The Look of Love

by Crystal B. Bright

  A tear rolled down from under her sunglasses. She wiped it away while keeping her glasses covering her face. She did wince when she wiped under her eye.

  “My mom had to be both mother and father to me. When it came time to talk to me about the birds and the bees, she didn’t hold back. She gave it to me straight. She said, ‘Gunnar, don’t you ever hit a woman. Women are all queens. Treat them that way.’ So I do. I hit punching bags and I hit opponents in the ring. That’s it.”

  “So you don’t spank in the bedroom?” A smile cocked at the corner of her mouth.

  “There you go again.”

  Shay laughed. “For as much crap as I gave you when you first got there, I’m glad you filled in for Queen. I felt, I don’t know, safer with you around.”

  “Shay, if you want to tell me anything, you can. I won’t say anything to my mother or Eboni.”

  “It’s not them that I’m worried about.” She rubbed her forehead. “I’m fine. I’m a fighter. I’ll be fine.”

  “Some things you shouldn’t have to fight for. You fight for family. You fight for life. You fight for love.”

  “So what round are you in with Eboni?”

  Gunnar wondered the same thing himself. “You’re not alone.”

  “I’m glad it’s Friday. One more day of work and then I can relax for a couple of days.”

  “Oh, speaking of which. Mom wants you all to come over to the house Sunday for a party. We’re watching my brother play in his first Super Bowl ever. You’re going to be there, right?”

  “I don’t know. I have to check. I might have a thing at my place.” She turned her gaze away to look at the water they crossed over to get on the south side of the tunnel.

  “Invitation is open.”

  She nodded but didn’t turn back to him. Even when they got back to the salon and Gunnar helped her out of the truck, she kept her gaze away from him.

  “Wow. That was a long lunch,” Tillman said as soon as they strolled through the back door.

  “Sorry. The diva here insisted we go to some place in Hampton.” Gunnar removed his jacket.

  In unison, the staff and some of the patrons in the salon all said, “Hampton?”

  Then they looked at Shay.

  “What? There’s a really good barbeque place over there.” She hung up her coat and called for her next client to come to her chair. “I can’t help it if I know what I like. Ain’t that right, Guns?” She blew him a kiss.

  Now that he understood her bravado masked her pain, he played along with her. “Sure, Shay. Whatever you say.”

  “Glad you enjoyed your lunch.” Eboni pushed past him to get to the back area.

  “Maybe you should have brought something back for her.” Tisha pointed to Eboni.

  No, hunger didn’t fuel Eboni’s attitude. Knowing a strain of jealousy slithered its way through her had Gunnar tickled. That meant she cared.

  At the end of the day, Gunnar swept up the hair on the floors while everyone else cleaned off the counters and the coffee area.

  “Darling, can we stop off at a burger joint so I can get a nice, big, juicy burger and a pile of greasy fries and a milkshake?” Queen Elizabeth came out of her office and slipped on her coat.

  “Very funny, Mom. How about a salad, grilled chicken, and steamed veggies?” Gunnar dumped the hair and dirt into a nearby trash bin and put the cleaning supplies away.

  “Eh, you’re no fun.” She waved her had at him.

  A blaring car horn sounded from behind the salon.

  “What’s that? Who’s laying on their horn like that?” Gunnar started toward the door when Shay stopped him.

  “I got it. It’s for me. I got dropped off this morning, which is why I was late. My ride is here.”

  Shay opened the door to the sound of someone screaming, “Get over here now!”

  Gunnar started to go out the door when Shay put her hand to his chest.

  “I’m fine. I’ll see you all tomorrow, okay?” She nodded and smiled.

  “If you’re so fine, why are you still wearing shades at night?” he asked her.

  “Because I’m a diva, remember?” She patted her curly Afro and sauntered to the car. She got inside the passenger side.

