“Hey,” Ian soothed. “Don’t cry.”
She hadn’t realized she was. She wiped at her cheeks. Crap. She was crying. Again. “I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. And that’s to be expected.”
Expected or not, she did not want to be an emotional train wreck. Leon used to tell her she was strong. He’d be so disappointed to see her now. Her sob surprised her. She dropped her head into her hands, massaging her temples with her fingertips. Maybe if she pressed hard enough, she could turn off her emotions, go truly numb. She’d welcome anesthetized.
“First things first. We should prepare a statement for the press. They’ll leave you alone for a couple days, but then they’ll come calling. It’d be best if you cut them off by releasing a statement that ends with please honor our privacy during this difficult time. Or something to that effect.”
Yes, a statement would be good.
“Do you have an attorney?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You need to call him. Maybe have him write the statement. It’d be even better if he delivered it on camera. I could go get that and turn it in as a pool feed.”
“Pool feed?” she asked, wondering why she cared.
He nodded. “One camera goes in to get a piece of video everybody’s gonna want.”
She felt her head move, acknowledging what he said. Still not caring.
“Do you have a preacher?”
She shook her head.
“Minister? Priest? Bishop? Rabbi?”
She shook her head.
“Any clergy you want me to call?”
Again, she shook her head.
He wrote something down on a notepad. When had he gotten that?
“Does Leon have a will?”
She nodded.
“Does the attorney have it?”
Another bob of her chin.
“What’s his name?”
She blinked, felt the fog clear a bit. “Who?”
“Your attorney. What’s his name?”
What was his name? “I don’t know.”
“Kayla.” Ian’s big palms clamped onto her face and forced her to look him in the eye. “I know you’re in hell. I get it, but you have got to wake up. Decisions have got to be made. You have three little kids who are messed up in the head. They need you.”
She jerked out of his hold. White hot rage flared. “Don’t you think I know that? Who do you think you are, waltzing in her to play some hard-bodied superhero? I don’t—”
“Need me. I know.” He blew out a breath. “And yet where would you be had I not waltzed in here? Where would your kids be?”
“We’d be just fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“You can push me away, Kayla, but I’m not walking away. Not until I’m sure you’re able to live again.”
“I don’t want to live!” As soon as the words crossed her lips, she clamped a hand over her mouth. Panic seized her. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t mean it. You have to believe me, Ian, I didn’t mean it. I just miss him. So. Much.” Sobs punctuated the last words.
This time when Ian pulled her into his arms, against his chest, she didn’t push away, she accepted the strength he offered because without it she’d never get through the next ten minutes let alone the next ten days.
Five
Ian wasn’t sure how any of them had made it through the last week and a half. Least of all Kayla. Although she showed her pain to him, she donned a mask whenever anyone else was around. Gracious hostess. Loving mother. Kind friend. Never, ever the grieving widow.
If he hadn’t seen her lose it firsthand, he’d be pitching a tent in Camp Scared Shitless.
Funerals, never a favorite pastime, meant tears. The children shed a few, but kept their lips stiff, their chins held high. They took their cues from their mother, who insisted he sit with the family.
“Ah, yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Kayla dropped a glance at the kids. “Please. If they lose—”
Ian’s heart broke right along with her voice. “Whatever you need.”
The department chaplain stepped forward, placing his hand on her shoulder. “It’s time.”
Kayla led the way with a girl dangling from each hand and Chase stoically followed. Ian caboosed the procession, gaining more than one glare from the boys in blue. He wondered if he’d be able to drive around the corner without getting a ticket.
Approaching the four chairs on the front row lining the gravesite, Ian swallowed. They hadn’t allocated for the funeral-crasher.
Chase jumped forward. “I’ll grab—”
“No.” Kayla spoke softly, but the tone left no room for argument. “Penelope can sit on my lap.”
“No,” came the three-year-old’s refusal. “Ian.”
