The pain ripping through me is almost too much to bear; I feel like I’m going to pass out from it. I almost welcome that; I don’t want to experience this anymore. But the blackness never comes. He just keeps thrusting into me harder and faster. I can hear him grunt and groan and all I can do is scream and whimper into his hand while I try to think past the pain and pray that it ends soon.
It feels like hours later when he thrusts into me one last time and then stills inside of me. I can see black spots in my vision, but before I pass out from lack of oxygen, he lifts his hand from my mouth and removes himself from me. I am sobbing so hard that it’s hard to catch my breath. I can feel wetness seep out of me and run down my butt cheeks as I lay broken and sobbing on the bed.
With shaky hands, I pull my dress down and roll over into the fetal position. It hurts so much. I hear him zipping up his pants and then see him walk in front of me. He squats down so he can look into my eyes. “You know you wanted it, so if you try to tell someone otherwise, they won’t believe you.” He smirks at me and leaves the room. As soon as I hear the door close, I lose it.
***
I pull myself together as best I can and open the door to see if anyone is in the hallway before making my way into the bathroom. I look in the mirror and see that my eyes are bloodshot from crying, I have the start of a bruise on my cheek and my lips are bruised and puffy. I look down and see blood running down my leg. I take some toilet paper and try to clean myself up as gently as possible. My crotch burns and the pain travels all the way up into my stomach.
Once I’ve cleaned myself up as much as I can, I open the bathroom door and look around again to see if anyone is there. As soon as the coast is clear, I make a beeline for the front door. Thankfully, I don’t run into anyone and I don’t think anyone even noticed me.
I find my way to Zane’s truck and see that his keys are on the front seat. I climb in and sit down as gently as I can. I start the engine and peel out of the parking space. I just want to get out of there. I don’t even know where I’m going; my only thought is to get as far away from here as I can.
Ten minutes later, I’m in front of a Wal-Mart. I grab my purse and go into the clothing section to find some sweatpants and a shirt. Then I go to the pharmacy section, throw the morning after pill into my cart, grab some wet wipes and head to the checkout.
The cashier looks at me strangely, but doesn’t comment on my appearance. She can probably tell what happened to me, but she doesn’t ask if I’m ok. She just rings me up and avoids eye contact.
I step into the bathroom, clean myself up with the wet wipes and change into the sweats. Then I cup my hands under the faucet and take the pill. The guy didn’t use a condom when he raped me and since I’ve never had sex before, I’m not on birth control. There is no way I can allow myself to get pregnant; I just can’t let that happen. I’ll have to make sure I go to the clinic soon to get tested for STDs, as well as verify I’m not pregnant.
Once I’m back in Zane’s truck, I try calling him. It goes straight to voicemail. I hang up and open my messages.
Me: Where are you? I need you!
I sit there for five minutes, and I still haven’t heard back from him. I call again, and again get his voicemail. “Zane, where are you? I need you. Please call me back!” I try to hold back my sob but it breaks free as I hang up the phone.
After I wipe the tears and calm down a bit, I text him again.
Me: Zane, please, answer me. Where are you?
Ten minutes later, nothing. I drive to my dorm and go to my car. I get in and just sit there. I don’t want to go into my dorm. I don’t want my roommate to hear me talking to Zane when he finally answers. But after twenty more minutes, he still hasn’t called or messaged me back. I call and leave another voice message. “Zane, please pick up. Why did you leave me at that party? Please, just call me back, I really need you.”
A couple minutes later I text him again.
Me: Answer your fucking phone, please!
After what feels like hours later, I finally get a message back from him.
Zane: Jesus fucking Christ! I’m sorry, but I do have a fucking life ya know. I can’t be there for you all the fucking time. You need to learn to take care of yourself at some point. I’m not always going to be around for every little thing you need! I’m turning my phone off. Maybe I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Just leave my keys on the console.
I can’t believe him! He was the one that took me to that party. He was the one who told me I should come here to go to school. He was the one that said he would take care of me. I didn’t ask for any of this! Fuck this and fuck him.
I start my car and drive the two hours back home. When I arrive, I walk right into my grandmother’s room without turning on any of the lights. The sun is starting to rise so I can just barely make out her bed. I throw myself down and cry.
When I’ve calmed down enough, I look on her nightstand and see the picture of her I placed there. I reach out and grab it, and hold it to my chest. “What should I do Gram? I feel so lost!” I cry some more and keep asking her over and over again what I should do. Of course she doesn’t answer me, but it doesn’t stop me from asking, praying for some sort of an answer.
I fall asleep clinging to her picture. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know that I’m never going back to Austin. I can’t face what happened. And I don’t want to face Zane either. He wasn’t there for me when I needed him most. And when I begged him to answer me and told him I needed him, he didn’t even ask if I was ok or what was wrong. He just blew up at me. Well, I’ve had enough. I’m done. Done with him, done with everything.
