Pervade Duet: Pervade London & Pervade Montego Bay

by Vanessa Fewings

  She reached up and rested her hand on mine.

  I allowed it to remain.

  It would be easy to wrap my arms around this exquisite woman and let the sailboat set its own course. It would be easy to bury my face in the crook of her neck and inhale her beauty.

  I moved around Emily and knelt before her so I could massage sunscreen over her face and neck. She gave me one of her cute smiles as though suspecting how much I needed this intimacy. As though me fighting it was adorable. It took every ounce of control I possessed to resist kissing her.

  I turned my attention to her feet, removing her sandals. The thought of sucking on her red painted toes hit me and my fingertips traced the sole of her foot.

  “James?”

  “You have to get it between the toes,” I told her, rubbing in the lotion.

  She pulled her foot away, as though ticklish, and I eased it back and finished applying the cream. She continued to watch me closely with a curious expression.

  “What about you?” she asked.

  “I applied it before we left.”

  “You seasoned sailor, you,” she quipped.

  I whipped out my phone and sat next to her, lifting it up ready to snap a shot of us together. “Smile, Em.”

  She frowned suspiciously instead.

  The fact that Emily hadn’t smiled would hopefully stir Xavier’s empathy when I sent the photo to him. He’d believe she wasn’t enjoying herself and that would motivate him to come rescue her from the big bad wolf.

  The wind filled the sail and the boat took us farther out to sea.

  Thoughts of Xavier crowded my mind and I tried and failed to push them away. It was the endless blue that brought him back to me. He’d sat where Emily was now, looking out at the view with his short blond hair ruffled by the breeze, scruff covering his face from where he’d given up shaving for weeks. His Norwegian complexion tanned easily, making the color of his eyes pop like these crystal-clear turquoise waters. I recalled the way his smile reached his eyes in reaction to all this beauty—revealing his affection for me.

  That happy grin of his had once melted my heart and revived my life.

  Every moment in his presence felt easy. He was sacred in every conceivable way. What we’d shared was ours alone to cherish. The intimacy so profound I cursed the part of me that had rejected the future we both deserved.

  Even after all my soul-searching, I’d denied my feelings for him. Even up to the day we’d fought, and he’d run into the heart of London. The same evening Xavier had fallen into Emily’s arms.

  My jealousy had been veiled behind my need for Xavier’s professional talents. I did need him on that level, but my heart had yearned for him, too. It hurt like hell knowing it had been me who’d sent him reeling.

  He didn’t deserve any of it. Because Xavier was not only brilliant in every conceivable way, he was kind and compassionate and everything that was right in this world.

  “Are you thinking of him?” Emily interrupted my daydreaming.

  I decided to ignore her question and change the subject.

  “Want to swim?” I hooked the line to the sail and reeled it in. “This is Doctor’s Cave.”

  “Why’s it called that?”

  “It was a favorite place of Dr. McCatty and his friends, who were also doctors. They had to enter through a cave. This was back in the 1880s.” There was more to the story, but I wasn’t in the mood to tell it.

  “You love this place.”

  “There’s a lot to love.”

  “I bet you think of Victoria a lot when you’re in Montego Bay.”

  I managed a nod.

  I shrugged my shirt off and then slipped out of my shorts, beneath which I wore swimming trunks.

  She let her dress slide off her body. “Is the water warm?”

  My gaze moved over her curves, my attention lingering. I sensed she had picked up on my reaction to her captivating figure. Her hands rested on her hips in a confident way, as though she knew I was fighting this attraction.

  But she would never break me, even though she’d once gotten close. Since our time in London, I’d regrouped and reconstructed those walls with an impenetrable will of steel.

  “Much warmer than what you’re used to. I’m afraid this will spoil you for all other oceans.” Rummaging in the canvas bag, I brought out two masks and a snorkel each. “Have you snorkeled before?”

  “Yes, once.”

  I handed her the mask.

  “It was in Devon. Couldn’t see much though.”

  That made me smile. Especially since she was about to become acquainted with the impressive range of visibility here.

  Within minutes, I’d run over the safety checklist and made sure she’d feel comfortable wearing the gear. With her sitting on the edge of the boat, I helped her pull on her fins before donning mine.

  Swinging my legs over, I said, “Let’s go see some fish.”

  I lowered myself in and the water felt cool on my overheated flesh. It was refreshing. Dipping my head for a moment below the surface, I cooled my face. I tasted salt as I slipped the snorkel into my mouth. Taking steady breaths through it, I peered into the clear blueness below. The soothing colors of the reef shifted my mood and brought on a sudden clarity.

  It was something I’d not realized I’d needed.

  When I came up for air, I saw Emily with her mask on, easing herself into the water. She dipped in and out then looked at me, breaking into a grin.

  An endearing moment passed between us and it felt like all was forgiven. As though she knew I was ice itself and she had the power to melt me. Maybe, just maybe, a part of me believed this.

  If only I deserved it.

  She slipped her snorkel into her mouth and leaned forward until her body was aligned with the water.