Penelope let go of her mother’s hand and wallpapered herself to Ian’s leg.
And that was that.
Throughout the service Penelope sat on his lap, holding his tie until her tiny knuckles went white. Sadie sat on his left between him and her mother with a death grip on his hand. Ian tried not to spend too much time gawking at the mourners, he kept his eyes lowered, his sunglasses in place. But out of the corner of his eye, he searched Kayla for signs of a breakdown, signs she might collapse in a tragic heap.
Nope. Not his Kayla.
And she was so not his.
He glanced at the flag-draped casket. Despite being jealous as hell of the guy, Ian had really liked Leon Black. Ian closed his eyes and made a vow to the man who’d lost his life protecting the innocent. I’ll watch out for her, man.
A sniffle brought his attention to the little girl holding his hand. Sadie wiped at her nose. Kayla gave her a tissue and she swiped at her cheeks. The entire exchanged happened without anyone, except Ian, deviating their gaze from the ceremony.
A man with his arm in a sling walked to the front. He stood in front of the casket, his dress blues starched. “Leon Black was a great partner. Our names made us opposites.”
Collective amusement Ian didn’t understand rippled through the small crowd of mourners.
“For those of you who don’t know, I’m Caleb White.”
The rest of the crowd caught up, laughing a bit.
“Leon and I were partners for about six years. We were closer than brothers. He loved his job, his friends, but mostly he loved his family. Kayla, you were his world. Chase, Sadie, Penelope, you were his moon and stars.”
“I a star,” Penelope announced proudly, causing another swell of chuckles.
“Yes, you were, princess. Yes, you were.” Caleb winked at her, but as he looked at Ian the bottom eyelids lifted slightly. No big surprise there. Caleb glanced at the flag-draped coffin and cleared his throat. “Rest in peace, my friend.”
Leon’s partner rubbed at his eyes, sniffed and approached Kayla. “If you need anything, all you gotta do is ask.”
“I know. Thank you.”
He kissed her on the cheek. “We love you guys.”
Her eyes glistened. “I know that, too.”
This time there was nothing slight about the narrowing of his eyes. Animosity pulsed from the man in waves. No words were spoken, there didn’t need to be. Ian got the message loud and clear. No poaching.
Ian didn’t have any intention of poaching.
Kayla wasn’t married anymore, so technically he wouldn’t be poaching. But that didn’t mean he’d swoop in, brand himself a complete ass by making a move on her. He had scruples, thank you very much.
Besides, Kayla called the shots. He’d be there for her, for the kids as the need presented itself. Nothing more.
The first blast of rifle shots caused him to jump. Penelope squeaked and burrowed into his torso. “There’s nothing to be scared of,” he whispered into her hair. “They’re honoring your daddy.”
The second burst came right after they were ordered, as did the third. Then came the color guard. Four men in military uniforms approached the coffin, two standing on eac
h side. They snapped the flag out and slowly, precisely folded it into a tight triangle.
The police chief accepted the flag and presented it to Kayla. “On behalf of the North Las Vegas Police Department, you have our utmost sympathies.”
“Thank you.”
Men and women moved past Kayla and the kids—and Ian—offering condolences…and barely bridled hostility. Whatever. It wasn’t the do-gooders that concerned Ian. As the cemetery emptied he worried for another reason. Having the kids watch their dad’s casket descend six feet below the earth wasn’t Ian’s idea of a wise plan. Who was he to have an opinion, though? He just hoped the memory wouldn’t haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Thankfully, Kayla got to her feet while the casket still rested above ground. Her eyes met his and he knew what she was about to do and that he needed to stay right where he sat. He could do that. He nodded.
“Come on, guys.” She walked toward her husband.
Penelope hopped down, but then glanced up at Ian, her blue eyes enormous, when he didn’t stand. He winked at her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
True statement. He had no intention of leaving this little family high and dry. It might make him a fool. Not only did he love their mother, he’d come to love the three miniature Blacks as well. He couldn’t imagine loving his own flesh and blood more. Which made him a fool.
