I go downstairs to get some water and Tylenol and head back up to bed. Soon after I fall asleep again, I’m woken up by someone banging on the front door. Sneaking a glance at the clock on my way downstairs, I take note that I’ve actually slept for four hours and now it is noon.
When I open the door, I see a very distraught Zane standing on the other side. “Thank fuck! Why the fuck haven’t you answered you fucking phone!” he booms. I’m so shocked and confused that he’s even standing here at my door that I can’t even get any words out before he pushes his way inside, slams the door and engulfs me in his arms. “Why didn’t you call me? I had to hear it from my mother when she called last night to ask why I wasn’t at the funeral. Why didn’t you tell me baby girl?”
The shock passes and is replaced with rage. “What do you mean why didn’t I call you? Why the fuck would I? You have barely even talked to me this past year. You didn’t call on my birthday or even graduation. So ask me again why the fuck I didn’t call you.” I start toward the kitchen, then turn to face him and yell, “And excuse-fucking-me, but I was a little preoccupied with finding my grandmother dead and trying to get through the pain and shock of losing her, so I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t think to call you. Not like you would have answered your fucking phone for me anyway!” I turn to walk away again without waiting for him to reply. I’m so pissed at him that I could care fucking less that his feelings are hurt or what the fuck ever is his problem.
“Look Danielle, I’m sorry, ok? I know I haven’t been around lately, but you should have called me. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.” But I did. I had to go through it all alone because I have no one. “Well, I did. I was the one who found her. I was the one who had to deal with people calling and stopping over to tell me they were sorry. I was the one who had to sit by myself at the funeral. I was the one who had to deal with my father showing up. And then I was the one who had to come home to this empty house that holds all of my dead grandmother’s stuff. Maybe I shouldn’t have had to go through all that alone, but I did. I don’t fucking need you.” I end on a sob. I can’t do any of this anymore.
He instantly steps forward and wraps me in his arms, and I can do nothing but cling to him while all my agony and grief washes through me. I cry harder now than I have the past five days. God, I’ve missed him so much! I thought I could do this without him, but I can’t. I need him here with me, I need him to tell me it’s all going to be ok and that he’ll be there for me.
“Shh, it’s ok, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out. I’m here, shh.” He drops us down onto the floor and then starts to rock me back and forth, trying to soothe me. If he only knew what his presence alone does for me. I don’t need his words, I just need him here to hold me.
***
Zane orders Chinese takeout, and after he gets over the shock of hearing that my father showed up, we discuss what happens next. I tell him that my grandmother left me everything and that I want to keep the house. I tell him that I’m still going to go to school here, but I might get an apartment. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay here, at least for a while. The pain is just too fresh, the memories too much. It’s more than I can bear right now.
“Why don’t you come to school with me in Austin? You got accepted there, right?” Yes, I got accepted there, but I don’t think I should or even could go. Sure, I’ve missed him and want to get back to the way things used to be before he left, but is that even possible? I mean, so much has happened over the past two years, I’m not so sure we can get back to the carefree relationship we had before. It would just be too much to see him every day and know what I’m missing and that I’ll never be more than just a friend to him.
“I don’t know Zane.” I don’t know how to explain it to him, but I’m sure he knows. “Look,” he says, “I know things have been different lately, and that’s my fault. But just hear me out. Spend the summer tying up loose ends and packing what you want to bring with you, and then put everything else in storage. Or shit, even leave it all where it is. I’m sure you’ll come back from time to time and that would give you a place to go when you need to get away or need to be close to your grandma. Just say you’ll come with me. I promise, we will work this out. We’ll fix what needs to be fixed and then you will come to school with me. Let me take care of you baby girl.”
Can we fix our friendship? Maybe… I guess. What do I have to lose anyway? “Ok, I’ll call the schools next week and get everything switched over. It might be too late to get a dorm room, but I could use some of the money I got from my dad for an apartment.” I don’t want to have to use that money, but I will if I need to. This could work. Maybe we can fix what is broken with us and we can finally move on. At least I’d have him back in my life and I wouldn’t feel so broken and alone anymore.
He gives me a smile and takes my hand. “Ok, good. I’ll help you move your stuff over if you want. This will be good baby girl, I promise. Everything will be just fine.” He says it like he’s trying to not only convince me, but himself too. I don’t know why, but I believe him. Maybe it’s because I have nothing else to believe in right now or maybe it’s because no matter what happened in our past, I could always count on Zane. We will always be together. It may not be a physical relationship or what I want, but it’s something. And right now, I’ll take anything I can get.
I called the schools that following Monday to get everything switched over. After that, the summer flew by. I was consumed with packing away my grandmother’s stuff and cleaning the house.
Now I have to get my shit together because I start classes in one week at the University of Texas. They were even able to set me up with a dorm, so that saved me some money and the stress of having to find a place to live close to campus.
I get my car loaded with the bare minimum of what I would need and left everything else the way it was. I didn’t clean out any of Gram’s things or pack anything away in storage. I’m going to try to come back here at least once a month to make sure everything is still ok with the house, and just to get away from school. I take a long look at the house before heading off to college.