  Gunnar wished he could have seen the action inside. With the tinted windows and the driver now blaring rap music, he couldn’t see or hear anything. The car made a U-turn in the parking lot and sped off into the street.

  “See you all tomorrow.” Monica waddled past Gunnar to her car.

  “Did Queen tell you about the Super Bowl party at her house?” he called after her.

  “Yeah. I’ll be there. I’m bringing my nacho dip.” Monica waved as she continued on her trek to her car.

  Gunnar stepped back inside. After Tillman and Tisha left, he stood there with two women who had his heart, although one looked like she wanted to crush his in her hand.

  “Joining us for dinner?” Elizabeth asked Eboni.

  “No. I’m going home.” Eboni put on her coat and grabbed her purse.

  “Something wrong?” Gunnar asked.

  “Nope. I realized I haven’t been home a lot with my own family this week and I’d like to do that.” She started to head out the door when Gunnar held her arm.

  “Stop. Can we talk?”

  “No, take Queen home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “If you go home, I’ll come there after I take Mom home.”

  Eboni looked conflicted before she finally gave up. “Fine. Quick dinner and that’s it.”

  “So I won’t have to wear my headphones tonight again?” Queen Elizabeth asked.

  “Mom!”

  “I’ll wait for you in your truck.”

  Chapter 15

  Eboni didn’t want to go to Gunnar’s for dinner. She’d proven to herself that she had no self-control around him. After dinner, and with Queen Elizabeth in her bedroom, Eboni found herself in an awkward spot.

  After she helped wash and put away the dishes with Gunnar, she headed to the living room to retrieve her coat and purse. “Thank you for dinner again. I’m going to go home.”

  “Will you come to my apartment?” he asked behind her.

  Eboni turned and released an audible sigh.

  In a look of surrender, Gunnar raised his sizable hands in the air. Eboni couldn’t help but stare at them for a moment and remember the pure pleasure she’d received from them many times over since he’d come home. She shook her head and focused on him.

  “I promise. I want to talk. I don’t want you thinking that every time you come over I want one thing, although…” He trailed off with a mischievous smile.

  “I’m going.” She turned to leave.

  Gunnar held her hand. “Wait. Please. I really do want us to talk.”

  Eboni made the mistake of looking into his eyes. His sincerity and the strength in his stare bowled her over. How could she say no to him?

  “For a short while, then I really have to go.”

  Gunnar smiled. “Good.” With him still holding her hand, he led her outside and across the yard to the garage.

  At the top of the stairs, he opened the door for her. “Would you like some coffee or hot chocolate? I went out and got one of those single-serve coffeemakers. The woman at the store said everyone has one of these things.” He smiled as he placed his hand on top of the machine.

  “Coffee would be nice.” Eboni wanted to remain alert and sober for whatever Gunnar wanted to talk about in the seclusion of his space.

  After rattling off a bevy of choices, Eboni chose a caramel-vanilla blend. It didn’t take long for the apartment to be filled with the soothing and sweet aroma. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. The dripping sound became a bit of white noise for her until it finished its cycle.

  Gunnar carried a white mug to the living room area where she sat and handed it to her.

  “Thank you.” Eboni took a sip and let the creamy and sw
eet liquid coat her tongue and slide down her throat like hot ice cream. “So good.” She glanced at him. “You’re not having any?”

  Gunnar shook his head. “I got it for guests.”

  Eboni stared at him suspiciously. “That seems like something you buy when you plan on being here for a while.” She blew her breath over the liquid to cool it. “Are you?” As she awaited his answer, her heart pounded. She set her mug on the coffee table so he couldn’t catch the slight tremble affecting her hands now.

  “I’ve been thinking about it more and more.” He sat next to her. “When Chuck showed up, it let me know that he sees me as a commodity, his meal ticket, not a person. And I keep thinking, what if I had a wife?” He stared at her. “What if I had kids?”

  Eboni swallowed hard and scooted back on the couch to create more space in between their bodies.