Up until a week and a half ago, the kids had a father who adored them and that father loved their mother so much Ian could see it from where he’d stood on the outside. Leon’s death, and his family’s consequent loss, had rocked all of their worlds. Including Ian’s. He’d never imagined a time when Kayla would be free to love him. And who knew, maybe she wouldn’t ever love him.
He was an idiot.
The very last thing he should be thinking of was moving in, taking over, stepping up to the plate. Leon Black wasn’t even in the ground and Ian was considering a life with the guy’s family. He wasn’t an idiot. He was a self-serving prick! Dammit.
Kayla and the kids stood around the casket. Chase leaned forward, pressed his forehead to the lacquered black. He whispered something Ian couldn’t hear. Sadie raced over into the sea of green grass and uprooted a bunch of dandelions. She kissed the bright yellow plumes before placing them on the top of the casket. A tear cascaded down her cheek to drip off her chin. She sniffed. Kayla put her left hand on the wood, the diamond of her wedding band sparkled in the sunlight. The single tear on her cheek glistened.
Penelope looked lost. She obviously had no idea what she should do. She stretched up on her toes, but no amount of stretching was going to make her tall enough to see over the top of the casket. She inched closer to the grave, once again trying the ballerina routine.
Ian anticipated her movement and darted forward just as Penelope’s teeny patent leather shoe slipped into the hole. He grabbed her around the waist. She squeaked. He twisted her and looked into panicked eyes.
“You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He wasn’t sure who he tried to convince. Penelope or himself. His heart sledgehammered in his chest. Penelope’s stuttered in hers. Her chin quivered. Her blue eyes filled with tears. She threw her arms around his neck, choking him, and sobbed into his shoulder.
Kayla, having witnessed the entire thing Ian was sure, came over. He saw her pulse throbbing in her throat, but otherwise she appeared composed. She reached for her daughter. “I’ll take her.”
“I’ve got her,” he said as Penelope tightened her death grip on his neck. He rubbed her back.
Kayla wanted to argue, Ian could see it plain as day. She clamped her jaw shut, ground her teeth, pursed her lips, not because she prepared for a fight—at least not with him. Her eyes shimmered. She blinked frantically and sniffed. She shook her head, watching her older children speak to the box holding their father. “I’m not sure I can do this.”
Ian couldn’t argue. Where Kayla stood, life had delivered a catastrophic blow, and it’d be a very long time before she stood on solid footing.
Penelope snuggled in close, laying her head on his shoulder and putting her thumb in her mouth. Kayla ran a hand over her daughter’s head. “It’s been hard for them.”
Ian covered her hand with his. “It’s been hard for you.”
She nodded. “And it’s only the beginning, I’m afraid.”
“You’re strong.”
The battle she’d won didn’t win the war. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she snorted a soggy laugh. “That’s what Leon used to tell me. Neither of you know me very well. I’m not strong. I’m weak. I’m…broken.”
Ian cradled her against his empty shoulder. She didn’t embrace him, but didn’t retreat either. Instead she stood close, accepting his strength. Her soft body quaked with her emotions and he was grateful the cemetery was empty save them. She wouldn’t have wanted her breakdown witnessed. He guessed she’d regret having melted in front of him.
Ian wasn’t sure how much time passed before Kayla eased out of his hold. Her eyes were the most vibrant blue when she looked at him. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare be sorry,” Ian scolded, a little harsher than he meant. He softened his tone. “For anything.”
He saw the fight rise up in her and shook his head. “You guys take as long as you want. I’ll take the princess home and lie her down for a nap. I’ll sit with her. She won’t be alone.”
Penelope’s soft snores removed all arguments from her mother’s tongue.
“I’ll take care of her. I promise,” he said.
“We won’t be long.”