I arrive in Austin at about five in the afternoon. I send Zane a text to let him know I’m here and ask where he wants to meet. He said he’d help me unpack and then show me around campus once I’m settled in my room.
By the time I make it to what I hope is the building my dorm room is located in, I still haven’t heard back from Zane. So I give him a call. Finally on the fifth ring he answers. “Yeah?” He sounds irritated, but I have no idea why. “Uh, hey, everything ok? I just sent you a message but didn’t hear back. I’m here, sitting in front of my building.” I can hear him trying to calm himself down by breathing slowly and deeply. After about thirty seconds he replies. “Shit, I’m sorry baby girl. It’s been a fucked up day. I’ll be there in five.” He hangs up before I can reply. Instead of getting out, I just wait in my car.
When he pulls up alongside my car, I get out to meet him at the back of his truck. Instead of saying hey, giving me a hug or even start to unload my car, he just leans against his truck, crosses his arms and looks down at his feet, letting out a long sigh. “Are you ok?” I ask. “If you were busy, you didn’t have to come and help, I would have been able to handle it myself.” He looks at me and runs his hand through his hair. Yeah, there is definitely something bothering him, but what it could be is lost on me. It’s not like I know a lot of what he has going on in his life anymore. “No, it’s not that. I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s just been a fucked up day. What do ya say we hold off on all of this and go grab some food first? I’m starving.”
Instead of waiting for my answer, he walks over and opens his passenger door for me. I only hesitate for a second before I lock up my car and jump in. He drives for only a couple of minutes and then we are pulling up to what looks like a bar. “It doesn’t look like much on the outside, but they have the best burgers around.” We get out and make our way
inside.
We both order a burger and fries, and I sip on a diet Mountain Dew while Zane pretty much slams his Bud Light. I wonder how he is getting served since he isn’t twenty-one yet. Maybe a fake ID, or they just don’t care around here whether you are old enough to drink or not.
We are almost done with our food when his phone rings. “Yeah?” he answers. I can’t hear what the other person is saying, but from the tone of voice, I think it’s a guy. “Yeah, alright. I got a friend with me though. That cool?” I focus on my food, acting like I’m not listening to his conversation. “Alright. See ya soon.” He hangs up and takes a drink of his beer. “Who was that?” Not sure what the conversation was about, but it sounded to me like we were going somewhere. “One of my buddies. He knows someone who is throwing a party and wanted to know if I was game. I told him you were with me but he said to bring you along. What do you think, want to go?” Party on the first night here? I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’m not even moved into my room yet.
“Oh, uh, why don’t you just drop me off at my dorm? You go ahead. I just want to get my stuff unpacked and go to bed early.” I take a drink of my soda and then pick at the rest of the food on my plate. “No, you gotta come. It’ll be fun, I promise. You can crash at my place tonight and then tomorrow we’ll spend the whole day unloading your stuff and then I’ll show you around campus.” Looks like he’s not going to take no for an answer. Typical Zane. “Ok, well, can we at least stop at my car so I can grab some different clothes to change into?” I am wearing a simple summer dress because I wanted to look nice. Don’t ask me why though considering I was just going to be moving today.
“You look fine, trust me. Don’t worry about it.” The way he emphasized ‘trust me’ has me thinking there was something behind his words, but I have no idea what it could be.
We finish eating and then climb back into his truck to head to wherever this party is. The house turns out to be only a couple blocks away. When we get inside, we walk right into the kitchen. Zane introduces me to a couple of people and grabs us some drinks.
“Yo Z-Man, that you?” a guy walks in and pulls Zane into a one-armed hug. “Hey Liam, this is my friend Danielle. She just got in today.” The guy looks at me up and down which makes me blush. He’s a very good looking, so the fact that he is boldly checking me out has me a little embarrassed and maybe a little uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that I don’t know anyone here but Zane, and it looks to be mostly guys around. “Hey,” I say, and then look over to Zane.
He takes my hand and leads me into the living room where there are some tables set up with chairs. A couple more people come up to greet Zane, but he doesn’t introduce me to anyone else, not that I mind. I would really just rather go back to my dorm and unpack so I can go to sleep. It’s been a long day.
I get up to go to the bathroom, and when I come back, there is a stunning blonde sitting next to Zane where I was sitting just a couple minutes ago. Zane catches my eye and gives me a smile and a look like he’s asking if I’m ok. I give him a little smile back and what I hope is an expression that tells him I’m ok but want to go home. He must not read it right, because he turns back to talk with the blonde.
This goes on for over an hour. I’m sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room. Zane and Ms. Blondie have been getting bolder with their touches the more time passes. Zane hasn’t even looked over at me for at least the last thirty minutes. I hope he didn’t forget I am here.
I’m starting to get a headache and I feel flushed. Getting up, I head into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to try and make myself feel a little better, but no such luck. I’m just going to ask Zane to take me back to my dorm.
When I return to the living room, I don’t see Zane or the blonde anywhere. They probably just went to get more drinks. I don’t feel like trying to make my way through all these people to find him, but figure he will be back shortly, so I just sit back on the chair to wait.