  “If I got hurt in the ring, how would they be taken care of?” he continued.

  “You don’t think between your mom and brothers that whoever you had in your life would be watched over?” Eboni knew how Queen ran a household. No way would she let any of her family members falter.

  “I’m sure they would, but my wife and kids should be my responsibility.” He put his hand to his chest. “I don’t want to keep fighting.”

  Eboni had started to reach for her mug before Gunnar dropped that bombshell. She knew she couldn’t hide the shock from her face. Gunnar suddenly wanted to abandon the one thing that had separated them.

  “What are you talking about? Once Queen gets better, what are you going to do?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I can’t put my body through this anymore.” He stared at her pointedly. “I’m tired. Being with you has made me realize that I have wasted a lot of time.”

  She blinked. “I didn’t want you to give up your career.”

  He smiled. “If I hadn’t thought about chasing the all mighty dollar, maybe we could have had a chance. I think about that all the time.” He shook his head. “I never told you this, but I caught you and your family dumpster diving one time.”

  Eboni remained still. She didn’t confirm or lie and deny what Gunnar had said. She remembered quite vividly what her family had had to do to survive, including going into grocery store dumpsters after hours to find food for the next day.

  “So?” Staying defiant, Eboni jutted out her chin to show him her past had made her stronger.

  “I never said anything to you, but after that, I vowed I would earn enough money to give you the best of everything. The best house, the best cars, the best clothes. Everything. You deserved it.”

  When he said that line this time, Eboni knew what he meant. “Oh, so you pitied me? Was that it?”

  He shook his head. “Never. I wanted the best for you.” Gunnar stared at her pointedly. “God, I messed up so badly with you.”

  Before Eboni knew it, Gunnar interlaced his fingers with hers. “Stay the night.”

  As Eboni opened her mouth to object, he continued.

  “No sex. I want to hold you. Let me hold you.” He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand.

  Unable to verbally respond, Eboni nodded. He’d bared his soul to her and revealed something so mind-blowing that she doubted he had even told his mother.

  Eboni should have taken that moment to tell him the truth about her, about them. She placed her free hand on her stomach. Before letting it rest there too long, she reached for her coffee again and took a sip.

  “Will you tell me about your aunt? What’s her medical condition?” he asked.

  Eboni shrugged. “The stroke affected her right side. Going through physical therapy helped. She’s gotten a lot stronger. But she needs help getting around.”

  “You ever think about life outside of Virginia? Would you ever move away?”

  She felt her eyebrows knit together. “Why would I move? I have so much keeping me here.”

  “I know.” To punctuate his statement, he gave her a knowing look. “I’m not saying you need to turn your back on your family, friends, and obligations…like I did.”

  It didn’t help that he made the statement wearing a sheepish expression. She actually felt for him. Her heart thrummed as he spoke.

  “You don’t seem happy. You of all people deserve happiness.”

  Hearing that from Gunnar, Eboni suddenly felt overwhelmed and exhausted. She’d let so much get to her. Her aunt, her work, the community center, hell, even her hair.

  “I’d like to lie down.” She stood.

  Gunnar stood with her and led her to his bedroom. After slipping off her shoes, Eboni slipped under his comforter wearing all of her clothes. Gunnar removed his boots and slipped in behind her. True to his word, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her body close to his.

  His heartbeat drummed a steady beat against her back. The sound, the feeling, lulled her to sleep.

  * * * *

  Eboni woke up with a start. She looked at the digital clock next to Gunnar’s bed. Damn, what was it about two o’clock in the morning with her?

  Gunnar still had his arm draped around her. Like the other morning, she lifted his arm and slipped from under him. This time, she didn’t have the need to run home like before. Gunnar’s words had hit home.

  She’d spent so much time being angry, hating herself for waiting for him and forgetting about herself. Eboni padded to the bathroom. After relieving herself, she caught her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She couldn’t help but gaze up at her hair.

