy. He wanted answers, answers Ian had promised not to give.
Four
When the four of them entered the house, the grandfather clock had just started chiming five o’clock. Ian had purposely gone the McDonald’s route, not for the make-believe ice cream, but for the playground which would give the kids some fun before their world got turned upside down and give Kayla time to…
Ah, hell, he’d never be able to offer Kayla enough time to recover from losing Leon. He was her whole world. In the past, that fact damn near killed Ian. It did the same now, but in a very different way.
He’d do anything to spare her—and those three amazing kids—the pain lying ahead of them.
The kids raced into the house. “Mommy?”
“Why don’t you guys get started on your homework? I’ll track down your mom.”
“Ian?” Chase slid out a chair from the table.
“Yeah, bud.”
He swallowed. “Why are you here?”
“Just helping out.” Ian hoped to complete the nonchalant.
“You’ve never picked us up from school before.”
Ian tried for a smile. “You complainin’?”
“No.”
“Get started on your homework. I’ll go find your mom.”
Chase dragged his backpack off to the kitchen.
Ian stood at the bottom of the stairs and feared what he’d find at the top. He didn’t expect to find Kayla smiling when they’d returned, but he did have to admit to being surprised she hadn’t come downstairs. But then, hell, he didn’t know why he should be surprised. Kayla had been dealt the biggest blow of her life. Strong as she was, a couple of hours wouldn’t be enough for her to bounce back. If she ever bounced back.
He stalked up the stairs, his shoes whooshing on the carpeting. He knocked on the jamb of her bedroom door, stuck his head in. “Kayla?”
“Yeah,” she called. “You can come in.”
In the bathroom, she tugged at her hair, pulling it into a ponytail. She pressed at her puffy eyes with her fingertips and gave him a watery smile. “I’m a sight, huh?”
“You’re beautiful.”
She choked on a blubbery laugh. “You’re a liar.”
“The kids are doing their homework. Chase knows something is wrong. The girls are pretty oblivious. Do you want me to stay?”
“No.” She blinked, long and tight. Opening her eyes, she sniffed. “Yes. Please.”
Tears slid over her lids to cascade down her cheeks.
He snapped a tissue free from the box on the counter. Instead of handing it over, he reached out to wipe away the sadness. “You’ll be okay.”
“I won’t.” Her sob skinned him alive.
“You will. Someday, you will.”
She shook her head. “I won’t.”
Without thought, he drew her against him. He held her while she cried. He wasn’t sure how long he comforted her, but knew she needed to face her children before they came looking for her. He backed away. “I’ll help you tell them.”
“No. They need to hear it from me.”
“I’ll go—”
“No.”
The mixed message didn’t make sense, but he doubted very little did in her jumbled thoughts.
He held her hand, hoping to ground her as they descended the stairs. An argument over the red crayon had broken out at the kitchen table.
Kayla squeezed his hand. “Wait here. We’ll all need you once they know.”
He nodded, wondering if she’d realized she’d said she needed him.
“Mom, Penelope took… What’s wrong?” Sadie sounded panicked.
So did Chase. “Mom, what’s going on?”
Ian couldn’t make out the entire story, but caught enough that his eyes burned. He closed his lids, breathed deep through his nose. Those four people needed a rock to cling to in the upcoming storm. He needed to provide that strength. If they’d let him.
“No!” Chase yelled. “You’re lying!”
Ian heard a chair hit the floor and angry footsteps coming toward him. Chase glared at him. “You knew! You took me for ice cream. And you knew my dad was dead! You’re a jerk! I hate you!”
The words cut through Ian deeper than any sword, slicing right through his heart. He opened his mouth to offer an apology, to explain…
What? No explanation would suffice.
Tears slipped from Chase’s eyes. He swiped at them angrily.
Ian took a step toward the boy. When Chase didn’t retreat, Ian slowly walked up to him and opened his arms.
Chase whispered a defeated, “I hate you,” then grasped hold, weeping into Ian’s torso.
***
Ian wasn’t sure how he’d made it through the last twelve hours. The Black family had all gone to bed and he’d set up camp on the family room couch.
He fired up his cell, calling into the station. “Hey, Gavin.”
“You’re in deep shit, man,” Gavin, the Assignment Editor, said.
“I’m not surprised. Is anybody around?”
“Lucie just got here.”
“Lemme talk to her.” Perfect, the morning show entertainment producer would be able to help him.
Hold music came on the line for about fifteen seconds, interrupted by, “Where the hell have you been?”