A while later, I still haven’t seen Zane and my head is really starting to pound. I go in the bathroom to see if maybe I can find some Tylenol or something. I feel bad snooping in their cabinets, but I really need it. Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can take.
When I open the door to walk out, I bump into a solid wall of muscle. I look up and see a guy I’ve never seen before. Well, I guess I’ve never seen any of these people before, but he’s not someone Zane introduced me to or that I remember seeing around the party. He must have been in a different room. “Oh, sorry,” I mumble. I try to sidestep but just end up bumping into him again when he tries the same thing. “Hey, that’s alright babe. You look a little lost. Can I help you with something?” He seems nice enough and like he knows the people and his way around this house, so maybe he’ll know where Zane is.
“Uh, yeah, maybe. I’m looking for my friend Zane. I came here with him, but I can’t find him. I have a headache and wanted to see if he’d take me home.” That was probably a little too much information, but I’m so tired and my head is pounding so that I just really don’t care right now. “Oh, yeah, I know him. Um, I saw his truck outside about ten minutes ago, but I haven’t seen him for a while.” He looks back at me and gives me a once over again, and then a reassuring smile. “Here, why don’t you go wait in one of the rooms down the hall while I go look for him? With the music blaring and all the people yelling, I don’t want your headache to get worse.” I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but right now, I don’t think I have much choice. “Uh, ok, thanks. That would be great.”
He walks me a few feet down the hall and opens a door on the left. The room is dark until he turns on a side lamp. It’s a neat room with a desk on one side with a chair, and a small dresser. A huge bed takes up the rest of the room, leaving little walking space. I sit on the corner of the bed since there are books and a bag on the chair. “I’ll be right back,” he says, before walking out the door, closing it softly behind him.
I look around the room again, wishing this were Zane’s room and we weren’t at a party full of loud, drunk strangers so I could just lie down and close my eyes. But it’s not, and I don’t think it would be very appropriate if I laid down on a stranger’s bed. It’s bad enough I’m sitting on it; it’s just weird.
It takes the guy—I just realized I didn’t ask him his name—about fifteen minutes to come back in. I hope he found Zane because my head feels like it’s going to explode. “Here, I found you some aspirin and brought you a bottle of water.” He walks over and hands me the pills and the bottle. “Thanks, uh, I don’t think I caught your name.” He smiles and sits down next to me. “You’re welcome, and my name is Nick.” I give him a half smile, which all I can muster feeling the way I do, then put the pills in my mouth and wash them down.
“So, were you able to find Zane?” I ask, ready to head home. He gives me a sympathetic look and shakes his head. “I didn’t find him, but I was able to find out where he is.” He doesn’t continue, so I ask where. “He, uh, he left with some chick about an hour ago. But Liam said he told him to tell you that he left you his truck.” He looks away for a second, then looks back at me.
“He left? But I came here with him. Why would he just leave without even telling me?” I don’t understand, I don’t know a single person here and he just left me here to fend for myself. “I’m sorry, he must have left with the girl he was with, his girlfriend maybe? Liam said they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.” I can feel tears gathering in my eyes. I haven’t even been here for one full day yet and he’s already forgotten about me. “Hey, it’s ok. I’ll make sure you make it home.”
Just as I feel the first tear drop down my cheek, Nick brings his hand up to wipe it way. “Hey, don’t cry.” He pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. Even though I just met this guy twenty minutes ago, I take comfort in him. At least someone is here for me.
I pull back and look up into his eyes. “I’m sorry. Thank you, I needed that.” He looks me deeply the in the eyes, and then lean
s into me. Before I know what is happening, his lips are on mine. I’m too shocked to stop him, but after a couple of seconds, I try to push him away. “What are you doing?” I ask, and try to stand, but he holds me in place. “Shh, it’s ok.” He leans back in to kiss me again, but I pull back even further. “No! What are you doing?”
Without warning, he grabs me, lays me down on the bed and places his body over mine. “Come on, you know you want it.” Then he presses his mouth over mine again but with more force. I try to push at his chest, but he grabs my hands and pulls them above my head. “Stop!” I yell, and kick out, trying to get him off of me, but all that does is give him the perfect opportunity to situate himself between my thighs.
I can feel his hardness against my center and it makes me gasp in shock and fear while I struggle even more. He’s turned on by my fear and struggle and that’s just disgusting! The only thing that separates my core from his advances are my panties, but even that barrier doesn’t last long. He holds my hands in one of his and reaches down to yanks them off roughly, ripping them at the seams. “Please stop! No!” I try to yell again but he stuffs my torn panties in my mouth and covers my mouth with his hand. “You’re such a tease,” he growls as he grinds into me.
Tears are streaming down my face and I feel like my lungs are burning from lack of oxygen with my panties in my mouth and his hand over both my nose and mouth. I bite down on his hand which causes him to pull it away. He yells out, “Fuck, you bitch!” He slaps me so hard across the face that I see stars.
I feel him reach between us to unbutton his pants, then in the next second I feel a burning pain in my lower region as he rips through my vagina, stealing my virginity. Oh fuck, it hurts. It feels like someone held a knife over a hot flame and then shoved it up inside me. I scream again, but he covers my mouth with his hand as he thrusts into me again, this time harder.
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