  Leaving her to gain confidence, I inhaled deeply to fill my lungs with air and dived into the depths, using my fins to take me lower and swim toward the coral. Blue-striped grunts swam by and I instinctively reached for them. They skittered away.

  I felt at home beneath the surface of the water—even during those long tours when I’d spent months at sea. There was something compelling about the deep, it provided tranquility and an authenticity that couldn’t be found anywhere else.

  Still, I should have put all of that behind me when I married. Which would have meant I’d have been there for Victoria when she really needed me.

  Emily was diving confidently toward the coral reef with her fins moving gracefully behind her. My attention would stay on her now. Her hand brushed along the sand and she dug something out of the golden grains. She kicked her fins and rose to the surface.

  I followed her up.

  Reaching out, I eased strands of wet hair away from her face. With a sweet expression, she spat out her snorkel and beamed at me with happiness.

  “Look.” She opened her palm to reveal a shell. “To remember today.”

  I avoided her stare.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m having fun.”

  Only I was close to turning this day into one she’d not want to remember.

  Her smile widened. “Thank you for bringing me out here.”

  Damn it, why did she have to be so forgiving…

  “I wonder if fish like music.” She peered down into the water and giggled.

  My lips were drawn to hers and there was no way I could stop myself from kissing her. My hands wrapped around her waist and I held her suspended above water, my chest pressing her against the side of the boat, my feet treading water as I supported her easily. She opened her mouth wider and my tongue darted inside, searching and exploring. We could have been anywhere, because the world faded from existence when she was in my arms.

  Yet she belonged to another man and this dawning realization made me feel like I was committing a sacrilege.

  “I’m in love with you,” she blurted against my mouth.

  I nipped her lip, trying to distract her.

  A jet ski zoomed
past us, disrupting our privacy. I went to yell at the teenager riding it, but he had already sped out of earshot.

  I snapped my focus back to her. “Emily…”

  “I know you still love Xavier,” she said. “I can tell when you’re thinking of him. You miss him.”

  “He’s hard to forget.”

  “Maybe you and me and him…”

  “There can never be an us, Emily. You’re just a girl who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

  “Why kiss me then?”

  It had been impossible not to.

  I had kissed him like that, too. In this very cove.

  Then I’d done the unthinkable to him.

  A rogue wave lifted and dropped us. I reached out to steady Emily. She grabbed the side of the boat. Calming a little, she brushed wet strands of hair out of her face, her nervous giggle endearing.

  “You okay?”

  She grinned.

  “Do you want to go under again?”

  “Why did you bring me here?”

  I gave a careless shrug. “This is where I told Xavier I was sending him away.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “That’s why he left you?”

  “He was going to be transferred to Washington.”

  “He didn’t want to go, did he? That’s why he ran from you back in London.”

  I nodded. “After we arrived home from our time here in Jamaica, we spent a week in London, where I tried to persuade him we’d still be working together.”

  She flinched, realizing my intention. “You’re not sending me away.”

  “Prague. There’s an orchestra that will take you—”

  “No.”

  “Your first choice didn’t work out, and this is a great opportunity.”

  “You’re not doing this.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Getting rid of me.”

  “I’m giving you another chance at your dream.”

  She pointed a finger. “You’re going to extremes to get him back. Fucking me on your dining room table. Bringing me out here on your boat. Trying to make him jealous so he’ll come back and walk right into your trap. You love him. Even if you don’t love me at least don’t deny your feelings for him.”

  “My work is all-consuming.”

  “Listen to yourself.”

  “This is not about me,” I snapped.

  “It is. You won’t allow yourself to love us.” She swam away, kicking her fins furiously through the water.

  I called after her. “Where are you going?”

  She was swimming in the direction of the beach.

  Resting my forehead against the hull, I cursed myself for not telling her the truth…for not dealing with my feelings of vulnerability, scorching in its rawness.

  Tell her how you feel.

  Say it…

  That I love her beyond words. That I love Xavier just as much. As simple and yet as complicated as that.

  “Emily,” I called out to her. “I’m sending you away with Xavier.”

  The sound of the returning jet ski drowned out my words.

  I was sending her somewhere they’d be safe. They’d be together at last and the damage would be undone.

  The teenager was speeding recklessly through the water, not accounting for swimmers, or even sea life.

  Fuck.

  He was zooming dangerously close to her.

  “Emily,” I yelled. “Watch out!”

  The damn kid nearly hit her.

  Swimming after her, I replayed the cruel and unreasonable things I’d said to her. She’d been caught up in the complex lives of two very different men and she didn’t deserve this. I should have told her how I felt and explained why going to Prague was the safest arrangement for them both.

  She was owed the truth.

  I caught a blur of movement on my left—another jet ski was barreling towards me. The rider tried to correct his direction and swerved as I dove under the water.

  Then pain exploded in my skull.

  James

  Before

  Pain exploded in my skull as I cracked it hard against a ceiling pipe.

  I’d forgotten to walk with my right shoulder forward down the passageway and dip my head when those pipes appeared, which were standard on submarines. You’d think this would come naturally having lived on one during my Navy career. Only I was lacking in sleep and it was messing with my focus. Mainly because of that major issue of an agent going rogue not that far away in Macau.

