Icarus Rising

by Bernadette Gardner

  kill him if it's not removed."

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  Ari's blood grew cold. "On what is he basing this opinion?"

  "From his observations," Namara offered. "Since they're all

  he has at the moment. He believes Dr. Faulkner doesn't

  possess the proper chemical channels to allow him to

  establish dominance over his link with the symbion. The

  uncontrolled changes in hormone levels will eventually

  overload his nervous system and cause it to shut down."

  Arilani swung her gaze out over the ocean. How dare

  Danson make such outlandish claims without consulting her?

  She knew far more about the symbion/host link than he did.

  "I believe with the proper therapies and some intensive

  training we can overcome the problem."

  Jidar sighed. "Dr. Danson disagrees. He has issued doses

  of a strong tranquilizer to each member of our search parties.

  The drug will disable the symbion's cerebral cortex and

  temporarily allow Dr. Faulkner complete control. It will only

  work for a short time, but it should be long enough to get him

  back here and under sedation so the symbion can be

  removed."

  Ari's wings ruffled. "I thought we had universally agreed

  not to sacrifice a symbion. Their population is endangered as

  well. How can we destroy a viable adult male?"

  Namara put her hand on Ari's shoulder. "This decision does

  not come lightly, but it was part of our agreement that the

  link would be severed if it posed a danger to the human host.

  We can't allow Dr. Faulkner to die."

  "But I don't believe he will."

  "You must discuss this with Dr. Danson," Jidar said.

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  Ari wanted to argue, but she could not openly defy her

  leader. She could only feign submission to his misguided will.

  "I will do that."

  "Be sure to rest, eat and then arm yourself with a dose of

  the tranquilizer before you continue your search. Regardless

  of what happens once he arrives, we still have to bring Dr.

  Faulkner back here safely."

  "And Dr. Abbott," Namara added. Ari hid her smile. She

  had no intention of rescuing Zara Abbott, but no one needed

  to know that.

  "Do you think he's injured her?" she asked, forcing a

  thread of concern into her voice.

  "He could never—" Namara began, but her mate spoke

  over her.

  "The symbion will attempt to mate with her, and if Dr.

  Faulkner cannot control these urges, he will very likely harm

  Dr. Abbott by forcing himself on her. We may be too late to

  save her from injury."

  Arilani's face heated at the thought. Why hadn't she been

  the one he'd taken? She'd have gladly surrendered for

  mating, and all their problems would be solved by now. "Allow

  me to go to Dr. Danson, my liege. We cannot waste any time

  if we want to spare Dr. Abbott from mating against her will."

  With a solemn expression, Jidar gestured for Arilani to

  leave. She bowed to him and to Namara and strode up the

  beach, seething. One day the Icarian leaders would bow to

  her, but for that to happen she needed to be the first female

  of her generation to give birth after the upcoming mating

  cycle. She had to find Caleb soon while his symbion still

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  controlled him and its desperate desire to procreate guided its

  actions. The tranquilizer Danson had prepared would come in

  handy though for keeping Zara Abbott out of her way.

  Caleb forced himself to concentrate on Zara's voice and

  the task he'd assigned himself. Slowly roasting a fish he'd

  caught over the small fire they'd built at the entrance to the

  aerie kept part of his mind occupied and allowed him a brief

  respite from his symbion's desires as it, too, focused on the

  smell of food.

  Ever since Zara's confession that morning that she would

  not resist his next attempt to seduce her, he hadn't been able

  to think straight. Not that he'd been thinking straight before.

  "When the symbion communicates with you, does it use

  words or images?" she asked. The firelight cast her features

  in amber, giving her a glow that made it impossible for him

  not to stare. Caleb had always found Zara beautiful, but

  tonight, with the sun setting behind her and flames dancing in

  her eyes while she waited for their modest dinner to cook,

  she looked like an angel. All she needed was a pair of wings.

  "Um ... I can't really explain it. I guess it's more like

  flashes of emotion. My brain supplies the words, so it seems

  like the symbion is speaking to me when it's really just

  thinking at me through the link." Talking was good. It helped

  him focus his own thoughts and ignore the petulant

  mutterings of the creature who wanted more to eat than just

  half of one small fish. Capturing this one had been hard

  enough, and locating a few necessary supplies from aeries on

  nearby islands had left Caleb almost too exhausted to care

  about eating.

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  Right now, the only thing keeping his eyes open was the

  vision before him. He could have watched Zara forever.

  "It doesn't use language in the traditional sense, yet when

  you speak to it, it responds?"