  Eboni touched it, feeling the tracks running around her head. She opened Gunnar’s cabinet over the sink. When she couldn’t find what she needed there, she checked the drawer under the sink and found a pair of scissors. She picked them up and closed the drawer.

  When she caught her reflection again, the tears she’d been holding back came flooding down her face. She sniffed as she lifted a section of her expensive sewn-in hair and attempted to chop it off her head.

  “Baby, what are you doing?” Gunnar stood in the doorway.

  Eboni hadn’t even heard him walking toward her.

  “I need them out.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I don’t want this weave anymore.” She turned to him. “I hate it.”

  With a careful touch, Gunnar removed the scissors from her hands. “Sit down.” He pointed to the toilet.

  After she lowered the lid, she sat. Gunnar sectioned her hair and held it in place with a clip that he got from the same drawer.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked before making any cuts.

  Eboni nodded. “I want them all gone.”

  “Okay. It’s been a while since I’ve removed weave from someone’s hair. I’ll be sure to be careful.”

  Gunnar used a delicate hand to snip out lines of added hair from her head. When he removed the first row of tracks, he asked her if she wanted it. Eboni took the hair and threw it in the trash can.

  With each section removed, Eboni felt lighter and lighter, like years of burden had been lifted. After the last section of hair had been removed, Gunnar carefully undid her cornrows.

  Doing that loosened the tightness in her head. Through her tears, she released a long sigh.

  Gunnar ran his large fingers through her hair. “You want me to even that out?”

  Eboni stood and looked at herself in the mirror. She shook her head. “I want it all gone.”

  “Babe? The big chop? Are you sure?”

  Instead of answering him, Eboni removed every stitch of clothes she wore. Gunnar didn’t stop her although he stared at her like she’d lost her mind. She started his shower and got inside. She picked up a shampoo bottle he had in the stall and shampooed her now shorter hair. With it rinsed from her head. She opened the curtain and found Gunnar still standing in the bathroom waiting for her.

  Eboni wrapped a towel around her body and assumed her position seated on the toilet again. “Chop off the straight ends for me.”
>
  Gunnar didn’t question her. Like he’d done with her tracks, he took time and care in cutting the relaxed ends out of her hair. Eboni watched section after section of straight, long hair falling down around her.

  “Let me shape it up for you.” Gunnar took a step back and looked at her.

  Then he went to work like a pro. He snipped here and there to give her an even shape.

  The decision to cut her hair had been impulsive but long overdue. If anyone had to help her, other than Queen, Eboni only trusted Gunnar.

  As he continued cutting her hair, Eboni felt the need to reveal more of herself. “Right after you left, people kept coming to me and asking me about you. How could I let you go? Why didn’t I go with you? Why wasn’t I good enough for you?” She felt him stop moving at that bit of news. “I wanted to disappear. I wanted to be someone else. I added the hair.” She snickered. “For a short while, I even rocked green eye contacts. After a year of that, I got rid of them. But I kept the hair.”

  “So why now? Why get rid of it now?” Gunnar asked as he continued working.

  “When you mentioned how tired you were with fighting, I could relate. I shouldn’t have had to hide myself.” Eboni wiped her eyes. “I was tired of people seeing me as poor and worthless. I wanted to be different, to look different.”

  “Done. You want to see?”

  Eboni stood and looked at herself in the mirror. She thought seeing herself with such short hair would make her cry even harder. Instead, she felt liberated. She touched her hair and felt its natural softness.

  “I love it.” She turned to Gunnar.

  “Let me do something.” He walked out of the room.

  Eboni heard what she thought sounded like the refrigerator door opening and closing. He returned with a jar in his hand.

  “I made this the other day.” He smiled. “It’s a deep conditioner.”

  “Experimenting again?” Eboni asked as she watched him scoop some in his hand.

  “Oh, man. Do you mind? Do you want to try it? I guess I should have asked first.”