“I’m, ah, I—” He cleared his throat. “I need to take some time off.”
“Ian, what’s going on?” Concerned question.
“I can’t come in for a few days.”
“What’s wrong?” The newshound in her wasn’t going to let it go.
“Nothing.” Everything.
Alarm crept into her tone. “Phil said you ran off the scene of that officer involved shooting. What the hell’s going on?”
The sight of Leon’s lifeless arm falling free of the gurney would haunt Ian for a very long time, and the aftermath would be so
mething he’d never recover from.
“I know him. Knew him. Dammit! Whatever.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “The way I figure it, I have at least two weeks vacation and a week of sick time saved up. I’ll call if I’m ready to come back sooner.”
“You can’t—” The argument died on her tongue.
Being in news a guy saw a lot of bad shit. It was the nature of the beast. He’d been at KKLV for five years, worked his ass off, gaining a reputation for his cool head. And, check it, he’d blown the shit out of that status in one action. This second one would seal his fate, sink his ship. And he’d be damned, but he didn’t care.
“I’ll let them know.” Lucie sighed. “Take care of yourself, Ian.”
It wasn’t his own care that worried him. “I’ll be in touch.”
He powered his phone down and set it on the coffee table. His body went heavy with exhaustion when a scream jolted him upright. He took the stairs two at a time, bursting into Kayla’s room. She didn’t react to his abrupt entry, just laid there on her side staring at the wall, tears trekking toward her pillow.
Ian sat on the edge of the bed. Nothing. He stroked her cheek. She blinked, but continued to stare at nothing. She hiccupped, moaned on a sigh.
“Shh. I’m here.” He braced himself for another declaration of how much she didn’t need him, but none came.
She closed her eyes and pursed her lips tight. Breath rushed out, making the gasped sob even more dramatic.
“You don’t have to be strong for me.”
She didn’t react.
“Let me be strong for you, Kayla.”
Still nothing.
There was just enough room for him to lie down next to her. He had no idea where the insane thought came from, but he didn’t question it. Neither did she. He slipped an arm under her head and eased her into him. The blanket separated their bodies, which was good. He didn’t want anyone, especially her, to think he might be taking advantage of the situation. He wasn’t. He only wanted to offer the strength she didn’t have.
She didn’t react to his holding her, didn’t pull away, didn’t wrap her arms around him, but did lay her head on his shoulder.
He stroked his fingers through her hair, whispered, “Shh,” more times than he cared to count. Her body went heavy. Her breaths evened out. Her crying stopped. She slept.
Ian held her, hoping she’d find peace in sleep.
Kayla awoke to the cheerful voice of the local morning DJ. She stretched and had way too much space on both sides. She was in the middle of the bed. Weird. She always stayed on her side. Always. Because Leon liked his space. Why was she in the middle of the bed?
She flexed her feet, clenched the muscles in her legs. Her whole body ached. Her eyes felt like they’d been plucked free of her skull, rolled in sand before going back in the sockets.
She’d had one hell of a nightmare. Her heart still pounded with fear. Thank heaven for the daylight. She reached over to Leon’s side of the bed. It was cold.
She sat up. She was fully dressed.
Horror doused her.
It had to’ve been a nightmare. It just had to.
“Leon.” She jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. Nothing. The shower hadn’t been used.
No, no, no.
She ran down the stairs, allowing herself to breathe when she heard the sounds of cooking coming from the kitchen. The man she longed to see wasn’t the one standing at the stove, though.
“Ian, what are you…” She knew exactly why Ian McCallister stood in her kitchen. “It wasn’t a dream.”
The sound of the spatula hitting the skillet and the scrambling of Ian’s reaction registered in the recesses of her thoughts as her world went dark.
When she woke for the second time that morning, Kayla was on the couch with four worried faces gazing down her.
“See? I told you she’d be okay. Go on and finish your breakfast.” Ian shooed her kids back into the kitchen. “What do you need?”
Leon. She wasn’t sure what her face said, but Ian had read her thoughts plain as day. He took her hand, which felt nice…and all wrong. She pulled it back, entwining her fingers over her stomach.
“I’m sorry.” Ian plowed his hand through his hair. “I’m going to say a lot of stupid shit and I’m going to apologize a lot. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve never gone through anything—”
“And you think I have?” she snapped.
His face registered the slap. He jerked his chin. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. This wasn’t her. “No. I’m sorry. Thank you for everything you’ve done.”
He sat on the coffee table. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes.
She sensed the frustration in his sigh. He attempted a weak smile. “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“You really should eat something.”