  "Yes. It seems to follow the explanations the Icarians have

  given me during my research. That part of the link seems to

  be working normally. It's the chemical exchange that's not

  right."

  Zara licked her lips when he pulled a piece of fish off the

  roasting spit and handed it to her. Desire flared in him once

  again and this time he knew it had nothing to do with the

  symbion.

  "You believe the Rennard's is interfering with the chemical

  link?" she asked.

  "It has to be. That's the only explanation that makes

  sense. All of the physiological structures needed to complete

  the joining are present in humans. The only abnormality I

  have is the Rennard's, so that has to be the problem."

  "Unless there's something wrong with the symbion. Maybe

  a different one might have been able to overcome the

  imbalance caused by the Rennard's."

  "Danson ran every test he could think of, and Arilani

  confirmed this was a prime specimen, in perfect health."

  Zara finished her food, and Caleb caught her eyeing the

  piece he'd set aside for himself. He pulled it off the spit and

  handed the plump, white flesh to her. "Here. I'm not hungry."

  "Sure you are. You haven't eaten in a day and a half." She

  put her hand over his and pushed the offering back toward

  him. "At least I ate a little bit yesterday."

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  "I'm sorry I couldn't find more."

  "You're a sociologist, not a fisherman. Tomorrow we'll be

  back at the station. We'll feast then. For now, we need to


  work on getting you enough control to be able to get us back.

  Look, I hate to suggest this, but what if we went to the royal

  aerie instead of the station? There, your symbion could

  communicate with Jidar's and it wouldn't feel threatened by

  the lab equipment."

  "That's an idea." Caleb let his gaze wander to the

  darkening sky. "If I had any idea how to get to Jidar's aerie

  from here."

  "Haven't you been there dozens of times?"

  "Sure. We've always flown there directly from the station,

  and I have to admit, the first twenty times or so, I kept my

  eyes closed. From here, I have no idea which direction to fly."

  She gave him a long-suffering look. "So you're lost?"

  Caleb managed to laugh. "I am. My symbion knows exactly

  where we are, but right now, he's not talking."

  "You seem like you're in control now, though." Zara looked

  hopeful. Caleb knew he'd frightened her earlier today. To be

  honest, he'd scared himself as well. Practically drugged by the

  enticing scent of her arousal, he'd been seconds away from

  tearing her clothes off. Holding her body against him while

  she quivered in orgasm had left him insane with desire of his

  own, even beyond what the symbion had produced. If she

  hadn't shoved him away he'd have taken her over and over

  again.

  He shook off the dangerous memories. "I think so. It's

  hungry, but that's all."

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  "Then feed it before it gets angry." She spoke with a hint

  of humor in her voice, but her eyes told a different story. She

  regarded the symbion as a wild animal, unpredictable and

  completely alien. She'd counseled him numerous times about

  the difficulties of merging man and beast and how close to

  the surface a human's primitive urges lay. He knew too well

  how little it took to bring out the worst aspects of human

  nature.

  Violence, greed, desire and fear manifested instinctively

  when people were pushed to the limits of their endurance.

  Those were the emotions early man had often relied on to

  help him survive. Kill or be killed. Take what you need. Flee

  when threatened. Demand satisfaction. Those four decrees

  governed the lower brain of all sentient beings, even those

  who considered themselves highly evolved.

  Humans had, over time, developed the mechanisms to

  control their base instincts. They'd learned to suppress their

  anger and embrace non-violent ways of controlling their

  environment and their fellow humans. They had learned to

  share their bounty and sacrifice for others in need when

  necessary because it served the greater community. They'd

  taught themselves to stand against what frightened them and

  to face danger head on and ultimately they'd tamed their

  need for instant gratification.

  In a heartbeat, Caleb had thrown fifty-thousand years of

  evolution out the window and fused his brain to a creature

  who could neither speak nor walk upright.

  He was lucky he could still hold a conversation.

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  To please Zara, he ate his portion of the fish, and the

  symbion expressed its gratitude by shaking its wing tips.

  "Does that mean it liked the fish?" Zara asked.

  "I think so."

  "How long before its own systems begin to shut down?"

  Caleb lowered his voice, as if that might stop the symbion

  from hearing his words. "Danson says some of the symbion's

  organs shut down almost immediately after the joining. In

  less than two days it will be completely dependent on me."

  "By then you need to have gained control over your

  biochemistry and the link. Jidar will help you. He wants this to

  work more than anyone."

  "I know. I'm pretty sure tomorrow I can get it to take me

  to the royal aerie."

  "All right. Now, we need to talk about why you lied."

