How to Seduce a Ghost

by Hope McIntyre

  “I hate the thought of Selma just being a statistic,” I said. “I want to know what I can do to help her now.”

  “Well, you can start by not screwing her husband.” Cath grabbed my hand when she saw my face. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. But why doesn’t she get a restraining order slapped on him? Has she given you any indication that she’s going to leave him?”

  “Not until the book’s published. She seems to think the only way she can expose him is by writing a book, then the whole world will know and he won’t dare to come after her. But I haven’t even started the book yet. By the time it’s published, she could be dead. He came round the other night.” Cath’s eyes widened. “My mother had just arrived. Tommy was there. Angel. I got rid of him pretty quickly. But he could come back at any moment. What should I do?”

  “Who’s Angel?” asked Cath. I told her. “Right,” she said, “the girl in the summerhouse.” And then I told her about the Buzz connection and she shook her head in disbelief. “I heard he had an alibi. What a bastard! You’ve got to stay away from him, girl. I’m going to talk to Richie.”

  “So how did you meet him?”

  “Richie?” She looked at me oddly for a second. “He came to give a talk to my kids at the school about being careful with strangers. You know, after Soham—Holly and Jessica?”

  I felt a little sick all of a sudden, remembering the grotesque murder of two beautiful little girls, by the caretaker at their school in the town of Soham near Cambridge, a man they had trusted. I recalled how he had actually hung around to help the police with their inquiries, when all the time he had disposed of the girls’ bodies in a ditch not far away, even returning during the investigation to set fire to them.

  “And he was so sweet with the children,” Cath went on. “I think I sort of fell for him there and then. I’m surprised he hasn’t mentioned Buzz’s domestic violence history. It’s one of his obsessions.”

  “Buzz seems to be one of Max Austin’s obsessions, full stop. He’s determined to get him one way or another.”

  She looked at me quizzically. “What do you make of Max Austin?”

  I threw up my hands in a helpless gesture. What did I think of Max Austin?

  “I’m not sure, to be honest. He seems so moody. One minute he’s impatient with me, sarcastic almost, and then I get the feeling he could be quite gentle if he tried. He patronizes me, humors me when I try to suggest stuff about the case.”

  “You try to suggest stuff?” Cath looked incredulous. “What sort of stuff?”

  I told her about what I’d surmised about Buzz.

  “He must like you,” she said. “If anybody else tried to suggest stuff like that to him, he’d bite their head off. But a word of warning: Don’t try to play amateur detective. It’s insulting. This is arson and murder we’re dealing with. But you’re right, there is a gentle side to him. Off duty, he used to be a really sweet man before the tragedy.”

  “What tragedy?”

  She looked at me and shook her head. “I don’t believe it. He hasn’t told you? But then I don’t suppose he would, would he?”

  “I know about his wife dying.”

  “But did you know she was murdered?”

  “You’re joking!”

  “I’m not. She went off on holiday on her own apparently, to some cottage in darkest Devon and when he couldn’t raise her on her cell phone he got a funny feeling and went chasing after her. But he was too late. They found her body in a field. She’d been strangled and dumped under a hay bale, and her little dog—a poodle—had been butchered. They never found the killer. Can you imagine what a nightmare that must be for him?”

  “What do you mean, they never found the killer?”

  “Well, sometimes they don’t. It’s pretty ironic when you think about it. He’s a murder detective and it’s one case it seems he’s never going to solve. He’s an angry person but you can understand that. It’s just that recently he’s become so cynical. He’s surrounded by the more despicable aspects of society day in day out and to be honest with you, Richie and I are quite worried about him. There doesn’t seem to be anything else in his life. Richie thinks he’s going a little crazy, quite frankly.”

  “He talks to his wife,” I said. “I went into his office and he was talking to an invisible person called Sadie.”

  “His wife,” Cath confirmed. “He’s always done that. At first Richie and I thought it was quite healthy but we reckon he ought to be over it by now. It’s been five years. He should be talking to someone else. Do you know”—she looked a little coy—“Richie and I were talking about it the other night and we wondered if he’d even had any sex since his wife died.”

  I giggled a little, Cath frowned.

  “No, seriously. Richie’s worried he might be heading for a breakdown.”

  “What was she like? Did you meet her?”

  “No, I never did. Richie and I got together long after she died but he told me she was stunning. Colorful. Literally—she was black, or rather café au lait. But she was flamboyant. Richie showed me a picture of her. She was as tall as her husband and striking. I mean in-your-face striking—dangling earrings, bright red skirt, and purple blouse sort of thing. Very high heels, great legs although the calves had a bit too much muscle for my liking. Gigantic tits, long neck, high cheekbones, Sophia Loren eyes, lots of teeth—”

  “Okay, stop”—I held up my hand—“I get the picture.” But it wasn’t a picture I was expecting. I found it hard to reconcile this image with the kind of woman I’d imagined as Max Austin’s wife. I would have assumed he’d be married to what I call a background person. Someone with impeccable taste who stayed home and made herself invisible. He had struck me as someone who didn’t like to draw attention to himself, which was more than could be said for his wife by the sound of things.