I wake up a couple of hours later and come up with a plan. I can’t be here anymore, and I can’t go back to Austin. There’s nothing left for me here. So I pack up my room and take the few things of my grandmother’s that I can’t live without. Then I take sheets and some plastic from the garage and cover all the furniture. I unplug all the appliances. I’ll deal with the rest later, but for right now, this will be fine.
Once I pack everything into my car, I grab the football Zeke gave me. I sit on the floor with a pen and paper to write Zane a note and place it in the box with the football. It takes me forever to come up with what I needed to say to him, but finally I find the words:
Zane,
You really let me down. You told me everything would be fine and you would always be there for me. Not only did you break your promise to me, but you broke ME. I can’t be here anymore, there is nothing here but pain for me. Everywhere I look, I see a reminder of my grandmother, remember the way things were when Zeke was still alive, but the thing that hurts the most is you. Knowing that you are still here but will never truly be there for me. You have constantly left me behind, forgot about me, and have just broke me down so far that I don’t know if I can ever recover from the damage.
Inside this box is Zeke’s football. I should have given this to you a long time ago, it was always meant to be yours. I hope it brings you peace. Please don’t try to find me or contact me. If you ever cared about me at all, you will just let me go so I can try to heal. There will always be a part of me that loves you, but I can never forgive you. I hope you are happy in your life and you get everything you ever wanted.
Danielle
I write Zane’s name on the box, then walk over and place it in his parents’ back yard where I know it will be found. Then I get in my car and head west. I don’t yet know where I’ll go, but I know I can’t stay here. I need to make a life for myself somewhere else.
The old Danielle is dead, and in her place is a girl that I don’t yet know.
Zane
I wake feeling someone’s hand traveling down my abdomen towards my cock. When I open my eyes, I don’t know why I expect to see Danielle, but it’s not her – it never was – it is the blonde chick from the party last night.
I have been in love with Danielle since the first time I saw her five years ago. Then what happened between us Th
anksgiving night a year and a half ago changed everything.
After I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it home for the holiday – I had just decided I was going to join the Marines and had to get shit situated with school, she told me that she and her boyfriend had broken up. I tried to message her and call to see what the fuck happened. If he hurt her, he was a dead man. But she turned her phone off. I was beyond crazy with worry, so I decided to jump on my bike and go to her. I needed to know what happened.
When I got there, she laughed it off like it was nothing. Then when I told her that I couldn’t stay, she broke down and I just couldn’t leave her like that. I only meant to comfort her, but what happened next I will never forget. I made her think that it was a mistake and that I was sorry, but I wasn’t. She gave me something precious that night, something that I will always carry with me.
Bringing home the blonde chick last night was a mistake, I shouldn’t have left with her, but I was so pissed off. I just wanted to get drunk and forget about this day from hell, well everything really, for a few hours. And what better way to do that than lose myself in some random pussy? It also didn’t help that as soon as Danielle showed up at her dorm, I just wanted to bend her over my truck, she looked so sexy in the dress she was wearing. All I could think about was the way she tastes, the way she feels and how much I love her.
The day had started turning to shit when I got a call from my Commander telling me that we are getting shipped overseas in two months. I haven’t even been able to tell Danielle that I joined the Marines yet. How the fuck am I going to tell her I’m getting deployed for at least a year?
When I graduated high school, I wanted to join the Marines, but after a huge argument with my parents, I decided I would give myself a year to make the decision. But then four months into my schooling, I knew joining was what I wanted, what I had to do. I didn’t tell Danielle because I knew it would bring up old memories about Zeke. She just wouldn’t understand that it’s for him that I have to do this. Shit, my parents didn’t even understand. Not only did we get into a huge fight when I told them what I wanted to do the day I left for school, but they pretty much disowned me when I told them I finally decided. I should have told Danielle what I was thinking about the day I left, but I thought with everything else going on, she just couldn’t handle it.
Over the past two years, I’ve had lots of times to tell her, but really no time at all. When she would call me, I would ignore the calls because I needed more time to figure out what to say to her. I would always just send simple text messages to let her know I hadn’t forgotten about her, but it was never enough. Then when I left for training, I had no phone to call or even text her. I know I missed her birthday and her graduation, but I figured she would understand when I finally told her. She’d be upset with me, but she has always forgiven me. And after the shock wore off, she’d be proud of me, just like she was of Zeke. She’d eventually understand, and I knew that, but just couldn’t make the words come out.
Of course it didn’t help that I knew she was dating that dipshit for a while after I left. I would love to be able to say that she was always with him and I never had the chance to tell her, but that would be a lie. She always made time for me and if I would have told her I needed to see her or that I had something important to tell her, no matter where she was or who she was with, she would have dropped everything for me. That’s just who she is, selfless and caring. She would do anything for the people she cares about. But I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her.
After her grandmother died, I just couldn’t leave her there alone. I knew I would have to tell her as soon as she got here since I was no longer in school and she would find out eventually, but I wanted to find the perfect time. But a couple hours before she arrived in Austin, I got the phone call of the impending deployment. Time had officially run out.
