“What are you doing?” His words startle me, causing me to drop his shirt and jump back, almost falling off the edge of the bed.
I manage to hold on long enough to sit up and lean against the stack of pillows behind me. “Nothing,’ I whisper, ashamed of what I have done.
I should have waited for Carter to show me his back, but instead, I had to go and pry. While I’m not sorry for my actions, a sickness rises up from the back of my throat, choking me. Will he punish me? Will he freak out?
Carter sits up, tugs his shirt back down over his stomach, and turns to face me. “Answer me.” His voice indicates an order.
My hands are shaking from the power of his words. “I wanted to see what you’re hiding,” I choke out, nervous and afraid of what will come next.
At first, he doesn’t speak, causing my heart to thump out of my chest, as I wait for him to respond. “You had no right,” he spits out through clenched teeth. “I told you I would tell you more when I’m comfortable. I am not ready. What do you not understand?”
“But…” My voice is a whimper. “But I’m falling for you, Carter. I need to know what the man I love is keeping from me. I want to know all your secrets. You should be able to talk to me. We can be there for each other.”
“Maybe I don’t want that,” he hisses. “Maybe I don’t want to be with a woman who can’t respect my privacy.” He reverts to his usual defensive tone. I get the same thing from him every time I touch on sensitive subjects.
“Carter,” I plead, “you don’t mean that. You feel something for me. Whether it’s love or lust, I know you feel it, too.”
“You couldn’t just leave things alone, could you? You had to dig and dig until you found what you were looking for, just like Kennedy did to Tyler. Well, I’m not Tyler, so don’t think that shit will work on me.”
“I know.” I grab hold of his arm and lock onto him. “Please don’t be upset with me. I just want to know more about you. Is that so bad?”
He turns his head away from me and sighs. “Yes…no…I don’t know. I’m fucked up. I’m broken. Is that what you want to hear?”
“I’ll take whatever you will give me. I’m curious about your tattoos, always have been. Will you tell me what they mean?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and rests his head against the backboard, staring up at the ceiling. “Why do you have to be so persistent, woman? You never take no for an answer.”
“Because you will never tell me if I don’t poke you for answers.”
“Are you really in love with me or is just my cock you want?” Even in the darkness, I see a tiny smile cross his lips.
“Both,” I deadpan, “but I want you a lot more. Your cock is just the consolation prize for winning you.”
“You’re weird,” he says, his tone playful, less serious.
“So are you. That’s why this works for us, big guy.”
“I hate when you call me that.”
“You remind me of The Hulk. It’s not a bad thing. He’s kind of cute when he’s mad, just like you.”
“Kind of cute?” He snorts. “Cute is what you say when you see a picture of a baby or a puppy. I’m a man, and men are not cute.”
Hooking my leg over his, I press my lips to his cheek. “You’re fucking sexy as hell. My pussy is already dripping wet, and you haven’t even touched me.”
“Don’t even start, Princess.” He grabs his cock and gives himself a few strokes. “You know what I want. Now, give it to me.”
“I do, and I will give it to you, but I want something in return.”
“Not this shit again,” he grunts. “We are done with the games.”
“Humor me,” I say before I climb over him and get in between his legs. “Tell me something. Anything.” I stick my tongue out, licking up his shaft until I get to the head and stop.
“I’ll tell you what.” He places his big hand at the back of my head. “You make me come, and I’ll tell you what the first tattoo means.”
“You’re using sex…I like it.” I smile because this is my kind of game.
“Then, quit yapping and start sucking.” Carter guides my head, lowering me onto his cock, and I do as he says.
His moans are my reward. The entire time, I say a prayer that he will keep his promise. Even though this is a strange way to open up to someone, it’s more than I have gotten from Carter in the past. This is a start. A really fucked up start.
Chapter 17
Carter
Sydney is in love with me. Her words had put me in a state of shock. Like an idiot, I changed the subject, because I had no idea how to respond. Do I love her back? Maybe. I think so. I’ve never been in love before. I never allowed a woman to get close enough to win me over.
Fisting her hair in my hands, I stare down at the beautiful woman sucking my cock and wonder how we have gotten to this point. Love. I never thought a woman would love me for anything more than my star power, money, or even my cock. But Sydney wants more. She’s not like the other girls, even though she may be even more of a pain in the ass.
My God does this woman know how to suck a dick. That alone makes her girlfriend material. Combine our killer sex life with her looks and brains, and I have hit the trifecta with Sydney. I never dated a smart girl before. She always has to one-up me because of it, but I also like her more because of it. Sydney challenges me in ways I never allowed in the past. Everything with her is outside my comfort zone.
Whether I planned it or not, my walls have slowly come down for Sydney. Maybe sharing the parts of me that I had locked away and hid from the world, like broken Christmas ornaments in an attic, will be good for me. For our relationship. For whatever future we could have together.
I grip her hair tighter as I come, uttering a series of curses and grunts. This feels so fucking good I don’t want it to end.
After she licks her lips, Sydney peeks up at me from behind my erection that apparently will not quit. “Okay, big guy, time to talk.”