  “But she was nice? Richie liked her?”

  Cath made a face.

  “Like? I don’t know about that. He was seduced by her. Oh, don’t look like that. I don’t mean literally. Maybe ‘charmed’ is a better word. But she never stopped talking, never stopped laughing and Richie said whenever he went over to their house she always had loud music blaring. And she was smart. Richie had the feeling Max used to sound her out about his cases. He knows Max thought she had sensational instincts.”

  What a huge empty hole she must have left, I thought. What must it be like for him now when he went home? No noise, no more sharing his cases.

  “Oh God!” I said. “I’m starting to feel really sorry for Max Austin.”

  “Well, let me tell you something that’ll make it a whole lot worse. Listening to Richie I get the distinct impression she was a bit of a tramp. He went to a party with them one time and she danced the entire evening with different men, threw herself around the room. Max claimed he didn’t dance and just sat there drinking. Richie said from watching her, he figured she was on intimate terms with at least two of those men. But Max seemed oblivious to what was going on. Either that or he was in denial. Richie said the way he spoke about Sadie, you’d have thought she was this meek little devoted creature who met him at the door every night with his slippers in her mouth.”

  Funny, I thought, that’s exactly how I imagined her and he’d never even said anything about her to me. Shows how wrong you can be about a person.

  “I need a refill,” I said, getting up and turning to the bar. I’d done this deliberately to see what her reaction would be. I wanted to give her a chance to discuss her alcoholism with me if she felt so inclined.

  “Nothing for me,” she said.

  “Oh, come on, Cath. This is a celebration, getting back together like this.”

  “Well, okay, I’ll have another Diet Coke.”

  I made a face.

  “I’m not drinking,” she said.

  “Party pooper,” I said, in a teasing tone of voice, nothing heavy. She could pick it up or not, as she wished.

  But her explanation, when it came, completely threw m
e. She shook her head again and then, to my astonishment, she burst into tears. I slipped around the table and put my arm around her. Cath might insist there was a lot wrong with me but she was a total mess herself and I couldn’t figure it out.

  She dried her eyes with a paper napkin.

  “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  “No!” I said. “I mean, yes! That’s great news, isn’t it? Why are you crying? Why didn’t you tell me the minute I arrived? Is Richie thrilled?”

  When she didn’t answer, I squeezed her shoulders a little.

  “What’s up, Cath?”

  Eventually she rubbed her eyes and murmured something.

  “What?”

  She looked at me and I saw how distraught she was.

  “He doesn’t know.”

  I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “You mean you haven’t told him? Why? How far gone are you?”

  “I was practically sure I was pregnant the day you saw me at the station. That’s what I was rushing in to tell Richie. I’d decided he had to know.”

  “And?”

  “It was hectic in there. He was busy. I don’t know why I acted so impulsively, rushing to the station like that. It was neither the time nor the place. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  “Okay.” I could imagine that it needed to feel special when you told someone you were expecting their child. “But why haven’t you told him since then?”

  “I was all set to tell him that night. We were due to go to his brother’s for dinner and I thought I’d tell him on the way there and maybe we could announce it—like a family thing. But he got caught up and called to say he’d meet me there.”

  “Is Richie close to his brother? Do you like him?”

  “We both like Alan a lot. He’s sort of a joke, you know? He’s big like Richie but in a roly-poly way. All warm and jovial all the time and of course the drink helps.” She gave me a knowing look but I was a bit slow picking up on it. “He’s a builder like their father but the truth is he’s not very successful. When jobs go out to tender, Al never seems to be in the running. Richie’s the responsible brother but to my mind he’s a bit too responsible.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Al has five kids. Shirley, his wife, really has her hands full because four of them are under six. Money is very tight and it seems every time we go there, Al has his hand out.” Cath’s face hardened. “Richie and I had a row about it on the way home. Al always hits on Richie, never says anything to their father because Richie insists the old man shouldn’t be bothered. I asked Richie if Al had hit on him for money again and he suddenly became really defensive—He’s my brother, why shouldn’t I help him if I want to? sort of thing. It turned out he’d had a desperate call from Al the week before and he’d agreed to cover Al’s mortgage for the rest of the year. On top of his own mortgage, it leaves him with virtually nothing. When I said how crazy it was he replied that he didn’t need the money, it wasn’t as if he had kids of his own, Al was family, he owed it to him, et cetera, et cetera. After that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about the baby.”

  “You know you have to,” I told her.

  “Or I could just have an abortion and he’ll never know,” she said and burst into tears again.

  “Right,” I said, “that’s enough for tonight. You need taking in hand, Cath. You’re coming home with me. I’ve got to feed the troops, we’ll take this bottle of champagne for them, we’ll pick up a Chinese takeaway, and you’ll join us for supper. Forget about this for tonight. Besides I’m going to need backup when I confront Angel.”

  “Well I won’t let you feed her.” Cath sat up. “What other troops do you have to feed?”

  She laughed at me when I told her it was only Tommy and my mother and frowned when I explained about my parents’ separation.

  “But it’s quite a big step in the right direction for you, Lee. Last time I saw you there was no way you would allow that many people in the house on a regular basis. How does it feel to be a normal member of the human race?”