***
When I drove to meet her at her dorm when she first arrived, the first thing I noticed was the dress she was wearing. It was white, short and made her look like an angel – my angel. I had to calm myself down before I did something I couldn’t take back. So instead of unpacking her stuff right away, I figured we could delay for a bit and get something to eat first. Plus, I really needed a drink if I was going to make it through the night. I had to control myself because the alternative wasn’t an option. I couldn’t lose her, and I knew if I took what I really wanted – what I needed – I would, and I couldn’t let that happen.
While we were at the bar eating, I got a phone call from a buddy of mine when I was still at school, Liam, about a party his boy was throwing. I figured it would be fun for Danielle, and I would be able to delay telling her the news until tomorrow. Maybe this would work out for the better.
We pulled up to the house, and as soon as we walked in, I noticed the looks the guys were throwing her way. I was instantly pissed off, but knew I couldn’t do anything about it. She was bound to find someone soon anyway. I would have to get over it.
I only introduced her to a couple of people, because frankly I only knew a handful of people there since I don’t go to school anymore, then led her to the living room to sit with our drinks. She went off to the bathroom soon after we arrived, and the only thing I thought of while she walked away with her hips swinging from side to side was following her. I wanted to push her up against the wall and ravish her sweet body. It didn’t help that I already knew what she tasted like, what she sounded like when she came. I knew I’d had too much to drink. I would have to slow it down and get a handle on this shit, and fast.
As I get up to clear my head of all the things I want to do to Danielle, this busty blonde comes over and takes Danielle’s spot on the couch beside me. “Hey sexy, thought you could use a drink.” She hands me a beer and starts talking, but I don’t hear anything she says because I can see Danielle coming back into the room. I give her a look, trying to see if she is ok, but before I can make out her expression, the blonde starts rubbing her hand up my thigh. Fuck that feels good. Since Danielle arrived today, I’ve had a constant hard-on.
Over the next hour or so, I am barely able to sneak a glance at Danielle, but she doesn’t come over and she hasn’t said she isn’t having a good time. She’s probably used to this anyway. It sure as fuck reminds me of a lot of the parties in high school – me having to let off steam in another chicks pussy while only thinking of Danielle.
Things with Blondie are starting to really heat up, and unless I want to fuck her here on this couch in front of everyone, we need to take this private party outside. I’m thinking we can have a quickie in my truck, and then I can come back in and grab Danielle.
I get up and try to find Danielle to tell her I’ll be right back, but I don’t see her. Before I can look around for her, Blondie sticks her hand down my pants to stroke my cock. I won’t be long anyway, I decide. I’ll just find Danielle when I’m done. It will probably be better this way, because if I saw a look of hurt or disappointment on Danielle’s face, I probably wouldn’t be able to go through with it. And that’s not an option. If I don’t do this, I’ll risk attacking Danielle and losing her.
Once out in my truck, things happen pretty fast. I barely get my jeans unzipped and a condom on before she is sinking down on my cock. “Fuck!” Damn, this is exactly what I needed. I grab her hips and start to pump harder and faster into her, racing to the finish line. I don’t care if she gets off or not, I just need relief.
I close my eyes and picture Danielle in that white dress, imagining that it’s her riding my cock. Though if I was being honest with myself, I would never fuck Danielle in my truck. She deserves a bed and soft love making, not a hard fuck in my truck.
“Oh God baby, I’m gonna come!” Blondie interrupts my thoughts and the sound of her voice almost makes me push her off of me in disgust, but once I feel her clench around my cock, the only thing in my mind is getting off. I pump into her three more times before I release myself into the condom.
She slides off my lap,
but instead of fixing her clothes like I thought she would, she leans down and starts licking my cock clean of both of our releases. Holy shit, is this chick for real? I can already feel myself harden again. “Let’s go to your place stud, and I’ll take care of you all night long.” Before I can reply, she latches onto my cock and sucks until I come again. Fuck, this chick is exactly what I need tonight. I pull her out of my truck and tell her she’s driving. At least this way Danielle will have a way back to her dorm.
***
My phone would not stop ringing. As soon as it would stop, I would get a notification that I got a voice mail and then a text message would come in. What the fuck? Can’t they take a fucking hint? I don’t even reach over to silence my phone, I just continue banging Blondie into my mattress.
After I finish and she finally passes out, I grab my phone to see what the fuck was so important. I see I have four voicemails and at least 10 text messages. I open the first one up and see it’s from Danielle. Great, is she bitching at me for leaving? I open up the first three messages.
Danielle: Where are you? I need you!
Zane, please, answer me. Where are you?
Answer your fucking phone, please!
I don’t read any more of the messages and don’t even bother to listen to my voicemails. She has no idea what the fuck I’m going through and she says that she needs me? What, does she need me to hold her hand on the way to truck? Fuck. I don’t need this shit right now! I have enough on my plate as it is.
I type out my message and then turn off my phone. I’m probably going to regret that in the morning, but she needs to understand it’s not always about her, even though my world revolves around her. I toss my phone onto the end table and roll over to fuck Blondie one more time before passing out.
Rewriting Destiny Page 13