Three words no man wants to hear.
“But I’m still hard,” I counter, trying to avoid this discussion.
My joke earns me a punch in the leg. “You’re like a walking hard-on. You get hard if the wind blows in a particular direction. Nice try, buddy.”
“Not true.” I smirk. “I’m not that easy.”
She scoots along the mattress until she’s sitting next to me with her elbow propped up on a stack of pillows. “We don’t have a lot of time.” Sydney glances at the clock on her bedside table and turns back to me. “You have to leave for practice in an hour, and you still need to shower.”
“Who says I need to shower,” I say to mock her, even though I do need to get my ass in gear.
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Be a dirtball. Go stink up the locker room.”
“I’m getting one. Would you calm down already, woman?”
She flashes a bright smile. “You should get in with me. Let me wash you for once.”
A long pause passes between us as I mull it over. Sydney has seen my tattoos, regardless of how it happened. The first part is over. She saw the ink, knows there must be some personal meaning to them. Next, comes the hardest part. I hate talking about my past and myself. But I made a promise, and I’m not the kind of asshole who makes a habit of breaking them.
“Okay.” I submit.
“Really?” Her eyes widen in surprise. “Without your shirt, right?”
I laugh. “Yes, without my shirt.”
I slide off the bed, beckoning her to follow me into the bathroom. She does as I want and without me asking.
Pulling up my shirt, I hesitate out of habit, before I tug it over my head and drop it onto the tile floor. Sydney walks in behind me, naked and with a smile on her beautiful face. With her huge, perky tits out on display, I have trouble focusing on anything but her chest.
I get hard just thinking about shoving my dick between them. But I have to calm down. What we’re about to do is not about sex. It’s about getting
to know each other.
She steps into the double shower, tiled from floor to ceiling, and turns the knobs for each shower head, feeling the water with her hand as she adjusts the temperature. At least we both can fit inside.
I guess that’s one nice perk about Sydney being loaded. She already has her own money and all the luxuries that come with it. Sydney will never be dependent on me. I had enough of the freeloading wanna-be baby mamas to last a lifetime before Sydney had come along. Her independence is a nice change of pace from the norm.
Once I get in with her, Sydney presses her palm to my chest, pushing me beneath the water. She reaches up and tries to rub shampoo in my hair, but I’m too tall, which causes her to smear some of it down the side of my face.
She chuckles, her laughter contagious, because the two of us stand there, looking at each other, laughing. “You look even sexier when you’re wet, big guy. I’m glad we’re doing this. Together.”
“So am I.” It’s the truth. “But you missed a spot,” I tell her, taking the glob of shampoo from my face and rub it into her hair.
She tilts her head back, allowing the water to wash over her, the soap sliding down her chest. “Who knew taking a shower with you could be so fun?” The corners of her mouth turn up into a smile that mirrors mine.
“I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
I help Sydney wash her hair, digging my fingers through her curls. After we’re done, I take the body wash from the ledge, soap up the loofa, and rub it over her chest.
“Start talking,” she says, staring up at me with big, blue eyes that look right through me.
She’s known all along that I’ve been hiding something and has called me on out my shit. Little did I know this dark-haired vixen would steal my heart. Sometimes, people take you by surprise, and Sydney is one of them.
“Okay.” I suck in a deep breath and let it out, preparing myself for her reaction. “The first tattoo on my back. I got that one for my mother. She was killed in a car accident when I was nine years old.”
Her eyes and mouth widen in shock. She clamps her hand down on my forearm. “I’m so sorry, Carter.”
“It’s okay. My mom died a long time ago. I barely remember her at this point. She called me her little cub, which is the reason I have a cub inside the jigsaw piece. Her death was the moment it all started for me. When she would put me to sleep at night, my mom would kiss me on the forehead and whisper, Sleep, my little cub. As the years went by, I stopped remembering certain things about her, but I never forgot what she’d said to me at night. My sister had taken over after my mom was gone for a while. I was almost a teenager by the time Jenny stopped tucking me in every night.”
Sydney wipes the corner of her eye. It’s hard to tell with the water hitting her face, but I think she’s crying. I pull her against my chest and wrap my arms around her. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. I survived. That’s all that matters.”
“Why are you like this, Carter?” She chokes out. “If it’s not your mother, then why?”
“It was everything that happened after her death.” Loosening my grip on her, I turn around, so she can get a better view of my back. I reach over my shoulder and point to the second tattoo. “I got this one because of my father.”
“What kind of birds are these?”
“Ravens. They symbolize death.”
I explain how my father was called to the scene of my mother’s car accident and how it destroyed him, ruined our family. She doesn’t speak, but I can hear her whimper, as she runs her hand along my back. The first time our skin makes contact, I flinch, closing my eyes as if my father had just burned me with another cigarette or hit me with his belt.
Sydney hugs me from behind, and I grip her hands in mine, never wanting to let go. This is not the reaction I’ve had from women in the past. They look at me as though I am broken—because I am. Instead of disgust or pity, I get love and affection, the kind of response I had always hoped for and never got in return.