“I’m not—”
“Hungry. I know. But you haven’t eaten anything in, what, eighteen hours?”
“Something like that.” Her stomach let out a growl.
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Let me get you some toast and eggs.”
“I’ll come to the table. We only eat at the table. No exceptions.”
“I never eat at my table. Never. No exceptions.”
She shouldn’t find humor in anything, but found herself chuckling at his statement.
His smile rang true. “Come on, then, let’s hook you up with some grub.”
Her entire body had some kind of weird numb fog to it. Her internal fire had gone out, leaving her cold and afraid. She’d loved Leon since high school. They’d gone to college, lived their lives, sowed some oats, then married twelve years ago. Had it really only been twelve years?
She hated being such a mess. And yet, no matter how strong she wanted to be, she cried. And cried. She couldn’t help it.
A guardian angel had been sent though, hadn’t he?
Without asking for permission she wouldn’t have freely given him, Ian McCallister had stepped up to the proverbial plate. He’d taken control of the frenzy. He’d make some woman one hell of a husband someday.
The scene in the kitchen wasn’t the norm. Instead of happy conversation, her children consumed their breakfast in silence. Sadie ate a cupcake. Kayla looked at Ian, who shrugged.
“I figured this morning wasn’t the time to battle it. At least she’s eating.”
Kayla couldn’t disagree with his reasoning. She sat down in her usual chair, feeling unusually inept.
“Mom?”
She glanced at Chase. “Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
She managed a small, tight smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. How about you?”
His smile was just as tight, just as forced. “I’m okay, too. Do I have to go to school today?”
School. Crap.
“Nope.” Ian sat a plate in front of Kayla. “I told them you wouldn’t be there for a few days. But I’ll be getting your homework so you don’t get behind.”
Chase grumbled under his breath.
“Do I have to do homework, too?” Sadie asked.
“Yep.” Ian refilled her glass of milk.
“But I’m too sad to do my homework.” She ran a finger through the chocolate frosting.
Kayla knew she should say something, should console her daughter, but drew a blank. Truth was, she was too sad to even think.
Ian knelt down in front of Sadie, turned her chair so she faced him. “You should be sad, sweetheart. We’re all sad. We’ll all miss your dad.”
“You will?” she asked, and Kayla worried she’d blurt something inappropriate, but Ian spoke before she could cut her daughter off.
“Of course I’ll miss him,” Ian told her. “I liked your dad a lot. He was a really great guy.”
“He liked you too.” Sadie took another swipe of frosting. “I’m glad you’re here, Ian.”
He grinned at that and rose up to kiss her on the forehead. “Don’t think comments lik
e that are you gonna get you cupcakes for breakfast every morning.”
“Are you going to be here every morning?” Chase asked.
Kayla’s heart seized, but Ian shook his head.
“No. I’m just helping out until your mom can handle things on her own again.” He smiled at her, support radiating in his eyes.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to handle things on her own. She and Leon had been a team and she didn’t think she’d ever get used to being down a player.
The kids finished breakfast. Ian finished the dishes. And Kayla still sat with the untouched food on her plate. She stared at the toasted wheat bread and…
Nothing.
That’s all she felt…nothing.
Hollow.
Empty.
Lost.
The chair next to hers slid out and Ian sat down. “Kayla, is there someone I can call? Family, maybe?”
Alone. She added it to the list of emotions adrift through her.
“There’s nobody.”
“Nobody? A mom, dad, brother, sister?”
“No.”
“Aunt, uncle, cousin?” he asked, disbelieving.
“Nobody.”
“I’m sorry, but there has to be somebody.”
She wanted to scream, but didn’t have the energy. “We’re both only children. So, no siblings. Leon’s dad died when he was a kid. His mother didn’t like me. She disowned him when he married me.” She shrugged, feeling strangely emotionless of the thing that had once hurt so badly.
“Didn’t like you? What’s not to like?” More disbelief.
She appreciated the notion, but only managed another shrug.
“What about your parents?”
“Died in a car accident about five years ago.” She’d known devastated then, or so she’d thought. That was nothing compared to what she felt now.
He covered her hand with his.
She pulled away and buried her hand in her lap. Why did he keep touching her?
He frowned, then his face went completely blank. “So, you’re going to have to make all the decisions yourself.”
“Decisions?”
He raised his brows. “Casket, flowers, funeral home. Decisions.”
“Oh God, decisions.” She wasn’t ready to make decisions. Of any kind. Let alone ones that were permanent.
Hard Break (Deadlines & Diamonds, #5) Page 3