“I don’t care. Take as long as you need. As long as they need. Penelope and I will be just fine.”
“The garage code is—”
“One, nine, seven, four.”
Her lips lifted a bit. “How’d you—”
“It’s how we got into the garage the day—” He stopped unwilling to speak of the most horrible day in Kayla’s life.
“I guess she’s more perceptive than we give her credit.”
Ian turned and kissed the gentle blond waves. “Are you kidding? She’s the most perceptive kid I’ve ever met. She’s three going on thirty.”
“Leon said the same thing.” Kayla’s eyes misted again. She leaned in and kissed her daughter. “Ian’s going to take you home. I’ll be there in a little bit.”
Ian doubted the little girl heard a word. She certainly didn’t react, except the sucking of her thumb increased a bit. “I mean it, Kay, take as long as you need. We’ll be fine.”
“Thank you, Ian. I don’t know how we would have gotten through today without you.”
He wasn’t sure what possessed him to do so, but he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “I’m here. Whatever you need.”
“Mom?” Chase called.
Ian jerked his chin to the boy. “Go on. We’ll talk later.”
She only nodded and walked toward the other kids.
With Penelope sleeping in his arms, Ian strode away from the final resting place of Detective Leon Black.
Six
Kayla thought the hardest part of Leon’s death was behind them. Ha! Life couldn’t be that kind. She’d hung up with the department advocate having learned an arrest had been made and…
A knock on the front door caused her to pause. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. But it’d been a knock, not the doorbell, which meant odds were Ian McCallister stood on the porch. She may not want company, but she wanted someone to help decipher the latest barrage in this shit-storm she called her life.
Opening the door, she smiled at the fast food bag he held at eye level. He muscled his way inside. “I thought you might be hungry.”
“I hungy.” Penelope raced down the stairs.
He handed her a cardboard box containing a kid’s meal. “You have to eat all your apples.”
“I will.” And she scampered into the kitchen.
“You all right?”
Kayla blew at her bangs. “Yeah.” She closed her eyes and sigh
ed. “No.”
“What’s up?” He studied her face. “Kay?”
“I’d really like to know who I screwed over to make karma hate me so badly.”
Ian chuckled softly. “I’m sure you didn’t screw anybody over.”
“Then I must be a horrible person.”
“You’re not a horrible person. You’re an amazing person.”
Yeah, yeah, Ian always said things like that. “Then why does karma hate me?”
He rolled his eyes. “Karma doesn’t hate you.”
“Tell me you brought chocolate.” She eyed the bag he held.
He grinned. “Of course. That chocolate pie you like.”
“My hero.”
He laughed, shook his head. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”
When they were sitting at the table, Ian unloaded the bags. He slid the salad she liked across the table toward her. “Sorry, I didn’t get drinks.”
“I got some.” She grabbed a couple of Coke Zeros out of the fridge.
This had become their routine. About this time every day, Ian left his job at the station and showed up bearing food. The first week she hadn’t opened the door. The second week she hadn’t wanted to, but did. Now, the third week since burying Leon, she looked forward to having someone to talk to, someone who didn’t pity her, someone who didn’t want anything from her, someone willing to help her expecting nothing in return.
He didn’t want anything, because she’d asked. He’d simply laughed, crossed his arms over his chest and snorted.
“Is it so hard to believe I care about what happens to you guys?”
“Yeah, it kinda is.”
His mouth had tightened then. “Kayla, are you really going to push away the one person willing to help you?”
“I have nothing to give you, Ian.”
He smiled, genuine platonic affection shining in his eyes. “You got nothin’ I want, Kay.”
And that had been that.
At some point he’d get tired of waiting on her and doting on the kids and move on, but until then she’d accept his help, his friendship.
He popped a fry into his mouth, took a swig of soda and swallowed. “So you wanna tell me why karma hates you?”
Hard Break (Deadlines & Diamonds, #5) Page 4