  I ignored the barb. I was rapidly coming to the conclusion that Cath’s getting at me was a form of affection. I couldn’t believe that I had never noticed how vulnerable she was beneath her take-charge exterior or that she could think of me as the confident one. I must have changed considerably in the years since we’d seen each other to be able to view her in such a different light.

  “It’s weird but I actually quite like it. But what you have to understand is that it’s not exactly business as usual at the moment. Life is pretty crazy generally, what with someone getting killed in my garden and Buzz turning out to be a batterer and my parents splitting up. I haven’t settled down to work and that’s worrying me but I have to tell you, I’m rather proud of myself for being able to live like a normal member of the human race, as you call it. At the moment it’s still such a novel experience that I haven’t had time to take stock. Ask me again in a month or so.”

  “Good God!” Cath grinned. “Will everyone still be there by then?”

  Not Angel after what she’s done, I thought to myself. “Heaven help me—or her—if my mother’s still there. But having Tommy there is comforting, believe it or not and . . .” I paused, not quite sure how far to go when discussing Tommy with Cath. “Our sex life seems to have taken on a new lease of life. Do you know, before Max Austin turned up today, I was just about to conduct an experiment. I wanted to see whether you could hear Tommy and me having sex from the top floor where my mother’s sleeping. I was planning on simulating sex noises in my bedroom and recording it. Then I’d play it back and rush upstairs to see if I could hear it.”

  I expected Cath to laugh at such ridiculous behavior or ask me how I expected to reproduce the volume accurately on my tape recorder but all she said was:

  “Why did Max Austin come round to your house?”

  Something stopped me telling Cath I’d been doing his laundry. I had a feeling she’d have something disparaging to say about that along the lines of letting people walk all over me. I was trying to think of an answer when her cell phone rang. We were outside the Napoleon walking arm in arm along Talbot Road and she put her hand to her ear to block out the traffic.

  “Talk of the devil,” she said. “Hi, Max, what’s up?”

  I felt her go rigid and then slump against me and I quickly put an arm around her to hoist her up. After a few seconds she snapped her cell phone shut and dragged me to the curb.

  “I need to get a cab,” she said, holding out her arm. “Richie’s been injured. Someone’s hit him. He was okay but now he’s blacked out and they’ve rushed him to St. Mary’s. I need to get there, Lee. Max says it’s pretty bad.”

  She kept repeating the words “pretty bad, pretty bad” over and over like a mantra as I hailed a cab and put her into it. And I tried to understand when she slammed the door in my face, shouted something to the driver, and left me standing there on the curb.

  CHAPTER 17

  MY MOTHER WAS STANDING IN THE BAY WINDOW OF THE kitchen and when she saw me coming she darted away to open the front door. She met me at the top of the steps dangling a pair of briefs from her little finger.

  “I found these in the dryer. Tommy says they’re not his,” she said accusingly.

  I glanced up the street. Did she have any idea of the picture she presented, standing there waving men’s underwear in public? Mrs. O’Malley would have a field day.

  “Come inside, Mum.” I pushed past her. My instant knee-jerk panic reaction was to assume they were Buzz’s but after a second’s reflection I realized they had to be Max Austin’s.

  “Well, I think you’d better have a good explanation as to why you’re harboring a strange man’s underpants—for Tommy if not for me.”

  “I’ve just seen Cath,” I said knowing that would get her attention.

  “Cath Clark? Good Lord.”

  I gave her an edited version of the evening’s events, leaving out what Cath knew about Buzz bu
t blurting out in my overexcited state that she was pregnant before I remembered that she hadn’t even told Richie yet.

  “Where is she? You should have brought her home for a drink. I always liked Cath. I can still see her sitting here in this kitchen asking me to show her how to lay a table for a dinner party. And now she’s going to have a baby.” My mother shook her head and smiled.

  Until I told her what had happened to Richie.

  “Where’s Tommy?” I asked, looking round. My mother seemed to be the only one there.

  “Went straight out again after I showed him the briefs although I don’t think there’s any connection. Said he was going to see his mother in hospital. I was a bit disappointed, tell you the truth. I spoke to him earlier in the day and he said he’d be starting on the repairs to the house this evening but I couldn’t very well stop him going to see poor Noreen.”

  I suppressed a smirk. She’d learn soon enough. This was probably the first in a long line of excuses Tommy would produce to get out of doing the repairs.

  “And you know Angel’s gone,” she went on.

  “Gone out for the evening?” That was a relief. I wasn’t looking forward to facing her.

  “No, gone altogether.” My mother looked quite affronted. “She was dragging her little bags down the stairs when I came in. Asked me to hold the door and walked straight past me into the street. Didn’t even say good-bye or thank you. So which hospital have they taken Cath’s boyfriend to?”

  I shook my head. “St. Mary’s. I hope she’ll give me a call.” I toyed with the idea of telling my mother Richie didn’t know about his baby but thought better of it. It was all too complicated.

  “Have you eaten?” I asked her. “You look exhausted, Mum.”

  “I am exhausted.”

  “Well, maybe you’d like to have an early night?”