  Caleb rose, leaving Zara by the fire while he paced to the

  edge of the island and back. "That's simple. I didn't want to

  die. I didn't want to stop working. I wanted to pretend the

  Rennard's wasn't real, so that's what I did. It's a classic case

  of denial, Doc."

  "But you're not in denial anymore?"

  "No. So what comes after that?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "You know, in the lineup. Denial is first. Then?"

  "Oh, anger comes next. Are you angry?"

  "At myself, yes."

  "Normally the anger is with a higher power or with

  whoever is seen as being responsible for the situation."

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  Caleb sighed and spread his arms. "Well, I'm responsible,

  aren't I? I took the position in the Belt. I knew the risks. I lost

  the gamble. My fault. I'm angry with me. What's next?"

  "Bargaining. Also usually done with a higher power."

  "I think I went through that already when I decided not to

  tell Danson about my illness. I bargained with myself. If I do

  this and it works, I'll help everyone and no one will ever have

  to know. If it doesn't work—"

  Zara raised a brow. "What was the deal if it didn't work?"

  "Denial. It had to work. There was no other option." He

  sketched a rueful smile, which she didn't return.

  "And now?"

  "Let me guess, anger again?"

  "No. Depression. The symbion hormones might help you

  through that stage, or they might make it worse. You need to

  be prepared for those feelings. Sadness, lethargy, maybe

  even self-destructive tendencies."

  Caleb crouched by the fire and stirred the embers with the

  empty roasting spit. "Can't I skip right to the end?"

  "Acceptance? You could. Some people do. There's no law

  that says you have to experience every stage in any

  particular order. But that cycle is the most common."

  "Well, since nothing else about my life is normal at the

  moment, at least I have this."

  "That sounds like the beginning of depression. You're right

  on schedule."

  Caleb laughed. "Thanks, Doc. You're already getting me

  patched up." He waited for her reply, but she remained quiet

  for a long time, studying the dying flames. Tears formed at

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  the corners of her eyes and one glistening drop slipped down

  her cheek.

  "Zara?"

  "Hmm? Yes. I guess my work is done." She chuckled then

  sniffled and wiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands.

  "I wasn't mocking you. Honestly. If it wasn't for you, I'd

  have lost my mind a long time ago."

  "It's not that. I'm just thinking, I guess I'm still in denial

  all over again."

  Caleb squinted at her and sidled closer to the fire. He

  wanted to keep his distance, but her pain drew him in. Seeing

  her cry made his heart ache. Knowing he might be the cause

  made him feel sick.

  "I've already been through all of this. Eve
ry stage. The day

  Danson announced he'd chosen you for the experiment, I

  went into denial. I kept hoping you'd change your mind, even

  while I was talking you through all the advantages of putting

  yourself into the project." She didn't look at him, only busied

  herself with twisting a length of alor vine until the spicy scent

  wafted on the fire-warmed breeze. "I got so angry at Ray.

  Haven't you noticed in the past two months that I've barely

  spoken to him?"

  "No. I guess I've been too wrapped up in my own issues. I

  just figured the two of you only discussed the project anyway.

  You never really socialized with him. I guess he was the one

  you bargained with?"

  She laughed, but the sound was thick and humorless. "No.

  I bargained with a higher power. I'm ashamed to admit I

  prayed you'd change your mind or that Ray would find some

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  flaw that would make you ineligible. I should have

  remembered that adage about being careful what you wish

  for."

  It should have bothered him that she'd hoped he'd wash

  out of the program, but it didn't. Not at all. "And depression?"

  "Ask Namara. She found me on the jetty more than once

  crying my eyes out."

  Caleb straightened his shoulders. She'd cried over him?

  Why would that make him feel proud and intimately

  protective of her? "When did you get to acceptance?"

  "The moment you met Jidar on the beach. I knew nothing

  was going to stop the joining."

  Caleb broke the rule he'd been staunchly trying to uphold

  all day. He touched her. He put his hand on her shoulder and

  squeezed. She reached up and covered his fingers with hers.

  "I guess I'm a liar too."

  "We make a perfect pair."

  Zara stiffened. Gently she pushed his hand from her

  shoulder. "That's just it. We could never be a pair.

  Somewhere, there's an Icarian woman waiting for Jidar to

  assign her a mate who can give her children."

  "That's not going to happen now." And by God, he didn't

  want it to. He sat down next to Zara and put his arm around

  her shoulders. She leaned into him, and a warmth spread

  over him that had nothing to do with the fire.

  "If Danson can fix your biochemistry, it will. The Icarians

  have invested too much in this project to give up now. They