  My head pounded and I blinked through stars, trying to hide my embarrassment from the occasional crew member who passed by—smiling at them like I hadn’t just sustained what felt like permanent brain damage.

  Damn this mission.

  My gut had warned me it was flawed from the start.

  We’d gone covert in Chinese waters and were beyond detection, thanks to the sub’s stealth capabilities, which meant the crew was safe. I, however, was developing one hell of a headache, and not just from walking into that damn pipe. My arrogance had been cranked to the max—and now I was on the receiving end of a shot of karma.

  I’d spent too long on land as a civilian since leaving and it was showing.

  A few minutes ago, I’d left a message with the petty officer that I wanted to see Commander Hague right away. Thoughts of his impending fury had rattled my concentration.

  It’s temporary, I reminded myself for the millionth time. You’ll be off this sub and on land in a matter of hours. Even if leaving it meant facing possible danger, it was better than dealing with the claustrophobia. For a man who’d once loved every second of this life, it seemed like a cruel twist of fate.

  I’d traveled over five thousand miles on the HMS Renowned, an Astute-Class nuclear submarine, to covertly deliver our agent to the drop off point; a task that I’d successfully completed forty-eight hours ago.

  Now, my order was to walk back the damage of our agent’s insubordinate conduct. I’d tried to work out what the hell had happened out there. At least none of the crew members were in on this operation so there was no one to debrief on the catastrophe. That pleasantry would have to wait for when I got back to the U.K.

  “Deal with this by any means possible.” The order had been brought to my cabin earlier by a junior officer, a hint from my boss back in London that I had permission to make this problem go away courtesy of my Walther PPK.

  As the senior officer on this mission, I’d been tasked with escorting the agent from the HMS Renowned all the way to Macau by sea, letting him loose so he could do his thing—whatever the hell that was. I wasn’t totally in the loop on this one and it pissed me off.

  The agent had entered the infiltration point alone.

  The young man wasn’t even out of his twenties, and I recalled his temperament didn’t fit the job. He obsessed over too many details at the same time. Like one of those gamer boys with fingers on every gadget.

  A few days ago, I’d gone to brief him in his cabin and found the young officer reading a book while playing a game of chess and listening to rap music—while eating a hamburger. What the hell happened to recruiting the right character for becoming a spy, for God’s sake? The way he held himself revealed he’d attended a prestigious university where’d he’d garnered a tech degree. Other than that, he was an enigma. Though he’d shared one thing, and that was the fact his Norwegian mum worked for the U.N., which seemed to make him proud.

  The second update from London on the mission had come one hour ago by way of VLF radio via the Coms Tech. She’d delivered the private message to my personal cabin. In the transmission, MI6 had informed me that all contact had been lost between us and our operative.

  Before I’d let him loose at Her Majesty’s pleasure in our adversary’s country, I’d managed to get his name. Only his first, though, and “Xavier” fit the spoiled boy profile I’d allocated to him. He’d kept to himself, mostly reading in his cabin and eating his meals there, too. He was a geeky kind of loner.

  He’
d also remained quiet during the journey on the Pearl River boat from Hong Kong to Macau under the cover of darkness. I was intrigued by him, but I resisted the urge to ask more questions, knowing when to leave well enough alone.

  Apparently, Xavier had failed to meet his contact at the checkpoint thirteen hours ago. Another field operative had observed him disappearing into the gaudy lights of The 13 Hotel on Rua das Champacas Brancas in Macau. Wearing a tuxedo, no less.

  An hour later, the second message was delivered to my cabin from “C” at MI6: “Deal with this now.”

  The risk to national security was too great to let Xavier fall prey to capture and interrogation. The fact he had strolled nonchalantly into the most expensive hotel in the world indicated he was offering himself up on a platter. There were choices to be made but I found the final decision unpalatable—seal the intel. A nice way of saying assassinate the bastard.

  I felt sorry for him.

  There was something unique about Xavier that I’d failed to unravel. Though we’d not spent enough time together to stir camaraderie, we had shared a code of respect that came from working for the same government. Or so I had believed.

  His knowledge of this submarine was impressive. While aboard, he’d read up on the specs of this Astute-Class sub and memorized them, sharing his opinion on its nuclear capabilities, which he’d seemed overly fascinated with. In my rearview, that now looked suspicious as hell.

  It should have been me out there in the field. Not here, waiting for the schoolboy to send a message to say he’d completed the job and was ready to rejoin us. Despite being the senior mission officer, I’d been tasked with the emasculating job of securing his movements from England to East Asia. Xavier was the blue-eyed lieutenant of foreign intelligence who had been commissioned with a secret assignment.

  I kind of liked him, actually. Even if there were moments he revealed a quirkiness that made him stand out. There was something about him that captivated me.

  Part of it was his sharp wit. I’m sure he’d used it to lure numerous women into his bad boy trap. His personality was a cross between suaveness and sophistication with a layer of superiority. And his I.Q. had to be way off the charts from the way he grasped new concepts.

  We’d shared several conversations and at one point the bastard had replayed one of them for me word for word. He had to have a photographic memory. More time with him would have confirmed it.