“Will you tell me more?” She asks with her lips pressed against my skin. “Or is this too much for you?”
After rehashing everything from being overweight and insecure as a kid to the beatings my father would give me just for being born, I might as well continue. She deserves to know the rest of my story.
Pressing my palm flat against the tiled wall, I allow the water to run down my back. Every time Sydney slides her hand over one of my tattoos or kisses my skin, it hurts as if I am in physical agony. But as she continues to do this, the pain lessens. I adapt to her touch. I’m not afraid anymore because it’s Sydney. And I trust her. I know she would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.
“The dragonfly,” I say, after a long moment of silence between us, “symbolizes change and the tree means growth. Because of the shift in our family dynamic, I became a lot closer to my older sister. Jenny was the one who encouraged me to lose weight so I could play in the youth hockey league down at the rec center. I had a hard time with the kids at school because of my weight, and Jenny was my only friend for a long time.”
Even over the water, I can hear Sydney crying. She really does love me. I squeeze her hands tighter against my stomach and continue.
“Then, I met Coach Tucker, and my entire life changed. He had given Jenny meal plans to help me eat better. She did her best to make them for us. My father hated everything Jenny cooked for me and threw the plates across the kitchen half the time. He was and still is a miserable piece of shit. He took all of his problems out on us.”
“Do you still talk to him?”
“No. Jenny still feels sorry for him and checks in on him once a month. When I first got drafted, he called me all the time. He tried to apologize for everything he had ever done. I was stupid enough to believe him in the beginning. Turns out, all he wanted from me was money. Between his drinking and gambling, we never had any money.”
“I’m so sorry, Carter. That sounds awful.”
“It was. Jenny had to get a job by the time she was a freshman in high school to make sure we had something to eat. After my dad had lost his job as the sheriff, he worked a bunch of odd jobs in town. But he could never stay sober long enough to keep any of them. Plus, it’s not as if people were dying to hire the town drunk. In a city that small, everyone knows your name. Jenny and I were the laughing stock of the city after our father had fallen from grace.”
She hugs me tighter. “So, hockey was the growth in your life. That’s how you were able to get away from him.”
“Yup. I turned eighteen mid-way through high school, and by the time I had graduated, I was already eligible for the draft.”
“That’s amazing, Carter. Your sister must be so proud of you.”
“You have no idea. Jenny is the reason I have a career. Hell, she’s the reason I’m still alive. Who knows what would have happened to me if I didn’t have Jenny. She’s my light, always has been.”
“The light to your darkness,” she mumbles, recalling the tattoo on my wrist.
I nod. “The dragon means strength. That’s why I got that one. It was to remind myself that I am strong even when I don’t think I have it in me. I had a lot of issues last season with my game being off. I needed some positive reinforcement.”
“How come you have an empty puzzle piece?” Her voice is so soft and quiet I almost have trouble hearing.
“I left that one blank because I haven’t figured out what to put there. But I think I have an idea of what would complete the puzzle.”
I peel her hands from my stomach and turn around the face her. She’s beautiful, naked, and soaking wet. The water splashes off her forehead and streams down her face.
How did I get this lucky? Why did I almost walk away from her for good?
“I’m not sure what should go there yet, but I have an idea of what I might do.”
“After all this sharing, don’t go holding out on me, big guy,” she says, with a smile.
“I really don’t know. When it c
omes to me, you’ll be the first to know. Until then, you’ll just have to wait and see.”
“What about your game? How can you fix it?”
“Luckily, Tyler figured out how it all started. You might not believe me, but I think doing what we just did helped me a little bit. Opening up to you and sharing this part of my life was not easy for me.”
“I know,” she says, softly. “But I’m glad you did. It means the world to me that you trust me with your secrets. I’m falling in love with you, Carter Donovan, and I will love you down to the darkest part of your soul.”
I get a little choked up by her confession, managing to suck down the emotions that consume me. “I think I’m falling for you, too, Princess. I don’t know how you managed to do it, but you melted the ice around my heart or at least chipped away at it piece by piece until you worked your way inside. You’re the first woman I ever felt this way about. I’m still trying to process all of this. I wasn’t even sure I loved you until you told me how you feel about me. All of this is foreign to me. Relationships and love are all new experiences.”
“Well, I’m glad we’re doing this together, big guy.”
She places her hand on my chest, and I dip down to kiss her lips, lifting her up in the process. “So am I.”
Sydney hooks her legs around my middle and digs her heels into my ass. Once our tongues collide, I’m so full of her love, consumed by her light, that I could kiss her all day without coming up for air. But the alarm clock blaring from her bedroom is a reminder that I have to get moving if I plan to get to practice on time. My coach has already been up my ass, and I don’t need to give him a reason to lay into me even more.
As our lips separate, I have trouble breathing. For once, Sydney has sucked all the air out the room but in a good way.
With our foreheads touching, Sydney whispers, “I love you, Carter. Let me be your light.”
“You already are. It just took me a lot longer to notice. I love you, too, baby. I love you so fucking much. But I have to get to practice.”
Donovan (Face-Off Series Book 3) Page 16
